I'm A Dad

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day on this beautiful Saturday afternoon!

On April 21, 1996 at approximately 10:50 p.m. my life was changed forever. That was the moment that my oldest Tender Warrior, Payton, was born. God used this magical moment, and this great blessing, to forever alter my life journey.

Last Sunday we celebrated Father's Day. Father's Day is a very...I don't know the right term, perhaps interesting, day. For some it is the celebration of a man who has loved, guided & protected. For others it is bitterness tied to a person who ran, who failed to live up to his responsibilities. Recent statistics show that about half of the children in America are growing up without their biological father in the home. There are countless women working 2 and 3 jobs trying to be both Mom & Dad because the male who fathered the children chose to run. Yes, it is a very interesting day indeed.

My heart with this Happy Friday is not one to shame anyone, to make them feel bad about the choices they have made, etc. No, the heart of this Happy Friday is one to encourage men who father children to simply be a Dad.

A couple of days before Father's Day this was on my heart. I spoke with my Beautiful Bride about it. I really think the reason that a whole lot of men fail to step up and be a Dad is because they think they will screw it up, they don't know how, etc. Here is the thing, you will screw it up and none of us know how!

I want to clarify a couple of terms, the way I see them anyways. A father is a term of biology. A father did nothing to earn what makes him a father, he was born that way. It didn't take a whole lot to create the baby he fathered and for many it simply occurred out of a desire for selfish pleasure. To be a Dad however is a choice. It is a choice to say, "I will be here for you, always." It is a choice to put another's wants, needs, hurts, hopes, goals & dreams above your own. It is a choice to be there for all the moments, big & small, happy & sad, good & bad, convenient & inconvenient. Being a Dad is a choice...I'm a Dad!!!

Have you ever heard of the Fear Cycle? John C. Maxwell outlined it in his book "Failing Forward." It starts with Fear...fear of being inadequate, of not knowing how to do something, etc. Because we are fearful we don't take action. Because we don't take action we are inexperienced. Because we are inexperienced, we don't develop the ability to do it. This is the fear cycle...->Fear ->Inaction ->Inexperience ->Inability. It all starts with fear however the consequences are so much greater than are own little feeling of inadequacy or ineptitude.

A Dad does not require one to be perfect, to always have all the answers - though you will hear "Right Dad?" a lot...this is a precious sole wanting you to affirm them, not the belief that you are a genius! :) - to do everything perfectly, etc. I won't even begin to tell you all the times I have screwed up, the times I have been wrong, the moments I wish I could do over. My failures as a Dad are many and great and I know that is o.k. You know why? Because in spite of my screw ups and times I have been wrong, the one thing my boys know without question is that I love them completely and that I will always fight for them. Yes, I embarrass them, make them mad, etc. They are human & so am I. At the end of the day however, they know that I have chosen to be there Dad and, until the day I breathe my final breath, I will love them, be there for them, help them any way I can.

I was once privileged to hear the late college football coach Bill Stewart give a talk at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) Breakfast. During his talk he told the story of the "Dog Soldier." According to Coach Stewart, Dog Soldiers were Native American Warriors who would tie a rope around their leg and on the other end they would tie a stake. When they were getting ready to do battle, they would stake themselves to the ground that they would fight for. For me, this is the perfect picture of a Dad. These are my Tender Warriors, I have driven a stake in the ground. The battles will rage and I will eventually die on this hill however one thing I will never do is run. I'm a Dad.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

You Choose...

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day on this beautiful Saturday morning!

This week I was traveling again...airports & hotels are starting to feel strangely like home! Is it bad that the TSA folks and shuttle drivers now know me?!?! Perhaps a different Happy Friday... Anyways, while I was killing time at the airport in Kansas City, I saw a young man walk by who had a tattoo that said, "Fear Is A Choice." It is indeed...

My Spirit tells me that faith is also a choice. Fear is a choice and faith is a choice. So the question is, which will you & I choose?

Isn't it easy to say the "right" thing? "Of course Kev, I will choose faith!" But will you & I really? You see, it is not the words that we speak or even the thoughts that we have that reveal our true beliefs, what we have chosen. It is the actions we take.

I have heard it said that faith & fear are both the belief in something unseen, that has not happened yet. These beliefs - whichever one's we choose - lead us to act in accordance to what we believe will happen. In very short order we have created a life based upon this choice - faith or fear.

So that is the question I would like to ask each of us this morning; Will you choose faith or will you choose fear? The type and quality of life we live will be determined by the way we answer this question, revealed by the life we live each day. We must each do our own choosing and we must each live with the life created by this choice.

I respectfully offer the following for your consideration:

"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

- Hebrews 11: 1

 

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."

- 2 Timothy 1: 7

 

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

- Joshua 1: 9

 

"Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith, and your fears will."

- Max Lucado

 

"Fear is born of Satan, and if we would only take time to think a moment we would see that everything Satan says is founded upon a falsehood."

- A.B. Simpson

 

"Negative minds full of fear and doubt produce negative lives, which can ultimately destroy your life."

- Joyce Meyer

 

"If you listen to your fears, you will die never knowing what a great person you might have been."

- Robert H. Schuller

 

"Fear is a self imposed prison that will keep you from becoming what God intends you to be. You must move against it with the weapons of faith and love."

- Rick Warren

I have to share a quick story with y'all this morning. Last night my Beautiful Bride & I went on a date. We went to her favorite restaurant, ate too much and then decided we would go to a men's clothing store and the mall to walk around...perhaps to justify all that we just ate! :) Besides, I needed some new dress shoes for work.

We had a very kind gentleman help us at the men's clothing store. We spent a lot of time with him, trying on different shoes, joking, laughing...it was awesome. After we got the shoes I was going to buy he & I went to the cash register to check out while Kath went to the restroom. While we were standing there, he asked me, "How long have you two been married?" I replied, "27 years...I am very blessed." I then asked him, "How long have you been married?" He replied, "5 years." He then got interrupted by a phone call. While he was still on the phone Kathy came back. When he got off the phone he asked, "What is the secret?" Kath & I looked at each other, not knowing what he was talking about. He then clarified, "To staying together for so long?" Kathy immediately replied, "God." No question! Having to put up with me for all this time, it clearly has to be God! I then replied, "Fighting for our relationship and not against each other." He then got interrupted by another phone call. When he got off the phone he came right back to us and said, "Please tell me more." I then explained that the point is not to fight against my spouse but to fight with her for our relationship. Somehow this all transitioned to a conversation about "What Will Your Influence Be...?" As I took off the bracelet I was wearing that has this saying on it, Kath was busily writing something down. I explained that he is going to influence his wife, either positively or negatively, and he is going to choose which it will be each and every day. He looked me in the eye and said, "I needed this." I smiled and said "yes." He moved slightly towards me, pierced me with his glare, raised his voice and said, "Do you hear me?! I needed this!" I said, "Yes sir, I understand." It was then that my Beautiful Bride raised up with what she had been writing. She explained to our new friend that she had written down the link to this blog and encouraged him to read it. She had also written a quote, "The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence. It is greener where you water it."

Kath & I walked to the car. We were both kind of overwhelmed by what had just happened. As I closed her door I said, "And to think, we thought we were coming to the store because I needed shoes." We never know how or when God will use us in someone's life...

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Whataya Say?

Happy Friday Friends!!!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as this beautiful new day dawns!

I would like to respectfully ask for your thoughts & prayers as the Texas Gulf Coast, and in fact much of Texas, continues to get pounded by rain. There has been loss of life, terrible destruction and a whole lot of devastated folks. Thank you.

I want to share a few quick things with you this morning:

1. I heard this on the radio and absolutely had to share with you. If someone was listening to you and some friends talking at lunch, what would they say about you & your conversation? Is it uplifting? Life-giving? Positive? Encouraging? Or is it gossip? Tearing others down? Complaining?

In this hyper-sensitive, politically correct world we live in, we have gotten really, really good at saying the "right" things at the right time. However when our guard is down, like when we are at lunch with a bunch of friends, what are the words we speak? They reveal our heart & give legs to the life we walk out. It is my hope that we all will think of this the next time we are with a group of friends...that we would be very mindful of our words. 

I actually just put this on Twitter this morning...kinda fits:

"You are either supporting the vision or supporting division." - Saji Ljiyemi

 

I believe it is was meant in a business/leadership sense however I want to give you another application. God has a vision...you can read about it in the Bible. It doesn't include gossip, tearing others down, complaining or worrying....just sayin'!

2. "Perfect love casts out fear." I heard this, I don't know, a couple of months ago I guess. I have thought about it several times and, the opposite of this statement as well. If perfect love, the kind of love we all want, casts out fear then fear is not caused by love. Love protects you, wants what is best for you and believes in you. Fear steals your joy, kills your peace and, if given great counsel in your life, will destroy your destiny.

So let us look at the things that come at us every day in life. Have you ever noticed how many commercials prey on our fears? A simple question; are the things being spoken done out of love or to cause fear? It gives us a great indication of the intent of the deliverer of the message. Do they really want what is best for you & your family or are they simply trying to sell a product. Perfect love casts out fear, it doesn't cause it.

How about the words your family, friends, colleagues, etc. speak to you? Perfect love casts out fear, it doesn't cause it. A very simple phrase to remember, to help guide us, as we embrace each day.

3. A few years ago, when Kath & I were going through a season of trial, I told her that we were going to measure every thought against the Word of God. If what we were thinking lined up with what the Bible says we would discuss it. If it did not, we would dismiss it. Great peace followed though the season of trial remained.

Yesterday I had the privilege of meeting with a very sweet 76-year old lady. She has lived a great life, accomplished much and had a great marriage, filled with joy, love & friendship. However she has one great regret. She feels as though perhaps she has failed. That maybe she is inadequate. That somehow her life does not matter. She had revealed earlier in the conversation that she is a Christian. I asked her respectfully if I could speak truth, from a Book we both believe in, with her. She said yes. I then told her what my Beautiful Bride & I had decided a few years ago. I told her that the things she was saying about herself do not measure up with the truth we know from the Bible.

I want to encourage you Friends to use the same measure; does what you are thinking, feeling or about to say measure up with what the Bible says? If so, give it counsel. If not, please dismiss it immediately before it takes root in your heart. Just a few quick truths, paraphrased of course! :)

• The truth is we are not supposed to pick another apart, to point out their weaknesses, faults or failures. No, we are supposed to look first at our own & work on those.
• The truth is you are fearfully & wonderfully made, created for a great purpose, lacking nothing.
• The truth is we are blessed with each day to serve others, not to be served.
• The truth is we are not supposed to judge anyone.
• The truth is nobody is greater than anyone else, nobody!

These are a few Biblical truths, backed by scripture. How different would this world be if we actually walked out these truths? Please give it a try; measure every thought against Truth.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev