Dang It!

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day! It is a beautiful, crisp Fall morning on the Texas Gulf Coast! A brand new day is getting ready to dawn...hope, opportunity & promise are renewed once again!

So, on Tuesday night my middle Tender Warrior, Gehrig, went to his high schools playoff volleyball game. More than 2 hours after the game had ended Gehrig was still not home. I had texted him earlier and he said they were on their way, that they had just stopped by Whataburger to get something to eat. Now more than 40 minutes after his "I will be right home" text I find myself texting him again. He gives me the reasons he is not yet home. Dad is not happy. I tell him I will be right there to pick him up, and I make sure he knows I am mad...very, very mad.

My Beautiful Bride and I have been having a little bit of a struggle with Gehrig lately. We are trying to help him understand that he can't do everything, that he needs to get home and get sleep, to make good choices/decisions based on the things he says he wants to accomplish, etc. Gehrig is a truly great person with a remarkable Spirit, a blessing beyond description. He is not a bad person, he is just trying to figure life out. This Happy Friday however is not about his faults, failures or weakness...it's about mine.

Gehrig gets in the car and he knows I am mad. He doesn't say a word however his countenance expresses great sorrow and remorse. I tell him I am very upset and that because of this, I am not going to say much. If only I had followed through with the conviction of my Spirit! I start off saying very little...and then I get on a roll. I am now no longer operating from righteous anger or a righteous spirit...I am operating from Kev's thoughts & feelings. And then it happens, I say a curse word. Gehrig's body literally jolts, I feel...something deep within me and there is a loud silence - yes, that is the right adjective - in the car.

Please allow me to digress for a moment. Some will say, "It is only one word" or "seriously? what is the big deal." Well you see, many years ago God dealt with me about my choice and use of words. I remember it as clear as day. I was coaching football, I had the privilege of leading young men, and I cursed nearly non-stop. Following the conviction of my Spirit, with a ton of help from God, I changed the way I spoke. I am not saying you can't or shouldn't curse, that is not for me to decide. I am simply telling you that for me, it is not the right thing to do and when I violate my Spirit, it grieves.

On Wednesday morning I got up and spent time with God, wrote notes to Kath & the boys and got my workout in. God and I talked a lot about the previous night. At the breakfast table I asked my precious family if they remembered the Joel Osteen sermon we had seen a few weeks earlier. My Little Preacher, Landry, and Beautiful Bride remembered. The point of his sermon was that water outside ships help/allow them to float. However if water gets inside the ship, the ship will sink. I went on to explain that situations, circumstances, people, struggles, etc., the "water," are never an excuse for us to act in a way that is inconsistent with what we know & believe. I then explained that I had failed the night before, that I had allowed "water" into my vessel and I had sunk. It wasn't Gehrig's fault. It wasn't the circumstance or situations fault. It was completely my fault...alone. I acknowledged it and asked each one of them to forgive me without attempting to shift blame, justify or explain. At least I allowed God to get that part right! :)

I have also thought about how messy we, at least I, can make things. Because I acted out of a position of self-righteousness I - not anyone else - added to the problem. We had one issue that we needed to deal with...I created a second that had to be dealt with first because of pride, anger, frustration or whatever you want to call it. As I think about it, it is really quite selfish. Gehrig in fact does need a Dad to love him, lead him, guide him, direct him, etc. as he learns to be the man, husband, father & leader that God has called & created him to become. By acting like a little boy, allowing my anger & frustration to rule me, I forfeited the ability to do what needed to be done and to be what Gehrig needed me to be...at least until I allowed God to make it right the next morning.

Friends, there is a ton of "water" that is attempting to get inside us each and every day. If we will keep it outside our precious vessel we will float. Yes, there will be storms however we will remain afloat as long as the water remains on the outside. If however we allow the situations, circumstances, troubles & struggles on the inside, we are sunk.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your precious families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend & please cherish your precious families.

Kev

The Process

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day!

So what do you do when you have been away from your family since Monday morning, you are at the airport and your flight is delayed for nearly 3 hours? Why you type Happy Friday on your iPhone of course! Please give me some grace here as my iPhone, at least to this point, is killin me!

Tonight I want to talk about process. Everyone is always so very interested in outcomes however it is the process, the things we do every single day, that determine the outcome(s). Wouldn't it make sense then that we start there, with the process? It also strikes me as ironic, being in the heart of football season, that one of the top college teams - Alabama - and one of the top pro teams - New England - is notorious for preaching, in words & actions, process and yet their coaches are ridiculed for it. Interesting...

Let me start simple, with things we will all feel comfortable with. At work, there are outcomes that we are all striving to achieve. Just as the football teams want to win, everyone wants to win. If you look at the desired outcome and then back away from the desired outcome and look at the various steps along the way, you will identify the process by which the "wins" will be achieved. The better you become at the process, the more you "win." You don't "win" by going into work and saying, "I wanna win!" or, "I hope we win." You go into work and you do the things necessary to accomplish the "win." You & I can talk all we want. If we don't do the things necessary to be successful, we won't be successful, at least not on a consistent basis.

Let me make it a lot more complex...let's talk about our relationships, particularly those with our spouses/partners and/or kids. There is a process there as well. Everyone wants to have a good realationship with their spouse/partner and kids. But who is working the process to have these types of relationships? I can't just walk in the door and expect my wife to be happy to see me, for us to have a great relationship simply because I am me. There is an investment of time, a commitment to her, to her wants, needs, concerns & desires. It is a million little things, repeated time and time again, which communicate I love you, I am here for you, I am committed to us, I believe in you. As foolish as it is for a boss to focus only on outcomes, it is equally foolish for the spouse to do the same. The relationship isn't what you want? Then please take a look at what you are doing, what YOU and not the other person, is doing every day. Outcomes don't happen by accident...they are a result of the process.

And let's talk about kids. The first thing I want to point out is the quote, I believe John C. Maxwell said it though I am not sure...just know it wasn't me, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Do our kids know we love them? Unconditionally? Are we their greatest champion? Do we believe in them unconditionally? Do we believe in, and encourage them to pursue, their dreams? We need to start there! If they don't know these things to the depths of their core, we are not going to attain the desired outcome, no matter how hard we work. And you know what? If they know these things, no matter the outcome of anything they strive to achieve in life - success or failure - they will succeed in life because they know they have you...unconditionally.

In an era when everyone wants to focus on the outcome, the result, the "win," let's be different. Let's focus on the processes that lead to our desired outcomes. We want a great relationship...lets pour ourselves tirelessly, selflessly into that person/those people. Let's not focus on what we want but on what they want, and most importantly, what they need from us. The same applies to literally every aspect of our lives. Let's stop focusing on the result and focus on the processes that produce the result. This is why/how success is found in the journey, not the destination. I can't promise you that every outcome will be exactly what you want or hope. I can guarantee you that more often than not the outcome will be in your favor and, most importantly, you will have become the best you are capable of becoming within each and every one of your endeavors. In my opinion, this is the epitome of success.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always help you any way I can.

So at this point I have to smile and tell you things don't always go the way we hope/want. The above text was all typed on my iPhone on Thursday night, sitting in the airport in Tulsa, OK waiting out a delayed flight. Right as I finished typing "help you any way I can," my flight went from delayed to cancelled. I have never experienced this before. All I wanted to do was get home to my family, looking forward to the day off on Friday that I was taking with my Beautiful Bride. About 3 hours later I finally found my way to the hotel, got up early yesterday morning, caught a flight home and finally arrived home before Noon. With this, Happy Friday is being finished on a Saturday morning as opposed to a Thursday night. Oh well...

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Legacy

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Saturday morning! It is another stormy day on the Texas Gulf Coast but hey, it's game day! Guess I will just have to snuggle in with the family and watch football games all day...the sacrifices never end! :)

Earlier this week I was reading No More Excuses: Be the Man God Made You To Be by Tony Evans and I really thought this Happy Friday was going to be about legacy, or more specifically, the legacies we all leave. Then it wasn't, then it was, then it wasn't or...

My Beautiful Bride, my youngest Tender Warrior, Landry, and I went out to eat Wednesday night. We went to the sandwich shop where our oldest Tender Warrior, Payton, works and we were sitting outside enjoying a beautiful evening. As we were sitting there talking, a police officer pulled into the parking lot and started to park. Immediately I told Kath & Landry we should buy him dinner. It has really bothered my heart & spirit to see how law enforcement officers - all of them - have been vilified & become despised in our society. We live no more than 30 miles from where Deputy Sherriff Darren Goforth - 47-years old, married with 5 & 12-year old children - was murdered while he filled his patrol car with gasoline. Yes, the actions of a few, a very few, officers has been reprehensible. They have done bad, horrible things and those officers should be dealt with accordingly - we should all be held accountable for our actions. The vast majority however are selfless men & women who place their lives in harms way every single day in service to society. They see and do things every day that I could not, and would not, want to do. And I am so grateful that they are there, that should my wife, sons or I ever need them, they will come running to help us any way they can. This is my heart as I propose buying this officer dinner.

We develop a plan. Landry will walk up to him and ask, "will you please allow us to buy you dinner?" As we finalize our plan, the officer is finished parking and another patrol car pulls into the parking lot. We quickly determine we will buy him dinner as well. We walk up to the officer who very kindly greets us. Landry is nervous but asks the question. The officer smiles warmly and tells him "yes." The second officer walks up and Landry starts to stumble over his words. I tell him it is o.k., don't be nervous and to just ask the question. He looks the officer straight in the eyes and asks him if he will please allow us to buy him dinner. This officer says "yes" as well. The officers thank Kathy & I and we send Landry into the shop with our credit card and the two police officers. He is proud...you can see it in his walk, in the smile on his face. As Kathy & I sit outside we can see Landry & the officers through the window talking, smiling. I then look up and another police car is pulling into the parking lot! I joke with Kathy that there is a code and the officers inside are putting out a call on the radio that there is free dinner at this sandwich shop! We are laughing hysterically. We don't get up to say anything to this officer...we just let him walk in knowing that Landry has it from here. Landry stays with the 3 officers, buys them all dinner and then comes back outside to sit with Kath & I, to finish his dinner. Before we leave the officers thank us repeatedly. We thank them for all they do.

As we lay in bed that night talking Landry talks about how good that felt, to do something for these police officers. He would tell his Mom the next day on the way to school that his heart felt warm buying the officers dinner. As my Beautiful Bride and I talked about all of this later that night, I said, "we are a part of his story." You see, there are tons of times I have said to my boys, "I remember the time when I was a boy..." This will now be a part of Landry's story. He will never forget the night he bought 3 police officers dinner. He will one day share that story with his children.

I had another situation this week that didn't bring warm fuzzies but brought deep peace & contentment to my Spirit. I was asked to attest to & sign something that was not true. I could not do it, would not do it. The person asking me to do it became more forceful. I stayed calm but was more firm in my response that this is something I simply could not do. As it all unfolded, as a bunch of people were watching me, I was acutely aware that something greater than me, inside of me, would not allow me to do something that I simply knew, to the depths of my soul, was not right. I didn't do it and I walked away from the entire situation with a deep peace & contentment in my Spirit that affirmed my words & actions had been correct.

Here is the thing, the point I want us to catch; I did not go out to dinner one night or to work one day thinking this was going to be some big defining moment type day/event. You see, our legacies are in the little things we do each and every day. We - o.k., maybe just me! - sometimes look to great big events/times and think that "when this happens" or "when that happens" all this other stuff will happen. It is however in the mundane, day to day, as life is flying at us fast & furious, that these incredibly profound times and moments hit us. This is why I believe it is so critical for us to live fully present in each and every moment. You never know when something profound will happen, when a legacy will be launched that will reverberate for generations. So on this Saturday, as you are going to a game, doing yard work or just hanging out with family & friends, be aware, be present for the things you say & do ARE the legacy you are leaving.

I want to wrap this all up with an incredible poem titled "What Will Be Your Legacy?" by Haki Aitoro.

What Will Be Your Legacy?

 

"Do I wander through life aimlessly?
Wild, reckless, inconsiderate
Unmindful of the consequences of my behaviour
Do I run wild in a savage stupor?
Pugnacious, belligerent, impolite
Unconscious of the altitude of my ignorance
Unaware of the latitude of my negligence
Carefree
Leaving a trail of scarcity
Along a path of regret
Leaving years of psychological scars
In the repressed minds of distressed adults
In the misguided souls of troubled youths

Will I leave disillusioned children?
Angry and confused
Shameful and misguided
Lost and astray
Crying for direction
Weeping for guidance
Longing for unconditional love
Grieving for sound judgement
For I taught them not a lifetime of wisdom
For wisdom was not important
For I offered them not sound advice
For I never took life seriously
For I taught them not discipline
For I was reckless and immature
For I showed them naught but a drop of love
For my selfishness knew no bounds

Will I leave disappointed partners?
Bitter and frustrated
Troubled and wounded
Disturbed and injured
Wishing for sincerity
Longing for honesty
Praying for fidelity
Yearning for faithfulness
For I killed their trust
Due to my shamelessness
For I eradicated their hope
Due to my disrespect
For I damaged their faith
Due to my infidelity
For I destroyed their confidence
Due to my deception
For I killed their self development
Due to my ignorance

Will I leave appalled individuals?
Disgusted and revolted
Unconcerned and apathetic
Sarcastic and scornful
Mocking my ignorance
Sickened at my negligence
Horrified at my irresponsibility
Deriding my financial intelligence
Appalled at my selfishness
For I disrespected many good folk
In the name of humour
Mere mockery in fact
For I abused much kindness
In the name of friendship
Sheer exploitation to be precise
For I never listened to others
In the name of intelligence
Simply arrogance no doubt
For I spoke ill of people
In the name wisdom
Purely foolishness indeed
For I was impatient with the most enduring
In the name of progress
Clearly mental commotion
For I was unforgiving with the most compassionate
In the name of truth
Conceitedness in fact

Fatherhood was not my forte
For I struggled to maintain my youth
Relationship was not my aspiration
For I disliked commitment
Friendship was not my goal
For I detested disagreement
Education was not my focus
For I found it a bore
Investment was not my desire
For I cherished the consumer lifestyle
Responsibility was not my wish
For I cherished excitement and folic
Discipline was not my want
For I enjoyed ease
Devotion was not my focal point
For I choose carelessness

So what will you leave?
A story of inspiration through your achievements
A fable of love through your affection
An account of devotion through your loyalty
A description of success through your diligence
A portrayal of courage through your chosen path
A depiction of wisdom through your experiences
An illustration of happiness through your humour
An image of resilience through your adversity
A report of wealth through your acumen
A tale of nobility through your actions
A myth of grandeur through your life of contribution

Let us all be remembered
For the lives we touched
For the people helped
For the wisdom we shared
For the stories we told
For the laughter we initiated
For the love we gave
For the affection we showed
For the good role models we were
For the communities we inspired
For the youth we guided
For the hungry we feed
For the needy we assisted
For the success we created
For the risk we took
For the world we changed
Let us write down our stories
Let us tell our experiences
Let us record our tales
Let us share our struggles
For our children
For our grandchildren
For generations to see
For generations to hear
As a source of hope
As a source of wisdom
As a source of guidance
As an example of our legacy
So what will you leave?"

Haki Aitoro

 

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can.

 

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

 

Kev