Unconditional

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and that you have had an awesome week. Been a blessed week for the Haslam's - we have had our Grammy & Dennis visiting and we celebrated our son Gehrig's 14th birthday.

This week I want to share a few stories with you and then a couple of thoughts.

Nearly 5 years ago, the week he turned 13, our oldest son had a football game. I was one of the coaches - as it turned out the only coach there that day - and we were playing a game on a beautiful Saturday morning. We took the opening kick off and were driving the ball right down the field. We had the ball on the 1-yard line and I had an outside run play called. When the defense lined up without someone over the center I started whistling to get my sons, the QB, attention. He looked over and I changed the play to a QB sneak. The ball was snapped, there was a big pile of bodies and there was a yell - "Ahh!" - from the middle of the pile. The players got up, one by one, and then there was one still laying on the ground...it was my son. I ran out to him on the field and I will never forget how his hurting & scared, big blue eyes looked at me as he said, "Dad, I can't feel my leg." I promise you, I promise, I will never forget the look on his face or the sound in his voice in that moment. It turned out he had dislocated his hip. That night as my Beautiful Bride and I sat in the waiting room for the surgeon to put his hip back in place I prayed and I sent family & friends texts asking for their prayers as well. Back in his room, the anesthesia wearing off, I looked deep into my boys eyes and I told him how much I loved him. I told him that it was good by me if he never played football again and I told him there is nothing he can do to make me love him more or less. I emphasized that he did not have to play football to make his Dad proud. I was a college football coach when he was born and I had stayed in coaching until he was 10-years old. At 5-years old he could draw defenses, at 6-years old he could take a 3 & 5 step drop and from the time he could walk he was my shadow at practice. I wanted to make it perfectly clear to him that he did not have to play football to earn my love, my respect. Reflectively I am sure that moment was more about me than him...I had to say what I said to him that night, the injury provided the opportunity. As a Dad I hoped he would say, "yeah, I am done with this." Instead he listened very respectively, his deep stare matching mine. When I was finished he said, "Dad, you know I am playing football right?" Fine by me boy as long as you know I love you no matter what you do or don't do.

We recently went through a season of growing with Landry, my 8-year old Little Tender Warrior. He was not being honest and it was starting to catch up with him. Right after the start of school this year he made up a pretty big story about how he had found a rock on the playground...we later found out he had taken the rock from the display in his classroom. Having tried to talk to him about the importance of honesty, how it affects relationships, taking away video games and other actions to try to modify his behavior, I honestly did not know what to do this time. I do what I always do when I need to think, I need answers - I went to the gym, got on the cardio equipment and prayed. I begged God to lead me, to lead this little spirit through me, to give me direction...how do I handle this? Landry, going on 4 years now, has professed his desire to be a Navy SEAL. One wall in his room is covered in military flags, stickers, pictures, he has company coins, models, nerf guns, bb guns, cap guns, camouflage shirts, pants, shoes, etc. It became clear to me what we would do as a result of his decision to lie. I went home, my Beautiful Bride and I sat on the bed with Landry and I told him that if he continued to lie, if he was not a man of integrity, he would never fulfill his dream of being a great warrior. I told him that as a result of his decision to lie, and wanting him to understand the consequence of his decisions if this continues, we were going to take away everything military. Landry cried, my heart hurt so bad, my Bride got up and walked out of the room quietly. Landry & Kath went down stairs as I began taking down every picture, putting away every model, taking every piece of clothing, picture, coin...his room was bare. I didn't sleep much that night. One thing kept bothering me; I felt that the punishment was spot on - his character, his integrity is at stake! - however my spirit was convicting me not to go overboard, not to make this about earning something. After all, the God I believe in and I choose to follow, according to the Bible I read, is a God of love, of mercy & of grace. The whole reason He sent His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross is because we - as humans...any of us - could not earn our way, we could not be good enough. The next morning I told Landry I love him, that there is nothing that he could do to make me love him more or less. I also explained that there are consequences for the choices we make. I told him I was going to walk every step of this road with him, that I believe in him and that I will always be willing to help him any way I can.

Last night my 14-year old (Dang it!) had a couple of buddies stay the night for his birthday. He did what we asked him to do while his buddies did what we had asked them not to do. My Bride & I talked to him, explaining to him that when his buddies are over he is responsible for them. I then sent him back downstairs to his buddies, warning as he left, if there was another issue I would be taking both of the boys home...regardless of the time. This morning God and I had a talk about what had happened. My boy had in fact done what we asked. No, he didn't do everything exactly the way I wanted him to do it...heck, I don't do everything the way I want to do it! He hadn't stood up and told the other two boys that they weren't going to do what they were asked not to do...then I remember how hard that is for me to do as well. I write my boy a note. I tell him I love him, I am very proud of him, that I am thankful that he had honored his Mom & I by doing what we asked. I stated that there were some things we need to clean up, however I promised we would work through that together.

Unconditional love...Hard to define. Hard to accept. Extremely hard to give. We all want to be given it and yet it is so hard to give. I don't have all - perhaps I don't have any - of the answers however I want to challenge us with two things:
1. Who in your life needs to know that you love them unconditionally? Will you please tell them today? Will you give them freedom to be who they are, to be all that they are, unencumbered by your expectations...free to be them?

2. Can you, will you, accept that God loves you unconditionally? This can be hard for me sometimes...and it really ties back to the first challenge. You see when I was a little boy I don't remember my Dad ever saying, "You did great!", "I am proud of you!", "there is nothing you can do to make me love you more or less." "You did good" was always followed by "but." I honestly don't recall ever hearing "I am proud of you" until I was a man with 3 boys of my own. I never heard my Dad utter the words, "there is nothing you can do to make me love you more or less." There are two issues: 1. We, as earthly father's, are called to model the love of our Heavenly Father for our children. Are you comfortable with the fact that what they see in us is their view of God? 2. At 46-years old I still battle these things. My Bride asks, "Does everything have to be perfect?" I smile and say that the Bible says, "whatever you do work as though you are working for the Lord, not for man." There is a lot of truth to this driving me however God, the One who judges the heart instead of what is seen on the outside, knows that some of it - especially on days when I am tired - is a little boy still fighting to hear his Dad say, "You did good" without the "but" or once - just once! - "there is nothing you can do to make me love your more or less."

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your precious families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish those precious families.

Kev