Friday, January 31, 2020

A Time to Reflect

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! This day right here...it's gonna be a great one! :)

I, like many people around the world, was shocked and greatly saddened to hear of the crash that took the life of Kobe Bryant, his precious daughter Gianna, and 7 other amazing souls last Sunday. It seemed so surreal, still does. Almost immediately two thoughts came to my mind:

1. We never know when it will be our time. That is actually Biblical. Life is so precious, so fragile. We would be wise to live every day like it is our last for any day it could be and one day it will be. I pray we will all reflect, regularly, on the things that matter most to us, on the purposes we have for our lives and then give ourselves completely to being fully alive. Let's not wait to live fully, to love fully, to invest in the people that we have in our lives today!

2. The Bryant's have great wealth and fame, two things many spend their entire selves trying to accomplish. And the reality is, these things cannot bring any of the incredible people who perished in that crash back. I think we would be wise to thoughtfully consider what we are giving ourselves to every day! The reality is once someone is gone, nothing is going to bring them back... nothing. I am not saying wealth or fame is bad. What I am saying is I think this life is much more about how we live every day instead of what we leave after we are gone. Each one of us must decide for ourselves and nobody can tell anybody what they should choose. Is it worth it to sacrifice your relationship with your spouse and children to make more money? What price are you willing to pay to achieve status or fame? There is a price to everything and yet death has a finality to it that nothing can change.

And I also think there is one more lesson here. If you listen to people talk who really knew Kobe and Coach Altobelli, there is a common theme. They selflessly poured into the lives of others, encouraging them to become the best they are capable of becoming. The "Mamba Lifestyle" we hear about is everyone becoming the very best they are capable of becoming and giving the very best of themselves every single day. It seems that though Kobe had great wealth and fame, he understood those weren't the important things. And Coach Altobelli? There are countless great men, husbands and fathers who trace their greatness through the love, care and influence of Coach Altobelli. What do you and I stand for? What are we living for?

I now want to pivot to another topic. You know how when you hear, see or read something great, you just have to tell people? Well, this happened to me yesterday! I read some great stuff in Happily: 8 Commitments Of Couples Who Laugh, Love & Last by Kevin A. Thompson yesterday. I can't offer a higher recommendation for this book! I have gained great wisdom from it. Anyways, I read some things yesterday that I just have to share with you all. Again, Pastor Thompson does such a great job, I am going to simply share an excerpt, knowing full well I could not say any of it nearly as well as he does. What I am going to share comes from the chapter titled, Commitment 8: Happily Endure Whatever May Come. The specific excerpt is found on page 179 and the section is titled, Can You Live for Your Spouse? This is powerful stuff...

Can You Live for Your Spouse?
It's a common question I ask young men as they contemplate marriage; "Are you willing to die for her?" It's not an exaggerated question. Until a man and woman are willing to give their lives for one another, they have no business getting married. That's what a wedding is - a public announcement made to God, one another, and society that a couple is wiling to sacrifice themselves for one another. When a man and woman say "I do," they are promising to put the other person before their own happiness. They are promising to sacrifice their own selves for the well-being of the other. They are vowing to die for each other.

In a wedding ceremony, I try to remind the couple this acceptance of death might come in a dramatic form. It's possible that while on their honeymoon, they could walk into a convenience store where someone pulls a gun. In that moment, the groom has vowed he is willing to lay down his life for his bride. Yet far more likely than that one dramatic act, marriage requires that the couple die to themselves on a daily basis. Time and time again over their life span, they must be willing to die to their need to get the last word, have their way, win the fight, and make their point.

A good marriage is built through a thousand small acts. As a husband and wife lay down their lives for one another, the marriage thrives.

Being willing to die for one another is vital for a healthy marriage, but it doesn't stop there. While every potential spouse needs to be asked, "Are you willing to die for your spouse?' there is a second question that needs to be asked: "Are you willing to live for your spouse?"

It's not enough to restrain ourselves on behalf of our spouse. Love must also motivate us to action.

While our spouse should never be the primary reason for our existence - God plays that role - we should live our lives, in part, for one another. My love for my wife should inspire me toward life. Who wants to be married to someone who isn't full of life? Sometimes there are situations and seasons in which our spouse will not be vibrant or full of life. Yet in most cases, marriage should be the intersection of two people who are full of life, light, and joy. Failing to live our lives to the fullest is not just a dereliction of duty to God; it's also a failure of living up to our wedding vows.

In order to live for my spouse, I will:

  • Seek to contribute to the betterment of society. God has given me talents, abilities, and desires that are best expressed when trying to assist others. I will seek to use what I have to make life better for those around me, including my spouse.
  • Continue to learn, grow, and achieve. If we are changing, we are dying. For as long as God gives me breath, I will seek to better understand myself, learn new skills, become a better man, and attempt to achieve things.
  • Work on my own happiness and sense of self. My wife is not in charge of my happiness or self-worth. We are both to bring happiness into the marriage rather than demanding that our marriage make us happy. My identity is found in who God created me to be and what he said about me. I will not expect my wife to give me what can only be received from God.
  • Live in reality and not avoid feelings. Life is full of joys and sorrows. It has many ups and downs. For me to live life, I have to engage in reality. I have to admit pain and accept heartache while not allowing those hurts to hinder my ability to laugh and love. Stoicism is not living. Denial is not life. To live means I won't pretend things are one way when they are actually something else. I will laugh and cry. And I will welcome my wife into those moments of life.
  • Find my purpose in God. Humanity was created with a purpose. Until we understand our place in this world - as a supporting character, not the central figure - we can't experience life to its fullest. In part for my wife, I will seek a relationship with God so I can better understand who I am and what I am to do in life.
Marriage begins when two people are willing to die for each other, but it flourishes as they learn to live for each other.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Friday, January 24, 2020

Seeds or Stones?

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! Additionally, I sincerely hope you have all have had a great week - personally and professionally! One more day, one more opportunity, to encourage, empower and equip others to become the best they are capable of becoming! I can't wait for THIS day! :)

This morning I want to share an excerpt from Happily: 8 Commitments of Couples Who Laugh, Love & Last by Kevin A. Thompson. The excerpt I am going to share is from Commitment 7: Happily Make Peace. The excerpt is a little bit longer as, well, I could not possibly say it better than Pastor Thompson does! :) At the end I will then share a few thoughts of my own.

The excerpt I am sharing is found on pages 156 - 157 and is in a section that Pastor Thompson titled Stones and Seeds.

"We live in a stone-throwing world. It's a world where everyone holds a stone; we throw first and ask questions later. Stones hurt. They damage to an extent that is difficult to repair. They don't discriminate - they will injure whoever is in their way.

The great danger of living in a world full of stones is it forces us to always be on the lookout. At any moment and from any direction, stones can come flying at us. In order to stay safe, we have to watch out for them.

Of course, as we look for stones, we see them. We often see what we expect to see. Psychologists call it confirmation bias. We seek, interpret, and remember information that confirms our thoughts more than information that changes our thoughts. This is why a political ally and a political enemy can do the same thing and we forgive the ally but revile the enemy. While we believe we look at others neutrally, we see everyone through the lens of a bias. It's why most political debates do not change minds as much as they confirm them. When we are biased toward expecting stones, we will see stones.

The opposite metaphor of a stone is a seed. In James, the writer uses a seed as an illustration for peace: "And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness" (3:18 NLT).

On its own, a seed is not very much. It is easily forgotten or overlooked. The power of the seed is in what it can become. With time, care, and the right conditions, a seed can become something very meaningful.

Peace is like a seed. It starts small and seems worthless, but over time it can grow into a harvest.

There are two options - a stone or a seed. Which do you choose? Are you throwing stones or planting seeds? Do you more often reach for the stone to protest yourself or your reputation, to make your point, to defend your side? Or do you more often plant seeds to build connection, to reassure of your love, to bring peace, to deflate the discussion?"

Pretty powerful stuff! I want to share a few thoughts...
1. "We often see whatever we expect to see." What do we expect? Are we filled with hope or despair? Do we expect to see the good or the bad in another? If what we expect is what we see doesn't it also stand to reason that if something happens that we did not expect to see, we are less likely to see it? Expecting and looking for the brokenness, the fault, the failure in another is so easy, perhaps the lazy way out. We live in a fallen, broken world and therefore, we are all broken, we all have faults and we all have failures. However, if you believe in the Bible as I do, we know that everyone is fearfully and wonderfully made, created on purpose for a great purpose, lacking nothings. So what happens if we expect to see that? The fearfully and wonderfully made person, the person with a great purpose, the one who lacks nothing. We see what we expect to see...

2. "The power of the seed is in what it can become." In our instant gratification, got have it right now society, this is tough. We are not very fond of waiting more than 8 seconds - that is what research tells us is the current attention span of most - so the concept of planting something in the dirt - there is a great metaphor there about the messes of life - taking care of it, watering and nurturing it, protecting it and waiting for it to grow, well, it took me longer than 8 seconds to just type it! :) I guess with this one, I simply want to offer encouragement. As Robert Louis Stevenson so accurately stated, "Don't judge each day by the harvest your reap but by the seeds that you plant." Let's be planters of positive, encouraging thoughts, words, and deeds! It is a choice and in this stone throwing world we are going to have to be very intentional about it. Please be encouraged Friends! Please remember the promise of Galatians 6:9, "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

3. So, what choice will we make, the seeds or the stones? I want to challenge all of us to build connection, to reassure of our love - this is intentional, and it is action...it is not feelings and it is not words! - to bring peace, and, as conversations get heated, deflate the discussion. Different? Absolutely! Some will laugh, mock and think we have lost our minds. Please don't worry about them, they are tending their gardens and we are tending ours! Hard? Yes! But please remember the greatest rewards come from the hardest climbs! 

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious family!

Kev

Friday, January 17, 2020

The 16th Second

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama!

This week I saw an 8 minute video that was so simple and yet so profound in it's wisdom. Now, you can save yourself some time and simply go on YouTube and watch a video titled, "Brutally Honest Valedictorian." It is a video of Kyle Martin giving his speech at graduation from Kings Academy on May 31, 2019. Even if you choose to read this Happy Friday, where I am simply going to share the God-inspired wisdom of Kyle, I would strongly encourage you to take 8 minutes and watch this amazing young man deliver a message that we all need to hear over and over again.

Kyle begins his speech by sharing how he had learned a year ago that he had a chance to become Valedictorian. This is something he decided he badly wanted and he set a goal to pursue. Ever been there, when you think you want something so badly, that you just have to have it, that you begin working tirelessly to accomplish it? Most of us have. And then, Kyle accomplished it, he became Valedictorian. He talks about how great it felt to be at the awards banquet to have his name called and to realize that he had accomplished his goal. And he beautifully talks about how great it felt to stand "at the top of the pile of all my accomplishments"...for about 15 seconds. And then, like many of us who have given everything to accomplish something, in the 16th second he finds himself rhetorically asking, "That's it?"

Kyle is an incredibly engaging speaker and he shares so many nuggets of wisdom. For the most part I simply want to walk you through what I considered to be the highlights of his beautiful speech.

Having the unsettling question of "That's it?" stirring his soul, Kyle went in search of the answer as to why he felt so...empty. He then has several beautiful things to say in rapid-fire succession.

He points out that "working hard is good...it is in fact biblical." He continues on however with, it "should not be done for the sole purpose of a goals sake at the expense of relationship with others." Success, however you define it, whatever mountain you are trying to climb should not be "paid for at the expense of relationship with others." You see Sweet Friends, their is a price to be paid for everything in this life. What price are you and I willing to pay?

At the 4:24 mark of the video, Kyle brings it home like a 2 x 4 between the eyes. In quick succession he talks about these prices paid:

  • The "career you chose over your spouse."
  • "money that you pursued at the detriment of your children."
  • "Instead of just the Instagram worthy picture it's striving to be famous at the expense of time with your friends."
Kyle share two great reminders/insights:
1. Yes, we get our 15 seconds of euphoria as we realize we have accomplished something however there always "must come a 16th second." It is the realization that no matter what you accomplish, there is going to come a moment when all the adrenaline pumping excitement ends. What are your left with then?
2. "A lesson learned should be a lesson shared." What a great reminder for us all! And then, thankfully, Kyle shares the lesson he learned from his experience.

The lesson Kyle learned from his successful pursuit of becoming Valedictorian is this; "Have no regrets in the 16th second." He continues on, "Nothing is more important than your healthy relationships, nothing." Now on a roll he says, "Relationships are where we get to influence, impact and change peoples lives." And then there comes the 2 x 4 between the eyes - "Your life cannot be meaningful without them [relationships]." I will give us a moment to compose ourselves! :)

Incredible, right? Again, I want to strongly encourage you to go watch this video. Whether you do or not, I want to challenge each one of us to have no regrets in the 16th second. Yes, work hard. Yes, have goals and dreams and pursue them. The hope and prayer is simply that we will count the cost we are willing to pay on the front end and make sure that when the 16th second comes, and it always comes, make sure there are no regrets and that there are others there to celebrate with you!

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families!

Kev

Friday, January 10, 2020

Someone Needs to Hear This...

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new opportunity begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! Great things are going to happen in this day...I can feel it! I so love the early morning, right before dawn. Everything is just beginning to wake up. It is peaceful - filled with hope, opportunity and promise. It is magical! :)

This week I want to share something that I know someone - besides me! :) - needs to hear. I gleaned this nugget of information earlier this week when reading Don't Give Up by Kyle Idleman. It spoke deeply to my soul...perhaps to yours too!

Before getting to the main point, I want to share a little bit of what Pastor Idleman had to say about lies and truth. I think the insights around lies and truth are profound as what we believe determines what we do. What we do determines the lives we live. The lives we live determines, well, everything! So, what do we believe?

Check out this great quote from Pastor Idleman; "When you believe a lie to be true, you give it the same power as if it were." You might want to read that again...:)

Ever been there...someone tells you something, you believe them and act upon what they told you, only to find out later that what they told you was not true? I think most of us have. Remember the emotions? We are confused, angry, embarrassed... We walked out what Pastor Idleman said, we gave something that wasn't the truth the same power as if it were. We acted on a lie and, well, that is never going to end well! :)

So we have to figure out who, or what, we are going to listen to. Each one of us WILL make a choice...and the choice we make will reverberate through eternity. Let me share a couple of scriptures real quick...

In John 8:44 Jesus says of Satan, "...for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies."

2 Corinthians 2: 11 says, "in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes."

You see Sweet Friends, we know that Satan is a liar. It is his chief tactic. If he can get us to believe the lie(s) we give them the same power as if they were the truth. And here is another really important piece of information found in another quote from Pastor Idleman, "...there's some truth in it. That's how the best lies work. If a lie was wholly untrue, you'd recognize it and reject it." Be on guard...you know the tactic.

Let's look at a couple of other scriptures...
John 14: 6 says, "Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life."

John 8:32 says, "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

And then this scripture beautifully lays out the consequences of our choice to believe lies or truth... "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." - John 10:10

It strikes me so powerfully when laid out this way. We know who Satan his and what he does. We know who Jesus is and what he does. And we know the consequences of following each...Wow! How many hopes, goals and dreams have been stolen because we believed we weren't enough? How many opportunities were killed because we believed a lie and became fearful? How many marriages have been destroyed because we believed the grass was greener on the other side of the fence? Powerful...

O.K., now all that isn't even what I wanted to talk about this morning! :) But it is critically important to understand those points to get to what I really want to share with you briefly. Now Friends, please listen closely...

2 Peter 1: 3 says, "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life..." Pastor Idleman then goes on to explain, ""A godly life" means more than simply a life not dominated by sin. It means God has a great plan for your life and, through his power, will give you everything you need to live it." I have bolded it to add emphasis and I would encourage you to repeat those words again, "God has a great plan for your life and, through his power, will give you everything you need to live it." Please Sweet Friends, let this truth wash over your heart, your mind and your spirit...

You are enough! You have what it takes, with God's help, to live the life you have been called to live. You are man/woman enough. You have what it takes to be the Godly man/woman you were created to become. You have everything you need to be the husband/wife you were created to become. You are the perfect parent for your child...you lack nothing. That burning desire/passion in your heart? Yes, you are enough to fill your hopes, goals and dreams!

Here is a word of truth I respectfully want to ask you to repeat to yourself over and over and over....
"With God, I have everything I need to do everything I need to do."

You, your life and your purpose are so valuable! Please, choose truth.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Friday, January 3, 2020

Keep Fighting

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! First day back to work after a wonderful Christmas break...this is surely going to be a great day! :)

This week I simply want to share some excerpts with y'all from a book I am reading. The title of the book is Don't Give Up: Faith That Gives You The Confidence To Keep Believing And The Courage To Keep Going and it is written by Kyle Idleman. It is an excellent read and I would strongly recommend it to all of you.

What I want to share this morning are excerpts from Chapter 2 which is titled, Keep Fighting. This chapter spoke deeply to my soul and I thought that perhaps some of the excerpts would inspire some of you as well. I am simply going to share the things that I underlined while reading.

"In a moment of desperation, when you feel like there is no hope, will you give up or will you cry out to God for help?"

"In his book This Sickness Unto Death, Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard speaks of moments of despair as having a remarkable silver lining. In those moments, you are left with nothing to cling to, and you can only hope in something outside of yourself. You can discover God's power and presence in a way you've never experienced before."

"...God is drawn to the desperate. If you trace this idea in scripture, you'll find that God's deliverance often follows closely upon a time of desperation."

"We know that in stressful situations, people have the impulses to fight, flight, or freeze. Fighters strike back when confronted. Flyers take off; they run in the opposite direction. And others take the deer-in-the-headlights approach - they're paralyzed by fear."

"...we all make tracks when the thing we fear is gaining on us. When what we fear is fast approaching, the most natural response is to give up and run in the opposite direction."

"When we find ourselves in a situation where we don't think we have what it takes, we run away. The problem is that fear distorts our perception of reality."

"How many of our paralyzing fears are harmless props or potentials that never even materialize?"

"The challenge is real; I get that. We've all been there. but to step into your role as God sees you, sometimes you must choose to say, "Enough!" And maybe right now you can't say it from some grandiose, broad-shouldered Superman pose, but it's a gentle yet declarative faith-filled whisper to yourself: Enough. I'm not running anymore."

"Every good thing is possible. But not without a fight."

"Reflecting on a line from the poet Robert Frost, he tells us the path to blessing is not around but through. He puts it this way: "The quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun, but to head east plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise.""

"What if fighting your way through the darkness is the path to blessing? The quickest way through the desperation may well be to embrace it. Plunge into it. Fight your way through the darkness."

"God doesn't want to leave you like you were before the addiction, or abuse, or affair, or relationship, or financial devastation, or diagnosis, or failure. He wants to bless you and introduce you to a whole new world of meaning and opportunity. but sometimes you have to fight through the night to get to the blessing."

"If you have the courage to stop running and decide that you are going to fight through the darkness and not give up until you reach the other side, you will discover God's power and presence. But you may also discover a reconciled relationship, a renewed purpose, or a new identity and hope for the future."

"...when you most feel like giving up, you are best positioned to experience God's presence."

"So, here's an idea. Instead of running away from the darkness, run into it. Instead of tapping out, grab hold of God and don't let go. He has a blessing for you, but you may need to fight for it."

"If you'll grab hold of God and refuse to let go, you'll find that there is a gift for you there. He will give you himself.
In your loneliness, there is an opportunity to discover his presence.
In your fear, there is an opportunity to discover his peace.
In your weakness, there is an opportunity to discover his strength.
In your pain, there is an opportunity to discover his purpose.
In your shame, there is an opportunity to discover his grace.
In your darkness, there is an opportunity to discover his light."

"If you've run until you're exhausted, if you feel cornered and afraid, if you have nowhere else to turn and the darkness has become complete - Jacob has a story for you. And it ends this way: "Stop running. Don't take another step, because you're running away from a blessing. Take hold of it. Fight for it. And never, never give up.""

Oh Sweet Friends, you, your life, has so much value, meaning and purpose. I get darkness...I have walked through it many times myself. I simply want to encourage you to keep fighting. Please don't give up. This world desperately needs you - the pure, authentic, real you. Please simply pursue the greatness that is within you today and trust God to take care of the rest.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families!

Kev