Being a Dad

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this glorious Sunday afternoon from my Sweet Home Alabama.

Life got a little bit crazy the end of last week and so I find myself writing Happy Friday on Sunday afternoon. Regardless, there are a couple of things on my heart that I wanted to briefly share this week.

I absolutely love being a Dad and one of the great burdens God placed on my heart many years ago was to encourage, empower and equip others as they walk this blessed path. This afternoon I want to share two things that have been on my heart this past week.

1. Last Sunday I shared a graphic on Facebook that had come from thedadsnet.com. The graphic had the picture of two heads. One was labeled "Dad on the outside" and the other was labeled "Dad on the inside." Here is what they said:
Dad on the outside - "I'm fine"
Dad on the inside - "Feelings of Failure", "Money Worries", "Inadequate", "I don't do enough", "Need more time", "Stressed", "Burnt out", "Need to set better examples", and "confused."

After having shared the image, there were two things that struck me as profound; 1) the overwhelming number of men who "liked" and "loved" that image, many of them who commented with words like "Yes!", "Exactly!", and "So true!"  and, 2) the woman who wrote, "That's sad", as those this was something she was seeing/hearing/learning for the first time. I have thought a lot about these reactions so many times this week and there are a couple of things I want to share based on them:

I. To those who aren't Dads - Please know that this struggle is real. The "I'm fine", or silence, or going fishing/hunting/golfing, etc. are quite often defense mechanisms. You see, most of us desperately want to be great Dads, we want to be everything our children need, we want to provide for them everything we think they need and perhaps, most importantly for those who are married or who share a precious soul with a woman, we want to be everything you tell us we need to be. If you know a man that keeps showing up, regardless of whether you think he is a great Dad or the worst Dad that ever lived, please have compassion and empathy. He may not be doing everything the way you think he should be doing it however if he is there, he is trying. I am reminded of two quotes:

"I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism." - Charles Schwab

"Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be and he will become what he should be." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

II. To Dads - You are not alone or weak. Again, the struggle is real. While some try to hide it in different ways, we all feel the same things. One of the hardest parts of this beautiful life journey is the feeling of being alone, soft, weak, incompetent, or whatever you want to call it. We feel like we are the only one's feelings these things while everyone else is winning "Dad of the Year" trophies...and nothing could be further from the truth. We just happen to live in a society where we are not supposed to acknowledge or talk about these feelings. Many of us were taught as little boys, "Real men don't cry"...what a bunch of crap! It takes a real man to be able to cry! You have to know who you are, to be confident in yourself as a man, to cry...this is why we have a whole bunch of fakes walking around, chests puffed out trying to prove their manhood through toys, women, alcohol, fighting, etc. and in doing so prove that they are in fact little boys trapped in adult bodies. Please know, to the depths of your soul, you are not alone! You have what it takes within you to be exactly the Dad the precious soul God has given to you needs!

And now I would like to speak for a moment to all the men out there who have fathered a child. For the most part, they will fall into one of two categories - those who show up and are Dads and those who do not. And let me be clear, there are some fathers who live in the same house as their child but they fail to show up and be a Dad.

To those who show up - You are having a profound impact in the life of your child. They may or may not tell you - keep showing up! You might feel many of the things we talked about from the graphic - keep showing up! You will have good days and bad days - keep showing up! Please continue to love that precious child to the very best of your ability, and pray to God to take care of the rest. Please know you are everything that child needs. You are enough! You are equipped! You are exactly what that precious soul needs. Please walk boldly and confidently in your calling.

To those who don't show up - First, I want to tell you it is not too late. Whether you are 19, 39 or 79-years old, you can turn around and walk the other direction. I promise you that the capacity of a child to forgive, regardless of their age, is immense, if you will choose to walk in the other direction. No, it will not necessarily be easy...but I can promise you it has not been easy for that child living without you being present either. If you feel a conviction right now, please don't continue to live with the regret, with the shame. It can be different however it does have to start with you.

Second, I don't want to speak in condescending tones or come from a spirit of condemnation. I do simply want to tell you, your child needs you. The statistics are alarming about the difference you make in your child's life. And guess what? It is only you that can meet this need. There are countless, truly heroic, women trying to fill this void however they can't completely fill it. And there are also many great men who are stepping in to the fill the gap but again, as great as they are they can never completely fill the void. Yes, you are that powerful, you mean that much. Perhaps today is the day that you answer the great calling on your life...

I love being a Dad. It is such an honor and privilege to have the God-ordained responsibility of loving, leading and protecting 3 precious souls. I am truly inspired by this great calling. It is, in part, why I fly out of bed early every morning to seek God and strive to be the best man, husband, father and leader I can possibly become. They are counting on me, I am counting on God and, together, we are creating the most beautiful parts of this life I am blessed to live.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful rest of the weekend, a great week, and please stay healthy and well.

Kev