Happy Friday Friends!
I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day on this beautiful Saturday afternoon!
On April 21, 1996 at approximately 10:50 p.m. my life was changed forever. That was the moment that my oldest Tender Warrior, Payton, was born. God used this magical moment, and this great blessing, to forever alter my life journey.
Last Sunday we celebrated Father's Day. Father's Day is a very...I don't know the right term, perhaps interesting, day. For some it is the celebration of a man who has loved, guided & protected. For others it is bitterness tied to a person who ran, who failed to live up to his responsibilities. Recent statistics show that about half of the children in America are growing up without their biological father in the home. There are countless women working 2 and 3 jobs trying to be both Mom & Dad because the male who fathered the children chose to run. Yes, it is a very interesting day indeed.
My heart with this Happy Friday is not one to shame anyone, to make them feel bad about the choices they have made, etc. No, the heart of this Happy Friday is one to encourage men who father children to simply be a Dad.
A couple of days before Father's Day this was on my heart. I spoke with my Beautiful Bride about it. I really think the reason that a whole lot of men fail to step up and be a Dad is because they think they will screw it up, they don't know how, etc. Here is the thing, you will screw it up and none of us know how!
I want to clarify a couple of terms, the way I see them anyways. A father is a term of biology. A father did nothing to earn what makes him a father, he was born that way. It didn't take a whole lot to create the baby he fathered and for many it simply occurred out of a desire for selfish pleasure. To be a Dad however is a choice. It is a choice to say, "I will be here for you, always." It is a choice to put another's wants, needs, hurts, hopes, goals & dreams above your own. It is a choice to be there for all the moments, big & small, happy & sad, good & bad, convenient & inconvenient. Being a Dad is a choice...I'm a Dad!!!
Have you ever heard of the Fear Cycle? John C. Maxwell outlined it in his book "Failing Forward." It starts with Fear...fear of being inadequate, of not knowing how to do something, etc. Because we are fearful we don't take action. Because we don't take action we are inexperienced. Because we are inexperienced, we don't develop the ability to do it. This is the fear cycle...->Fear ->Inaction ->Inexperience ->Inability. It all starts with fear however the consequences are so much greater than are own little feeling of inadequacy or ineptitude.
A Dad does not require one to be perfect, to always have all the answers - though you will hear "Right Dad?" a lot...this is a precious sole wanting you to affirm them, not the belief that you are a genius! :) - to do everything perfectly, etc. I won't even begin to tell you all the times I have screwed up, the times I have been wrong, the moments I wish I could do over. My failures as a Dad are many and great and I know that is o.k. You know why? Because in spite of my screw ups and times I have been wrong, the one thing my boys know without question is that I love them completely and that I will always fight for them. Yes, I embarrass them, make them mad, etc. They are human & so am I. At the end of the day however, they know that I have chosen to be there Dad and, until the day I breathe my final breath, I will love them, be there for them, help them any way I can.
I was once privileged to hear the late college football coach Bill Stewart give a talk at a Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) Breakfast. During his talk he told the story of the "Dog Soldier." According to Coach Stewart, Dog Soldiers were Native American Warriors who would tie a rope around their leg and on the other end they would tie a stake. When they were getting ready to do battle, they would stake themselves to the ground that they would fight for. For me, this is the perfect picture of a Dad. These are my Tender Warriors, I have driven a stake in the ground. The battles will rage and I will eventually die on this hill however one thing I will never do is run. I'm a Dad.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.
Kev
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