Forgiveness

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as a beautiful new day begins to dawn!

Earlier this week I spoke with someone I love and care about greatly about forgiveness. This person has been trapped in unforgiveness for quite a long time and, as one would expect, it has had a profound impact on their life. This morning I want to share a whole bunch of things about forgiving, about forgiveness. At the same time I recognize I am just a dude, not an expert. I simply have a heart that cares and I want to help those of us who might be trapped in the bondage of unforgiveness be set free and live their life to the fullest. If this post accomplishes nothing more than encouraging you to seek help in forgiving, in forgiveness then it will have accomplished its intended purpose.

I want to start by sharing a short testimony. As a boy, the life I had with my Dad was not the one I desired. I was reminded quite often of my shortcomings and failures, mistakes could be found in successes and there never seemed to be time to play catch, go fishing, etc. As I transitioned into adolescence, great bitterness & pain took hold. As a young adult I went through a period of a estrangement from my Dad - we went through a period of more than 5 years without so much as speaking a word to one another.

Way before I ever realized it, God was doing a great work on my heart. While my Dad did not provide encouraging words, help me overcome failures or spend time with me, there were always men there - my Grandpa, coaches - who filled those voids. Then one day, God really got a hold of my heart. It was a euphoric moment for me as I realized that my Dad had done the very best he could do. While he was not the Dad I had hoped he would be or that I aspired to be, he was the best Dad he knew how to be or could be. In that moment love & forgiveness coursed through every fiber of my body. He had not changed however I had, forever. Because I chose to forgive within my heart, I was free to love him for who he was. My Dad never noticeably changed however everything about my life with him did change. As I type these words there is great gratitude in my heart for the man I am today was directly shaped by the man my Dad was. We enjoyed the last several years of my Dads life together in a way that I never thought would be possible. While it was not easy by any stretch of the imagination, it all began with the intentional decision to forgive.

I also want to share several excerpts from the article Forgiveness and Restoration by Rose Sweet. You can find it at focusonthefamily.com.

• Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook. We can and should still hold others accountable for their actions or lack of actions.
• Forgiveness is returning to God the right to take care of justice. By refusing to transfer the right to exact punishment or revenge, we are telling God we don't trust him to take care of matters.
• Forgiveness is not letting the offense occur again and again. We don't have to tolerate, nor should we keep ourselves open to, lack of respect or any form of abuse.
• Forgiveness does not mean we have to revert to being the victim. Forgiving is not saying, "What you did was okay, so go ahead and walk all over me." Nor is it playing the martyr, enjoying the performance of forgiving people because it perpetuates our victim role.
• Forgiveness is not the same as reconciling. We can forgive someone even if we never can get along with him again.
• Forgiveness is a process, not an event. It might take some time to work through our emotional problems before we can truly forgive. As soon as we can, we should decide to forgive...
• We have to forgive every time. If we find ourselves constantly forgiving, though, we might need to take a look at the dance we are doing with the other person that sets us up to be continually hurt, attacked or abused.
• Forgetting does not mean denying reality or ignoring repeated offenses. Some people are obnoxious, mean-spirited, apathetic, or unreliable. They never will change. We need to change the way we respond to them and quit expecting them to be different.
• Forgiveness is not based on others' actions but on our attitude. People will continue to hurt us through life. We either can look outward at them or stay stuck and angry, or we can begin to keep our minds on our loving relationship with God, knowing and trusting in what is good.
• If they don't repent, we still have to forgive. Even if they never ask, we need to forgive. We should memorize and repeat over and over: Forgiveness is about our attitude, not their action.
• We don't always have to tell them we have forgiven them. Self-righteously announcing our gracious forgiveness to someone who has not asked to be forgiven may be a manipulation to make them feel guilty. It also is a form of pride.
• Withholding forgiveness is a refusal to let go of perceived power. We can feel powerful when the offender is in need of forgiveness and only we can give it. We may fear going back to being powerless if we forgive.
• Forgiveness starts with a mental decision. The emotional part of forgiveness is finally being able to let go of the resentment. Emotional healing may or may not follow quickly after we forgive.

I also found some things that I wanted to share from an article titled, Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness written by the Mayo Clinic Staff - see what happens when I go on a business trip and have time alone at the hotel! :) You can find the article at mayoclinic.org.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for happiness, health and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less anxiety, stress and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression
• Stronger immune system
• Improved heart health 
• Higher self-esteem

What are the effects of holding a grudge?

If you're unforgiving, you might:

• Bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience
• Become so wrapped up in the wrong that you can't enjoy the present
• Become depressed and anxious
• Feel that your life lacks meaning or purpose, or that you're at odds with your spiritual beliefs
• Lose valuable and enriching connectedness with others

How do I reach a state of forgiveness?

Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. To begin, you might:

• Consider the value of forgiveness and its importance in your life at a given time
• Reflect on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted, and how this combination has affected your life, health and well-being
• Actively choose to forgive the person who's offended you, when you're ready
• Move away from your role as victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in your life

I personally think it is wise to go to the Bible with the different issues/challenges we have in life. With this, let's take a look at a few scriptures and what they have to say about forgiveness.

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." - Colossians 3:13

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." - Ephesians 4: 31 - 32

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!" - 2 Corinthians 5: 17

As y'all know I love quotes. Here are a few for you to consider:

"Keep in mind, hurting people often hurt other people as a result of their own pain. If somebody is rude and inconsiderate, you can almost be certain that they have some unresolved issues inside. They have some major problems, anger, resentment, or some heartache they are trying to cope with or overcome. The last thing they need is for you to make matters worse by responding angrily." - Joel Osteen

"Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too." - Will Smith

"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart...forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." - Hannah More

"Forgiveness is not an occassional act, it is a constant attitude." - Martin Luther Kind Jr.

Friends, whoever and wherever you are, if you have unforgiveness in your heart, I pray that today will be the day you will find your path to forgiveness. It really isn't about the person or people who have hurt you, it is about your precious, beautiful spirit and you living the life God created you to live.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Potential

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as a potentially great day begins to dawn! There is a ton of potential in this day...will it be fulfilled or remain, sadly, potential?

I want to start off by sharing a couple of excerpts with you. The first one is from Mark Batterson's book, Chase the Lion.

"Sure, some people are more naturally gifted than others. But unless the giftedness is coupled with a complementary work ethic, it'll only result in wasted potential.

You can't just pray as if it depends solely on God; you also have to work as if it depends on you. It's your work ethic plus your prayer ethic that will inch you closer to your dream. And it happens one practice, one day at a time."

The other comes from Rick Warren's message, Make The Most Of Your Talents, on May 21, 2014.

"If you think your talents are simply for you to make a lot of money, retire, and die, you've missed the point of your life. God gave you talents to benefit others, not yourself. And God gave other people talents that benefit you.

We're all a part of the body of Christ, and each part matters. There are no insignificant people in the family of God. You are shaped to serve God, and he is testing you to see how you are going to use the talents he gave you.

Whether you are a musician or an accountant, a teacher or a cook, God gave you those abilities to serve others. Today's verse says, "Each of you should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms" (1 Peter 4: 10 NIV).

You are a manager of the gifts God has given to you. They may be great or small in your eyes, but they matter to God. "Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful" (1 Corinthians 4:2 NIV). When God made you, he made an investment in you, and he expects a return on his investment."

You are welcome for that slap in the face this morning! :) Pretty powerful stuff, huh?

Let's talk for a moment Friends. One of the first things that strikes me as so ironic is how much time we spend comparing ourselves, our journey's, to others. I search the words above, I search the Bible and nowhere can I find that I am supposed to compare myself to someone else, try to use the talents of another, etc. Over and over again I see that I am to become all God created me to become, that I am to work on who I am. What if we did this today? What if we today we genuinely appreciated who God has created us to become, individually, and we simply worked with God to become the best we are capable of becoming today? Yes Lord, let this be that day!

There is another great irony that is hitting me; we are instructed to take the talents God has given us and develop them fully to serve others. What happens far to often? We want to compare our talents to someone else's and we want them to serve us. As the saying goes, "Houston, we have a problem!"

You & I are uniquely created on purpose for a purpose. Your talents are yours and mine are mine. Within these talents there is a potential, a top-end if you will, that we can reach/achieve. The Bible tells me that we have everything we need, that we lack nothing to achieve our purpose. If we will pursue God, strive daily with Him to become all that we were created to become and then selflessly serve others with our talents every day we will be walking in accordance with God's call on our lives. Yes Lord, let this be that day!

And please note, we are counting on you! You see, your life - talents, experiences, etc. - is not a mistake. God placed you here now because He has a plan for your life and the way it intersects with all of us who share this planet with you. The way He created it all is that we have different talents, none more significant than the other, and when we function together as we were created, we are whole. However if you, or I, choose not to pursue the talents He has given us, if we choose not to serve others with these talents, we are not whole. Something irreplaceable is missing...you! We will be fine, we can go on however we will not reach the full potential of what we could have become had each one of us, individually, become all that we were created to become.

Quotes speak to my heart and they challenge my spirit. I want to close with a few for you this morning.

"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.'" - Erma Bombeck

"To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are." - Lolly Daskal

"Believe in yourself the way God believes in you." - Unknown

"Recognize the greatness which exists within you. You have limitless potential and ability waiting to be developed." - Dean Tolson

"God doesn't focus on your faults; why should you?" - Joyce Meyer

"The warrior who trust his path doesn't need to prove the other wrong." - Paulo Coelho

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Be Epic

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as the beautiful new day, St. Patrick's Day, begins to dawn!

I am currently reading a book my Beautiful Bride gave me for our Anniversary, Chase the Lion: If Your Dream Doesn't Scare You, It's Too Small by Mark Batterson. This morning I want to share a couple of excerpts and then a couple thoughts.

No conflict. No story.
We accept that fact when it comes to movies. Epic movies demand epic conflict. That's what makes them epic. And what's true of great movies is true of great lives. Great conflict cultivates great character. Of course, it's easier to watch on the screen than it is to walk through it.
If you want to live an epic life, you have to overcome epic challenges. You have to take some epic risks, make some epic sacrifices.

In every storyline there are defining moments. The technical term, in terms of plot structure, is "inciting incidents." It's a turning point, a tipping point. It's a point of no return.
Inciting incidents come in two basic varieties: things that happen to you that you cannot control and things that happen that you can control. Of course, even if something is out of your control, you still control your reaction. You might not be responsible, but you are response-able. And it's the ability to choose your response that will likely determine your destiny.
Some inciting incidents are perceived as positive, like a college scholarship or a job promotion. Others are perceived as negative, like a pink slip or a positive diagnosis. But don't be too quick to judge a blessing or a curse by its cover. What we perceive as positive sometimes turns out to have negative side effects, and what we perceive as negative often turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to us.

Mismanaged success is the leading cause of failure.
Well-managed failure is the leading cause of success.

...unless the Lord builds the house, we labor in vain. Of course, the flip side is true too. If God builds it, nothing can hinder it.

A whole bunch of Godly words of wisdom in those excerpts! :)

I simply want to come alongside you this morning Friend and offer a couple words of encouragement.

First, perhaps a perspective shift for you as it was for me, this morning. If you find yourself this morning in the midst of some deep conflict please look at it as the opportunity/possibility for you to fulfill your destiny as opposed to the end of your story. Instead of viewing the conflict as an obstacle, or worse, a cliff, view it as a the initial path to all God created & called you to be. Let's remind ourselves over and over again Friends, "No conflict. No story."

Second, I want to encourage you to go out today and live your life to the fullest. The key is all the things we talk about week after week in Happy Friday - Who defines us, where we go to get our wells filled, how we perceive ourselves & others, how we treat ourselves & others, etc. The concept is not hard to understand however just like it is easier to watch an epic movie than to live an epic life, it is much easier to understand it than to actually live it. My hope, my prayer, my wish and my challenge for each one of us is that we would actually live it!

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

It's About The Need

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn. 

Last Saturday morning my Beautiful Bride & one of my Tender Warriors were talking about helping others. Kath said something like, "I would rather help someone than give them money." She went on to say that this felt better to her heart. At that moment there was some sort of revelation within me and I said, "I think the real key is giving them whatever they need at that time. Sometimes it's money, sometimes it's help." We all sat there for a moment with stunned looks on our faces, our heads turned a little bit sideways like puppies, as we realized I had just spoken something wise however also recognizing that the wisdom was far to great to have come simply from me. Praise the Lord!

I have thought a lot about that conversation this week. I have prayed daily that God would open my eyes & heart, that I would see the true need that each person I am blessed to cross paths with on a daily basis has and that I would have the courage to help them, to meet their need, whenever possible. This is my hope, prayer & challenge for each one of us this week...that we would be awake, see the true needs of others and that when able, we would meet them.

At different times, sometimes within the same day, each one of us have different needs. Sometimes it is an encouraging word, other times it is physical help. Sometimes we need money to buy food or to pay an unexpected bill. And at others we need someone to just validate us. The needs are as unique as the individual person & situation. Whether we will humble ourselves enough to admit it or not, we all need help at some point in time. Just as I would argue this is an absolute truth, I would also argue that it is an absolute truth that no amount of help given to one in need is insignificant. A few things immediately come to mind as I type these words:

1. First, I am reminded of a sweet story that illustrates the point beautifully. There was an elderly man who had lost his wife of many years. As he sat on his porch weeping, a little boy - in my mind he is 5-years old though I don't know if that is accurate - who lived next door to him went over and climbed up in his lap and sat with him, not saying a word. After sitting with him for a while the little boy goes back home. His mom asks him what he was doing and the little boy says, "I was helping him cry." Sometimes what a person needs is not our words, money or help. They just simply need us to be there.

2. I am also very mindful of those who will say, "God gives me everything I need" or "God will meet their needs." God does give me everything I need and He will meet the needs of everyone who will humbly ask Him to help them...and He often, perhaps I should say mostly, does this through other people. This is the way He created us - to love, serve and help others. If the statements are spoken in humility they are in fact wise and will make us open to serving as well as being served by others. If they are spoken in self-sufficiency or indifference they are coming from a proud heart and the Bible warns us that pride comes before the fall.

3. A real key word in all this is discernment. Sometimes we confuse wants with needs and, as we look at others, we can get judgmental, cynical and skeptical. I love this definition of discernment I found when Googling the word: "(in Christian context) perception in the absence of judgement with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding." It is interesting that it first prefaces "in Christian context." It goes back to the question; What Will Your Influence Be...in your life? I am reminded of the quote that says, "you cannot be influenced by what you do not know." If I am not seeking God, asking to be filled with the Holy Spirit, I am going to struggle to have true discernment.

"perception in the absence of judgement"...isn't that beautiful?!?! That we would perceive the need without judging the person. Have you ever seen someone and said, "Oh, that poor man/woman. If only they weren't on drugs/an alcoholic [fill in the blank with anything else]." Our judgement creeps in. While it may in fact be true that they have made poor choices - who hasn't?!?! - this does not eliminate the fact that there is still a need. The cry of my heart...that I would perceive without judging!!!

"view of obtaining spiritual direction and understanding"...that we would get direction and understanding to meet the need(s) and that we would actually do it. As I type this, Mother Teresa comes to mind. How was she able to love, hug & help the dirty, broken & sick? I believe by obtaining spiritual direction and understanding. She was more focused on the person, the need of the person than the things that others found repulsive. Think about that...it challenges my spirit as I see my pride get in the way of my spiritual direction and understanding.

I want to close by sharing a few scriptures with you:

"For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.' Then the righteous will answer him, saying, "Lord, when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will answer them, "Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me."

- Matthew 25: 35 - 40

This scripture starts off with a pretty good list of needs we can meet...

"What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." 

- James 2: 14 - 17

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

- Galatians 6: 2

"Let each one of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others."

- Philippians 2: 4

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

You Never Know

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having had a great day as the day, the work week, comes to an end.

So how does it happen that it is 11:02 p.m. on a Friday night and I am  writing Happy Friday? Well, I have worked hard all day to fulfill my responsibilities as a man, husband & Dad, and...this is the real key, tomorrow is my Beautiful Bride & I's 28th wedding anniversary! I don't want to do anything, including write Happy Friday, but be with her! :) So here I am...

Well Friends, this was a week were I knew most of the week what this Happy Friday was going to be about. Did you see what I did there? "Was"... Yeah, my world got rocked this morning during my time of reading & posting quotes/thoughts on Facebook. When I went to post on Facebook I had a notification that one of the young men I was blessed to coach, a person who I have not seen in person or spoken to in more than 17 years, had tagged me in a post. When I went to look at the post it said, "Top 5 non family members that have influenced where I am in my life, probably without realizing"... and there, my name appeared on the list. I was awed, truly humbled. I just kept saying "wow" over and over again.

Two thoughts immediately came to mind. This is what I want to share with you on this Friday.

1. We never know the lives we are influencing however we are influencing the people around us all the time. I had absolutely no idea that I had influenced, or was influencing, this young man's life to the point that more than 17 years later he would mention me. I pray Friends that we will be mindful, so very mindful, that we are touching lives all the time - not just on our good days, not just when we want to be influencing them...all the time!

Look, we are human. We are going to stumble, fall & have bad days. I get that & you get that. However if we will determine in our minds to be intentional & positive, if we will be aware of the thoughts we think, the words we speak and the actions we take, we will more positively impact the precious souls whose paths we cross on any given day. You just never know...

2. To be honest, I was tired, knowing that my day would end late and while I wouldn't say I was dreading the day, I certainly wasn't spunky. The moment I read those words and saw my name, everything changed. My soul felt on fire. Suddenly I wasn't feeling tired. I was genuinely excited for my day. What looked like a long day 19 hours ago was now a ton of opportunities to make a difference in someone's life. All because someone took the time to let me know that I mattered to them.

You see, our words - even the written one's - are oh so powerful. Please realize, I truly beg you, the positive impact you can have in the life of another by simply offering them a word of affirmation or encouragement. Take the time today - o.k., I will give you tomorrow as it is pretty late! :) - to tell someone you believe in them or to tell them thank you for their part in your life journey. Tell someone you really appreciate them and value them as a person. We get so caught up in our grind that sometimes, perhaps too many times, we don't pause for a second, take our eyes off ourselves, and just pour into someone else. Let today be the day we do those things.

I want to end by sharing a couple of quotes with you that are on point.

"You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me." 

- Scott Adams

"Because everything we say and do is the length and shadow of our own souls, our influence is determined by the quality of our being." 

- Dale E. Turner

By the way, did I tell you that Kathy & I's 28th wedding anniversary is tomorrow?!?! :) I can say without the slightest bit of hesitation or reservation that I am more in love with her today than I have ever been in my life, including yesterday! She is more beautiful to me today than she was on our wedding night. I truly cherish every moment with her and I am completely content as long as I am with her. I am absolutely crazy about My Girl! Are we perfect? Did I "get lucky"? While I fully recognize that I am blessed beyond measure, and thank God every day for my greatest earthly blessing, the answer to both questions is "no." I believe there are two reasons. 1) I intentionally choose to love, value, cherish & adore her every day. I am terrified to think what a day would be like if I didn't start it by choosing to do these things. 2) Probably the real turning point occurred in our marriage when instead of trying to get her to be everything I wanted & needed her to be I decided that it was me that needed to change. I needed to be everything that she needed me to be, everything that God called me to be. Things haven't been much the same since those two things...

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev