Learning

 Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day, Veteran’s Day, begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! This is going to be a special day! Not only do we get to honor all those who have served our country in the military, we also get to pursue all we were created to become, and we get to love, care for, and serve everyone we cross paths with today! It’s a blank canvas, Friends…let’s make it a masterpiece!

This week I am going to share from two different podcasts I have listened to this week. They are loaded with great information and while I will share some of what I heard, I would encourage you to listen to the full podcasts yourself.

The first one I want to talk about is from the podcast At The Table with Patrick Lencioni. It originally aired on November 9, 2022, and it is titled, Everyone’s Got Stuff. You can find the podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/everyones-got-stuff/id1474171732?i=1000585623876 Here is a quick summary:

·        We all have faults, failures, hang-ups, addictions, problems, etc.

·        Sharing them does two things:

o   Acknowledging them makes us more human which makes us more relatable to others.

o   Acknowledging them gives others the opportunity to help us.

So, let’s just talk about this for a minute. First, it is absolutely true…. we all have stuff! We all have insecurities, fears, problems, addictions, etc. Despite what we may see, or think we see, on social media, nobody is perfect. So, if you hear nothing else, please know that you are not alone. Your feelings, problems, and challenges are not unique, everyone has them. Please stop the self-defeating talk, acknowledge your issue, and commit to working to overcome them.

Please know that people relate more to our issues than they do to our (perceived) perfections. You see, we all know that we have stuff however when we see someone that we think is perfect, we don’t feel we can relate to them. Let’s not be THAT person, the one that tries to look, act, and be perfect all the time. If you have ever been around someone like that, you know how hard it is to relate to them. Let’s just keep it real! Let’s just be our pure, authentic selves…warts and all!

Let’s extend the grace to others that we wish were extended to us. No, it does not mean others will reciprocate however that is not the point…we are not trying to live their lives, we are trying to live ours. If we are simply ourselves, we give others permission to do the same. What would this world look like if we just valued and appreciated ourselves and others? If we acknowledged our stuff and strived to become all that we are capable of becoming, and helped others do the same? We can’t control anyone else however we can choose how we live…let’s live differently.

Bottom line…we all have stuff! We can choose to live authentically, or we can exhaust ourselves trying to hide our stuff and judging others. The lives we live will be determined by whatever choice we make.

The second podcast was on Focus on the Family. The title was Setting Boundaries in Your Most Difficult Relationships (Part 2 of 2), and the guest was Lysa TerKeurst. You can find the full podcast here: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/episodes/broadcast/setting-boundaries-in-your-most-difficult-relationships-part-2-of-2/

I want to start off by sharing an excerpt from the transcript of the podcast. This is an exchange between Lysa and the host, Jim Daly.

Jim: Lysa, fear can prevent us from creating healthy boundaries. The fear of what a person might think if we do this, uh, you know, whatever it might be, but we draw, we pull in from doing the healthy thing that we could do. I, I see that a bit in my own boys, you know, confrontation is not a comfortable thing for them. How do we, either in our marital relationship, or in our parenting journey, how do we help our spouse, help ourselves, help our kids not have that fear of engaging people like this with real, firm boundaries?

Lysa: Well, I think sometimes when we think about communicating a boundary, it feels like we’re, we’re having to operate in the extremes and extremes feel so comfortable. Like, you know, we can never have this happen again or, you know, you always do this. And so always encourage people avoid the extremes and recognize that the boundary conversations don’t have to be awful. I mean, if somebody makes a request of you that would extend you past the capacity that you have, then we can have a gentle conversation and say, “My heart says, yes, yes, yes, but the reality of my time says, no.” And here’s the deal, we’re already doing this really well. So, I’m gonna prove to you, Jim, you’re already doing this really well, are you ready?

Jim: Mm-hmm.

Lysa: Do you have a bank account?

Jim: Yes.

Lysa: Um, do you have a passcode on your bank account?

Jim: I believe I do. (laughs)

Lysa: Okay. Even if you can’t remember it right now, you have some sort of security-

Jim: Correct.

Lysa: So that not everyone can get to your bank account.

Jim: Yes.

Lysa: Um, would you feel comfortable right now just sharing your bank account information and your passcode and everything just to give all of us free access to your bank account?

Jim: Absolutely not.

Lysa: Why? Is it because you’re unchristian? Is it because you’re selfish? Why, why, why won’t you just share it?

Jim: Because it’s none of your business. (laughs)

Lysa: Exactly, right? And I would suspect because you don’t know if we’re all gonna be responsible with the limited resources that you have in your account and you know that you have responsibilities that your limited resources need to handle, right? And it’s not because you’re unkind or unchristian, it’s because you have limit, you have a limited capacity and it’s because you’re human. Only God has a limitless supply.

Jim: Hm.

Lysa: And so of course we wouldn’t give free access to everyone because we don’t know if they will be responsible with that access. We know this with our finances, but we forget it with all other areas of capacity in our life. And so, I think it’s a really healthy exercise even before we attempt the hard conversations to have a logical sit down with yourself and define what is my capacity in this area, in this area, in this area, so that when requests are made that hyper extend us past our reasonable capacity, of course always allowing the Lord to grow us and develop us, but we can simply have a logical conversation. It doesn’t have to be so emotional.

I would love to do that. My heart says yes, yes, yes, but the reality of my time makes this a no. Now, I can’t give that, but here’s what I can give.

Interesting, isn’t it? There are a few key things I want to share.

What kept running through my mind is we all have time, talent, and treasure – we all have different levels of each, however every one of us has some time, some talent, and some treasure. Lysa nailed several key points:

·        We all have capacity in each area. None of us have unlimited time, talent, or treasure. With time, we can never get it back. With talent, we can’t be everywhere and do everything. With treasure, while we can make more, a greater impact is made if we focus in one, two, or three areas as opposed to ten, twenty, or thirty areas. We all have a capacity, and it is not unlimited.

·        We also all have responsibilities. We have things that must be done. When we make a withdrawal of time, talent, and/or treasure for something that is a responsibility, we have lowered our capacity for other things. We must honor our responsibilities and set boundaries for other things.

·        It was very interesting how Lysa stated, “we wouldn’t give free access to everyone because we don’t know if they will be responsible with that access.” Super easy to understand with our bank accounts, right? How about our time? Should we give free access to everyone with our time? Ironically, it is the one thing we have that we will never get back. I could make a great argument that time is more valuable than money…you can make more money, you get no more time. You are literally exchanging your life when you give of your time. We would be wise to insist that people be responsible with their access to our time.

Let’s be thoughtful, Friends. Let’s measure the capacity and let’s count the cost. Setting boundaries does not mean we are unchristian or selfish. It means we are wise, and it will empower us to pursue all we were created to become, and to love, care for, and serve others. We will simply be doing it in a healthy way.

Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you anyway I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

And to our veterans, from the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Kev