Leading by Example

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you having a great day and an awesome week coming to a close for you.

Earlier this week I read an article titled 10 things that we hate about bad 'leaders' by Naomi Simson. In the article she had a part subtitled What to do to lead by example. I wanted to share these things with you, as well as a few thoughts about each.

What to do to lead by example.

"1. Do what you say you are going to do - always."
Please note that always is measurable. Either you do it or you don't. If we don't do something one time - regardless of the reason or dare I say, excuse - we have not met the standard of always.

I am going to share a story that illustrates this point perfectly. A little more than 15 years ago I was the Head Football Coach at Wayne State College and my Beautiful Bride was pregnant with what would be our second Tender Warrior. I woke up at about 2:15 a.m. on Friday, October 8th and Kath was sitting out on the couch. She told me contractions had started. We were going to have our baby at a hospital about 45 minutes from where we lived. Plans were in place for everything - who would come watch Payton, who would handle what responsibilities with the football team at our game on Saturday, etc. Before we left the house I gave Payton - 3 years old at the time - a hug and told him I would call him later that day. We went to the hospital...and waited...and waited...and waited. It was a blur of doctors in and out. Talking to family, friends, coaches. Finally, a little after 3:00 a.m. on Saturday, October 9th God blessed us with Gehrig. Somewhere around 5:00 a.m. Kath told me I should go to the game. After arguing the point, unsuccessfully from my point, I got in the car, drove back to Wayne, hoped in the car with our Sports Information Director and rode the 6 hours to our game in Minnesota. I slept most of the way. We got to the stadium right as the team bus was arriving, we played the game, I hoped on the bus with the team, once we got back to Wayne I hoped in my car, drove right back to the hospital, went to the nursery and got my precious baby and held him on my chest. I then fell asleep on the floor of My Brides hospital room knowing that I was truly a man blessed beyond measure.

Now in all that, did you catch what I did not do? Yeah, I did not call Payton. He is now 18-years old, a freshman in college and he still remembers that I did not call him like I told him I would. Do I have excuses, reasons whey I didn't call? Sure, plenty of them. The reality at the end of the day however is I told I little boy that I would do something and I didn't. I didn't honor always...and it matters.

"2. Acknowledge authentically what you don't know."
Why do we think we have to know everything? We all know that nobody knows everything and yet when it comes to us we feel like we have to know everything. How silly is this? It is o.k. to not know everything and it actually builds trust to acknowledge when we don't. To pure-heartedly state that we don't know something, that we are open to the knowledge, wisdom & guidance of others builds trust, helps the team - be it a corporate or family team - perform at a higher level and it helps us learn & grow as leaders.

"3. Be accountable and take responsibility."
These two words can make us feel so uneasy. It is really interesting how leaders are great at telling us we are going to be held accountable to some matrix or job expectation. When we talk about the accountability or responsibility of the leaders however you find very few who want to stand and say, "yes, I am accountable, I am responsible" unless of course the outcome is wildly successful. The reality as a leader of anything is you are accountable and responsible first and foremost to those you are privileged to lead, and then for the outcomes. You can try to avoid your accountability and responsibility if you want however please know that you are crippling your influence as a leader .

"4. Listen deeply and wait for people to finish when they are speaking."
We all want to know that our thoughts, our ideas and our feelings matter. The way we communicate this most effectively is truly listening to others. Have you ever talked to someone who is fiddling with their cell phone or looking at their computer screen? How important did you feel? Did you feel like you mattered or that they cared what you had to say? No, I didn't either. Let us really seek to understand what others are trying to communicate, to hear their thoughts, ideas & feelings fully before we feel the need to share ours.

"5. Be present always in the company of others."
 In one of his books John C. Maxwell talks about putting a 10 on everyone's head - treating everyone as if they are the most important person in the world. If we are going to be great leaders we need to be fully present at all times regardless of the situation we are in. If you have 4 meetings back to back to back to back, be fully present in each of those meetings and watch how your leadership, your influence, changes with each of those groups individually. Look at it this way, every interaction you have with someone is the most important interaction to them. They don't care about how many meetings you have had, your pressing deadlines or concerns, they only care about that time with you, the agenda for that time. And know this, they will never forget how you made them feel.

"6. Know that all people are equal and have a contribution to make."
Every life has value, meaning & purpose. Your title does not define you and others titles do not define them. The only area in which leaders and followers are not equal is in the areas of accountability & responsibility; the leaders are the one's to be held accountable & responsible - for the health, growth & productivity of their people, for the outcomes of the team. Blur the lines of titles, listen to the thoughts, ideas & feelings of others and watch your leadership flourish.

"7. Create an environment where everyone can contribute."
This is what leaders do - we create the environments, the cultures in which our teams, our families, will function. It is our responsibility to make sure it is an environment were everyone feels valued, where everyone can contribute. If we don't find our environments facilitating this, we need to look at our words and our actions. It is on us.

"8. Always talk as a team, act as a coach."
You have heard the expression before; "there is no I in team." As the leaders this starts with us. Our thoughts, words & actions - one follows the other in the order listed - need to be in terms of team. "We" and "us" need to replace "I", "Me" and "them." It is our responsibility as leaders to coach our teams - to generally care about them - individually and as a whole, to teach them and to pour into them selflessly.

"9. Have a deep sense of appreciation - and thank people regularly."
No matter who you are, you cannot do it alone. Recognize the work, the efforts of others. Recognize the simple and the complex. Be genuinely grateful for the service of others. This one starts one step before thoughts, it starts in the heart. Appreciation, genuine appreciation for others, starts at the heart level. It then goes to the thoughts, the words and the actions. Look around you Friend, there is an awful lot to appreciate. Communicate those things.

"10. Lead by example, do the work, persist, and encourage others."
In a nut-shell, be all that you want and expect your team to be. You want your son or daughter to respect others? Then you respect others. You want your team to work hard? Then you work hard. You want others to keep going when things are tough? Then you keep going when things are challenging. You want to be encouraged? Then encourage others.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev