Its Not About Feelings

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and that you are having an awesome week!

Wow!! What an incredibly exciting, incredibly busy and yes, incredibly tiring the past two weeks have been. We have been exposed to the full range of emotions associated with seeing our oldest graduate high school, our middle graduate to high school, our youngest celebrate his 9th birthday, spending quality time with family and friends - some whom we had not seen in quite a while - and oh yeah, dealing with the twists, turns, struggles & decisions that make up life. It has left me feeling...I can't come up with a good word to describe it. What is the word to describe happiness & sadness, joy & sorrow, fatigue & feeling incredibly alive, etc? Ever feel that way?

Joyce Meyer has written a great deal about not letting your feelings control you. Feelings are such a funny, fickle thing. The thoughts we have, the words we speak, the things we listen to, the things that happen to us...they all affect how we feel from moment to moment. If we are going to live by our feelings, what do we do when we don't "feel it?" When you didn't get enough sleep and you wake up tired? When someone says something and hurts your feelings? When, despite your best efforts, things just aren't going your way (we ALL have those days!)? What then?

I want to share two very simple thoughts with you on this beautiful Friday morning.

1. Let me first share a couple of definitions with you...I think they are interesting.
     Feeling - an emotional state or reaction
     Emotion - a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood
                        or relationship with others

     Now, first of all catch this - a natural instinctive state. We all have feelings/emotions. We
     all feel happy sometimes and sad others. We all have moments of great excitement and
     moments when we feel hesitant, perhaps scared. So know this Friend, you are normal.
     Don't beat yourself up over the feelings you have, the emotions you experience, just don't
     let them control you.

     And that is the point I really want to get to...being intentional. Not letting our feelings
     dictate our thoughts and actions which then limits their impact in our lives. You and I can
     intentionally choose to walk by faith - to believe great things are happening in our lives -
     instead of by fear...regardless of how we feel (thoughts). You and I can intentionally
     choose to read, watch and listen to things that strength, build up & empower
     us...regardless of how we feel (actions). The key is to be intentional, to determine in our
     hearts & minds to do these things...regardless of how we feel. Eventually our thoughts &
     actions will control our feelings instead of letting our feelings control us. Does this mean
     you will never wake up feeling sad, depressed, etc.? No, it simply means that you know,
     that you have determined, how you are going to think and act regardless of how you feel.

2. The second point might be a sign that I am maturing and this scares me! :) As a husband,
     Dad, son, brother, friend, leader I have become very aware of the influence, the impact
     my words & actions have on others lives. I recognize that I need to be careful not to let my
     feelings at the moment dictate the words I speak to others, the things I do to or for them.
     The way I say it to myself is to not let my worries, stresses, fears dictate my relationship
     with them. Because I feel sad doesn't mean everyone else should feel sad or that I should
     say or do things that make them sad. My battles are my battles and each person that I
     have the privilege of interacting with every day is in fact fighting their own battles. I can
     choose to be an intentional, positive influence in their lives regardless of how I feel at the
     moment or I can be led by my feelings from day to day. The choice I make, that you make,
     has incredible consequences. Please think about it. Regardless of how you feel, what kind
     of run you are on, what challenges you face...there are a whole lot of people who need
     YOU, not your feelings at the moment.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

You Are So Beautiful

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Friday morning! As I sit at my kitchen table typing this the sun is just starting to rise - it is a spectacular view, birds are waking up and starting to sing their morning songs and my Beautiful Bride and 3 Tender Warrior are peacefully asleep upstairs...Blessed beyond measure!!!

So this is one of those weeks where I knew for the better part of the week what this Happy Friday was going to be about and then this morning everything changed. As I was posting my quote of the day on Facebook I found and watched a sweet, touching, powerful video. It was a little boy with Down's Syndrome and his dog. There is really not a whole lot to the video...it is just a boy and his dog sitting there. In the background is playing the song You Are So Beautiful by The Beach Boys. When I say there was not a whole lot to the video I mean there wasn't a whole lot of action, stuff flying around, craziness...all the stuff we look for in videos. The video was very, very rich in the way the boy and the dog looked at each other, in how they loved on each other, in how they simply found and enjoyed the beauty in one another. My spirit was convicted.

Here are a few of the lyrics to You Are So Beautiful by The Beach Boys:

You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to me
Can't you see

You're everything
I hoped for and what's more
You're everything I need
You are so beautiful, baby to me

 

There are two different ways I want to approach this:

 

1. I believe in God. I believe He created you and me. I believe that you and I are fearfully & wonderfully made by God for a purpose and that we are perfectly equipped, lacking nothing, to fulfill the purpose He created us for. You don't have to believe what I believe however I have to tell you what I believe to give perspective for the point I would like to make - what I believe to be true.

 

When God looks at you Friend, these are the words He speaks. You are so beautiful to me/Can't you see. Please let that sink in for a moment. Do you have faults, failures, blemishes? Absolutely, we all do. Regardless, to God you are perfect, beautiful, created just as He designed, to grow and become all that He created you to become. In a world that desperately wants to tell each one of us that we fall short, that we are inadequate please hear these words with the ears of your heart, let them speak to the depths of your soul. It is a lie that you are irretrievably broken, that you are a failure, that you are inadequate. You are in fact beautiful...incredibly so!

 

Today - and then tomorrow and the next day and the next day... - please remember these words and how God sees YOU. Drowned out the noise of a fallen, broken world that is tirelessly pursuing...I can't even come up with a word here because in reality, this world is full of people pursuing things they can not define, never having enough, never being good enough, seeking validation from people, places and things that can never validate them. I pray you will know who you are, Who's you are and that you will walk in the perfect peace that can only come from knowing these things.

 

2. How would our marriages, the relationships with our children, with our friends be different if we sang these words to our spouses, our kids, our friends with our thoughts, words & actions? It takes absolutely zero skill, talent, leadership or any other gift to find the faults, failures, inadequacies in others...WE ARE ALL BROKEN! I am highly certain that this is why we spend so much time being critical of one another; we are trying to establish the pecking order, to make ourselves feel better. I might be broken but you are more broken...huh?!?!

 

Men, what if we truly looked into the eyes of our wives and said, "you are so beautiful to me. You are everything I hoped for. You are everything I need" and then backed that up by the way we acted? For those of you who actually try this...you are welcome! :) How about our kids? What if, instead of talking about what they didn't do, can't do or won't do, we communicated to them how thankful we are that they are ours? That instead of pointing out the faults we pointed out the beauty? And our friends; how come we seem to forget that we are all fighting something? Yes, your friends have faults, problems & struggles...just like you and me. What if, instead of being critical of the negative things we see them do or say we just looked for - and because we are looking for it - we found their beauty? What if we encouraged them when things are going well, we let them lean on us when they grow weary and we told them of all the beauty we see in them when they feel like a tattered, broken mess?

 

You are beautiful Friends. If you will choose to look for beauty in others you will find it. I pray that today you will know just how beautiful you are and you will intentionally seek to find the beauty in others and then live all these things out in your thoughts, words & actions.

 

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

 

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

 

Kev

It's The Little Things

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day! A beautiful Friday morning is dawning. This day has not yet been lived...it is completely new, with no victories or successes, losses or failures. It is a blank page waiting to be written. You and I are the authors of our day. There is so much hope, opportunity and promise in this day. It is up to us to seize it! O.K., I guess I am a little fired up this morning. :)

The little things...Most of us don't focus on the little things. We talk about accomplishing really big things, wanting to do things that will change the whole world. Ironically, it is in the little things that the big things are accomplished. Just as you don't build the cathedral by focusing on the cathedral but rather by first preparing the ground, digging the footings, taking care of the plumbing & pipes, laying the foundation...and on and on it goes until the cathedral is built, you don't build the person by focusing on being this great, perfect person who performs amazing feats. The person, the person's influence, is built one tiny part at a time. Sadly, because we can't build our cathedral in a day, many bump along day after day doing nothing because, well the cathedral can't be built in a day!

While you and I might not be able to change the whole world at once today, we can in fact be an intentional, positive influence in our world today. Have you ever thought about the true power you do in fact carry into each day? Say "hi" to someone, smile, hold a door open, help someone carry something, stop by someone's desk and ask them how they are doing - and really care and listen to the answer, call a friend just to see how they are doing. These are all little things...probably won't get you on the news tonight or mentioned in the newspaper tomorrow. They might however change someone's entire day. In some cases, these small, seemingly meaningless acts have saved lives or completely altered the trajectory of another's life. You see, you and I have great power...we just don't always see it and we very seldom understand it.

Being a great husband to my Beautiful Bride and a great Dad to my Tender Warriors is of the most importance to me. I have said it a thousand times and I believe it to the depths of my soul; I can be successful in all other areas of my life however if I fail as a husband or as a Dad, I have failed. Study after study has shown that what our spouses/significant others, our children want more than anything else is us. You and me, our complete, undivided attention. Maybe you, like me, have tried to do the grandeous things...this trip will make them happy, if I can buy them this or that, if I can give them [fill in the blank], then they will be happy. In reality what they want is a little thing, so simple for me to give...me. My full undivided attention, just being with them. It is amazing, eye-opening to realize that the greatness of a husband or Dad is found in a thousand small conversations & acts. It all starts with genuinely loving & carrying and it ends with being fully present. We are all capable of accomplishing amazing things...if only we will do the little things.

Here are a few of quotes for you:

 Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things. - Robert Brault

 

It's the little details that are vital. Little things make big things happen. - John Wooden

 

God tests and proves us by the common occurrences of life. It is the little things which reveal the chapters of the heart. - Ellen G. White

 

Life is made up, not of great sacrifices and duties, but of little things, in which smiles and kindness, and small obligations given habitually, are what preserve the heart and secure comfort. - Humphrey Davy

 

 

O.K., I have another Landry-ism to put a smile on your face as I send you off on this Friday morning. So this week is a huge week in the life of my precious 8-year old - Little League play-off time! On Wednesday night they had their 1st round play-off game and...they lost. As my Beautiful Bride, Landry and I are walking to the car he says, "I even wore my good luck charm." I asked him what his good luck charm is and he proudly showed me his Marine dog tags...always dreaming of being a great warrior. I took this moment to talk to Landry about preparing, doing his best, there is really no such thing as "luck", it is what we do on a daily basis, etc. Yes, I was fairly certain I was on the way to Dad of the Year. Yesterday they had their 2nd round play-off game. Landry played really well, as did all the kids, and they won. As we are walking to the car I look at the back of his little neck...no chain. I am thinking to myself "I am the man. He got it. Dad of the Year for sure." I say to Landry, "you guys played great didn't you." He says, "yep." This is so awesome, I am going to prove my point! With all my fatherly wisdom I say, "and you didn't wear your necklace did you?" What a proud moment this is for me! He looks up at me and says, "nope, I put it in my shoe!" Ironically the first thing that flew out of my mouth was, "that is so awesome!" Oh well...

 

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

 

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish those precious families!

 

Kev

Leading by Example

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day! A beautiful May day is dawning...so incredible, so peaceful, such a blessing!

This weeks "Happy Friday" is much more of a reminder than anything else. Earlier this week I was listening to the radio, the announcer was telling the story about a young boy who had donated some of his money to a cause and the announcer said, "so many of our young people are leading by example." Almost immediately my heart spoke to me - we are all leading by example.

Can we please establish something right off the bat Friends? We are all leading by example. It is not if or when - we are. So many of us are always getting ready to live, getting ready to do this or that when in reality we are living this life right now and the things we say and do provide an example for other people. We are all leading by example each and every day. It is not a question of whether or not we will lead by example; it is a question of what our example will be. Good or bad, positive or negative, life giving or life taking...what is our example?

For such a simple thought there sure is a whole lot to unpack.

It would really be great if we could all pick the date, time, situation, etc. when we will be an example. Think about it; wouldn't it be awesome if I told you that on May 2, 2014 at 10:15 a.m. someone is going to be watching you and the things you say and do in that moment are going to be the example by which you lead. We would make sure we looked good, we would try really hard to say the "right" things, we would undoubtedly be on our best behavior. Life doesn't work that way. Life is in fact a 24/7 deal and someone is always watching. It is interesting to me that we can do the same thing over and over again - leading by example - and nobody says anything - don't mistake this for them not taking notice by the way! Then, when adversity strikes, a challenge is presented, etc., and we continue to do the same thing someone will say something like, "when I saw you do this in that situation, it really spoke to my heart." The great irony of our example; we want it to be perfect - at the perfect moment, in the perfect time, with us looking and feeling perfect. The reality is it is the example we are leading with when everything is going wrong, falling apart that speaks the most powerfully to others. A couple of things with this:

• We all want to "pass the test" when the test comes however we don't necessarily always know when the test is coming. It is the things you and I do on a daily basis that determine our example, that determines how we will react in the moment. It is easy to say, do and be the right things when everything is perfect. It is however who we really are, what we truly believe, think and do that is revealed when adversity - however you want to define adversity - strikes.
• Tied directly to the previous point, others wait to see us in that moment because they too know that it is only in the trials, struggles, adversities that who we really are is revealed. A colleague and I were just talking about this earlier this week; there is a great quote that says, "it takes an hour to establish your reputation and a year to reveal your character." We can all fake it - say, do & be the "right" thing - for a moment however we will not consistently be able to do this for an extended period of time. Sooner or later life happens and when that moment comes we will lead by example with who we really are. None of us can escape it.

Now as I though about this "Happy Friday" and the statement "you are leading by example" two words came to mind - condemnation & conviction. So often when we make a statement like "you are leading by example" it is stated in the spirit of condemnation. That is not the intent of this "Happy Friday." No, the statement is made in the spirit of conviction.

• Condemnation - the expression of very strong disapproval; censure. Condemnation says you have failed or you are failing. It makes you feel bad about yourself, defeated. It insinuates that you have or are failing. There is not much hope in condemnation.
• Conviction - a firmly held belief or opinion. It is an awakening, the raising of awareness. It speaks life and hope. It inspires you to become all that you were created to become. It oozes hope.

When I say to you, "you are leading by example," I have no desire to condemn. My desire is to greatly inspire. Without question each and every one of us - yes, all of us! - lead with some good examples and some bad examples. We all have good and bad in us...we are human in a fallen, broken world. My hope is that we will build upon our good examples and learn from and modify our bad examples - not be defeated by them.

You are leading by example and so am I. Each and every day the things we pour into our lives - the things we read, listen to, think, say & do - will determine what those examples will be. There is no escaping the fact that our examples will speak to the lives of others...most loudly and clearly at moments that you & I would not consider to be our best. You and I will choose the things we think, say & do and thus choose our example(s). Let us be led by the convictions of our hearts and never stop striving to fulfill the greatness that resides within each and every one of us.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev