Happy Friday, Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama!
Last week's Happy Friday was something else, wasn’t it? I find Payton’s testimony incredibly powerful and inspiring. This week, I want to share a dad's perspective.
Over the last 2 years, I had the honor and privilege of serving with Payton. It was surreal the first time we were in a meeting together and I looked up and there he was…truly special! Over the past 2 years there have been countless meetings, lunches, games, trips…it was quite the ride! And as I sit here and type this message, I have zero regrets. Having no regrets is a great gift, one I wish for each one of us.
As I have thought about Payton and this season of life, my mom, and my dad, there is a recurring theme…no regrets. I have thought a lot about that, what a gift it is, and what I think the keys are to having no regrets. I want to share these reflections with you this morning.
1. Live each day to the fullest. Payton and I were highly intentional about living each day to the fullest. When he first got here, he thought he was working towards being an athletic director. We knew that we were blessed to be working together, we had no idea how long it would last, and we were determined to appreciate and genuinely enjoy each day…and we did! I can honestly tell you that I do not have a single, “I wish I would have…” I have found that if we focus on the only thing we have – the day we are currently living – appreciate and enjoy it, give it your best, it leads to beautiful things.
2. Have the difficult conversations. This one my mom and I learned together. We always told each other what we truthfully thought and felt – not the sugarcoated or half-truth stuff. This enabled us to work through the challenges, problems, and issues we had. It gave us the platform to apologize and to forgive. And the great, great gift that a life of living this way gave me was the opportunity to simply honor my mom as we walked her home to Jesus. There was no guilt of, “I wish I would have told her…” No, there was truly nothing left unsaid. So, I simply helped walk my mom home and honor her wishes.
3. Forgive and honor what you believe God is leading you to do. I learned this with my dad and yes, it is complicated.
a. Forgive. You know, my dad never asked me to forgive him for the things that were said and done. I, however, had learned that forgiveness does not depend on the offender asking for forgiveness; it is about the heart of the offended. And through the renewing of my mind and the transformation of my heart that can only come from relentlessly pursuing the Lord, I had genuinely forgiven my dad. I had reached a point where I forgave the wrongs that I felt had been done and there was no longer anger, bitterness, resentment, etc. I totally get that some of you reading this might think this is complete nonsense or impossible…I would simply tell you it can only be done by God.
b. Honoring God. There were a number of years – yes, years – where I would go over to mow my dads lawn, put up Christmas lights, do whatever he needed done, and there were no more words spoken than the greeting when I arrived and the goodbye’s at the end of my visits. He would simply sit and watch me work. My Beautiful Bride asked me once, “Why do you do this? He doesn’t talk to you, and he doesn’t seem to care if you are there.” And I told her, “I am not trying to please my dad, I am working to please God.” You see, I felt that God was convicting me to love, care for, and serve my dad, plain and simple. It really didn’t matter if he talked to me, thanked me, or appreciated the fact that I was there. I was loving, caring for, and serving him the very best I could and honoring God.
And the great gift God gave me for walking this path? I got to see my dad completely at peace. I was there when he took his last breath, and he looked absolutely peaceful – truly the only time I got to see my dad at complete peace. Such a great gift!!!
A couple of more things about no regrets…
1. Do I wish I had more time working with Payton? Absolutely! Just like I wish I could talk to my mom just one more time. Not long ago I was telling Kath that I wish I could just sit out on the back porch and talk to Mom just one more time. And she sweetly, lovingly, said, “I know, Baby, but one more time would never be enough. You would always want one more time.” She was absolutely right! One more day with Payton or one more time talking to Mom…they would never be enough; I would always want more. So, the lesson for me is to live this day – it is the only one we have got. Some day they will end for all of us, however if we live each day to the fullest, we will find that there are no regrets, even if we would love to have just one more day.
2. Don’t wait…please! If there is a person that is popping into your mind right now, please make the call or go see them – don’t you dare email or text!!! Maybe you think they are the ones that should make the first move, apologize or whatever, and maybe you are right but being right won’t prevent regrets. Only action will do that. I can testify that through the incomprehensible power of the Lord, the unforgivable can be forgiven and the unlovable can be loved. It is not about them so much as it is about honoring the Lord, purifying your heart, and giving the best you have to this day. Please Friends, don’t die with regrets.
Now, let me share a little bit of a dad's heart. While I am so proud, and more than a little awed, by Payton’s obedience to what he feels God has called him to do, and proud that he will be serving our country, this dad's heart was heavy. Don’t care how old he is or how old I am, that is still my boy! And as I type this message, I have complete peace. So how did I get here? Please, let me testify…
1. Last Sunday, with a heavy heart and a lot on my mind, I went for a long walk. As I was on that walk, talking to the Lord, I felt this conviction in my Spirit; “You say that you lay him at the foot of the cross every day…do you?” O.K. Lord, I get it. He is yours; you have just given me the honor and privilege of being his dad.
2. On Monday I was again on walk, pouring out my heart to God when I felt this conviction of, “You are looking so longingly at what you think you are losing that you will miss the blessings that come from this new season of life.” And then, it was like this awesome walk down memory lane. When Payton was in Kiddie College, that was the best season of life. I would take him every morning, pick him up every evening…such a special season of life. No, the best season of life was when he was in middle school, we would swim, play baseball on the field he, his brothers and I had built, etc. No, no, the best season of life was when he was in high school, playing football, and our house was always full of kids! I am sorry, the best season of life was when he was playing football at the University of Houston, we went to the Armed Forces Bowl…or was it when he was at SIUE or Missouri State? We would go see him every 6 weeks or so and have the most amazing time. And then, just like that, we lived 2 magical years that were the best season of life…
3. Sometimes we can be so stoic that we forget to be real. On Monday, for reasons I don’t fully understand other than to tell you my Spirit convicted me, I just decided to keep it real. One of my colleagues asked me how Kath and I were doing and I said, “To tell you the truth, Bro, this dads heart hurts. I get that he is a man, but he is still my boy.” And then later that afternoon, I shared basically the two previous points with my work team.
Again, a couple of additional thoughts…
1. Since that talk with my team, I have had complete peace. I believe there are a couple of reason why:
a. I had sought – and continue to seek – the Lord, He ministers to me, and I listen to Him.
b. We are blessed to have amazing friends, church family, and a work family and they are praying for our entire family.
2. My last thought is really a question for you; where do you turn during your difficult seasons of life? We are all going to have difficult or challenging seasons of life, every one of us. Where do you go, whom do you talk to, and how do you deal with those seasons? In his book, Training Camp, Jon Gordon credits former professional football player Tony Boselli with saying, “during training camp everyone turns to something, and you have to turn to the right things.” When things get tough, when you feel like you got punched in the gut, where do you turn? This is a critically important question because training camp, the storm, the challenge, the hardship…they will end. And what will remain is who you have become through the storm. I want to lovingly encourage you to pursue Jesus in the midst of your storms. I am here to testify to His faithfulness and goodness.
And one more thing, Go Navy!!!
Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious family, and stay well!
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