Washing the Car

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Friday morning! There is so much hope, opportunity & promise in this day - I pray that we will all pursue it!

"Carry the spirit of a child as you get older because acting like a child is the secret of genius."

- Ken Blanchard

 

Last Sunday evening I went out to wash my car. I asked my family if anyone wanted to go help me. There was complete silence from my Bride and my two oldest boys. My littlest boy however immediately, excitedly said, "I will help you Dad!" He came running around the corner, a smile on his face, ready to help Dad. A few lessons I learned:

 

1. The truth of the matter is I doubt very seriously that my little Tender Warrior really cared about washing the car...what I know is that he wanted to be with his Dad. Wash the car? O.K. Play catch? O.K. Drive to the store? O.K. It didn't, it doesn't, really matter what we are doing as long as we are together. Man how that speaks to my heart! How many times am I too busy or do I not want to do what they want to do? How many times have I been asked to play the game he wants to play or to watch the show with him that he wants to watch and I said no because that is not what I wanted to do? What this Little Man taught, continually teaches me, is that it is not about what we are doing...it is about being together.

 

2. I had him vacuum the floor mats. Man did he work hard at it! He kept looking to me for approval, asking me how he was doing...here too is a lesson. When he was done I asked him to put the mats in the car for me. He put them away and hurriedly came back to me wanting to know what I wanted him to do next. I went and looked at the mat that he placed on the drivers side. It wasn't as close to the pedals as it was supposed to be, it was crooked. I looked at the mat, I looked at the little boy with the smile on his face who had done the best his 8-year old little hands could do...I decide the mat is perfect and it will stay that way this week. Every time I have gotten in the car I have been reminded that it is not about doing things perfectly, its about doing things to the very best of your ability with love. THAT in fact is perfect.

 

3. It was finally time to wash the outside of the car. I asked my boy to fill the water bucket up for us. I then went in the house to grab something. I came back outside, he is kind of standing over the bucket, the nozzle is pointed down the drive way and he is spraying water towards the street. I ask him what he is doing. He say, "finding out what all the different sprays do." Click...spray. Click...spray. Click...spray. Mist. Flat. Angles. Shower. Vertical. Full. Cone. 1/2 Vert. Center. Jet. Click...spray. Click...Spray. Click...Spray. He goes through every one of them. Something feels good in my heart. I just smile at him. He tells me that Center is far better than the Jet I usually use as it looks like "a double barrel shotgun." He begins rinsing the bugs off the front of the car and points out that Center is getting the bugs off much better than Jet does. Center? What in the heck is Center?!?! I don't know what all the different sprays look like...I have never taken the time to figure it out. Why not? I am reminded to slow down, to enjoy learning what the different sprays look like - maybe I will find a better way, maybe I will just learn. Regardless, it is about enjoying the moment, enjoying the experience...all of it.

 

So blessed...I truly don't know how else to say it. I truly do believe that God will teach us, He will instruct us through our children...if we will have a humble, teachable spirit.  He has blessed me with 3 truly amazing young men who have taught me more in the past 17 years of their lives than I had learned in the previous 29 years of my life. Blessed...

 

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

 

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

 

Kev



What Are You Giving?

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Friday morning and that you have had a wonderful week!

This week I witnessed something that struck me as profound and has really had me thinking. I witnessed a person who wants to do one thing, to have all of the benefits associated with that action and this person also wants all of the benefits of the opposite action. I did not witness this in a spirit of judgement but rather a spirit of awakening, of conviction.

I can not help think about how often many of us - o.k., me! - do the exact same thing in our day to day lives. I want to have a great relationship with my Beautiful Bride and my 3 Tender Warriors but am I doing the things on a minute by minute, day to day, week to week basis that lead to these relationships being great? Are my actions - please remember that our actions are first led by our thoughts - in line with what my heart desires? It isn't possible to act one way and get the benefits of two different actions. It isn't possible to get the benefits of conditional love and unconditional love; we will get the benefits of the type of love we choose to give.

Who woke up this morning hoping for a failed marriage? A poor relationship with their kids? Who woke hoping to go to work and get fired today? I have an aspiring football player, baseball player and Navy Seal in my house. Do you think they are dreaming of losing every game, of going to war and getting obliterated. No, we all want to have great relationships and we all want to be successful (however we choose to define success...a different Happy Friday). The thing is Friends, we do not get what we want...in anything. We get what we give. If I want a great marriage, I have to be great in my marriage. I cannot be selfish and want the benefits of selfishness - get to do whatever I want, have everything revolve around me, my wants, my desires, my needs - and expect the benefits of selflessly serving my wife - seeing her grow to the fullness of who she was created to become, trust, intimacy (yeah, I said it! How many men want to selfishly serve themselves, ignore and mistreat their wives and then expect to have great sexual intimacy with their wives?). It is not going to happen Friends. For every choice we make, there are independent consequences associated with those choices. That might not be what we want, however what we want is irrelevant. We will ultimately get the benefits of what we do.

You wanna have a great relationship with you spouse and kids? Pour into them, love them unconditionally, serve them selflessly. You wanna have success at work? Do everything you do to the very best of your ability - standing safely under the shelter of character and integrity beyond reproach. You wanna be the best athlete you can be? Get out of bed, lift weights, run hard, eat right and perform to the very best of your ability every day. You wanna have great grades in school? Go to class, pay attention, do your homework and totally engage. Don't try to pass the class, strive to be the best you can be. Isn't it funny how the farther you get away from the extremely personal - at least to you - you get the easier it is to understand. Would anyone truly expect to sit around all summer, do nothing, sleep and eat and then expect to run out on a football field and be this highly conditioned, chiseled, high performing football player? Of course not, the idea is laughable. So why do we do it in our marriages, in our families? It is truly just as laughable. Unfortunately, the loses in marriages, in families have a much greater cost than the loses on a football field.

Your actions, your choices, are up to you. So are the consequences. You can't have it both ways Friends.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish those precious families.

Kev

You Can

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this absolutely beautiful Friday morning!

Earlier this week I was listening to the radio during my morning study time. One of the announcers shared a story about her son at swimming lessons. They were at the swimming pool and all of the kids were lined up along the side of the pool - her son was somewhere around the middle I think. The instructors started at one side and had the kids jump in and swim to the other end of the pool. After a few kids had jumped in and swam to the other end, as his turn was getting closer and closer, he turned to look at his Mom standing with all of the other parents off to the side of the pool. There was complete fear in his eyes - if you are a parent, you know this look - because he had never swam before. One by one the kids continued to jump in and swim to the other end. Finally, it was his turn. His Mom, knowing that he had never swam before, stood there wondering what he would do, what would happen. The instructors encouraged him to jump in and swim. After a few moments...he jumped in and swam to the other end of the pool.

After the swim lesson was over the Mom and son were driving home. She asked him what had happened. She pointed out that he had swim lessons before and he had never swam. He stated (I am paraphrasing here), "At the other swim lessons none of the other kids could swim so I figured I couldn't swim. When all of these other kids were swimming today I figured I could swim too."

Wow! As I thought about that story I couldn't help but think how much we all are just like that, how much this thinking rules our lives. History is full of examples:

• Running the 4 minute mile
• Flying an airplane
• Sending a person into space
• Heck, sailing across the ocean

These were all things that could "never" be done. AND, please notice how most things are then cloaked in fear. It was believed, or at least stated, that if one ran a 4-minute mile they would die, their lungs would explode. Sailing across the sea would result in falling off the edge of the earth. These things seem laughable now however at the time they were very, very real. I wonder what laughable fears we share today.

It really is interesting isn't it? Have you ever thought about the things "that can never be done?" How about this one Friends; notice how these things - the things "that can never be done" - are personalized by each of us by the people in our lives. You see, my 3 incredible young boys were born to an imperfect Dad & Mom. Though we love them will all of our hearts we lead them based on our strengths & weaknesses, successes & failures, courage & fear, etc. If I have found something to be true in my life, I communicate to them that this thing is true. If I could do it, certainly they can do it as well. Likewise, if I have found that I could not do something, surely that will not be able to do it either.

Think about the power of words, and more importantly, actions. If you want to know their power, watch a young child - say 0 - 10 years old - around their parents. They will hang on every word and try to imitate every action. You talk to the child and you are talking to "mini-me." If you are a parent like me, you are starting to feel a little uncomfortable right about now! We really shouldn't limit this to just parents however. Have you noticed how much you talk and act like your friends, your colleagues? Have you ever noticed how much your words sound like the words of the people you spend all your time with? Good, now everyone is uncomfortable! :)

Look at family history's. Some have used the term "generational curses." In some families, generation after generation folks won't get a college degree. "We aren't smart enough," "Folks like us don't go to college" or the like are spoken in homes, at Family Reunions, etc. So generation after generation nobody goes to college because they have accepted what was told to them, what was modeled to them. Sometimes there is the "rebel" in the family, the one who "doesn't get it." They "think they are better than everyone else" and they go to college. They get a degree and they alter the course of the family forever...thankfully.

There are two things I would like to respectfully ask us all to consider this morning:
1. Whose life are you influencing by the words you speak, the things you are doing? Perhaps they are the things you are not saying or the things you are not doing. Are they based on truth or are they based on your fears or past failures? It is an unspeakable privilege to be given influence in anyone's life...it is also an awesome responsibility!

2. What are the goals & dreams laced deep within your heart, your spirit that you have not pursued? Why not? Who told you that you couldn't do it? What was it based on? Is it a rational fear or is it simply an excuse to not pursue the greatness that is within you? Just in case nobody has ever told you, please allow me the privilege of telling you; YOUR life has great value, great meaning & great purpose. There is greatness within YOU and YOU are perfectly equipped to fulfill your purpose. I believe in YOU! 

Please remember Friends, even when they are watching from afar like a little boy at a swimming pool, the things we say and do are influencing lives every single day.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for your or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Front Porch

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day, that you had a wonderful week and that you had a very safe & Happy 4th of July.

Have you ever thought much about a porch? I hadn't ever really thought much about one...until this week. Just as I was typing my question, my mind raced back to being a little boy of 6 or 7-years old, sitting out on my Nano & Grandpa's back porch, eating popcorn and listening to my Grandpa tell stories, laughing so hard he could barely finish the funny one's. Man how I loved, and still cherish, those times!

This week the chorus from the Tracy Lawrence song, "If the World Had a Front Porch," was on my heart and kept departing from my lips - sadly for those who were within earshot:



"If the world had a front porch like we did back then

We'd still have our problems but we'd all be friends

Treating your neighbor like he's your next of kin

Wouldn't be gone with the wind

If the world had a front porch, like we did back then."

We spent this past week at Grammy's house - my Mom's house. She has a beautiful cabin in the mountains outside of Cloudcroft, NM. Off the front of the cabin is a porch, 8 - 10' wide, running the full length of the cabin. This place saw more action than any other place on the entire mountain this week! This reality, and the profoundness of it, really struck me.

When my Beautiful Bride and I would wake up in the morning we would get bundled up - hey, the high 40's is cold to Desert Rats! - and head to the porch. After scrambling around all corners of the deck to see if any deer or elk were still hanging around before heading into the deep woods I would read my bible, read my book, read the newspaper on-line. Soon Grammy would wake up and she too would head to the porch. Grammy, my Bride and I would talk about all kinds of things - some serious, some funny. One by one, as Grammy's husband and then each of my 3 Tender Warriors woke up everyone headed for the porch. Most mornings my sweet cousin and her hilarious husband would head over from their cabin when they got up. Oh yeah, and several neighbors as well as friends, would stop by the porch during the week. 

The porch was the "Command Center." Everything started and ended here. The day started and ended on the porch. Baseball games, hunting excursions, fishing trips, golf outing, trip to town to serve the needy through the food bank...EVERYTHING started and ended on the porch. This week the porch served as the platform for and witnessed:

• Hopes & dreams being discussed...and yes, worries & fears too
• Sorrow as we learned that 19 young firefighters had lost their lives fighting the Yarnell Hill fire
• Me getting ambushed with silly string on my birthday
• Meeting new friends, getting to know one another, learning about our respective life journeys
• Watching baseball games on the field the boys and I made in the front yard down below...at least twice a day...every day! A front yard in the mountains is nothing like a front yard in the city = it is on a hill. After hitting the ball, running about 3 steps I was actually trying to stop the rest of the way to 1st base which usually resulted in my not actually stopping until I was somewhere beyond what was actually the home run line. The boys found this hilarious...I have found myself sore in spots I didn't know existed!
• Eating watermelon, cookies, chips & salsa, pizza pockets...you get the point
• Cleaning the fish that we caught for dinner
• Games of Phase 10 between my Bride and I...I never won...completely convinced she cheats!
• Fights & arguments - just keeping it real!
• The lighting of sparklers on the 4th of July
• It served as a great "hiding place" for the 8, 13, 17 and yes, 46-year old snipers to try - heavy emphasis on try - to shoot unsuspecting little birds that would land in the yard with a BB gun
• The telling of stories about our great adventures of the day
• Learning about family members we never met, hearing the stories of their success & failures, trials & triumphs, etc.
• It was the place we warmly greeted each other when we arrived and where we sadly said goodbye when it was time to leave

It is funny, after we would disperse from the porch and head off to whatever I would find myself singing the words, "if the world had a front porch like we did back then/ we'd still have our problems/ but we'd all be friends." It really got me thinking, what if we really did meet with our families on our porches? What if, instead of running home, turning on the computer, TV, IPad, etc., we went and sat together on the porch, talked about the day, talked about our hopes, dreams, worries, fears, etc.? What if we really waved at the people who drove or walked past? What if everyone knew that they could just drop by and visit for a while? What would the world - or at least our world - be like then? This Friends is my challenge for all of us this week; Let's really sit out on the porch at least once a week - no agenda, no gadgets...just us, our families, our friends and let's just talk. As the lyrics to the song go, we'll still have our problems, but we'll all be friends (the problems will still exist however your husband/wife, son/daughter, friends will know that you love them, you care about them, that you are there for them and maybe, just maybe, we will know and understand them a little bit better).

I also wanted to share a couple of great quotes with you. I will keep my thoughts/commentary to myself and simply allow them to speak to your heart, to your spirit however they may.

"There is no doubt that it is around the family and the home that all the greatest virtues, the most dominating virtues of human society, are created, strengthened and maintained." - Winston Churchill

 

"Perhaps the greatest social service that can be rendered by anybody to this country and to mankind is to bring up a family." - George Bernard Shaw

 

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

 

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious family and enjoy your front porch!

 

Kev