It Only Matters What We Actually Do!

Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! We are all so blessed to have this new opportunity before us…lets seize it!!!

This week I am simply going to put some tools in our toolboxes. It is up to each one of us as to what we will do with what we know. Just as a hammer left in a toolbox cannot drive a nail, knowledge without action accomplishes nothing! The choice is yours…and mine! 😊

Children Learn What They Live

By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

This one is simple, Friends. What are our children living?

The concept of growth and fixed mindsets was represented by Dr. Carol Dweck in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. I have quoted Dr. Dweck in previous Happy Friday’s. The information I am sharing, which I think breaks it all down beautifully, was on the Proactive Coaching Facebook page this week.

Talent Is Set                                             Talent Is Grown

You either have it or you don’t.                  Talent grows over time with exposure & effort.

Fuels your desire to appear talented.        Stokes your desire to learn.

You tend to…                                                  You tend to…

Avoid Challenges                                    Seek Challenges

If I fail, it means I’m not talented.             If I fail, I will learn something.

Give Up Easily                                          Keep Trying

Why bother? I must not be talented.         I will learn how to overcome this.

See Effort As Bad                                    See Effort As Key

If I have talent, this should be easy.          The harder I work, the better I get.

Ignore Critique                                        Pursue Critique

Somethings wrong? I’m not talented.       What can I learn from this opinion?

Feel Threatened By Others’                Feel Inspired By Others’

Success                                                        Success

They have talent. I could never do that.    They’re awesome! I want to do that!

With this belief, you may plateau             With this belief, you get better

or quit.                                                             and better.

I am going to close by sharing a couple of quotes that I came across yesterday.

“You don’t grow accidentally; you only grow intentionally.” – Craig Groeschel

Are we going to hammer the nail or leave the hammer in the toolbox? It does not matter what we intend to do, it only matters what we actually do!

“It’s not that you don’t have what it takes…it’s that sometimes it's going to take everything you’ve got.” – Inky Johnson

Yes, there are challenges to overcome however you have within you what it will take to succeed. Please don’t quit!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

Kev

You Matter!

Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! This day is going to be a special one! Not only is it my oldest Tender Warriors birthday, but it is also a blank canvas! We have never lived this day before and we will never live it again! Think how special that is! We get to choose what we will do with this day…let’s make it a masterpiece! 😊

Today I simply want to remind us of a few things and then challenge us to make a positive difference, to intentionally choose to positively influence those who are coming behind us!

In case you have forgotten, or perhaps you are just in a difficult season of life, I want to remind you that you matter. Your life has great value, meaning, and purpose! You are a gift – yes, a gift! – to this world! Nobody in the entire world is exactly like you…nobody! We need you to become all that you were created to become, to relentlessly pursue your purpose, and to make a positive difference in the area that burdens your spirit! You are uniquely you! You are here, now, for a reason! Something incredible will be missing from this world if you choose not to become all that you were created to become…YOU!

Right about now, somebody wants to argue with me. “You don’t know me!” or perhaps, “If you only knew that I [fill in the blank].” It is true; I might not know you, however I know the One who created you and I know what He says about you and every other person on the face of this earth. Yes, you have had failing moments and struggles – we all have! – but you have also had great triumphs and seasons of victory. You know what the absolute beautiful thing is? It is the collection of all these things – the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful – that make you who you are today! I am telling you; YOU are special!

And so, I want to challenge all of us to reach back and help those who are following behind us. If you are at least 1 year old, you have somebody coming behind you who can learn from you, who could use your wisdom, and who would benefit from you sharing about your journey with them. Picture it this way; the next time you see someone younger than you – perhaps it’s in your role as a spouse, in your role as a parent, it could be in your career, etc. – I want you to picture that person being you at that age. How do you wish someone older, who had already walked the path you are walking, would have treated you? What do you wish someone older than you had told you about the road ahead? As you were in the middle of a storm, what do you wish someone who had survived a similar storm had told you? Be that person to the person you are looking at!

Every single one of us has junk, struggles, and challenges. We could all use someone who says, “It is going to be o.k. You are going to survive this, and you are going to be stronger because of it.” We all need someone to warn us of the dangers ahead. Every single one of us has hopes, goals, and dreams. We could all use someone to show us how to accomplish our goals and dreams. I promise you; somebody wishes they had the job you have, that they could write like you can write, that they had a marriage like you have, that they could be the leader you are, etc. You matter, the path you have walked matters, and you can make an incredibly positive difference in the life of another. You simply have to choose to do so.

Two things I know; First, it is the consistency of the things that we do that determines the lives we live. And second, it is investing in people and relationships, as well as loving, caring for, and serving others, that gives life its deepest meaning and significance. You matter! The things we say, think, and do matter! Let’s live like it!

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well! 😊

Kev

What Are You Planting?

Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! The canvas (this day) is blank, Friends…let’s create a masterpiece! 😊

Galatians 6:9 says:

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.

I have heard that scripture, and others like it, hundreds of times and I am sure you have as well. Have you ever really thought about it though? I don’t think I really had until earlier this week. I was listening to the radio and the announcer directly tied it to gardening…it was all so perfectly clear to me in that moment!

Would I just go throw seeds on the ground without first preparing the ground to receive the seeds? While some seeds just thrown on hard ground may take root and grow, I certainly wouldn’t expect a harvest that could provide enough food for my family and me. I had not done the work to make sure the soil was ready to receive the seed and therefore, I had not prepared to receive a harvest. So why would I expect that I could just show up without preparing my spirit, heart, mind, and body and expect to achieve success? Sure, there may be moments of success however without taking care of the foundation of who I am, I am no more prepared to achieve consistent success than untilled land is to produce a harvest.

How about this one? Would I expect to plant carrot seeds and harvest corn? Or would I plant watermelons and expect to harvest cantaloupes? Sure, go ahead and snicker…it does sound ridiculous. So why would I expect to sow seeds of negativity and have a positive life? Or why would I sow seeds of discord and expect peace? Equally ridiculous!!!

O.K., now we have got our seeds in our prepared soil so now we can kick back and wait for the harvest, right? Would any of us really expect to reap a harvest when we don’t water the seeds or make sure the ground is fertilized? No seriously, please think about it. How good of a farmer would I be if I stuck some seeds in the dirt and never watered them or fertilized them? Not a very good one! This makes sense to us, and it would be ridiculous to expect the seed that is not nurtured to grow. Sure, there could be a rain that comes and helps but would each seed grow to its full potential? Hardly! So, what about the seeds that we have planted in our lives? We must continue to nurturer our spirits, hearts, minds, and bodies…carefully feeding them the things they need to grow so we can reach our full potential. It is not a one and done type of thing. It is something that must be done on a consistent basis. Trust the process!!!

How about this one? So, I planted my corn seeds today and tomorrow I am going to go out and reap my harvest! That’s how it works, right? You said I reap what I sow; I sowed corn seeds today so tomorrow I can reap the harvest, right? That’s what you said! Except we all know that it doesn’t work that way. It takes time for the seed to grow, mature, and produce a harvest. We understand this concept with trees…why not with our lives? The grandest oak tree started as a seed at some point. It took time, perhaps many years, to become the grand oak it is today. The same is true of me and you, Friend! Let us grow to be the oak trees we were created to become! Let’s invest every day so one day we can realize the fullness of the potential that is within us.

And we mustn’t forget about weeding our crops. Weeds can choke the life out of a plant if we don’t remove them. Same with our spirits, hearts, minds, and bodies. We need to be very intentional about what we allow to be poured into and grow in our spirits, hearts, minds, and bodies…if not they can choke the life out of us!

Does the “you reap what you sow” make a little more sense now? So, the question with this Happy Friday is this: what are you planting? As a person? In your marriage and relationships? As a parent and friend? We will all reap what we sow!

And I thought it might be helpful to share a few more scriptures on sowing and reaping.

Galatians 6:8

For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

2 Corinthians 9:6

Now this I say, he who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.

Job 4:8

According to what I have seen, those who plow iniquity

And those who sow trouble harvest it.

And a few quotes.

“Sow a thought, and you reap an act; Sow and act, and you reap a habit; Sow a habit and you reap a character; Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.” - Charles Reade

“Life is like a garden; you reap what you sow.” - Paulo Coelho

“We reap what we sow. Choose what you nourish carefully.” – Anonymous

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

Kev

Cultivating Your Lane

Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day, Good Friday, has arrived in my Sweet Home Alabama! 

You all are in for a very special treat this week! We have a guest writer this week, Michelle Eubanks. Michelle is a great friend, a valued colleague, and an exceptional professional. I believe you are going to find great wisdom and inspiration in her message. Enjoy!

Please don't hesitate to contact me at any time if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful Easter weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well.

Kev

Cultivating Your Lane by Michelle Eubanks

A few mornings ago, I was sitting in a meeting with my work colleagues. We have a wonderful tradition of gathering together in person once a week to have a sort of check-in – what’s new, what’s going on, updates from departments. It’s become a helpful practice that sets the tone for the day.

At this particular meeting, my friend Kevin was sharing with the group about staying in one’s lane, being present in it and not worrying about anything happening a few rows over. If we do that, he said, we have a much, much better shot at success, whether in our personal or our professional lives.

I’m sitting there listening, internally agreeing, and the phrase “cultivate your lane” comes to mind. Really, for me, that is the heart of the lesson.

A few years ago – three years, two months, and one day, to be exact – my husband and partner in life, my best friend and person, Jeff, passed away. It was sudden and tragic and as horrible as it sounds. He went to work in the morning, and he didn’t come home. This day, Feb. 6, 2020, completely unmoored me from the life I thought I was supposed to be living.

I didn’t sign up to raise our two daughters alone.

I didn’t agree to being a widow.

I didn’t want what life was giving me.

As a result of my grief, I was completely out of my lane. I was angry at the world and everyone who had the audacity to still be alive while Jeff wasn’t. It was awful. And, exactly one year, one month, and 20 days ago, I had a much-needed and very public failing. At the time, in those very early days, I simply couldn’t see that this was the gift I needed. I couldn’t see that I was spiraling out of control, and I needed a total reset.

Since mid-February of 2022, thanks to that reset, I have been cultivating my lane. I have been reveling in the glory that comes from sharing my gifts with others – the gifts of words and storytelling, the gifts of friendship and kindness. Because I am doing these things, I not only have no time to concern myself with others and their lanes, I simply have no interest in it. Instead, I am working on being my best self and learning how to appreciate the life that I have with my two daughters.

The difference in me has been noted by others, especially those who are close to me.

“You seem different,” they’ll say. Or: “Is that a new dress?” Maybe: “Did you do something different to your hair?” Perhaps what they are seeing is me living in and cultivating this very special lane I am so fortunate to be in, even while I work through and continue on my grief journey.

To do this, and to be fully invested in my best self, I had to make some fairly radical changes. First, I stopped most social media fully. It was absolutely not serving me, and it was forcing comparison. I know that, as a widow, I am already different from so many others in my peer group. I do not need to be reminded of it when I randomly open an app. Removing myself from that conversation has been freeing in all of the best and most valuable ways.

I don’t have nearly the amount of screen time as others.

I rarely, if ever, sit and scroll through anything on my screen.

And, most importantly, I have become so much more present in my life.

I endeavor to do something creative each day. Maybe it’s writing or painting. Perhaps it’s learning something new, like creating a new recipe with my daughter who wants to be a chef like her dad was. Other times, it’s reading and taking in information that informs my personal and professional life. Either way, it is growth through creativity.

I spend time outdoors. I walk my dogs and enjoy my neighborhood and my neighbors. I love being able to wave at them and call them by name as I walk by, to catch up on news and community events. And my dogs enjoy some time with me.

Of course, I am a work in progress. I am evolving and growing and learning so much about how to live and enjoy this amazing life I have now, and I am very grateful for those who were part of that reset. They saved my life.

And I continue to cultivate my lane, and it is a lane in bloom. Like me.