It Is O.K.

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as the beautiful new day dawns!

Well, God decided to use the Little Preacher to teach me another great lesson this week. He then used my Beautiful Bride to affirm the message...what a week! :)

This week is the first week of school for us here on the Texas Gulf Coast. Let me give you some perspective on the Little Preachers situation. When we moved here we moved into an apartment for 8 months - there are a TON of Happy Friday's in that experience! - and Landry went to the elementary school in the boundary we lived. We then bought and moved into a home in another boundary. With the Little Preacher only having one year left in elementary school, and because Kath serves in the district, the Principal graciously gave Landry an exception so he could remain at the same elementary school. So now that he is going into Jr. High/Middle School, he is going to the school in our boundary which means not only is he going to a new school, none of his friends from elementary school are going to the school he is because they are going to the Jr. High/Middle School in their boundary. It's like the Little Preacher has moved without moving!

So as our awesome summer wound down and we did things like register for class, go to orientation to find where lockers, classrooms, etc. are located the Little Preacher started saying things like, "what if I can't find my class?", "what if I forget my combination?", "I am kinda nervous", etc. Each time he would say these things my Beautiful Bride, my other two Tender Warriors and/or I would say something like "it will be fine", "you will do great", etc. Is that true? Absolutely! Is it what the Little Preacher needed? Or wanted? Perhaps in part however, as God showed me, I don't think it is the most important thing at that moment.

Do you get scared? Nervous? Anxious? Yeah, me too. It is where we go, what we do, at those times that determines the quality & quantity of the lives that we live. You see, when I told my Little Preacher "it will be fine" it was because I believe that God will lead, guide & direct his steps...and I had been praying for Him to do so for weeks. However Landry does not have the years of experience - that captures successes & failures - to lean on for this belief. He only has what he has lived, what he has known.

As I was thinking about and praying for Landry on Monday morning God really got a hold of my heart. I need to affirm the Little Preachers feelings - tell him I understand, that I would feel the exact same way - and then tell him how to successfully handle these feelings and emotions. You see, I was jumping to the "and then" part without letting him know it is o.k. to be scared, nervous & anxious. There is nothing wrong with him. He is 100% normal. Anybody would feel the exact same way. Because I was jumping to the "and then" part he was not the least bit interested, or perhaps capable, of doing the "and then." You see, who he is and what he was feeling had not been validated and without validation he did not feel free to move forward. Perhaps he felt something was wrong with him. 

I couldn't wait to talk to my Little Preacher on Monday morning. I told him I had made a mistake. He listened intently. I told him that the things he was feeling about school are 100% normal. I told him I would be scared, nervous & anxious too. You could hear the sense of relief in his voice. I then told him that I knew it would be fine because I know God loves him and cares about him and that I have been praying, he has been praying, that God would lead, guide & direct him. He got it....and most importantly as a Dad, I got it.

A couple of days later my Beautiful Bride and I were sitting out on the back porch talking. She was sharing her heart with me. We have gone through some trials and she was sharing how she was feeling, how she had processed it, etc. And then my Spirit jumped and reminded me of the lesson I had learned a few days earlier. I told this Sweet Gift that I felt the exact same things she had felt and I then told her how I had found success in dealing with those feelings...it had everything to do with God and nothing to do with me! Her countenance softened and there was the sweetest look in her eyes. 

As we Husbands, Wives, Dads & Moms go about our day and want to help those most dear to us, let's not jump so quick to the answer or the encouraging word. No, let's start with affirmation of the person and their feelings. Once they know that they are o.k. and that we truly love them for who they are - including those feelings, we will then have permission to help them solve problems and to encourage them.

I also want to share a quote with you that I came across this morning that I thought was pretty stinkin' awesome. 

"If my life is fruitless, it doesn't matter who praises me, and if my life is fruitful, it doesn't matter who criticizes me." - Paul Bunyan

And so it is with you & I Friends! :)

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Be Doer's

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as a beautiful new day begins to dawn on this Friday morning! A beautiful new day...do me a favor Friends, think about those 4 words. They represent renewal, refreshing, hope, opportunity & promise. Truly makes my heart happy. :)

For the last couple of weeks I have been working on a presentation that I will be giving tomorrow. As I have done research, studied & prepared, the thought really hit me, "There is nothing new here." You see, the problems, challenges that the group has asked me to address for them are nothing new. There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of articles, books, blogs, etc. about this topic. All have the same general theme in how to correct/fix and yet, the problems & challenges persist. So the question is, if we know the answer(s) why don't we do it? Don't look at me!!! I don't know the answer!!! I am just like you; there are things I know I should do, I know how to do, etc. that I don't do. Why?!?!

Earlier this week I was reading The Purpose Drive Life by Rick Warren. In the chapter titled, "How We Grow", I came across a couple of things that I think hold at least a part of the answer to the question. I will share each excerpt and elaborate briefly.

"Nothing shapes your life more than the commitments you choose to make. Your commitments can develop you or they can destroy you, but either way, they will define you. Tell me what you are committed to, and I'll tell you what you will be in twenty years. We become whatever we are committed to." - Rick Warren

Oh boy, that one makes me shift in my seat. Let's unpack it a little bit:

• We are all choosing to be committed to something and in fact, being committed to nothing is a choice as well. It is important, eternally so, that we choose wisely.
• We are either growing or dying, there really is no in-between. Life isn't really all that hard though we try desperately to complicate it. If the things we are doing are not producing the results we want - be it an investment in relationships or the stock market - we would be wise to consider the commitments we are making, the things we are doing, and take a different course.
• This is a tough one - "they will define you." Friends, we are creating our legacies every single day by the things we do, not the things we intended to do, said we would do, thought about doing, etc. I am going to leave that one alone right there and let us all ponder it...

"To change your life, you must change the way you think. Behind everything you do is a thought. Every behavior is motivated by a belief, and every action is prompted by an attitude. God revealed this thousands of years before psychologists understood it. "Be careful how you think; your life is shaped by your thoughts." (Romans 12: 2) - Rick Warren

• Here I think is the key; our thoughts. I am thoroughly convinced that God has a tremendous sense of humor because He gave us the ability to rationalize...and boy do we love to rationalize!
• There is a reason that Romans 12: 2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will." It all starts with our thoughts, and where we will go to have them developed.
• Three words that come to my mind when I think about thoughts; faith, hope & believe.
• Faith - Who or what are we putting our faith in? I think, at least for me, this is the foundation of thought.
• Hope - What do we hope for? These things, our hopes, are the things we think on and then act, according to those thoughts. I also want to share a quote here; "No. Don't give up hope just yet. It's the last thing to go. When you have lost hope, yo have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope." - Pittacus Lore
• Believe - Who are you believing in and what are you believing for? Again, our answers to these two questions will shape the actions we will then take

All of this - this beautiful, amazing life that each one of us is privileged to be living right now - is not all that hard to understand. It all starts within the mind and is worked out through our actions. Let us be doer's and not just knower's. :)

Your beliefs become your thoughts,

Your thoughts become your words, 

Your words become your actions,

Your actions become your habits,

your habits become your values,

Your values become your destiny." - Mahatma Gandhi

Please don't hesitate to contact me at any time if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can contact me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families!

Kev

Relationships

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful, very hot, very steamy Friday evening on the Texas Gulf Coast!

The NFL Hall of Fame Induction ceremony has become a favorite of mine. Last Saturday night I sat there for 4 straight hours, my Beautiful Bride beside me...for the most part, watching every second. You know what is funny? These begin, strong, tough "Warriors of the Gridiron" don't talk about their statistics, the game they did this or that...no, what they talk about is relationships. Those who loved them, nurtured them, pushed them, cared about them, did life with them. Oh yeah, and they cry a lot...and I cry right along with 'em.

It's interesting, in my work I have the honor & privilege of meeting some of the most accomplished, successful men & women in their respectful fields. Interestingly, they don't talk about how they did or do this or that...not the truly great one's any ways - the pretenders do sometimes. No, the really great one's, they talk about relationships too. Some speak with great love & admiration, others speak with great heartache & regret. Regardless, the conversation is almost always about relationships.

So here is my question & challenge; if relationships are so important, why don't we focus on those? You don't like the way someone at work does something...how about focusing on the relationship with them instead of the one thing, or maybe a few things, that you don't like that they do? Do you have to win every argument with your spouse? Where is it getting you? What would happen if you just focused on your relationship with them?  If you cared about their thoughts, feelings, concerns and not your own? How about your kids? So they don't do it exactly like you do, wish they would, etc. Do they know that you love them? Completely? Unconditionally? Are you losing your son or daughter because you don't like their hair? Their friends? The sport or activity they play or don't play? Do any of these things - that's what they all are...things - really matter compared to the heart, mind & spirit of the person? We are winning a lot of things that we will not care one iota about in the end and at the same time losing the most precious of all gifts, another person.

I am working through The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Earlier this week I read through a chapter on relationships and I want to share several of the excerpts with you.

• Jesus said our love for each other - more than our doctrinal beliefs - is our greatest witness to the world.
• Love cannot be learned in isolation. You have to be around people - irritating, imperfect, frustrating people.
• Four of the Ten Commandments deal with our relationship to God while the other six deal with our relationships with people. But all ten are about relationships! Later, Jesus summarized what matters most to God in two statements: love God and love people.
• Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth. As Mother Teresa said, "It's not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters."
• In our final moments we all realize that relationships are what life is all about. Wisdom is learning that truth sooner rather than later.
• One of the ways God measures spiritual maturity is by the quality of your relationships.
• The importance of things can be measured by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal its importance and value to you. If you want to know a person's priorities, just look at how they use their time.
• When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.
• It is not enough just to say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them.
• The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
• The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. It is focused attention. Love concentrates so intently on another that you forget yourself at that moment. Attention says, "I value you enough to give you my most precious asset - my time." Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love.
• Love means giving up - yielding my preferences, comfort, goals, security, money, energy, or time for the benefit of someone else.
• Why is now the best time to express love? Because you don't know how long you will have the opportunity. Circumstances change. People die. Children grow up. You have no guarantee of tomorrow. If you want to express love, you had better do it now.

This week, let's stopping talking and start focusing on what really matters - relationships.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

What We Seek

Happy Friday (Eve) Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having had a great day and that you are having an awesome week! I have written several Happy Fridays on Saturday & Sunday so I figured what the heck, I can certainly write one a few hours early, right?! Besides, my Beautiful Bride and two youngest Tender Warriors are flying in late tonight after being gone for nearly 2 weeks and I am giddy! :)

Earlier this week I took a business trip. The people where I was did not look like me, talk like me, act life me and they certainly didn't dress like me. While I was waiting for one of my appointments at a Starbucks, another businessman struck up a conversation with me. As I was leaving he asked for my business card. An hour or so later I received a text message from him asking if I wanted to get together later. We agreed to meet for dinner.

This man was from this place and thus, we were vastly different. We talked about our families, our hopes & dreams, our success & struggles...we talked about life. We shared our perspectives on various things - from the lighthearted to the very serious. It was strange as we talked, two people not interested in being right, looking good, etc. but rather simply trying to learn & understand the other. As we left each other he said something like, "It is nice to meet someone like you. Most of your people aren't like that. To hear your perspective was great." It was profound to me and got me thinking a lot about that word...perspective.

Perspective is defined as "a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view." You see, what my new friend was communicating was he is used to seeing people who look, talk, act & dress like me with an attitude different than mine. People who hold him and "his people" in a certain, from the way he said it negative, regard. People who come at him with their point of view without any regard what so ever for a differing point of view.

This is the heart - key word & critical thing...the heart - of the issue, problem, challenge or whatever adjective you want to use to describe it. Based on our point of view we develop an attitude and hold people and things in different regard(s) based on this narrow, singular view. Look around Friends. We think nothing of telling others what they should do, how they should have handled the situation, what they should have said, what they should have done...all based on our point of view. The problem with this is it assumes that we know everything - the person or people, the situation, the problems, the challenges, the obstacles, the emotions, the risk, the possible rewards...the list can go on for quite a while. But do we really know? Everything?

I wanna offer a challenge to each one of us, including me, this week. For one week I want to challenge us to "seek first to understand, then to be understood." (I don't know exactly who to credit for this quote. I do know that Stephen Covey lists it as his 5th habit in 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.) When someone says something that offends you or that you don't like, ask them to clarify instead of immediately replying. Try to understand what they are trying to say, what is at the heart, before you form a response. When someone does or doesn't do something that you think they shouldn't have or should have done, seek to understand why they did or didn't do it. It's kinda hard to tell someone what they should or shouldn't be doing if you don't even know the reason behind the action or inaction. Before you look at someone and determine success/failure, rich/poor, neat/slob, friendly/mean, etc. get to know the person & the heart of the person. I am highly confident that if we will all truly look first to understand and then, if really necessary, to be understood, the world will change in a profound manner around us. We will have gained a new perspective and our entire being will be richer for it.

A couple of other real quick thoughts:

• Every one of us wants to be understood, to know that our thoughts, feelings, worries, fears, hopes & dreams matter. You will be amazed at how people respond to you when you let them know that you really care, demonstrated by your pure-hearted desire to understand, about them.
• I gotta tell y'all; while it is true that I was in a place where the people did not look, talk, act or dress like me I found that everyone responds favorably to a smile, a kind gesture, a friendly countenance. We can focus on our differences, many if not most do, however there are many similarities and a great number of really great people out there who we will see when we look them in the eye and let them see the greatness & goodness within us.
• Finally, I want to share a quote with you that I shared on Facebook earlier this week: "Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world." - Wayne W. Dyer It is all about perspective Friends, and I would argue, what we choose to seek.

Please don't hesitate to contact me at any time if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great Friday, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev