I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :)
How are you doing, Friend? I mean really? Are you stressed? Worried? Angry? Fearful? It is a very different time right now, isn't it? All of us are in the midst of a global pandemic and we are dealing - finally! - with racial inequality. These are the things that we all are dealing with and then, there is our individual lives. We all have individual struggles be it a relationship, health, work, etc. There is a lot going on...for all of us!
Have you ever said something in a sharper tone than you meant to say it? Have you ever gotten frustrated and exploded on someone that you weren't even mad at? Have you ever felt the pressure of trying to decide what is best for you and your family to do when so much is uncertain? I think most, if not all, of us can relate to these things.
Earlier this week I was talking to a friend who was telling me about an interaction he had with someone where the other person was a little sharper with the tongue, where they were clearly on edge. I pointed out to my friend the things I just pointed out to all of us and then I said, "We need to give others a lot of grace right now." He knew what I meant; we need to understand that a lot of people have a lot of things going on right now and they are not thinking, speaking and/or acting as they normally would. They are responding out of character. And in those moments, those moments when we could get mad, upset and be offended, we have a choice; we can choose to act on our feelings or we can choose something different - we can choose to show what I, incorrectly, called grace. I say incorrectly because as I studied in preparation for this Happy Friday I learned that what I was really talking about is mercy. So, please give me some mercy here and let's dive in and learn! :)
Merriam-webster.com gives this definition of mercy:
"compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power"
also: "lenient or compassionate treatment"
O.K., this is going to be big; did you know that just because someone treats us mean, rude or nasty, we DO NOT HAVE TO RESPOND WITH THE SAME! Mind blown, right? Instead of responding to an insult with an insult, we can choose to be merciful. Instead of choosing to be offended, we can be merciful. We can choose to respond differently. And guess what happens if we make that choice? 1) We do not allow our peace to be disrupted by the words or actions of another and we do not give up our power to choose our thoughts, words and/or actions. And 2) We help preserve that relationship. In showing mercy, being compassionate and lenient, we are giving the other person the space to deal with their issues without making it about us. It is a recognition that everyone struggles, everyone has failing moments, but that does not mean they are a failure or any of the other nasty names we often call others in those moments.
As I was studying for this Happy Friday I came across a really good post about mercy. It was written on August 26, 2014 by Vinita Hampton Wright and it was titled, What does everyday mercy look like? You can find the full blog at ncronline.org. Here is an excerpt I wanted to share with all of us this morning.
"For example, mercy gives you his seat on the bus, acting as if he was about to get up anyway rather than making you feel that he is doing you a favor. Mercy does not let out that sigh - you know the one - the wordless disapproval toward the person in the check-out line ahead of you whose card didn't swipe, or who can't find her coupons, or whose toddler is having a meltdown. Mercy offers quiet sympathy and does not convey with her body language that this holdup is ruining her day. Sometimes mercy chooses not to send back the food that isn't just right, simply because the waitress looks overwhelmed.
When mercy has been wronged, the offended one does not make it difficult for the offender to apologize or ask forgiveness. In fact, mercy does not wait for the other's action but forgives so quickly that the person needing forgiveness is freer to ask for it. Likewise, at work, at home or in the classroom, mercy creates an atmosphere in which a person feels safe enough to admit his mistake or ask a question. And if mercy must correct a person, it pains her to do it, and she does so gently, without vindictive relish.
Mercy makes a habit of giving others the benefit of the doubt. Mercy is not in the habit of sending glares at people who are annoying. Mercy gives charitably, knowing that eventually someone will take advantage of his generosity. Mercy welcomes you, fully aware that this act may disrupt her own plans.
Mercy relinquishes control when doing so allows another person to grow and learn. Mercy makes it his business to help others succeed. Mercy clears the way for others, so that they can walk on an even path, no matter how halting their steps or injured their souls.
In all these situations, mercy treats power as a sacred trust. I can be merciful because I have some sort of power, the means to affect another's life, if only for a moment. I act mercifully when I use my power to do kindness in this world."
Mercy. We all need it. Instead of focusing on what we can get, let us focus on what we can give - mercy to ourselves and others. There is not doubt, these are trying times. While we cannot control the pandemic or the actions of others, we have complete control over how we choose to respond at all times, in all situations. I pray for all of us it will be with mercy.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families and please stay healthy and well.
Kev
