Friday, November 2, 2018

It's Not About You, Or Me

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day is dawning on the Texas Gulf Coast! I am so excited for this day - I took the day off and I get to spend a special day with my Beautiful Bride! :)

I want to start off by sharing several short stories with you.

Last weekend was the Black & Gold World Series for Gehrig's baseball team at Tyler Junior College and Payton & the University of Houston Cougars were taking on the University of South Florida. So, how does a Dad be there for both of his sons? Let me break down what I did. I went to work and honored my commitments at a function we had over lunch. As soon as my commitments were fulfilled I hoped in my truck, went to the house, loaded up the truck for the trip to see Gehrig and took off. GoogleMaps was clutch! I was rerouted and rerouted and after a nearly 4 hour drive, 0 stops - had to monitor the sweet tea intake! :) - I arrived at the stadium exactly 10 minutes before the 1st pitch. The game then went 11 innings - wasn't counting on that! At a little before 11:00 p.m., Gehrig and I got to go out to dinner together. We had a great time, talking about life, school, baseball, etc. We unloaded the stuff from my truck into his and then I took off for the hotel and he went to his dorm. Sometime a little after midnight I checked into the hotel and took a quick nap. Up at 4:30 a.m. I was on the road a little before 5:00 a.m. Arrived back home around 8:45 a.m. and started helping Kath pack for our tailgate. At 10:00 a.m. we took off for the game. At exactly 12:30 p.m., we were standing outside TDECU Stadium to greet the Cougars as they arrived at the stadium for Cougar Walk - the first time Payton had actually gone through the walk. The game kicked off at 2:30 p.m., a great win for the Cougars and we got back home around 8:00 p.m. 

Here is the thing, and I realized it while it was happening, none of this was about me. It was about two men, I am honored to call them my sons, and making sure both of them knew that they mattered and that I would do anything to be there for them. Everything came together perfectly, I did not get tired, I was not grouchy...in fact, I wasn't thinking about me. I was only concerned about lifting my boys up. And I also have to testify to the power of prayer. I had several people, knowing of my journey, praying for me. I don't know how else to explain everything happening as it did other than to acknowledge that God's hand was on me.

I work with a lady who oversees a program to train doctors to be kind, compassionate and caring in their practice of medicine. Most of us have encountered a doctor who talked to us as though we did not really exist - that we were really just a sickness, a disease or an injury. They often talk in a language we do not understand, are abrupt and when they leave we are left with way more questions than answers. They seem to not see us or value us as people. As this incredible woman was telling me how this program came to be, she explained that she was working in neonatal intensive care and one day she had to disconnect 6 babies from life support. As her eyes glistened with tears at the memory she told me, "I thought, there has to be more to it than this."

I told her it was my perception that doctors delivered news they did not want to deliver, and patients certainly did not want to hear, in such an abrupt manner and then quickly walking away without showing any emotion is because it is a defense mechanism. She confirmed that my perception was right. 

She then flipped the script. Instead of looking at it as something a doctor does not want to do, look at it as the honor & privilege it is. These people, the patients and their families, will never forget this day, this moment. The doctor then has a choice to realize it is not about them, it is about those they serve. They can follow the old routine of callous, seemingly uncaring - which it isn't really, they are just trying to protect their own hearts - or they can be kind, compassionate, living fully present in the moment, realizing that it isn't about them and serving others selflessly.

Several years ago, when I was a head football coach, I had two brothers that played on my team. They had a grandfather who they loved deeply who was in hospice care. Their parents had called and asked me if they could please call me when the grandfather passed away so I could deliver the news to their sons in person, so they would not be alone, so they would not have to hear the news over the phone. My first thought was, I don't want to do this! At that point in my life I used to say, "I am not good at that," referring to death. I don't know what to say, I don't know what to do and I definitely don't feel comfortable with it. Through a lot of prayer and reflection, years before meeting the wonderful doctor I referred to above, my Spirit convicted me with the fact that it is not about me! Novel concept! It is about these boys and their family. The realization hit that they would not forget that day. That it would be an honor & privilege to be with them during one of the darkest moments of their lives. That when they looked back at that moment they could feel deeply loved, they could experience deep compassion, if only I could get over myself. Praise God, that is what happened.

Several years ago there was a University of Louisville basketball player who suffered an absolutely horrific leg injury during an NCAA Tournament game. The stadium was packed and their was a national TV audience. Most everyone looked away, moved away from him - it was truly horrific to see. There was one player however that went to him. I don't recall either players name but I will never forget what the player who went to him said when asked after the game why he went to him while seemingly everyone else was so repulsed. He said, "I didn't want him to be alone." This remarkable young man got what most of us never do. It wasn't about him, his uneasy feelings, etc. It was about someone who was experiencing a horrible moment and making sure that he knew he was not alone.

And then, just yesterday, I heard the story about Alex Cora. He is the manager of the World Series Champion Boston Red Sox. You know what this man did? During contract negotiations after being named manager last year, he asked for one thing; "He asked the team if they could provide a plane for relief efforts in his native Puerto Rico for those who were affected by Hurricane Maria back in September/October. For those who are unaware, Hurricane Maria was the worst natural disaster ever recorded in the history of Puerto Rico." (source is barstoolsports.com) So here is this man, this incredible man, who has just been named as a Major League Manager. He is negotiating his contract and he does not ask for more money, country club memberships, car allowances, or any of the other things that coaches often ask for. He asks the team to load a plane with supplies and send it to people who are suffering. Wow! If we are looking for someone to aspire to be like, might I suggest that Alex Cora would be a great one!

Do you want to tell someone they are dying or their loved one has died? Do you want to reach out to someone as soon as some tragedy has befallen them? Do you feel comfortable doing so? For the vast majority of us the answers would be no, no and heck no! Sweet Friends, it is not about you, or me. Please let that sink in for a moment. You don't have to know what to say or do...most of us don't. All you have to do is genuinely care and then act from that place. God, love, mercy and grace will then take care of the rest.

Of course I have to share some scriptures and quotes for you to consider.

"God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them." - Hebrews 6:10

"You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love." - Galatians 5:13

"The greatest among you will be your servant." - Matthew 23:11

"For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." - Mark 10:45

"Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms." - 1 Peter 4:10

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." - Romans 12:9-13

"The measure of a man's greatness is not the number of servants he has, but the number of people he serves." - John Hagee

"Faithful servants never retire. You can retire from your career, but you will never retire from serving God." - Rick Warren

"The first question which the priest and the Levite asked was: "If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But the good Samaritan reversed the question: "If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?" - Martin Luther King Jr.

"Greatness lies, not in being strong but in the right using of strength." - Henry Ward Beecher

"You can always give without loving, but you can never love without giving." - Amy Carmichael

"I shall pass through this world but once. Any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again." - Henry Drummond

"Small deeds done are better than great deeds planned." - Peter Marshall

I pray Dear Friends, that we will remember again and again, it's not about you, or me.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kevin

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