Fathering

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope this post finds you having a great day on this beautiful Friday! Two weeks until Christmas Day...oh my!

On Tuesday I was incredibly blessed...I was a one of the WATCH D.O.G.S. at Landry's elementary school. On the National Center For Fathering website (fathers.com), WATCH D.O.G.S. is explained this way:

"WATCH D.O.G.S. (Dads Of Great Students) is an innovative father involvement, educational initiative of the National Center For Fathering. There are two primary goals of the WATCH D.O.G.S. program.

1) To provide positive male role models for the students, demonstrating by their presence that education is important.

2) To provide extra sets of eyes and ears to enhance school security and reduce bullying.

So with my new WATCH D.O.G.S. shirt on, my littlest Tender Warrior and I were off to school. I knew this was special and it meant a lot - Landry had given me a countdown for the past week and a half to the day I would be a watchdog and, he held my hand all the way to school that day. When a 5th grader holds your hand all the way to school, keeps looking at you & smiling you know something big is going down.

We got to school and Landry escorted me to the office. I checked in, got my WATCH D.O.G.S. playbook - they didn't call it that...I am an old football coach - it was a playbook! - and I headed out to my first duty of the day...helping the kids who were getting dropped off by their parents get out of the car. What a blessed start to the day! These precious little people are so excited for their day...adventures await. There was less than a handful that looked like they were dreading their day, the majority were SO excited. How come we lose that? When I think about adults, the people I watch walk into the office every day the percentages seem to flip - less than a handful look excited for their day, the majority seem to be dreading it. We could learn a lot from little kids...

The other thing that was so profound to me was how many times I heard, "I love you." Child after child climbed out of the car saying, "I love you." They wanted their Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, Brother, Sister, etc. to know they love them but more importantly, they desperately wanted to here, "I love you." We clearly start off that way, wanting to know that we are loved, and I believe that never changes. We see a whole lot of people walking around in this world desperate to hear someone say, "I love you."

After this blur of 30 minutes I was off to Kindergarten. My task was to go to the classrooms, introduce myself to the teacher and get involved in the classroom any way I can. After playing a phonics game with one class - I will NOT tell you who won! - I was off to another class where they were working in stations. I sat at a table where the kids were to make a picture with the blank piece of paper and two separate sticker packages. One sticker page had a Christmas Tree fully decorated and the other had a Santa Claus all decked out. The idea was to take the stickers off their original sheet and decorate your own Christmas Tree and Santa Claus on the other page. All of the little Kindergarten fingers had trouble with the stickers. They then handed the sticker pages to the Watch Dog Dad who has 48-year old eyes - who knew I would need my readers?!?! Anyways, we were working through it the best we could. This one little boy was having a hard time getting it all done and then, it was time to switch stations. The little boy stayed and kept working on his picture. The Santa was done but the Christmas Tree was less than half done. I went over and told him he was supposed to be switching stations. He softly said, "I know." He kept working. He wasn't being rude, disrespectful or disruptive and, he was working. He just wanted to finish his picture. In a minute or two the teacher noticed. She reprimanded the little boy and gave him a mark for bad behavior. I learned a lesson; how many times as a Dad, teacher or coach have I reprimanded and disciplined someone without fully knowing/understanding what was going on? I need to do a better job of seeking to understand. I will remember this little boy...

I was then off to 1st grade! When I walk into a classroom, the teacher grabs a game, 4 kids and sends me off to play with these kids. It becomes clear pretty quick why she chose the students she chose. One little boy will absolutely not stop - talking, moving, leaning on others, grabbing anything & everything. I ask him to stop and he says, "you think I am a bad person." I tell him I don't think he is a bad person at all. I think to myself, "why in the world would a 1st grader - 1st grader! - even think or know the concept of being a bad person." Clearly, someone has told him he is a bad person. At one point during the game who he is betrays him - in spite of his attempts to show off, mask through his actions the hurt that is welling up within him, he proves he is very, very smart. It is a profound moment. There is greatness within each one of us. Sometimes it is just buried under stuff...

Off to lunch. Oh goodness! I have never opened so many milks, apple sauces, etc. And I have never had so many eyes on me, people that wanted to talk to me, high five, etc. It was 3 hours of non-stop movement! Have you ever been valued, appreciated simply because of your presence? It was surreal. I couldn't help but think about how many kids grow up without a Dad, and recognize how desperately they all seek the validation of a man. These statistics, along with their source, can be found on the National Center for Fathering webpage - when you are in a cafeteria full of children, the numbers get real super fast:

- An estimated 24.7 million children (33%) live absent their biological father.
- Of students in grades 1 through 12, 39 percent (17.7 million) live in homes absent their
   biological fathers.
- 57.6% of black children, 31.2% of Hispanic children, and 20.7% of white children are living
   absent their biological fathers.
- According to 72.2% of the U.S. population, fatherlessness is the most significant family or
   social problem facing America.

And the tragic consequences?
- Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor. In 2011, 12
   percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 44
   percent of children in mother-only families.
- The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states, "Fatherlessness children are at
   a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse."
- Children of single-parent homes are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.
- 71% of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble
   academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills; children
   from father-absent homes are more likely to be truant from school, more likely to be
   excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16, and less likely to attain
   academic and professional qualifications in adulthood.

And, these are not all of the statistics...there are many, many more. As I stand in this cafeteria surrounded by these precious little people I can't help but think they are not statistics. They are the most valuable treasures in all the world. They are our future...

I see the little boy who was acting up in class. I go over and talk to him. I ask him if I can tell him something. He says yes. I tell him I don't think he is a bad person at all, that I think he is very, very smart, that he does silly things on purpose and that I believe in him. He gets the funniest look on his face, and then a tender smile. I walk away...

It is now off to Kindergarten P.E.! We play a game where you slide a beanbag on the floor at a person. If it hits their foot they are out and have to go sit on the sideline. The teacher says go and about 35 beanbags come flying at me! I think I made 1 miss. I go to the sideline and the moment I step back on the floor...it rains beanbags again! Mercifully this game ends. We head out to play. I still love P.E.!

It was a great, great day! I was tired for sure, however very grateful for the experience. My heart aches for the children who do not know the love of a father, and for the men who are missing out on the blessing of being a Dad.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is every anything I can do for you or your family.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Love, Respect, Honor & Protect

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as this beautiful new day prepares to dawn! Additionally, I hope you have had a great week, personally & professionally.

When I write my family a note in the morning I always say, amongst other things, "Please love, respect, honor & protect each other today." Nice words, definitely something to try to accomplish however, what exactly do I mean when I say that and what does it look like?

A couple of weeks ago my Tender Warriors and I were putting up our Christmas lights. After several "false starts" and additional trips (note plural!) to the store, we were finally getting started. After I had put up about 15' of lights, I was moving the ladder when a corner of the ladder caught the end of the light strand and all the lights came down together. I have to admit, it looked absolutely hilarious! By this time I am irritated, very irritated. I ask my Warriors to please stop laughing and making jokes, to please help me and that I tell them I am feeling very irritated & agitated. And being the perfect kids they are they immediately stopped and did what I asked...Nah!!! They laughed & giggled some more - they are human and it was funny! You can kind of guess how it went from there for the next few minutes!

On the way to the store - yes again!! And please quit laughing!! - we did have a little talk. Thank goodness this talk was God-inspired instead of Kev-inspired. I told them it was in fact funny however I spoke about our motto to "love, respect, honor & protect each other" every day. I went on to explain that even if my irritation & agitation was wrong or misplaced, they had the opportunity to "love, respect, honor & protect" me, even if it is from myself. They really did seem to get what I was trying to convey to them, or more appropriately, what God was trying to tell them through me. I have thought about that talk, about the motto to "love, respect, honor & protect each other" every day and the realization that though they have read those words hundreds of times, I have never clarified what those words mean to me when I speak them to them. This morning I want to drill down on that a little bit. I guess this is really a guide to the Haslam family on what it means to "love, respect, honor & protect each other" however I do hope there is some part(s) of all this that you and your family can glean from it.

The first premise I want to establish is that our family, our home, needs to be a safe place. We live in a broken, mean world where people are constantly trying to tear one another down simply because we are different from them. We all need a place where we know we are loved, where we are safe to be us, where we are safe to hope & dream, where we are not judged & ridiculed for our thoughts, where we are encouraged & empowered to pursue the greatness that God has placed inside of each one of us. When I pray the prayer, "God, break my heart for what breaks yours," it is this, that every child doesn't have the opportunity to grow up in this place I have described, that truly breaks my heart. We are truly blessed to be able to have this type of home...we need to appreciate this blessing and fight for it constantly.

So let me share a few thoughts about "love, respect, honor & protect":

Love
- Genuinely care about the other person.
- Seek & find their positive qualities and help them see the greatness that is within them.
- Be selfless; serve others and their needs.
- Be there; celebrate their successes, encourage them in their failures...be who & what they
   need you to be.

Respect
- Realize, just like you, their life has great value, meaning & purpose.
- Genuinely appreciate the uniqueness of each one of us.
- Validate their thoughts & feelings; just like yours, they matter.
- Because they think or see something different than you doesn't mean their wrong; respect
   their right to have their views just as you have the same right. We can agree to disagree.

Honor
- Believe in the greatness & goodness of others, even if they don't look, act or think like you.
- Lift others up, be interested in their life journey, encourage & empower their purpose.
- Value them as a perfect creation of God, created on purpose, for a purpose, lacking
   nothing.
- Don't run around talking behind their back, gossiping, etc. If you really have an issue, talk
   to them and try to get it resolved, respectfully.
- Care about what they care about.

Protect
- If someone or something is a danger, harming or about to harm them, protect them.
- Sometimes we have to protect each other from ourselves; love one another enough to speak
   up & take action when our thoughts, words and/or actions could harm us.

My opening premise is that our home needs to be a safe place. My closing premise is that we must never stop fighting for our family, for one another. I am not your enemy and you are not mine. Life can be hard, their are challenges & struggles. I am committed to fighting for you, for our family and will continue to do so until I breathe my final breath. You can either fight with me or against me however know that I will not stop fighting for you, for our family regardless of what you choose to do.

Our Home Will Be A Safe Place
Love
Respect
Honor
Protect
Fight For Each Other, For Our Family

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

P.S. Only 21 days until Christmas! :)