Tools for 2023

Happy Friday, Friends:

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful new day in my Sweet Home Alabama! 😊

Can you believe it is already the last Friday of 2022?! It is amazing how quickly time goes by!!!

This “Happy Friday” is going to be a mixture of quotes, sayings, and excerpts from books. My heart is to simply put some tools in our toolboxes as we head into 2023…

A couple of really good quotes that we would be wise to keep in and that will, hopefully, inspire us as we remind ourselves of them throughout the year:

“Acquiring wisdom is great but it is not the goal, applying it is.” – Idowu Koyenikan

“Spiritual growth is a life to be lived, not just a lesson to be learned.” – Tony Evans

O.K., a little challenge; I am going to write the following quote on a notecard, and I am going to read it every morning of 2023…perhaps you want to join me! 😊

“Today is a new day and it brings with it a new set of opportunities for me to act on.

I am attentive to the opportunities, and I seize them as they arise.

I have full confidence in myself and my abilities.

I can do all things that I commit myself to.

No obstacle is too big or too difficult for me to handle because what lies inside me is greater than what lies ahead of me.

I am committed to improving myself and I am getting better daily.

I am not held back by regret or mistakes from the past.

I am moving forward daily.

Absolutely nothing is impossible for me.” – Idowu Koyenikan

I came across this list a couple of days ago and I wanted to share it with you all. I am sorry, I do not know the author or the title however what a remarkable world we will live in if we actually live these things out in 2023!

1. Compliment three people every day.
2. Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
3. Be the first to say, “Hello.”
4. Live beneath your means.
5. Treat everyone like you want to be treated.
6. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen.
7. Forget the Joneses.
8. Never deprive someone of hope. It may be all they have.
9. Pray not for things, but for wisdom and courage.
10. Be tough-minded but tenderhearted.
11. Be kinder than necessary.
12. Don’t forget, a person’s greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
13. Keep your promises.
14. Learn to show cheerfulness, even when you don’t feel like it.
15. Remember that overnight success usually takes about 15 years.
16. Leave everything better than you found it.
17. Remember that winners do what losers don’t want to do.
18. When you arrive at your job in the morning, let the first thing you say brighten everyone’s day.
19. Don’t rain on other people’s parades.
20. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Over the past two weeks I have read two amazing books…I want to share an excerpt that struck me as profound from each. Here is the point; the excerpts may or may not speak to you and that is cool…the real question is, “what are you reading?” Whatever it is, or isn’t, is influencing the life you will live…you are welcome! 😊

The first excerpt is from the book Uncommon Influence: Saying Yes to A Purposeful Life by Lauren & Tony Dungy. A remarkable book that I highly recommend!

“I’ve spent the last twenty years advocating on behalf of children in need, specifically those who need a forever family and long for a forever home. Children are an important group to serve because they are among the most vulnerable people in the world. They need food and water, shelter and clothing, companionship and love, and unless someone helps them with those things, they simply will not receive them on a daily basis. Children live at the mercy of us adults. When they are young, anyway, they cannot choose where they live, where they attend school, or where they go to church – if they go to church at all. They cannot dictate the density of their physical nutrition, the quality of their family’s emotional health, or the pace of their spiritual development. Those things are all decided for them, and children carry the results of those decisions with them for a long time – in some cases, for a lifetime.”

The second excerpt – it is actually several things that I have highlighted from the introduction…yes, the book is that good! - is from the book The Men We Need: God’s Purpose for the Manly Man, the Avid Indoorsman, or Any Man Willing to Show Up by Brant Hansen. What a book!!! I could not put it down!!! It is challenging, inspiring, and Brant is absolutely hilarious!

“The vision is this: We men are at our best when we are “keepers of the garden.” This means we are protectors and defenders and cultivators. We are at our best when we champion the weak and vulnerable. We are at our best when we use whatever strength we have to safeguard the innocent and provide a place for people to thrive. This is the job Adam was given: keeper of the garden.”

“But women love it when we prove we’re willing to do what needs to be done. It turns out it’s not about muscle at all but about character.”

“As mentioned, this purpose goes back in history quite a few years. Like…all the way to Adam.

Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. (Gen. 2:15 NKJV)

The Hebrew word translated “keep” here is shamar. It means “to guard,” “to protect,” and “to watch over.”

Guard. Protect. Watch over.”

“Masculinity is about taking responsibility.”

“Keepers of the garden need not be physical brutes. What we do need is the willingness to bring whatever resources we have to fill this role in whatever contexts we find ourselves: our homes, our schools, our apartment buildings, our offices…anywhere we are.”

“We’re all called to be keepers and protectors in our spheres of influence, whatever and wherever they are.”

“Where are you, Adam?

Now, to be sure, they’re both in trouble. The fact that God comes looking for Adam doesn’t mean he’s more significant than Eve. But where’s the keeper of the garden? Where’s the one God specifically charged with being the protector?

Where’s the one he made to take responsibility?

Given our current human condition, it may be that God is still asking.”

“There are real humans outside your window who will suffer because you aren’t who we need you to be.”

“Do. Actively meet needs. Actively show up. Actively engage.”

“The question was about who is ultimately responsible for the man’s behavior, and the answer is…the man.”

“We can look away, and we can move our minds to other distractions, if we so choose.”

“To properly keep and protect our garden – the people and things around us that need us to grow up – we can’t be blame shifters. Since masculinity is about the taking of responsibility, it means squarely owning up to our own failures and the things we need to do.”

“You have the responsibility of guarding your heart. You have the say in whether you will allow God to shape who you are becoming. No one else will do this for you.”

“But if you want to do something terrifying, spend time pondering this possibility: You might never become the man you were intended to become.”

“Be freaked out by the very real possibility that you never become the man you could have been, that we need you to be, because it was all about you.

Bud don’t stay freaked out about it. It’s up to you. You can change your course. It’s simply a matter of intending to do what you need to do to fulfill your purpose.

It really does have to be intentional. Most good things don’t just happen.”

Again, please, thoughtfully consider the books you will read, the things you will listen to, what you will allow to be poured into your Spirit, mind, and heart for it is these things that will shape the life you live. 😊

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

I also want to wish you and your families a very healthy, prosperous, and Happy New Year!

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your families, and please stay well!

Kev

Creating Memories

 Happy Friday, Friends: 

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this glorious, freezing, Friday afternoon in my Sweet Home Alabama! 😊

What a special time of year! It is Christmas Eve eve and you can feel the excitement in the air! I absolutely love it!

Last Saturday, my Beautiful Bride, two of my Tender Warriors, and I took a quick, 5-day, trip to Arizona. My in-laws are both in their mid-80’s and they will be transitioning to assisted living right after the first of the year. We wanted to spend some time with them and help them get ready to make their move. To say it was a special, very blessed, time would be an understatement! Amongst a number of special moments, I want to share two with you.

Kath and I were out to lunch when I looked up and saw that the restaurant we were at had a little artificial tree decorated for Christmas. As I sat and looked at that tree, I thought about Grandma and Grandpa’s home. There was almost no indication that it was Christmas except the one angel that sits on an end table. I told Kath that after we were done eating, I wanted to go buy a small tree and decorations so her parents could decorate it. That is exactly what we did.

To watch Grandma, and especially Grandpa, decorate that tree was something none of us will ever forget. That look of awe and wonder little kids get on their face when they look at a Christmas tree…that is the exact look that Grandpa had on his face the entire time! We all genuinely enjoyed our time as Grandma and Grandpa decorated their tree, and it blessed us all beyond measure.

On Wednesday it was time to head home. We were all saying our goodbyes as I went to shake Grandpa’s hand, just as we have done every other time I have left him since I was 17-years old. This time, however, would be different. I reached out my hand to shake his hand however when he grabbed my hand, he pulled me to him for a hug…the first time we had hugged in the 38 years we have known each other! It was absolutely incredible, something I will never forget as long as I live.

People generally look at the holidays one of two ways – with great excitement or with great dread. Those who look at it with excitement usually talk about time with family, special traditions, getting and receiving gifts, etc. Those who look at it with dread will often talk about the absent family member, the hardships, the expectations, etc. Here is the thing – one way or another we are all going to create memories over these next few days. Whether they are memories we hold close to our hearts and reflect on regularly or they are memories that stir bitterness, anger, and resentment will in large part be up to each one of us, individually. Most, if not all, of us have experienced loss, hardships, and disappointments just as most of us have blessings and opportunities. We get to choose which we will focus on and pursue, which will in turn determine the type of memories we create. Please Friends, choose wisely.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

Kev

What if...?

Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! What a blessed day this will surely be! 😊

This week's Happy Friday is going to be a short challenge…What if everyone followed your example? Now, in full transparency, I read that as a part of a quote earlier this week and despite my best efforts, I could not find out who said it to properly cite the source. Just know the thought/idea was not mine however it has absolutely wrecked my world for the last few days as I thought about it! 😊

So, what if everyone followed your example? What if your spouse loved you and treated you like you loved and treated them? What if your kids talked to you like you talk to them? What if your friends were there for you like you are there for them? What if your coworkers work like you work? What if…

Makes you think, doesn’t it? If you are like me there are some points, some times, when you would be completely fine with your spouse/partner, kids, friends, and colleagues following your example and there would be other times that, well, not so much! This isn’t a time to beat yourself up but rather it is a time to thoughtfully reflect on the things we are saying and doing on a consistent basis and, if they don’t reflect what we want, if it is not the example we want to set for others, we work to change it. I was listening to a Craig Groechel leadership podcast this morning and he was interviewing Tim Tebow. They were talking about this very kind of thing; how do you stand by your convictions, by your beliefs when you know that you fall short of the mark…just like you and I fall short in setting the example we want sometimes. Asking, “what if everyone followed your example?” is not a statement of my or your perfection but rather a statement, a challenge, about what we aspire to be. While we will undoubtedly miss the mark from time to time, we can choose to recognize our faults, apologize when necessary, and then recommit to the type of life we want to live. That is where our power is and that is where change happens! 😊

I am going to wrap this one up by sharing a few quotes with you.

“The most powerful leadership tool you have is your own personal example.” – John Wooden

“People may teach you what they know, but they reproduce what they are.” – John C. Maxwell

“What you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear what you are saying.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others, it is the only means.” – Albert Einstein

“The world is changed by your example not your opinion.” – Paul Coelho

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” – Marcus Aurelius

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well! 😊

Kev

How Are You Living?

 Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! 😊

I have a simple question for all of us this morning; how are you living? More specifically, are you living a have to or a get to kind of life? How we answer that question, or better yet, how we live that question will determine a whole lot of things – our attitude, our effort, the quality of the life we are living, etc.

Earlier this week I posted this quote from Christine Caine on Facebook:

“…our ability to achieve our dreams and fulfill our destiny is directly influenced by our thinking. How we think determines our responses, our ability to relate to others, our level of commitment, our priorities, and the dreams we will pursue.”

Again, how are you living?

·       Do you get to love, care for, and serve your family or do you have to make breakfast, clean, go to the store, take care of the lawn…or the countless other things we do to keep our families running?

·       Do you get to go watch your kids pursue their goals and dreams or do you have to go to another game?

·       Do you get to pursue all you were created to be today, or do you have to go to work?

Changes the way you look at it, doesn’t it? We all have a choice – we will live a have to or get to life. The way we choose to look at it and live will then permeate every other aspect of our lives…for good or bad.

And listen, this is a choice that every one of us is going to have to make each day of our lives. We don’t make this, or any, choice once and it covers us for a lifetime. I will again share a quote that changed my life the day I first read it:

“Nothing is easier than saying words, nothing is harder than living them day after day. What you decide today and commit to today, you must redecide and recommit to tomorrow and each day that stretches out before you.” – Arthur Gordon

None of us are perfect. There are plenty of times I catch myself in the have to mindset. The key is what we do next; we can choose our mindset regardless of the situation, circumstance, and most definitely, the feeling.

Finally, this is not to ignore real problems, challenges, or struggles. We all have them. Loving, caring for, and serving others is hard…that is why we must choose to do it! It is hard running kids everywhere…I promise you; the season is fleeting – gone in a flash! – and you will actually miss those days! And yes, all of our jobs can be a grind sometimes however if we can only remember that things are happening for us, not to us, we can live a get to kind of life.

My prayer for all of us is that we will choose to live a get to kind of life, that we will intentionally choose it, every day! 😊

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

Kev

Little Things Matter

 Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! Let’s make THIS day a great one!

I want to share a couple of short thoughts/ideas with you this morning…

Wednesday was a long day! I was up at 3:00 a.m., did my normal morning routine of Bible Study, reading, note writing, and then workout. After showering and eating breakfast, I was at my Men’s Bible Study at 6:30 a.m. I was at work by 8:00, had several meetings, and by 2:00 p.m. was on my way to Memphis, TN for an event. I arrived in Memphis at 5:15 p.m., attended the event, and then went to our men’s basketball game which started at 7:00 p.m. Leaving the FedEx Forum at halftime, I was back in the truck and on the way home a little after 8:00 p.m. I arrived home a little after 11:00 p.m. Now, here is where it gets interesting…

I would usually stay on my normal routine, meaning I would have gone to bed and gotten up at 3:20 a.m. and went about my day…the best I could on 4ish hours of sleep. And, oh by the way, I had an event to go to last night! So, on Wednesday night, for whatever reason – perhaps Godly wisdom and discernment! – I decided I was going to do something different. I had no meetings yesterday until 11:30 a.m. so I decided I would just sleep until I woke up…no alarm. For me this is usually around 7 hours of sleep. I woke up around 6:30, let my colleagues know I would be coming to the office late yesterday morning, and then followed my normal morning routine. I arrived at the office a little after 9:30 a.m. And what happened? I thrived through the day! I was not exhausted, my mind was sharp, and I felt good! And the event last night? I thoroughly enjoyed it!

Somebody – besides me!!! 😊- needs to hear this; it is o.k. to take care of yourself! The folks at the office were just fine without me and, perhaps most importantly, they got a better version of me once I got there. I can’t tell you the countless number of times I had days like the one I outlined above, I still got up at 3:20 or so, and then survived it. That is no way to live! Yesterday I learned a valuable lesson, one that I will apply in the future. It is o.k. to take care of ourselves, to recognize we need rest, and then to actually do it.

One other little tidbit for you; yesterday a colleague shot me a text asking me to give her a call when I got a moment. When we got on the phone, she stated we hadn’t seen each other all week, hadn’t had a chance to visit, and she just wanted to know how I was doing and how my week was going…that was it!!! She didn’t have any questions, and she didn’t want anything from me. She simply wanted to talk to me and see how I was doing. I can’t begin to tell you how much that phone call meant to me. It genuinely touched my heart.

Here is the lesson, Friends; we don’t have to make grand gestures to touch a heart or to make a difference. Something as little as a phone call to just see how someone is doing, to see how their day/week is going, can make a profound difference…it did for me! Let’s not let those countless opportunities pass.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

Kev

Blessings

 Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful, glorious, day in my Sweet Home Alabama! 😊 Additionally, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

I want to share a little bit about my last two days…

Wednesday I wanted to get all of my Christmas decorations up. Landry, my youngest Tender Warrior, very kindly got all the decorations out of the attic for me so on Wednesday I could get going first thing. Additionally, my Beautiful Bride, Kathy, had gone to the store to get new, colored, lights for us to hang on the house. So, on Wednesday morning I got up, did my normal morning routine, hit a workout, and got going a little before 8:00 a.m. Throughout the day Landry ran tons of errands – to get lunch, to get a 26’ extension ladder so I could get lights to the highest peak on the house this year (finally!!!), and to the store to get propane and fire wood so we could have a fire and portable heaters when neighbors came over to sit out on the front drive and visit. Kathy was busy doing all kinds of different things to prepare our house for a family filled weekend. Payton came over after doing some work and did the lights on all of the bushes. I was up and down the ladder all day putting up lights on the house. At about 4:30 p.m. we were finished. We had dinner together and then went out front to start the fire and wait for our neighbors to arrive. Throughout the night 3 different sets of neighbors stopped by to visit and we waved to numerous others as they drove by. At about 10:00 p.m., the last neighbor left, the fire had burned out, we put everything away, and we came into the house exhausted but exhilarated from an extraordinary day. It was a lot however we had done it all together. 😊

Yesterday morning we got up, had a quick snack, and Kathy, Payton, and I went to a 5K Run (that would be Payton!) and a 1-mile Fun Run/Walk (that would be Kathy and me! 😊). We had a wonderful time! After the race we came back home, ate a quick lunch, and then all took a nap. After waking up, Payton and I got ready and headed to Oxford, MS for the Egg Bowl – the rivalry game between Ole Miss and Mississippi State. Payton and I have made it a goal to visit a different SEC stadium every year and we chose to go to this game this year. With the game being on Thanksgiving, we decided as a family that we would celebrate our Thanksgiving today – Friday. Payton and I took off at about 12:30 p.m. We had a wonderful drive to Oxford. We talked about life, family, hopes, struggles, etc. We called Grandma and Grandpa. We called Uncle Phil. We called Gehrig, the only Tender Warrior I did not get to see yesterday, and talked to him and his sweet girlfriend, Ila. We got to Oxford 3 hours before kickoff, just as we had planned. We quickly found parking and then walked to The Grove – the large tailgating area at Ole Miss. It was everything we could have imagined! We, quiet accidentally, ran into the Rebel Walk or Walk of Champions – I am not sure what they call it however it is when the team arrives and walks through a tunnel of fans. It was awesome! After the walk we headed toward the stadium. We stopped at a team shop and got me a Ole Miss hat – much to my Beautiful Bride’s dismay (I say that tongue in cheek, she is very supportive), I buy a hat at each of these stadiums that Payton and I go to together. We then went into the stadium, found another team shop, and bought Payton an Ole Miss shirt (yes, he always gets a shirt on our adventures). We then got dinner – Grove Burgers and water – and then headed to our seats. We had so much fun and saw a very good game (Mississippi State won 24 – 22). Right after the game we headed back to the truck, hopped in and drove right back home. We got home at 1:15 a.m. this morning. Another day ended as the day before had – exhausted and exhilarated.

As I write this Happy Friday, my house and heart are full. Landry is taking a nap – he camped out last night and was duck hunting at first light this morning. Gehrig and Payton are in the living room watching the World Cup match between USA and England. My Beautiful Bride is putting the finishing touches on our Thanksgiving dinner. The smells of turkey, ham, and stuffing fill the house. My precious fur babies are wondering everywhere, hoping somebody will give them a bite of something! 😊

So, what is my point? I truly believe that what matters most in this life are people and the relationships we have with them. Has everything been “perfect”? No. There were challenges and struggles in putting up the decorations. And yes, we get frustrated with each other. It wasn’t ideal to be leaving Kathy alone on Thanksgiving while Payton and I drove to Oxford. It would have been great to be able to spend time with Gehrig. And we didn’t get to celebrate Thanksgiving when everyone else did. Having said that, I honestly don’t think I would have changed a thing. We all get to make choices and there are consequences to every choice we make. I wanted my house ready for Christmas and I got to do that with my family. I wanted to visit with my neighbors and I got to do that. Payton and I had chosen this game, we discussed it with the family, and we all knew how we would celebrate our Thanksgiving. As I reflect, the greatest choice I think I made over the last few days was to be fully present AND fully engaged. Whatever I was doing I was there – physically and mentally! I want to encourage you to do the same. Yes, there were times when my mind wanted to wonder or I wanted to think if I should be doing something else. And each time, I pushed back those thoughts and chose to be who I was with, doing what I was doing.

We all have blessings, countless things to be grateful for, if only we will take the time to see and enjoy them. THAT is my hope and prayer for each one of us – that we would recognize and genuinely appreciate each blessing, every day…not just one day per year.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious family and every moment with them, and please stay well!

Now, I am going to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family! 😊

Kev

For You Not To You

 Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! 😊

Earlier this week I started a new Bible Study titled Trust In The Trials: A 5-Day Plan For Hope In The Hard Times by Susie O’Neal. It came flying out the gate!! I want to share an excerpt from Day 1 which is titled, Bind My Wandering Heart to Thee. Here is the excerpt:

“But what if the trials, hardships, struggles, and detours were actually for your good?

What if these difficult seasons were meant to help you destroy idols buried in your heart? What if God needed you to make mistakes and suffer hardships to mold you, grow you, and sanctify you into the mature believer he has called you to be? What if all of these things happened for you not to you?

Perhaps the trial feels never ending because instead of growing better, you pulled away and became bitter. Every season of life, the highs and the lows, are all needed for you to learn to give grace more freely, to forgive others more easily, to show compassion more deeply, to protect others more boldly, to soften hearts more humbly, and to love unconditionally.”

Pretty profound perspective shift, isn’t it?

“For you not to you” – Does this make everything better and go away? No. But it does change the way we look at whatever it is we are going through. I have also heard it said, “Instead of asking, ‘why me?’ ask ‘what is this trying to teach me?’” Shifting our perspective can shift our attitude which will change how we experience whatever it is we are going through.

“Trial feels never ending…” – Ever been there? Where you were bitter? Yeah, me too. And as I sit back and reflect, I realize that it was only after I let the bitterness go that I was able to learn and grow from the situation/circumstance.

“Every season of life, the highs and the lows, are all needed…” – Would any of us choose to go through the lows? I would guess not. However, again as I reflect, I see that it was in those seasons that I did learn and grow the most. And, somewhat strangely, there is a peace in my spirit when I realize they are all needed. Instead of the self-defeating talk, I realize that they were necessary steps to me becoming the man, husband, Dad, leader, and friend that I am today. And most assuredly, there will be opportunities to learn and grow in the future.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, a Happy Thanksgiving, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

Kev

Learning

 Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day, Veteran’s Day, begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! This is going to be a special day! Not only do we get to honor all those who have served our country in the military, we also get to pursue all we were created to become, and we get to love, care for, and serve everyone we cross paths with today! It’s a blank canvas, Friends…let’s make it a masterpiece!

This week I am going to share from two different podcasts I have listened to this week. They are loaded with great information and while I will share some of what I heard, I would encourage you to listen to the full podcasts yourself.

The first one I want to talk about is from the podcast At The Table with Patrick Lencioni. It originally aired on November 9, 2022, and it is titled, Everyone’s Got Stuff. You can find the podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/everyones-got-stuff/id1474171732?i=1000585623876 Here is a quick summary:

·        We all have faults, failures, hang-ups, addictions, problems, etc.

·        Sharing them does two things:

o   Acknowledging them makes us more human which makes us more relatable to others.

o   Acknowledging them gives others the opportunity to help us.

So, let’s just talk about this for a minute. First, it is absolutely true…. we all have stuff! We all have insecurities, fears, problems, addictions, etc. Despite what we may see, or think we see, on social media, nobody is perfect. So, if you hear nothing else, please know that you are not alone. Your feelings, problems, and challenges are not unique, everyone has them. Please stop the self-defeating talk, acknowledge your issue, and commit to working to overcome them.

Please know that people relate more to our issues than they do to our (perceived) perfections. You see, we all know that we have stuff however when we see someone that we think is perfect, we don’t feel we can relate to them. Let’s not be THAT person, the one that tries to look, act, and be perfect all the time. If you have ever been around someone like that, you know how hard it is to relate to them. Let’s just keep it real! Let’s just be our pure, authentic selves…warts and all!

Let’s extend the grace to others that we wish were extended to us. No, it does not mean others will reciprocate however that is not the point…we are not trying to live their lives, we are trying to live ours. If we are simply ourselves, we give others permission to do the same. What would this world look like if we just valued and appreciated ourselves and others? If we acknowledged our stuff and strived to become all that we are capable of becoming, and helped others do the same? We can’t control anyone else however we can choose how we live…let’s live differently.

Bottom line…we all have stuff! We can choose to live authentically, or we can exhaust ourselves trying to hide our stuff and judging others. The lives we live will be determined by whatever choice we make.

The second podcast was on Focus on the Family. The title was Setting Boundaries in Your Most Difficult Relationships (Part 2 of 2), and the guest was Lysa TerKeurst. You can find the full podcast here: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/episodes/broadcast/setting-boundaries-in-your-most-difficult-relationships-part-2-of-2/

I want to start off by sharing an excerpt from the transcript of the podcast. This is an exchange between Lysa and the host, Jim Daly.

Jim: Lysa, fear can prevent us from creating healthy boundaries. The fear of what a person might think if we do this, uh, you know, whatever it might be, but we draw, we pull in from doing the healthy thing that we could do. I, I see that a bit in my own boys, you know, confrontation is not a comfortable thing for them. How do we, either in our marital relationship, or in our parenting journey, how do we help our spouse, help ourselves, help our kids not have that fear of engaging people like this with real, firm boundaries?

Lysa: Well, I think sometimes when we think about communicating a boundary, it feels like we’re, we’re having to operate in the extremes and extremes feel so comfortable. Like, you know, we can never have this happen again or, you know, you always do this. And so always encourage people avoid the extremes and recognize that the boundary conversations don’t have to be awful. I mean, if somebody makes a request of you that would extend you past the capacity that you have, then we can have a gentle conversation and say, “My heart says, yes, yes, yes, but the reality of my time says, no.” And here’s the deal, we’re already doing this really well. So, I’m gonna prove to you, Jim, you’re already doing this really well, are you ready?

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Lysa: Do you have a bank account?

Jim: Yes.

Lysa: Um, do you have a passcode on your bank account?

Jim: I believe I do. (laughs)

Lysa: Okay. Even if you can’t remember it right now, you have some sort of security-

Jim: Correct.

Lysa: So that not everyone can get to your bank account.

Jim: Yes.

Lysa: Um, would you feel comfortable right now just sharing your bank account information and your passcode and everything just to give all of us free access to your bank account?

Jim: Absolutely not.

Lysa: Why? Is it because you’re unchristian? Is it because you’re selfish? Why, why, why won’t you just share it?

Jim: Because it’s none of your business. (laughs)

Lysa: Exactly, right? And I would suspect because you don’t know if we’re all gonna be responsible with the limited resources that you have in your account and you know that you have responsibilities that your limited resources need to handle, right? And it’s not because you’re unkind or unchristian, it’s because you have limit, you have a limited capacity and it’s because you’re human. Only God has a limitless supply.

Jim: Hm.

Lysa: And so of course we wouldn’t give free access to everyone because we don’t know if they will be responsible with that access. We know this with our finances, but we forget it with all other areas of capacity in our life. And so, I think it’s a really healthy exercise even before we attempt the hard conversations to have a logical sit down with yourself and define what is my capacity in this area, in this area, in this area, so that when requests are made that hyper extend us past our reasonable capacity, of course always allowing the Lord to grow us and develop us, but we can simply have a logical conversation. It doesn’t have to be so emotional.

I would love to do that. My heart says yes, yes, yes, but the reality of my time makes this a no. Now, I can’t give that, but here’s what I can give.

Interesting, isn’t it? There are a few key things I want to share.

What kept running through my mind is we all have time, talent, and treasure – we all have different levels of each, however every one of us has some time, some talent, and some treasure. Lysa nailed several key points:

·        We all have capacity in each area. None of us have unlimited time, talent, or treasure. With time, we can never get it back. With talent, we can’t be everywhere and do everything. With treasure, while we can make more, a greater impact is made if we focus in one, two, or three areas as opposed to ten, twenty, or thirty areas. We all have a capacity, and it is not unlimited.

·        We also all have responsibilities. We have things that must be done. When we make a withdrawal of time, talent, and/or treasure for something that is a responsibility, we have lowered our capacity for other things. We must honor our responsibilities and set boundaries for other things.

·        It was very interesting how Lysa stated, “we wouldn’t give free access to everyone because we don’t know if they will be responsible with that access.” Super easy to understand with our bank accounts, right? How about our time? Should we give free access to everyone with our time? Ironically, it is the one thing we have that we will never get back. I could make a great argument that time is more valuable than money…you can make more money, you get no more time. You are literally exchanging your life when you give of your time. We would be wise to insist that people be responsible with their access to our time.

Let’s be thoughtful, Friends. Let’s measure the capacity and let’s count the cost. Setting boundaries does not mean we are unchristian or selfish. It means we are wise, and it will empower us to pursue all we were created to become, and to love, care for, and serve others. We will simply be doing it in a healthy way.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you anyway I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

And to our veterans, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Kev