Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and an awesome week - personally & professionally - coming to a close.
Kath and I have the honor & privilege of facilitating RE/ENGAGE, a marriage class at our church. As I was reviewing materials and preparing for this weekends class the section on forgiveness really spoke to my heart. I wanted to share some of this with you on this beautiful Friday morning.
People have many ideas, and misconceptions, about what forgiveness is and what it is not. Forgiveness is not pretending you did not get hurt, it is not forgetting what happened and forgiveness is not necessarily reconciling or restoring lost trust. Hmmm... Forgiveness is releasing someone from repayment for a debt that is owed. Please let that sink in for a moment. It means no longer demanding or expecting that something be done in exchange for the hurt or damage that has been caused...nothing more, nothing less.
Here are three myths about forgiveness:
Myth #1: Forgiveness means I have to minimize what was done to me. True forgiveness involves calling sins, hurts, offenses and failures what they are. Be totally honest about the pain and destruction. Do not pretend to minimize what has happened; that is not forgiveness.
Myth #2: Forgiveness means that I have to put myself in a risky position again so the person can continue to hurt me. Forgiveness only takes one person. Forgiveness does not wait for the other person to learn the lesson - remember, no longer demanding or expecting something be done...has nothing to do with you putting yourself into the situation again. Forgiveness is something you initiate. It is something you give away even if the other person doesn't realize you offered it.
Myth #3: To forgive I must forget what has happened. Nothing could be further from the truth. The litmus test for where you are on your forgiveness journey is, "Can you treat the person in a way that he or she does not deserve?" Now that is challenging...that is forgiveness.
Unforgiveness will eat away at us and can keep us from becoming the best we are capable of becoming. It is personally, relationally and professionally dangerous. Here is a great quote, who said it is unknown, that sums up unforgiveness beautifully; "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."
My challenge for us this week is two-fold; First, who are the people in our lives that we need to give forgiveness to? What is the hurt, pain, offense that we are nurturing in our hearts today that we need to release? Let's do it...now! Let's stop looking for repayment...the only account being drained is ours! Second, it has struck me as very profound, that many of us need to forgive ourselves. We have said something, done something, etc. that we regret with every fiber in our body. Let's not make excuses, pretend it didn't happen, etc. However we desperately need to stop expecting ourselves to make repayment...and this is not an excuse to keep doing something wrong. It is an invitation to drop the baggage that so many of us carry in our lives every day.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you or your families!
Have a great day, a wonderful week end and please cherish your family & friends!
Kev
Friday, August 26, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Are We Making Ourselves Look Good At Others Expense?
Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a truly remarkable week coming to a successful close for you!
When I was in 7th grade I got to play football for the first time. After doing our warm-up and stretch our coaches would call us all together and then, when coach blew the whistle, we would find someone to hit as hard as we could (gotta love 7th grade football!!!). One day everybody was already hitting somebody and I had nobody to hit. So I quickly did what I thought was really smart; I found someone already on the ground and I stood over him like I was the one who had knocked him down. Brilliant idea Kev! Not only would I not get in trouble for not hitting anyone, Coach would think I was a great hitter. I was so proud of myself! When I told my Mom that evening what had happened she got this serious, stone cold look in her eye that only a mother can give (come on, you ALL know the look I am talking about!) and she said, "Kevin, don't ever make yourself look good at someone else's expense." The "brilliance" of a 7th grader was no match for the wisdom of a Mom.
Isn't it interesting how many of us never learn this lesson? Instead of each and every one of us, uniquely gifted and talented by the way, striving to become the best we can become we often simply want to be better - or at least look better - than someone else. How come we find it so hard to accept our strengths, gifts & abilities? How come we find it so hard to truly do our best and rest in peace with the outcomes this brings whether that be first place or last place?
I believe there are two key points to consider:
1. Instead of being the best we can become - again, uniquely so as we all have different talents, gifts & abilities - we get wrapped up and consumed with being better than someone else. This leads us to looking down on others who we don't deem to be "successful" - in the process forgetting that they too are uniquely talented, gifted and have ability...just maybe not in the same areas as we do - and it gives us a false, unfulfilling, sense of success that can prevent us from having true success by becoming the best we are capable of becoming.
2. Our hands can either be used to lift someone else up or they can be used to push someone else down...we will make that choice in literally every encounter we have! The words we speak, the respect we give (notice, it is a gift given), the encouragement we give, etc. will all either serve to lift the person up or to tear that person down. Lifting them up will help them become the best they can become which means they in turn will be able to help others, possibly even us, become the best they can become. Tearing them down will possibly cause them to stumble, will possibly cause them to tear down others in an attempt to make themselves feel better...pretty easy to see the impact this can have in the lives of our families, our workplace, our communities isn't it?
My hope and challenge for each and every one of us is that we will not try to make ourselves look good at someone else's expense. That today we will strive to become the best we can become at whatever it is we are pursuing and that we will respect, encourage and help others do the same in their lives.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and cherish your precious families.
Kev
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a truly remarkable week coming to a successful close for you!
When I was in 7th grade I got to play football for the first time. After doing our warm-up and stretch our coaches would call us all together and then, when coach blew the whistle, we would find someone to hit as hard as we could (gotta love 7th grade football!!!). One day everybody was already hitting somebody and I had nobody to hit. So I quickly did what I thought was really smart; I found someone already on the ground and I stood over him like I was the one who had knocked him down. Brilliant idea Kev! Not only would I not get in trouble for not hitting anyone, Coach would think I was a great hitter. I was so proud of myself! When I told my Mom that evening what had happened she got this serious, stone cold look in her eye that only a mother can give (come on, you ALL know the look I am talking about!) and she said, "Kevin, don't ever make yourself look good at someone else's expense." The "brilliance" of a 7th grader was no match for the wisdom of a Mom.
Isn't it interesting how many of us never learn this lesson? Instead of each and every one of us, uniquely gifted and talented by the way, striving to become the best we can become we often simply want to be better - or at least look better - than someone else. How come we find it so hard to accept our strengths, gifts & abilities? How come we find it so hard to truly do our best and rest in peace with the outcomes this brings whether that be first place or last place?
I believe there are two key points to consider:
1. Instead of being the best we can become - again, uniquely so as we all have different talents, gifts & abilities - we get wrapped up and consumed with being better than someone else. This leads us to looking down on others who we don't deem to be "successful" - in the process forgetting that they too are uniquely talented, gifted and have ability...just maybe not in the same areas as we do - and it gives us a false, unfulfilling, sense of success that can prevent us from having true success by becoming the best we are capable of becoming.
2. Our hands can either be used to lift someone else up or they can be used to push someone else down...we will make that choice in literally every encounter we have! The words we speak, the respect we give (notice, it is a gift given), the encouragement we give, etc. will all either serve to lift the person up or to tear that person down. Lifting them up will help them become the best they can become which means they in turn will be able to help others, possibly even us, become the best they can become. Tearing them down will possibly cause them to stumble, will possibly cause them to tear down others in an attempt to make themselves feel better...pretty easy to see the impact this can have in the lives of our families, our workplace, our communities isn't it?
My hope and challenge for each and every one of us is that we will not try to make ourselves look good at someone else's expense. That today we will strive to become the best we can become at whatever it is we are pursuing and that we will respect, encourage and help others do the same in their lives.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and cherish your precious families.
Kev
Friday, August 12, 2011
Are We Living Our Dreams & Fulfilling Our Ambitions?
Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a highly successful week coming to a close for you! It is such a beautiful day in Arizona today! The sunrise this morning was spectacular; it was cloudy and then, through a hole in the clouds, you could see the sun and the most beautiful rays extending beyond the hole in the clouds. It was truly remarkable. It has now rained - a rare occurrence indeed! - and it is a cool 85 degrees with cloud cover. Let's see how "happy" I am sitting out at Payton's football practice this afternoon when it is 105 - 110 with humidity!
As I am sure you know, 30 of our servicemen died in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan last Saturday. This week I was reading an article in the paper about their final trip home. In the article, written by Ben Fuller of the Associated Press, there was a statement that struck me as very profound. It stated, "For the families of the 30 Americans who were killed, it was a time to remember the dreams their loved ones had lived, not the ambitions that died with them." The statement challenged me and got me to thinking:
1. If I/we died today, what dreams have I/we lived? Each and every one of us has ambitions deep in our hearts, of things we would like to do or we would like to accomplish. Are we pursuing them and, in that pursuit, living our dreams? Or, are we just trying to survive, to get through the day, the week, the month and sadly, just through this life? It has been said, "Every man dies. Not every man really lives." We, as a society, tend to look at a "good" life in terms of the number of years that we were blessed to walk the face of the earth. I would offer that many of our soldiers who died, most way to young (in years) in my opinion, lived more full lives than the majority of the people whose freedom to pursue their dreams they were defending. Ironic isn't it?
2. What ambitions will I/we die with? I truly hope that when I have breathed my last breath it can be said that I had no other ambitions other than to continue to purse the Lord, to continue to grow as a person and to bless a life that day. I have said many times, if I do this life right, when I die they will find my One Year Bible opened to the date I died, there will be a leadership book opened and marked to were I finished reading that day and I will have an appointment with someone that day to serve them by helping them become the best they are capable of becoming in pursuing their ambitions. That I will have no, "someday I am gonnas..." or "I wish I couldas...". No, instead I will encourage those who follow me with stories of the ambitions I truly pursued and in that process lived my dreams. Of course, I will have been much better than I actually really was when I retell those stories!! :)
So my Friends, this day I want to challenge all of us to truly live, to live our dreams and pursue our amitions with everything that is within us. None of us knows the day or the hour we will be removed from this earth. It is my sincere hope and prayer for each and every one of us that we will have truly lived!
Please let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you. I would be honored and privileged to serve you any way I can.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, cherish your precious families & your time with them and please remember the families of the 30 Americans who lost their lives last Saturday during this time of grief as they mourn the loss of these brave warriors.
Kev
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a highly successful week coming to a close for you! It is such a beautiful day in Arizona today! The sunrise this morning was spectacular; it was cloudy and then, through a hole in the clouds, you could see the sun and the most beautiful rays extending beyond the hole in the clouds. It was truly remarkable. It has now rained - a rare occurrence indeed! - and it is a cool 85 degrees with cloud cover. Let's see how "happy" I am sitting out at Payton's football practice this afternoon when it is 105 - 110 with humidity!
As I am sure you know, 30 of our servicemen died in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan last Saturday. This week I was reading an article in the paper about their final trip home. In the article, written by Ben Fuller of the Associated Press, there was a statement that struck me as very profound. It stated, "For the families of the 30 Americans who were killed, it was a time to remember the dreams their loved ones had lived, not the ambitions that died with them." The statement challenged me and got me to thinking:
1. If I/we died today, what dreams have I/we lived? Each and every one of us has ambitions deep in our hearts, of things we would like to do or we would like to accomplish. Are we pursuing them and, in that pursuit, living our dreams? Or, are we just trying to survive, to get through the day, the week, the month and sadly, just through this life? It has been said, "Every man dies. Not every man really lives." We, as a society, tend to look at a "good" life in terms of the number of years that we were blessed to walk the face of the earth. I would offer that many of our soldiers who died, most way to young (in years) in my opinion, lived more full lives than the majority of the people whose freedom to pursue their dreams they were defending. Ironic isn't it?
2. What ambitions will I/we die with? I truly hope that when I have breathed my last breath it can be said that I had no other ambitions other than to continue to purse the Lord, to continue to grow as a person and to bless a life that day. I have said many times, if I do this life right, when I die they will find my One Year Bible opened to the date I died, there will be a leadership book opened and marked to were I finished reading that day and I will have an appointment with someone that day to serve them by helping them become the best they are capable of becoming in pursuing their ambitions. That I will have no, "someday I am gonnas..." or "I wish I couldas...". No, instead I will encourage those who follow me with stories of the ambitions I truly pursued and in that process lived my dreams. Of course, I will have been much better than I actually really was when I retell those stories!! :)
So my Friends, this day I want to challenge all of us to truly live, to live our dreams and pursue our amitions with everything that is within us. None of us knows the day or the hour we will be removed from this earth. It is my sincere hope and prayer for each and every one of us that we will have truly lived!
Please let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you. I would be honored and privileged to serve you any way I can.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, cherish your precious families & your time with them and please remember the families of the 30 Americans who lost their lives last Saturday during this time of grief as they mourn the loss of these brave warriors.
Kev
Friday, August 5, 2011
What If This Is Not A Happy Friday?
Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and one heck of an awesome week coming to a close for you! What an exciting time of year it is; school is getting ready to start, football practice has begun...I absolutely love this time of year! There is so much hope, there is so much optimism, there are so many dreams that will be pursued and for some, realized beyond their wildest imaginations! It is incredible!
My heart however this week has been on "what if this is not a Happy Friday for you?" What if you have been kicked in the gut? What is something unfair or hurtful has happened to you this week? What if you really didn't want to get out of bed this morning let alone go to work, turn on your computer and find an email in your inbox from some goofball telling you that this is a Happy Friday? What if, what if, what if...
See Friends, we know that life happens and it does not always happen the way we want, the way we hope. The reality is bad things do happen; people get hurt, get sick, get fired, get divorced, people are mean to other people for no reason other than the person who is mean has something in their spirit that made them mean, etc. These are facts of life that none of us, no matter how hard we may try, can avoid. Within this, the first step for all of us in excelling, succeeding in and through whatever circumstance we may find ourselves is realizing that what is happening to us is no different than what happens to everyone else. AND many times, if we will take the focus off of ourselves and our problems for just a brief moment, we will realize that there are others with far greater challenges, trials and tribulations than we have ever faced.
Second, we desperately need to realize that it is through the challenges, trials and tribulations that we grow which ultimately leads us to becoming what we were intended to become, to become the best we are capable of becoming, etc. I don't think any of us, if we had the choice, would choose to go through something difficult (however you want to define difficult...and what is difficult to one is not always difficult to another) however if you will look back at your life through the past difficulties you have faced, you will see it was at those times and in those moments that you grew, that you became stronger, that you became the person you are today...much to the blessing of all of the rest of us! When speaking to HS football players I often give them the example of doing squats in the weight room. Most really don't enjoy doing them, you often feel nauseous afterwards, it's hard to walk, etc. It can be really tough to go into the weight room and do a true, honest to goodness, give it all you got squat workout. However, everyone wants to have great success on Friday night. You see, by going through the adversity (squat workout) they are able to achieve the success they desire on the football field. Show me a football player who won't do a squat workout (show me a person who won't face adversity) and I will show you a football player who comes nowhere near reaching his potential (I will show you a person who is nowhere near reaching his/her potential). Our challenges, trials & tribulations make us stronger, they build our foundation so that we can become all that we were intended to become!
Finally, it is critically important to control our thoughts. It has been said that, "there are no hopeless situations, only people that grow hopeless in their situation." Let me give you a few examples of challenges, trials, tribulations, storms, etc. bringing forth goodness. Without rain, flowers would not grow. Winds cause the roots of trees to strengthen which then makes them more capable of remaining standing during stronger storms (interesting little side note; there was a thing called the Biosphere in Tucson. It was the perfect environment; perfect temperature, moisture, no wind, etc. Suddenly, trees began to fall over. What they determined had happened was that because the trees faced no wind [adversity] when they grew to a certain height their foundation could no longer support them, they fell and died. May we all think about that the next time we bemoan our adversities!), wind resistance prevents birds and planes from flying faster however if there were no wind resistance the birds and planes could not fly at all, it is the same with boats and water. I don't remember the exact numbers on this one however there was a study done on highly successful people. The study found that a ridiculously high number, a number well above 95% though again I don't remember the exact number, had overcome great challenges, trials and tribulations to be successful. Please, no matter where you are on this beautiful day, please know that great things are coming. Please know that your rainbow is coming after the rain, your foundation will be stronger when the wind stops and that you are going to soar higher than you ever could have hoped or dreamed because of the wind resistance that is pounding you so strongly in the face that you can barely keep your eyes open (think about riding your bike down the hill when you were a little kid...that feeling times 1,000!). AND, if you can't see it, if you are sitting there thinking, "Kev, that is all nice and cute and everything but you have no idea what I am facing", please walk it out by faith, remembering the examples listed above and hearing the heart of a man who has faced many challenges, trials and tribulations and will testify to the fact that you will not just survive, you will in fact thrive!
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you. I will be honored and privileged to serve you and your family any way I can.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, enjoy & cherish your families and walk boldly & confidently towards your rainbow!
Kev
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and one heck of an awesome week coming to a close for you! What an exciting time of year it is; school is getting ready to start, football practice has begun...I absolutely love this time of year! There is so much hope, there is so much optimism, there are so many dreams that will be pursued and for some, realized beyond their wildest imaginations! It is incredible!
My heart however this week has been on "what if this is not a Happy Friday for you?" What if you have been kicked in the gut? What is something unfair or hurtful has happened to you this week? What if you really didn't want to get out of bed this morning let alone go to work, turn on your computer and find an email in your inbox from some goofball telling you that this is a Happy Friday? What if, what if, what if...
See Friends, we know that life happens and it does not always happen the way we want, the way we hope. The reality is bad things do happen; people get hurt, get sick, get fired, get divorced, people are mean to other people for no reason other than the person who is mean has something in their spirit that made them mean, etc. These are facts of life that none of us, no matter how hard we may try, can avoid. Within this, the first step for all of us in excelling, succeeding in and through whatever circumstance we may find ourselves is realizing that what is happening to us is no different than what happens to everyone else. AND many times, if we will take the focus off of ourselves and our problems for just a brief moment, we will realize that there are others with far greater challenges, trials and tribulations than we have ever faced.
Second, we desperately need to realize that it is through the challenges, trials and tribulations that we grow which ultimately leads us to becoming what we were intended to become, to become the best we are capable of becoming, etc. I don't think any of us, if we had the choice, would choose to go through something difficult (however you want to define difficult...and what is difficult to one is not always difficult to another) however if you will look back at your life through the past difficulties you have faced, you will see it was at those times and in those moments that you grew, that you became stronger, that you became the person you are today...much to the blessing of all of the rest of us! When speaking to HS football players I often give them the example of doing squats in the weight room. Most really don't enjoy doing them, you often feel nauseous afterwards, it's hard to walk, etc. It can be really tough to go into the weight room and do a true, honest to goodness, give it all you got squat workout. However, everyone wants to have great success on Friday night. You see, by going through the adversity (squat workout) they are able to achieve the success they desire on the football field. Show me a football player who won't do a squat workout (show me a person who won't face adversity) and I will show you a football player who comes nowhere near reaching his potential (I will show you a person who is nowhere near reaching his/her potential). Our challenges, trials & tribulations make us stronger, they build our foundation so that we can become all that we were intended to become!
Finally, it is critically important to control our thoughts. It has been said that, "there are no hopeless situations, only people that grow hopeless in their situation." Let me give you a few examples of challenges, trials, tribulations, storms, etc. bringing forth goodness. Without rain, flowers would not grow. Winds cause the roots of trees to strengthen which then makes them more capable of remaining standing during stronger storms (interesting little side note; there was a thing called the Biosphere in Tucson. It was the perfect environment; perfect temperature, moisture, no wind, etc. Suddenly, trees began to fall over. What they determined had happened was that because the trees faced no wind [adversity] when they grew to a certain height their foundation could no longer support them, they fell and died. May we all think about that the next time we bemoan our adversities!), wind resistance prevents birds and planes from flying faster however if there were no wind resistance the birds and planes could not fly at all, it is the same with boats and water. I don't remember the exact numbers on this one however there was a study done on highly successful people. The study found that a ridiculously high number, a number well above 95% though again I don't remember the exact number, had overcome great challenges, trials and tribulations to be successful. Please, no matter where you are on this beautiful day, please know that great things are coming. Please know that your rainbow is coming after the rain, your foundation will be stronger when the wind stops and that you are going to soar higher than you ever could have hoped or dreamed because of the wind resistance that is pounding you so strongly in the face that you can barely keep your eyes open (think about riding your bike down the hill when you were a little kid...that feeling times 1,000!). AND, if you can't see it, if you are sitting there thinking, "Kev, that is all nice and cute and everything but you have no idea what I am facing", please walk it out by faith, remembering the examples listed above and hearing the heart of a man who has faced many challenges, trials and tribulations and will testify to the fact that you will not just survive, you will in fact thrive!
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you. I will be honored and privileged to serve you and your family any way I can.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, enjoy & cherish your families and walk boldly & confidently towards your rainbow!
Kev
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