Fathering

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope this post finds you having a great day on this beautiful Friday! Two weeks until Christmas Day...oh my!

On Tuesday I was incredibly blessed...I was a one of the WATCH D.O.G.S. at Landry's elementary school. On the National Center For Fathering website (fathers.com), WATCH D.O.G.S. is explained this way:

"WATCH D.O.G.S. (Dads Of Great Students) is an innovative father involvement, educational initiative of the National Center For Fathering. There are two primary goals of the WATCH D.O.G.S. program.

1) To provide positive male role models for the students, demonstrating by their presence that education is important.

2) To provide extra sets of eyes and ears to enhance school security and reduce bullying.

So with my new WATCH D.O.G.S. shirt on, my littlest Tender Warrior and I were off to school. I knew this was special and it meant a lot - Landry had given me a countdown for the past week and a half to the day I would be a watchdog and, he held my hand all the way to school that day. When a 5th grader holds your hand all the way to school, keeps looking at you & smiling you know something big is going down.

We got to school and Landry escorted me to the office. I checked in, got my WATCH D.O.G.S. playbook - they didn't call it that...I am an old football coach - it was a playbook! - and I headed out to my first duty of the day...helping the kids who were getting dropped off by their parents get out of the car. What a blessed start to the day! These precious little people are so excited for their day...adventures await. There was less than a handful that looked like they were dreading their day, the majority were SO excited. How come we lose that? When I think about adults, the people I watch walk into the office every day the percentages seem to flip - less than a handful look excited for their day, the majority seem to be dreading it. We could learn a lot from little kids...

The other thing that was so profound to me was how many times I heard, "I love you." Child after child climbed out of the car saying, "I love you." They wanted their Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, Brother, Sister, etc. to know they love them but more importantly, they desperately wanted to here, "I love you." We clearly start off that way, wanting to know that we are loved, and I believe that never changes. We see a whole lot of people walking around in this world desperate to hear someone say, "I love you."

After this blur of 30 minutes I was off to Kindergarten. My task was to go to the classrooms, introduce myself to the teacher and get involved in the classroom any way I can. After playing a phonics game with one class - I will NOT tell you who won! - I was off to another class where they were working in stations. I sat at a table where the kids were to make a picture with the blank piece of paper and two separate sticker packages. One sticker page had a Christmas Tree fully decorated and the other had a Santa Claus all decked out. The idea was to take the stickers off their original sheet and decorate your own Christmas Tree and Santa Claus on the other page. All of the little Kindergarten fingers had trouble with the stickers. They then handed the sticker pages to the Watch Dog Dad who has 48-year old eyes - who knew I would need my readers?!?! Anyways, we were working through it the best we could. This one little boy was having a hard time getting it all done and then, it was time to switch stations. The little boy stayed and kept working on his picture. The Santa was done but the Christmas Tree was less than half done. I went over and told him he was supposed to be switching stations. He softly said, "I know." He kept working. He wasn't being rude, disrespectful or disruptive and, he was working. He just wanted to finish his picture. In a minute or two the teacher noticed. She reprimanded the little boy and gave him a mark for bad behavior. I learned a lesson; how many times as a Dad, teacher or coach have I reprimanded and disciplined someone without fully knowing/understanding what was going on? I need to do a better job of seeking to understand. I will remember this little boy...

I was then off to 1st grade! When I walk into a classroom, the teacher grabs a game, 4 kids and sends me off to play with these kids. It becomes clear pretty quick why she chose the students she chose. One little boy will absolutely not stop - talking, moving, leaning on others, grabbing anything & everything. I ask him to stop and he says, "you think I am a bad person." I tell him I don't think he is a bad person at all. I think to myself, "why in the world would a 1st grader - 1st grader! - even think or know the concept of being a bad person." Clearly, someone has told him he is a bad person. At one point during the game who he is betrays him - in spite of his attempts to show off, mask through his actions the hurt that is welling up within him, he proves he is very, very smart. It is a profound moment. There is greatness within each one of us. Sometimes it is just buried under stuff...

Off to lunch. Oh goodness! I have never opened so many milks, apple sauces, etc. And I have never had so many eyes on me, people that wanted to talk to me, high five, etc. It was 3 hours of non-stop movement! Have you ever been valued, appreciated simply because of your presence? It was surreal. I couldn't help but think about how many kids grow up without a Dad, and recognize how desperately they all seek the validation of a man. These statistics, along with their source, can be found on the National Center for Fathering webpage - when you are in a cafeteria full of children, the numbers get real super fast:

- An estimated 24.7 million children (33%) live absent their biological father.
- Of students in grades 1 through 12, 39 percent (17.7 million) live in homes absent their
   biological fathers.
- 57.6% of black children, 31.2% of Hispanic children, and 20.7% of white children are living
   absent their biological fathers.
- According to 72.2% of the U.S. population, fatherlessness is the most significant family or
   social problem facing America.

And the tragic consequences?
- Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor. In 2011, 12
   percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 44
   percent of children in mother-only families.
- The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states, "Fatherlessness children are at
   a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse."
- Children of single-parent homes are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.
- 71% of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble
   academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills; children
   from father-absent homes are more likely to be truant from school, more likely to be
   excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16, and less likely to attain
   academic and professional qualifications in adulthood.

And, these are not all of the statistics...there are many, many more. As I stand in this cafeteria surrounded by these precious little people I can't help but think they are not statistics. They are the most valuable treasures in all the world. They are our future...

I see the little boy who was acting up in class. I go over and talk to him. I ask him if I can tell him something. He says yes. I tell him I don't think he is a bad person at all, that I think he is very, very smart, that he does silly things on purpose and that I believe in him. He gets the funniest look on his face, and then a tender smile. I walk away...

It is now off to Kindergarten P.E.! We play a game where you slide a beanbag on the floor at a person. If it hits their foot they are out and have to go sit on the sideline. The teacher says go and about 35 beanbags come flying at me! I think I made 1 miss. I go to the sideline and the moment I step back on the floor...it rains beanbags again! Mercifully this game ends. We head out to play. I still love P.E.!

It was a great, great day! I was tired for sure, however very grateful for the experience. My heart aches for the children who do not know the love of a father, and for the men who are missing out on the blessing of being a Dad.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is every anything I can do for you or your family.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev