Getting Pruned

Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having had a great Friday! Kathy, Landry, and I are in the great state of Missouri spending some quality time with Payton! Truly blessed beyond measure! 😊

Last week I was in a meeting where I had one of those eye-opening, life-altering if we will let it, experiences. I had said something to someone however what they heard was not what I had said but rather how they interpreted what was said? And this isn’t something like I said, “That is an apple” and they interpreted it as I said, “That is an orange.” No, it was much more serious than that. I had asked someone to do something and what they heard was “you are not good enough” and “you don’t know how to do what I am asking to be done.” Very serious stuff and it pierced my heart… 

Have you ever been there? When you said something however what the other person heard was not at all what you said but their interpretation of what you were saying, or perhaps, their judgement of what you really meant? The younger Kev would have said something to himself like, “That person is crazy! That is not at all what I said! What is wrong with them?!” This time? This time I almost immediately was struck by how this person was processing what I was saying…and my heart genuinely ached for them. And then, I kept my mouth shut. If experience has taught me anything, it has taught me that sometimes the best thing I can do is let the other person tell me how they are feeling, what they are thinking, let them know I am listening and that I care, and then process the information. And that is what I did. Not responding immediately but rather genuinely listening with a heart seeking to understand gave me the opportunity to learn. It also gave me time to process the information and, most importantly to me, pray for wisdom. The next morning, after having slept, worked out, thinking about the situation, and praying for wisdom, I saw things through a completely different lens. So, what did I do? I thanked the person for sharing their heart, stating it helped me so much by helping me understand how they process what I was saying. I told the person that I was completely committed to this relationship, that I would not stop working to make it as great as I could make it, and we vowed to each other that if there was ever a time when something hit us a little wrong in conversation, we would immediately address it. The relationship is too important to let misunderstandings or misinterpretations get in the way. And finally, I asked the person what I could do to help them. The person did not know what to say…they just looked at me with a look of bewilderment. I told the person they did not have to have an answer right then and there, that if anything every crossed their mind where I could help, I wanted to know because I genuinely care and I want to help.

As I have reflected on this situation and my life over the past week or so, there are a couple of things I want to share with all of you on this Friday evening.

1. What are we fighting for? I was very pure-hearted with my remarks above about the younger Kev…it would have been about me, the other person is wrong, that is not what I had said, blah blah blah!!! And then, as I have lived life, I have learned that what matters most to me is not being right or proving a point, it is people and the relationship I have with them. Technically was I right? Well, yes. What I said and what the other person was hearing were two different things however I was right about what I said. O.K., so what?!?! I am not trying to win a battle of words, I am trying to honor a precious soul and encourage, empower, and equip others to become the best they are capable of becoming. So, for me, this was not a time to get into an argument about words…it was time to win the heart of a friend, to let them know I genuinely care about them and the battles they face. And to make it explicitly clear that they are loved, valued, and appreciated…that they did not have to fight a fight in speaking with me. I wanted them to know that they are safe, that they do not have to prove their worth to me as a human being. So, what are we fighting for? If I win the war of the words but lose the heart of another human being, what have I gained? For me, the answer is nothing. For each of us, whether with our significant others, children, colleagues, friends, neighbors, we have the same choice and we will live with the consequences of whatever we decide. Please, choose thoughtfully, wisely, and calculate the cost. If you make your point, win your argument, but lose the relationship with your significant other or child, what have you gained?
2.  Is it a coincidence that on Tuesday I started a new Bible Study titled, Crushing: God Turns Pressure into Power by T.D. Jakes? I don’t. You see, I felt myself being pruned through this experience. Dead branches – pride, self-righteousness, etc. – were being cut away so that good, healthy fruit, can be produced through the life I live. I want to share a few excerpts from this great Bible Study which you can find on the Holy Bible app.

 

“Most people love the thought of being gifted and having the ability to do something great, but we don’t smile so brightly when we are placed in the refining processes of life. But what happens to seed if it’s not planted?

 

We cannot rightfully ask our Vinedresser to skip out on the development of our lives simply because we are uncomfortable with being alone in dark places. To keep a seed from being planted is to condemn that seed to never realize its full potential. It is a fact that seeds are meant to be covered to die.”

 

“An unplanted seed is nothing more than constrained potential.”

I also want to share John 15: 1 – 4 with you all…

John 15:1 – 4 (NIV)

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3 You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4 Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

In closing, Friends, I want to encourage us all to, 1) Thoughtfully consider what we are fighting for…it is people that are our calling, and it is our relationships with them that gives life meaning and purpose. And 2) I want to encourage us all to lean into those moments when we are getting pruned. No, it is not necessarily “fun” but it is so worth it in the quality of the lives we will live because of it.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well! 😊

Kevin

The Secret to Success

 Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! 😊

This week I want to simply share some thought provoking – hopefully!!! 😊 – encouragement…

How is life? Do you have some big things happening today? If you are like most of us, if there is a big meeting or event, you are fired up about this day. You got up a little easier, you are looking forward to this day, and can’t wait to get it started. If, on the other hand, there is nothing big ahead, it is just “another day.” Have to go to work, have to take the kids to school, have to keep up with the same old boring routine. Sound familiar? And the one disclaimer here; it is Friday which means a whole lot of us are excited simply because it is Friday and, well, we don’t have to get up tomorrow and do the same old thing – get up, go to work, come home, watch TV, go to bed, repeat. But is this how we are supposed to live? Is this how we are called to live?

My favorite quote, it is my life mantra actually, is this:

“Nothing is easier than saying words, nothing is harder than living them day after day. What you decide today and commit to today, you must redecide and recommit to tomorrow and every day that stretches out before you.” – Arthur Gordon

I love this quote because it inspires me to become all I am capable of becoming and it reminds me that every day I must make the decisions all over again. I cannot live today on yesterday’s decisions. To live this day fully, I need to make my decisions again. And it applies to every aspect of life…

Spirituality – Yes, the day I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and personal Savior, my eternity was decided. However if I want to grow closer to God, if I want to live a Holy Spirit led life, if I want to grow to be more Christ-like, then I need to pursue God every day. Not some days. Not only on the days I feel like it. Not only on days when something big is happening. To grow closer to God, as with any relationship, I must invest in it every day. 

Marriage – It was very easy to stand up there on one of those big days – the wedding day – and say, “I do.” And then the “every day” came. What daily commitments am I making, or not making, that will determine the quality of the relationship I have with my wife? I can’t just say – in actions and words…the actions are more important!!! 😊 – “I love you” once a week, once a month, or once a year and expect the marriage to be healthy and strong. Sadly, some never say “I love you” after the “big day.”

Dad – Our kids need us to show up every day! I can’t choose which days to be a Dad and not. Many try and this world is full of broken people because men refused to man up and show up, every day! If you are a parent, TODAY you will decide what kind of parent you will be. Will you show up and be there for your kid? No matter what? They need you and the consequences of the choice you make will impact generations – for good or bad.

Leader – John C. Maxwell once said, “Leadership develops daily, not in a day.” Not a whole lot more needs to be said… If I want to become the best leader I am capable of becoming I have to choose to work on it today. Tomorrow I will then have to make this choice again. To choose not to work on it is to decide to become something less than I am capable of becoming….think about that one, please.

Friend – You ever seen or had those “friends” who always show up for the parties, when things are good? When you need help, there is a problem, etc., they are always busy…if they even answer the call/text/email. Yeah, let’s not be those people!!! Today there are going to be people who have something big happening, who are excited for this day…let’s celebrate with them. There are also going to be people who are lost, hurting, and broken…let’s let them know we care, let’s help them any way we can…let’s show up!

A few things:

1. Life is not a “have to” thing…it is a “get to” thing! It is an honor and privilege to have the gifts and abilities you have! It is an honor and privilege to have the people that you have in your life! It is an honor and privilege to have the platforms you have to love, care for, and serve others. Please Friends, stop looking at things as “I have to” and start looking at them as “I get to.” You and I get to develop our gifts and abilities! We get to do life with those who are in our life and please, cherish them…life is so fragile and precious! And we get to serve in the capacities we serve – those are our platforms. Every day we will make a choice about the attitude and effort we will bring to that day…that choice will determine whether we live a “have to” or “get to” kinda life! 😊
2. This one right here I think is the real key: we all want to be “successful” – however you define success, we want to have the “big days”, we want to have the shining moments, etc. Here is the question: are you preparing for those things? Athletics highlights this point so clearly; everyone wants to win the game. Simple, right?!?! Here is the question: have you done the things you need to do in order to win the game? And I am not talking about just last night, two days ago, or even a week ago. Did you do the things you needed to do every day since the last game of last season to win the game today! THAT is how this works! I was listening to a John Maxwell podcast earlier this week. He was telling the story of a young college graduate coming up to him after a speaking engagement. The young man said, “I want to do what you do.” John replied, “That is great! Are you willing to do what I had to do to be able to do what I do?” You want to be great? Then what are you willing to do to reach your greatness? Are you willing to spend as many hours, day after day, as the great singers, writers, poets, athletes, business people, etc., had to do to become all they have become? We all want the championship moments…we just don’t want to put in the championship work.
3. We drag yesterday – as well as last week, last month, last year…or perhaps years – into today. Here is the thing, we can’t change one thing about yesterday. The only thing you and I can control is this moment right here! If we string a whole bunch of moments together and make them great, we can lay our head on the pillow tonight in complete peace, knowing we have given everything we had to this day. And guess what?! We GET TO get up tomorrow morning, make the same choice again, and then give that same great effort again! Heck, I have only typed out what two days look like, and I am getting tired!!! But it is just two days!!! Our lives are far too valuable, our calls are too great, to not pursue all we were created to become! Let’s string these moments into days together for the rest of our lives and let’s really find out how awesome we are capable of becoming!!!

The secret to success – in spirituality, marriage, parenting, leadership, friendship…in life! – is no secret: it is consistently giving the best we are capable of giving to each area, day after day! It is a choice! Please know, if you are going to “see how I feel in the morning,” you are going to live far below the life you are capable of living. Our feelings are fickle and they cannot be trusted! Instead of listening to ourselves, we have to talk to ourselves and bring our words and actions into alignment with our hopes, goals, and dreams! We need to make decisions and, in fact, we do every day. If you and I want to be successful, to fulfill the potential in every aspect of our lives, then we need to redecide and recommit to each of these things every day of our lives and then work tirelessly to honor those decisions and commitments. That is the secret! 😊

I want to close with several quotes…please let them wash over you and give them some thought…

“The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Results are created over time, not overnight.” – Unknown

“Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” – Vincent Van Gogh

“The secret of success is consistency of purpose.” – Benjamin Disraeli

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” – Robert Collier

“What I do every day matters more than what I do once in a while.” – Gretchen Rubin

“You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily routine.” – John C. Maxwell

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

Kev

Potential

Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new opportunity begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! The arrival of this day brings so much hope and opportunity…oh how I pray we will seize it! 😊

This weeks Happy Friday is simply going to be a strong dose of encouragement! I warn you now, Kev is fired up! 😊

Dictionary.com defines potential as follows: “Adjective: having or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future.” I want to share a few thoughts about potential in 3 specific areas; 1) people, 2) relationships, and 3) each day.

People

I truly believe to the depths of my soul that every person has gifts and abilities and that every life has great value, meaning, and purpose (Ephesians 2:10 says, ‘For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do’ and Romans 12:6 says, ‘We have different gifts according to the grace given us.’). For me, the question is not, “Do we have any gifts and abilities?” but rather, “What are we going to do with the gifts and abilities we have been given?” And I am not talking about using these gifts and abilities to love, care for, and serve others – we talked about that last week! 😊- but rather what are we doing to develop them to the fullest extent possible?

Having spent a large portion of my professional life in intercollegiate athletics, I think one of the saddest things I have ever seen is a person with unbelievable natural ability not work to develop it to the fullest extent possible. What’s sadder? Millions of men and women, born with great potential (the capacity to become or develop into something in the future) living so far below all they were created to become. Instead of working tirelessly to develop their gifts and abilities they slumber through life, doing the bare minimum and, in many cases, simply not trying at all.

I beg you Friends, let’s be different. I don’t know your gifts or abilities; I simply know you have them. Please work every day to develop them to the fullest extent possible. Find out where the boundary of your greatness is!

Two quotes come to mind:

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.” - Erma Bombeck

“Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God.” - Leo Buscaglia

Relationships

Just as people have potential, so do relationships. And what will determine whether they become all they are capable of becoming? The same thing that determines whether or not people become all they are capable of becoming, intentionality and hard work! How can we expect to put little effort into our relationships and yet we expect them to be deeply meaningful? Probably for the same reason we want to put minimum effort into our mental or physical development and yet we want the benefits of one who works tirelessly to develop themselves mentally or physically! It is illogical and it doesn’t work!

Please, husbands and wives, moms and dads, be intentional and truly strive to develop the relationship with your spouses and children to the fullness of what they could become. Let’s stop sleepwalking through this life, lets turn off the electronic devices, and let’s genuinely invest in our loved ones. And one of the real keys here is to focus on our part of the relationship. We cannot control anyone; we only control ourselves…and that can be tough! Let’s do the hard work of figuring out what we can do to make the relationship better. Let’s look in the mirror before we look out the window. Let’s strive to be the best version of ourselves that we can be within the relationship and see what happens then.

A couple scriptures come to mind:

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” – Romans 12:18

“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?” – Matthew 7:3

Each Day

Every day, just like this one, has great potential in it. I always love the early morning hours – it is a blank canvas. Have you ever thought about it that way? It truly is beautiful! Right now, in this moment, I get to choose my attitude for the day. I get to choose if I am going to drag yesterday’s junk into this day or if I will look forward with hopeful expectation. I get to choose what effort I will bring to this day. You get to make all the same choices!

One of the greatest indicators of success is consistent action…simple as that! But it is not quick or sexy! It is a lot of hard work! It is a conscious decision to wake up every day, greet it with a grateful heart, and to give the best of ourselves to it…and then to do that over and over again. The potential is there…whether it is fulfilled is completely up to each one of us! And be certain, we will make a choice!

A few things to share here:

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;[a] his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” - Lamentations 3:22-23

“This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” – Psalm 118: 24

“Make each day your masterpiece.” – John Wooden

“What if today's the only day I got?

I don't wanna waste it if it's my last shot

No regrets in the end

I wanna know I got no what ifs

I'm running till the road runs out

I'm lighting it up right here right now

No regrets in the end

I wanna know I got no what ifs, yeah”

Lyrics from What If by Matthew West 

As I was typing all this it struck me so profoundly; how often people want to have fully developed gifts and abilities without working to develop them! How often we want the benefits of healthy relationships without doing the work of creating healthy relationships! And yes, how we will bring less than our best to a day, any day, and then we whine and complain about having a bad day! Each one of us can choose to pursue our full potential – personally, in our relationships, and each day! It is totally a choice!!! Please think about that for a minute… Look, I might not be the best or the brightest, but I am absolutely determined to empty this life of every drop of potential it has in it! To be the very best I am capable of becoming in every relationship! And, God please help me, I will bring this same spirit to every day until I breathe my last breath!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well! 😊

Kev

Its Pretty Simple

 Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! 😊

Last week I had the privilege of delivering a message and I stated in part, “My faith is critically important to me, and I truly believe I am to use whatever talents, gifts, abilities and resources I have to love, care for, and serve others. I am simply a vessel trying to be faithful. This is my foundation.” I truly believe that to the depths of my soul however I don’t think I had ever stated it publicly until then and it struck me in a profound way…

Please check out these scriptures…

Romans 12:6-8

Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

1 Peter 4:10-11

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

1 Timothy 4:14

Do not neglect the gift you have…

Matthew 5:14-16

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

Colossians 3:23-24

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

1 Corinthians 10:31

So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

Pretty cool, right?! Seems God has a lot to say about the gifts and abilities we have and what we are to do with them. So, the question is, what are your doing with yours? Please remember, what we believe determines what we do…do you believe that your gifts, abilities, and resources are to be used to love, care for, and serve others? Or are they simply to serve you? I am not here to judge, just to enlighten. And if your spirit is convicting you, please remember that it is God that convicts, not man. And if it is condemnation you are feeling, that comes from Satan…reject that right now! Boy oh boy it is on this morning!!! 😊

So, what are your gifts and abilities? Have you ever really thought about it? What do you really enjoy doing? What are you really good at? How could you use those things to love, care for, and serve others? What I have seen and found is that these things often come so naturally to us that we never think of them as being a way to bless others. Think again, Friends!

I am going to share a few things I have found in my life…

1. A few years ago, our youngest Tender Warrior, Landry, wanted to make something for his mom for Christmas. We went to Home Depot and ended up buying him a Dremel. We had fun making his little gift. I had so much fun that I kept going back and messing around with that little Dremel. Pretty soon I found that I could carve things like hearts, crosses, scriptures, etc. I loved it and, at a minimum, you could at least tell what I was trying to make! 😊 This has turned into a little ministry for me. I use carvings to encourage, empower, and equip people as they are walking their life journey’s. Had no clue I could carve things and would never even have tried unless Landry wanted to make a gift…

2.     Several years ago, I was struck by something, I have no clue what the original message was, so I sent an email to a whole lot of people that I care about. And then I did it again the next week and the next and the next. Messages kept coming to me, people were telling me how much they enjoyed reading them every week, and so I kept writing and sending them. In 2011 I switched these to a blog – and I still send a whole bunch of people who request it an email – and that is how “Happy Friday” was born. 😊 Just sharing with people I care about what is on my heart…

3.     I figured out several years ago that I was placed on this earth to encourage, empower, and equip others to become the best they are capable of becoming…that is, I believe the significance of my existence. Whether it is a smile, a word of encouragement, a quote on twitter or Facebook, sitting with a friend in a moment of brokenness, helping any way I can…I am simply trying to honor my calling of encouraging, empowering, and equipping. It comes naturally to me – it is what I love to do, and my spirit convicts me if I don’t answer the call.

So that is it, the total of Kevin Haslam – I carve wood, write a blog, and encourage, empower, and equip others whenever I can. These are the gifts and abilities, the heart, that I was given. And as I stated at the beginning, I believe they are to be used to love, care for, and serve others…pretty simple!

I want to close by sharing a couple of quotes with you:

“A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives.” – Jackie Robinson

“A person really doesn’t become whole until he becomes a part of something that is bigger than himself.” – Jim Valvano

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well! 😊

Kev