So You Are The Boss...

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you having a great day and an incredible week coming to a close for you. Boy, it has sure been one incredibly busy, blessed week!

I am reading "5 Levels of Leadership: Proven Steps to Maximize Your Potential" by John C. Maxwell. It is a great book, one that I would highly recommend to you. Heck, I love John C. Maxwell and would recommend that you read any of his books and apply the wisdom you can gain to your life.

Anyways, I wanted to share a few excerpts from "5 Levels of Leadership" with you on this beautiful Friday morning. Before doing so however, I would like to briefly address leadership and being a leader. People often believe that leadership is a position that is to be attained rather than a life to be lived. You can recognize them; they love to use titles, they believe - and live out their beliefs in their actions - that they are to be served rather than serve and they desperately want to be "in charge", to be "the boss." Sadly, these individuals don't appear to realize that a title does not make them a leader; it simply identifies their responsibilities. The way a person chooses to live their life - where they find their strength, what they value, their morals & ethics, how they treat others, how they serve others, their work ethic, their ability to make decisions... the totality of who they are - will all determine what kind of leader they are (yes, we are ALL leaders at some level!) and the effectiveness of their leadership. 

The title does not make you or me a leader - this type of leadership in the "5 Levels of Leadership" is referred to as "Positional Leadership." If you choose to lead from this position, those to whom you are given the honor & privilege of leading will not follow you beyond your stated lines of authority. It is fairly easy to see and understand this concept within business & organizational structures. I would also like to point out that this applies to ALL aspects of your leadership. Being a Father or Mother, Husband or Wife, are all "positions" of leadership also. Are the followers that we are blessed to have in our lives following us any farther than our stated lines of authority?

You and I will choose how we lead, what type of leaders we will become and ultimately, the effectiveness of our leadership. As we do so, I thought these excerpts from the "5 Levels of Leadership" might be beneficial to us.

• "Before you can grow and mature as a leader, you must have a clear understanding of your values and commit to living consistently with them - since they will shape your behavior and influence the way you lead. As you reflect on your values, I believe you should settle what you believe in three key areas:
• Ethical Values - What does it mean to do the right thing for the right reason?
• Relational Values - How do you build an environment of trust and respect with others?
• Success Values - What goals are worth spending your life on?"
• "Often to make themselves look better or to keep people from rising up and threatening them, positional leaders make other people feel small. How?
• By not having a genuine belief in them.
• By assuming people can't instead of assuming they can.
• By assuming people won't rather than believing they will.
• By seeing their problems more readily than their potential.
• By viewing them as liabilities instead of assets."
• And, we have to decide how we will be described...
• "Top-down - "I'm over you."
• Separation - "Don't let people get close to you."
• Image - "Fake it till you make it."
• Strength - "Never let 'em see you sweat."
• Selfishness - "You're here to help me."
• Power - "I determine your future."
• Intimidation - "Do this or else."
• Rules - "The manual says..."

              Or will we be...

• "Side by Side - "Let's work together."
• Initiation - "I'll come to you."
• Inclusion - "What do you think?"
• Cooperation - "Together we can win."
• Servanthood - "I'm here to help you."
• Development - "I want to add value to you."
• Encouragement - "I believe you can do this!"
• Innovation - "Let's think outside the box."

Please Friends, no matter who you are or where you are, recognize that you are a leader and you are leading. It is not about your title...it is about who you are and how you choose to live your life.

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish those precious families and friends.

Kev

Wisdom in Pinocchio

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and an awesome week coming to a close for you!

On Monday night my 6-year old wanted to have "special time" with Dad so he and I got our portable DVD player out, headed up to Mom & Dad's bed, snuggled in and turned on Pinocchio. Like all great teachers, the Little Teacher - or is it Preacher? The kid's amazing! (thank you for your grace in allowing me to be in love with my kids) - was still teaching, whether intentional or not.

Pinocchio...an animated film, released in 1940. You might be thinking, "Yeah Kev, I know. If you aren't truthful your nose grows." That was pretty much the extent of my knowledge of Pinocchio and, truth be told, I can't remember watching the movie in it's entirety when I was a kid though I am sure I did. Is your thought kind of like mine was before actually watching the movie? "Cute movie, good for the kids to see, I know my nose won't grow if I don't tell the truth...on with life, I have important things to do." I was absolutely blown away by what was really in Pinocchio. In fact, my 6-year old and I agreed that the whole Haslam family needed to see Pinocchio and, in another lesson to his Dad, my little Jiminy Cricket demonstrated sacrifice by giving up something he wanted to do so the whole family would have the time to watch the movie. This kid is challenging me!

So there is a little wooden character who wants to be a boy - he wants to find himself and to become what he is created to become. The Fairy Princess comes and tells him that he will become a boy - he will find himself and become what he was created to become - if he is brave, truthful and unselfish. He is told that he will have to choose right from wrong. Desperately wanting to become all that he was created to become he asks how he will know right from wrong. He is told that his conscience (you can call it your heart or the Holy Spirit if you want) will tell you right from wrong, it will guide you along the straight and narrow path (read that somewhere before!) and that it will keep him from temptations. When Pinocchio -really wanting to become all that he was created to become and therefore gathering all the information he can - asks what temptations are, he is told that temptations are "the wrong things that feel right at the time." Having gathered all the information he can, Pinocchio heads off on his journey to find himself, to become the boy he desperately wants and is created to become. Interesting isn't it? Even in an animated movie for kids the real meaning, the real significance is found in the journey.

Even though he is highly motivated to become all he is created to become, even though he has all the "facts", Pinocchio almost immediately gets sidetracked in the pursuit of quick, easy success. Does any of this sound familiar? Suddenly he is seeking applause, money and fame. Then, just as suddenly, he finds himself trapped, losing everything he truly desires in his heart and he is devastated. Even his conscience - Jiminy Cricket - thinks maybe Pinocchio doesn't need to choose right from wrong to be successful. Familiar? Have you seen or heard this before? It is only then through a mystical intervention (hmmm...heard about this kind of thing!) that Pinocchio is rescued from this pursuit of "success" and of course, he vows that he will never make those mistakes again and declares he is going to become all that he was created to become.

In very short order Pinocchio gets led down a path where he is told he can go do anything he wants to do - the movie shows smoking, drinking, fighting, vandalism, etc. - without, he is told, any consequences. For a while it is fun, everyone is having a great time...until they all realize that they are being turned into donkey's (the movie actually says Jackasses) to be sold for a price. As each of the boys with Pinocchio realizes what is happening to him he cries, he begs to go home...to be what they were created to become. When there is only one other boy left with Pinocchio, Pinocchio realizes what is happening and turns away from these things. He still has the scars of his choices - donkey ears and a donkey tail - however he stops before he completely goes down the path of becoming a Jackass. Does any of this sound familiar to you? I know I have seen, heard and lived parts of this before...and I wasn't looking at a movie screen!

Finally, no longer focusing on worldly success or on doing whatever he wants to do, no longer focusing on his hopes or dreams, Pinocchio gives of himself selflessly, completely and in the process, becomes all that he was created to become - all that he desperately wanted to become. It is worth noting that for a brief moment, it appears as though he has lost his life. I will just let that speak to your heart and my heart however it will.

So sure, you can think Pinocchio is a movie for little kids about being honest and if your not, your nose will grow. By the way, it is interesting to me that the one thing you hear most often about the movie was a scene that maybe lasted 2 - 3 minutes and I would argue, was maybe not even the main point intended by the creators. I would like to encourage you however to look for, find and give great counsel to your Jiminy Cricket.

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, cherish your precious families and, if you get the chance, maybe think about watching Pinocchio with your family and friends this weekend.

Kev

The Greatest Teachers

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and an awesome week coming to a close for you!

Last Sunday I was reading my bible and I came across the following scripture:

• "You have taught the little children to praise you perfectly. May their example shame and silence your enemies." Psalm 8:2

When I read it, it spoke to my heart powerfully. Over the course of the last week I have thought often about this verse, noticed things in my sons and in other children and was reminded time and time again the truth of these words.

The things we can learn from watching, listening to and truly valuing children, the Little Teachers, is quite simply amazing...if only we will have a teachable spirit. Please allow me to share just a few observations with you:

• Every day in the life of a child starts with wonder and excitement...the possibilities are endless. If you have ever had the opportunity to wake up in the same home with one of these Little Treasures, you know what I am talking about. It's interesting that as they get older this slowly, sadly, begins to fade...they start to become more like most of us.
• In the eyes of a little child each day is a fresh start...their grace, their forgiveness is truly amazing. As a Dad I have done and said some of the stupidest things a person could ever say and do. After the boys have gone to bed my spirit truly grieves, I pray and ask God for forgiveness and then I can't wait for these Great Teachers to wake up so I can ask them for forgiveness. Time and time again they come up to me in the morning, I offer the most heart-felt apology I can offer and they look at me like "what are you talking about?" In their minds that was a different time, all that matters is today and hey, we are together so it has to be a great day. How different than how many of us approach each day!
• Ever notice how all babies and little kids will smile at everyone? Nothing else matters...there is a person so you smile. You recognize and value them.
• Ever notice how all kids will look at everyone? Oh yeah, this one makes us nervous as parents because there are certain people you don't look at, right? Don't look at the homeless person because they might talk to you. Don't look at the person who is dirty and dis-shelved because they are...well, dirty and dis-shelved. It strikes me as ironic that in talking to a woman who used to work with the homeless they always said the thing that hurt the most was that they were invisible...nobody would look at them, recognize them.
• Have you ever heard a Little Teacher talk about any job that was not great? No, they don't get caught up in titles, status or appearance...there is greatness in every job.
• How about this one; ever come across a Little Teacher who didn't believe in their Mom, Dad, Aunt, Uncle...anyone they come into contact with. No...they believe in everyone unconditionally. Nothing has to be proven or earned at the start - within their spirit they see and believe in the greatness in the person before them. Period.
• When is the last time that you saw a 4 or 5-year old who didn't have time to play with his or her friends, or with you, because they are texting, on the cell phone, etc. Often, if you are blessed to have a Little Teacher around, they will beg you to stop doing those things and just be with them.
• So I am driving my 15-year old and my 6-year old to school this week. We are zooming along and then I hear the voice of a great Little Teacher from the back seat say, "That is beautiful." As I looked to my right I saw the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen. The sky was painted the most majestic colors, reflected off soft, billowy clouds. How come my older son and I did not notice this beautiful gift until the Little Teacher pointed it out? How come the Little Teachers always notice these things - often when we are trying to hurry to...something - and they always want to stop to enjoy the beauty of the sky, a bird, bug, etc.
• When is the last time you heard a Little Teacher tell you something is impossible? They truly believe you can fix anything, do anything and most importantly, they are willing to try. Impossible is simply not a word in the vocabulary of a child.
• What is the one thing a Little Teacher wants more than anything else? To be with you. Period. It doesn't matter what you are going to do, they just want to be with you. My Beautiful Bride and I would laugh when our older boys were younger and I would say, "Do you wanna go with me?" and they would immediately say yes. They didn't know where we were going, what we were going to be doing, how long it would take, etc. They simply wanted to go because that meant we were going to be together. With my 6-year old Little Teacher I don't laugh...I cherish it.

I could go on and on...the lessons appear to be endless...if only I have the time and willingness to learn.in Please do yourself a favor this next week; really tune your attention to these Little Teachers, have a teachable spirit and see what you learn...you will be amazed. And, you don't have to be a parent. As with all great teachers, they are always teaching. You will see them at the store, in the restaurant, etc.

So a few thoughts:

1. This spirit, the greatness of a Little Teacher is within each and every one of us...we were born with it, placed there - I believe - by a loving God. Then life happens. Someone fails us. Someone tells us something can't be done. We get told by someone how we are supposed to act, think, feel, etc. It strikes me as so ironic that we start out right, taught to "praise perfectly", we then are told this other stuff by the world, spend time trying to conform to the world and then, when we finally start living like the world tells us to live, we spend tons of time and money trying to get back to what we first were...a Little Teacher. No matter who you are or where you are this day when you read this, know that this greatness, this goodness, this wonder, this awe, this hope is in you. It just might be buried. If so, please dig and uncover it.
2. I was driving home listening to the radio last night and the guy on the radio was talking about how we have to teach our children how to act, how to behave, etc. He then said, "we know that they learn much more from what we do than what we say." It struck me as so ironic; these Little Teachers who are filled with wonder & excitement, grace & forgiveness, who recognize everyone, who don't care about status, who believe in everyone including themselves, who don't care about cell phones and computers, who notice the beauty in everything and who desire more than anything else to just be with you need us to teach them how to act...really? Who taught them that there is no reason for wonder & excitement, that it is foolish? Who taught them not to forgive or give grace? Who taught them to look away when they see the homeless or down-trodden? Who taught them that some people are more important than other people? Who is always on the cell phone, without time for them? Who taught them that they don't have time to stop and enjoy the beauty of life? Who taught them that some goals & dreams are foolish? Who?
3. Yes, there is an awesome, wonderful, critically important responsibility in being a parent or someone entrusted with caring for a child. We do need to teach them responsibility, how to do certain things, how this crazy world works, etc. It strikes me however that it is equally awesome, wonderful and critically important to know when it is the time to teach and when it is the time to learn. If we are teaching from our biases, our brokenness, our pain, our hang-ups, etc. it is probably time to stop, watch, listen and learn.
4. There is never a reason or excuse to violate or harm a Little Teacher mentally, physically, spiritually or socially. Never! They are truly treasures from God who are to be loved, cherished and protected at all times. By all of us.

Friends, please don't ever hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, learn a lot and please cherish your family and friends.

Kev

Civility, Critical Thinking & Normal Expectations

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a great week coming to a close for you. Anybody else suffering getting back into the routine after the holidays?!?!

I have a few different things I would like to share with you on this beautiful day.

• Last Sunday, January 1, 2012, there was a newspaper article in the Arizona Republic by Shaun McKinnon titled, "After tragedy, civility still elusive." The article talks about our civility, or lack there of, as a society as we close in on one year since the shooting of Rep. Gabrielle Giffords and several others in Tucson. Some quotes from the article really jumped out at me. I wanted to share them with you and allow them to speak to your heart as they will.
• "Yet one year later, Americans and their elected leaders struggle to show each other respect when opinions differ."
• "Surveys suggest that Americans recognize the lack of civility and want their leaders to behave better but experts say that until people exercise civility themselves and demand it from their representatives, little will change."
• The article then gave these examples of when civility was not shown [I have intentionally removed the political affiliations and names of those involved. This isn't about politics...it's about civility]:
• A Representative yelled, "You lie!"
• A leader [I struggle typing that...this civility thing isn't easy!] walked out of the chamber rather than allow a low member of the other party to speak.
• At town-hall meetings, voters booed lawmakers and shouted down fellow citizens who tried to express differing viewpoints.
• "It's a shame we're reaching that place," said Dahnke. "If we can't talk to one another, we can't do anything else. Being able to maintain civility is critical to problem-solving at any level, whether it's a local school board or international diplomacy. If you cannot talk to one another, you can't solve a problem." Cassandra Dahnke is co-founder of the Houston-based Institute for Civility in Government.
• "Any movement toward more civil politics [how about a more civil way of life?!?! Again, this isn't meant to be about politics] will likely originate at the grass-roots level and move through the system slowly, experts say."
• "We should balance speaking with listening," he said. "Civility is as much about listening as it is about speaking. It's acknowledging differences. Having civil dialogues is so important to expose ourselves to real, live people who have differing opinions and find out why they have differing opinions." This quote is attributed to Clark Olson, an Arizona State University communications professor who has studied civility.
• So my simple question my Friends is, "What will our influence be?" Will we show respect to those with a different opinion? Will we listen, just listen, to somebody else? Can we, will we, some how, some way, find a way communicate with each other? The experts say it will begin at the grass-roots...the choice is ours!
• I absolutely love being a Dad! Right now I have the unspeakable honor & privilege, the responsibility of guiding my 15-year old son as he makes the very difficult transition from boy to man [that hurt to type!]. This week we were talking about the need to think critically but not to be critical in your thinking. To know your values, your beliefs, to listen respectfully to all and then to make decisions that you believe in your heart are the best for you. And, while doing this, recognizing and respecting others right to have their own values, beliefs and their decisions. It seems to me that somewhere along the way we got confused and began to think that everyone has to agree with what we think, believe and decide. Think about the fights, the arguments, the pain that has been caused because one person or another felt that they had to make another agree with their point of view. Who am I to tell you, or anyone else, what you should think, feel, believe or decide? I don't have the answers. I can simply testify to what I have found to be true in my life. Life is hard and we are all trying to figure this out, to do the best we can. I believe [please feel free to disagree! :)] that one of the first duties and responsibilities of critically thinking is to value each person, to respect each person as well as their right and responsibility to be themselves. What is right for me does not have to be right for you and I have found that the true joy and beauty of life is found in interacting with those from different backgrounds, with different experiences, thoughts, ideas, etc. Please, thoughtfully consider thinking critically - staying true to your values & beliefs and using your intelligence & common sense - without being critical.
• Continuing to read "Wooden on Leadership" by John Wooden and Steve Jamison this morning. Read this and just had to share it with you. While these are rules for a basketball team, I think you will find that they would be great rules, uh, sorry Coach, normal expectations, for life.
• "My overall description of those lists as they pertained to players came under the general heading "Normal Expectations." In other words, I did not consider the rules a hardship or particularly unusual."

1. Be a gentleman [lady] at all times.
2. Be a team player always.
3. Be on time whenever time is involved.
4. Be a good student in all subjects - not just basketball [your job].
5. Be enthusiastic, industrious, dependable, loyal and cooperative.
6. Be in the best possible condition--physically, mentally and morally [powerful!].
7. Earn the right to be proud and confident.
8. Keep emotions under control without losing fight or aggressiveness.
9. Work constantly to improve without becoming satisfied.
10. Acquire peace of mind by becoming the best that you are capable of becoming.

Coach Wooden then has a gap and then lists the following [by the way, "never" is measurable! Think about it...you never do it or you do]:

1. Never criticize, nag or razz a teammate.
2. Never miss or be late for any class or appointment.
3. Never be selfish, jealous, envious or egotistical.
4. Never expect favors.
5. Never waste time.
6. Never alibi or make excuses.
7. Never require repeated criticism for the same mistake.
8. Never lose faith or patience.
9. Never grandstand, loaf, sulk or boast.
10. Never have a reason to be sorry afterwards.

I would like to tell you that I am sorry for this being so long however that wouldn't be pure-hearted. The heart was full this morning and I just had to share with you. I hope something in all of this will speak to you on this incredible day.

Please don't ever hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I am honestly happy and willing to serve you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your family & friends.

Kev