Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :)
Earlier this week I had a meeting that went nothing like I thought it would go. Oh, I thought I knew exactly what the meeting was going to be about and I prepared for what I thought I knew. And my mind was blown by what it was actually about. And as soon as it was over I heard this whisper deep in my heart reminding me, "Seek first to understand than to be understood."
Now, there is a couple of things I want to share before putting some tools in our toolboxes as we learn, grow and become all we are capable of becoming.
1. This wasn't one of those meetings where things go sideways, everyone mad at everyone - Praise the Lord! I am so grateful. No, this was just a conviction in the spirit, a gentle reminder that I need to slow down and seek first to understand.
2. If you are in a place like that, or if you have ever been there, I want to encourage you to be kind to yourself. This is coming from a guy who will beat himself up pretty good over the slightest of mistakes, perceived or real. I am a part of a Bible study and we are studying the Book of James. As our Pastor points out every time we meet, do you know what the entire point of the Book of James is? It is about growing and maturing. How do we do that? By living...and making mistakes. Doh!!! You see, my error is nothing to beat myself up over but rather something to learn from. And, if I spend all my time filling my mind with negative self-talk then I miss the opportunity to learn and grow. I don't want to miss that opportunity and I don't want you to either! :)
O.K., let's get to some learning! :) I looked up some things on seeking first to understand and I want to share a couple of excerpts with you.
The first excerpt comes from an article titled Seek First to Understand and it was written by Joanne Lang on December 6, 2017. You can find the entire article at huffpost.com.
"Part of Dr. Covey's message (addressed in Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood) is that people form opinions based on their own experiences. Unless they work hard to understand the other person's perspective, two people can see the same thing and form completely different viewpoints because they are understanding "autobiographically."
'If you're like most people, you probably seek first to be understood; you want to get your point across. And in doing so, you may ignore the other person completely, pretend that you're listening, selectively hear only certain parts of the conversation or attentively focus on only the words being said, but miss the meaning entirely. So why does this happen? Because most people listen with the intent to reply, not to understand. You listen to yourself as you prepare in your mind what you are going to say, the questions you are going to ask, etc. You filter everything you hear through your life experiences, your frame of reference. You check what you hear against your autobiography and see how it measures up. And consequently, you decide prematurely what the other person means before he/she finishes communicating.'
According to Dr. Covey, learning to communicate effectively is the most important life skill. In my experience, this skill is critical to good decision-making, whether you're a CEO, investor, mentor, partner, or an employee."
"To be a good CEO, manager, advisor, investor, or even a good parent, you need to listen so that you can understand. It's important to get the facts from everyone involved, and (this sounds obvious, but you'd be amazed how many people fail to do this) never make big decisions based on one half of a story - no matter who is telling it."
The second excerpt I want to share is from an article titled, Seek to Understand, and it was written by Vince Lombardo on August 1, 2018. You can find the entire article at heartlandpaymentsystems.com.
"Here are 3 simple steps in Seeking to Understand:
1. Ask - Inquire about the other person's viewpoint, perspective, opinion, context. Be inquisitive. Using words such as Why, How and What are helpful in ascertaining the root of their perspective.
2. Listen - This one is difficult for some of us. Don't ask a question just to ask. Really listen to their response. Stay engaged and you will likely learn something that will help you digest their response more fully.
3. Digest - Take a moment to consider their position. Don't respond immediately. Sometimes, really digesting the response someone gives allows you to see something you may not otherwise see.
Relationships are the fuel of everything we know. We all desire authentic relationships with people who care about us. We want to be respected and also liked. If we all took the time to seek to understand one another's positions, in everyday moments and those filled with tension, the world would be a better place."
Switching gears on y'all quickly here, I also want to share a few excerpts from Lee Strobel's presentation on Focus on the Family titled, Praying for Unsaved Loved Ones. Now, this has nothing to do with seeking to understand however I found these things profound and just wanted to share them with you! :) You can find his entire talk at focusonthefamily.com.
"Second reason we pray for others is because it is a pure expression of love, a pure expression of love. Richard Foster said this - this is an incredible quote - he said, 'If we truly love people, we will desire for them far more than it is within our power to give them and this will lead us to prayer.'"
"Friends, love does not give up on people. Love perseveres. Love is patient. Love does not write people off..."
Pretty powerful stuff, huh? Please, don't give up on people. We are not called to judge, make, change, etc. We are called to love, plain and simple. We all need someone to love us, to believe in us, to hold us up sometimes, and to see the greatness within us that we cannot see. Please Friends, let's be that someone in someone else's life.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families and please stay healthy and well! :)
Kev
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