Forgiveness

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and an awesome week - personally & professionally - coming to a close.

Kath and I have the honor & privilege of facilitating RE/ENGAGE, a marriage class at our church. As I was reviewing materials and preparing for this weekends class the section on forgiveness really spoke to my heart. I wanted to share some of this with you on this beautiful Friday morning.

People have many ideas, and misconceptions, about what forgiveness is and what it is not. Forgiveness is not pretending you did not get hurt, it is not forgetting what happened and forgiveness is not necessarily reconciling or restoring lost trust. Hmmm... Forgiveness is releasing someone from repayment for a debt that is owed. Please let that sink in for a moment. It means no longer demanding or expecting that something be done in exchange for the hurt or damage that has been caused...nothing more, nothing less.

Here are three myths about forgiveness:
Myth #1: Forgiveness means I have to minimize what was done to me. True forgiveness involves calling sins, hurts, offenses and failures what they are. Be totally honest about the pain and destruction. Do not pretend to minimize what has happened; that is not forgiveness.

Myth #2: Forgiveness means that I have to put myself in a risky position again so the person can continue to hurt me. Forgiveness only takes one person. Forgiveness does not wait for the other person to learn the lesson - remember, no longer demanding or expecting something be done...has nothing to do with you putting yourself into the situation again. Forgiveness is something you initiate. It is something you give away even if the other person doesn't realize you offered it.

Myth #3: To forgive I must forget what has happened. Nothing could be further from the truth. The litmus test for where you are on your forgiveness journey is, "Can you treat the person in a way that he or she does not deserve?" Now that is challenging...that is forgiveness.

Unforgiveness will eat away at us and can keep us from becoming the best we are capable of becoming. It is personally, relationally and professionally dangerous. Here is a great quote, who said it is unknown, that sums up unforgiveness beautifully; "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

My challenge for us this week is two-fold; First, who are the people in our lives that we need to give forgiveness to? What is the hurt, pain, offense that we are nurturing in our hearts today that we need to release? Let's do it...now! Let's stop looking for repayment...the only account being drained is ours! Second, it has struck me as very profound, that many of us need to forgive ourselves. We have said something, done something, etc. that we regret with every fiber in our body. Let's not make excuses, pretend it didn't happen, etc. However we desperately need to stop expecting ourselves to make repayment...and this is not an excuse to keep doing something wrong. It is an invitation to drop the baggage that so many of us carry in our lives every day.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do for any of you or your families!

Have a great day, a wonderful week end and please cherish your family & friends!

Kev