Honored To Be A Husband & Dad

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a truly awesome week coming to a close for you!

You know, every Friday when I write these I share what is on my heart or what has really spoken to my heart that week. What I can't stop thinking about this week is how honored and blessed I am to be married to my Beautiful Bride and to be the Dad of three incredible sons. With this, I would like to share some thoughts with you today about the honor, the unspeakable privilege, of being a husband and Dad.

My Beautiful Bride Kathy is the greatest gift I have ever received. It is my responsibility to love, honor and protect her. Some view this as a burden or somehow how try to twist this to make it demeaning to or of her. That is not the case at all. She is the most valuable, prized gift I have ever received and the challenge of becoming the man she wants and needs me to become truly inspires me every day. As for demeaning? No. I truly value, cherish & adore her, her thoughts, her hopes and her dreams. I sometimes find myself wondering how or why God blessed me with such an undeserved gift that blesses my life so richly. It is at those times and in those moments that I come closest to truly understanding the definition of love, mercy, grace & forgiveness.

As for the blessing of being a Dad to three incredible boys...I hardly know where to begin. The first thing that strikes me is the responsibility, the awesome responsibility, of teaching them to be real men. In our house we refer to this as being Tender Warriors. The term is taken from the book "Tender Warrior: Every Man's Purpose, Every Woman's Dream, Every Child's Hope" by Stu Weber...men, I would strongly encourage you to read it. To teach them to be responsible, accountable, to love, value, cherish and care for their wives and children, to serve others, to pursue the God given passions that cry out from their hearts, etc. Again, I do not view this as a burden rather it challenges me - and sometimes convicts my spirit tremendously as I am constantly reminded that the sermons we live mean so much more than the sermons we speak - to be the man they need me to be. Wanna talk conviction? Their wives and children - my future daughter's-in-law and grand kids...who will be extremely spoiled by the way!!! - are counting on me. Wow!!!

So at this point you are saying, "Kev, this is all about you serving and doing things for your wife and sons. I thought this was about the honor of being a husband and Dad." Exactly!!! For me, the honor in any form of leadership is found in serving. Do you have any idea the things I would have missed, the things that have blessed my life richly, if I was trying to "make" my wife and sons "honor" me?

• Just last night I had my 15-year old son look into my eyes with brokenness, trying to make sense out of the football game he just played where he just threw 3 interceptions. Devastated and embarrassed he turned to me for love, encouragement, support...that's honor.
• Walking along with my 11-year old son - 11 turning 12 next week!!! - and his hand still sliding into mine or, how he comes close to me when he sees someone or something that scares him. That is honor.
• My 6-year old son wanting me to sit down and read him a book every night...regardless of the day he has had, we have had or if he just got in trouble. That is honor. By the way, I have mastered speaking like Scoobey Doo...just put an "R" in front of everything. Ro Rou Runderstand Rhat RI Rean?
• My Beautiful Bride looking into my eyes, drawing close and asking without saying a word, "Is everything going to be o.k.?" To feel the gentle peace come over her body as I place her head in my chest and hold her. That is honor.

Yes Friends, I am very honored and blessed beyond measure. Many, many of you are as well. If you realize it, please don't forget to take a moment and let those who bless and honor your life know. If you hadn't really ever thought of it before, I would encourage you to do so. Please remember that humility always comes before honor and the truly precious things grow and develop in the many, many small moments that make up each day.

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families. I would be happy to do so.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please value, cherish & enjoy your precious families.

Kevin

Perseverance

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day!

I have been so blessed to have so many incredible, wonderful people placed in my life! The one thing that is a fact for ALL of us is that we have problems, struggles, challenges, issues, etc. They cover the spectrum from marriage to health to jobs to kids to dreams - pursued and not - to hopes to fears...The issue is not whether or not we will have problems, struggles, challenges, issues, etc. The issue is what they will be and, most importantly, what we are going to do with them.

This morning I was reading "Failing Forward" by John C. Maxwell. Please do yourself a favor and get this book...it is truly incredible and life changing if you allow it to be! In any event, the chapter this morning was on perseverance. I thought for this "Happy Friday" I would just get out of the way and share the excerpts from this chapter that I underlined when I read it and let it speak to you however it will.

• "There is no failure except no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose." Ken Hubbard
• There's not much difference between failure and success, and the little difference makes a big difference. [Perseverance]
• Nothing worth achieving comes easily. The only way to fail forward and achieve your dreams is to cultivate tenacity and persistence.
• A four-point plan for approaching achievement that will encourage stamina and resilience in the face of failures.

1. Purpose: Find One - More than anything else, having a sense of purpose keeps a person going in the midst of adversity. As Abraham Lincoln said, "Always bear in mind that your resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing."
2. Excuses: Eliminate Them - George Washington Carver noted, "Ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses." No matter how many opportunities you've missed or mistakes you've made, don't ever make excuses. Bite the bullet, take complete responsibility for yourself, and keep trying.
3. Incentives: Develop Some - Walter Elliot said, "Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races, one after another." As you develop incentives for yourself, keep these things in mind:
• Reward yourself only after you reach the goal.
• Divide the process into stages to multiply the rewards.
• Include others - that increases accountability and makes achievement more enjoyable.
4. Determination: Cultivate It - Author Napoleon Hill noted, "Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit." To develop persistence over the long haul, you have to cultivate inward determination on a continual basis. And if you do, someday your story may be similar to one of these:
• Admiral Peary attempted to reach the North Pole seven times before he made it on try number eight.
• Oscar Hammerstein had five flop shows that lasted less than a combined total of six weeks before Oklahoma, which ran for 269 weeks and grossed $7 million.
• John Creasey received 743 rejection slips from publishers before one word was ever published - he eventually published 560 books, which have sold more than 60 million copies.
• Eddy Arcaro lost 250 consecutive races before he won his first.
• Albert Einstein, Edgar Allan Poe, and John Shelley were all expelled from school for being mentally slow.

• "I've followed the classic homespun principles. Never say die. Never be satisfied. Be stubborn. Be persistent. Integrity is a must. Anything worth having is worth striving for with all your might. Does it sound corny? Honestly, that's all there is to it. There is no magic formula." - Orville Redenbacher
• If you are willing to be doggedly persistent, you can be a success.

It is my sincere hope that some part of this spoke to your heart today. Yes, life can be hard and the problems, challenges, issues, etc. are very real. Please don't give up on your hopes, your dreams! There is greatness within you - there is greatness within each and every one of us! - we just can't give up!

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you. I would be honored to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please, cherish, value and adore your precious families.

Kev

Right Dad...?

Happy Friday Friends:

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a great week coming to a close for you. By the way, we all understand that whether our day and week is a great one is not dependant upon the circumstances we have encountered but rather how we have chosen to respond to those circumstances, right?

Before I get to what is heavy on my heart this morning I want to address a couple of things on the front end. First, this post is going to be directed more at father's though I am highly confident it will speak to the heart of mother's as well. Second, I want to make it explicitly clear that this post is not aimed at minimizing or rendering insignificant the role of a Mom, the incredibly heroic, selfless efforts of countless Mom's or the like. This post is aimed at challenging Dad's to rise up, to truly be Dad's, to be men and to be aware of the influence they have in the lives of their children - whether they choose to make that positive or negative.

When my oldest son was very young I began to observe that whenever he made a statement it was almost always followed by, "right Dad?" When my other two sons were old enough to talk and make statements they started doing the same thing. I have spoken to numerous Dad's about this and without fail they confirm that their sons and daughters do the same thing. I think it is also worthy to note that my oldest son, who is now 15-years old, still does it. It is interesting. It is never "right Mom?" (though I guarantee you my wife is way smarter than I am...no comments please!), it is always "right Dad?"

I would like to share just a few findings of research. All of this information comes from the "Father Involvement Research Alliance" in their study titled, "The Effects of Father Involvement: An Updated Research Summary of Evidence". You can read the entire report at http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/29/Effects_of_Father_Involvement.pdf.

• Children of involved fathers are more likely to enjoy school, have positive attitudes toward school, participate in extracurricular activities and graduate. They are also less likely to fail a grade, have poor attendance, be suspended or expelled or have behavior problems at school.
• Father involvement is positively correlated with children's overall life satisfaction, less depression, less expressions of negative emotionality such as fear and guilt, less conduct problems, less psychological distress, greater sense of social competence, higher levels of self-reported happiness and fewer anxiety problems.
• Children who have involved fathers are more likely to grow up to be tolerant and understanding, be well socialized and successful adults, have supportive social networks consisting of long-term close friendships and adjust well to college both personally and socially.
• Children who felt close to their involved fathers are more likely to have long term, successful marriages, be satisfied with their romantic partners in midlife, have successful intimate relationships and they are less likely to divorce.

Wow! And I promise you, this is not even a fraction of what all is included in the research. There is so much more.

I love the fact that the phrase "involved father" is used. So often we think or speak of the physically absent father however we give a free pass to the "physically present, mentally absent father." Involved is the key. And how exactly is "involved father" defined for this research? "A father is defined as an involved father if his relationship with his child can be described as being sensitive, warm, close, friendly, supportive, intimate, nurturing, affectionate, encouraging, comforting and accepting." The report goes on to state, "this includes frequency of contact, amount of time spent together (doing things such as shared meals, shared leisure time, or time spent reading together), and the perceived accessibility and availability of the father."

So Dad, how would your relationship with your child be described today? Are you sensitive? Are you warm? Are you close to your child? Are you friendly? Are supportive - of them, their goals, their dreams...not yours? Are you intimate with your child? Are you nurturing - their problems, worries, concerns and fears are every bit as important to them as ours - as Dad's - are to us? Are you affectionate? Are you encouraging? Are you comforting? Are you accepting of your sons or daughters uniqueness, talents, abilities, hopes, dreams?

AND please don't miss the 3 keys: frequency of contact, amount of time spent together (sorry to kill the idea of quality over quantity!) and perceived accessibility and availability of you Dad. Please also note what is important in time spent together - sharing a meal, shared leisure time (that could kill video games and golf!) and time spent reading.

Why do our kids say "right Dad?" Because they are looking for the affirmation of their father. Our society is suffering mightily right now because we have a whole bunch of boys and girls growing up desperately seeking the affirmation of their Dad. Boys need their Dad to teach them how a man acts, behaves. In the absence of this they try to prove they are men by doing things that society tells them a man does - he gets in fights, he drinks alcohol, he has sex with as many girls as possible...all the actions of little boys who are unable to control themselves, respect others, etc. All because he wants to be affirmed as a man. And girls? They too want and desperately need the love and affection of their Dad. They need Dad to let them know how a real man treats women, that they are uniquely created for a special purpose that only they can fulfill, that they are beautiful exactly as how they are, that they don't have to prove anything to anyone...the list goes on and on. In the absence of this love, girls look for some man, any man, to love them. It is really clear why we have the problems and challenges that we do as a society.

So Dad, no matter what has happened up to this point, what will your influence be in the life of your son and/or daughter from this point forward? The research is clear; your involvement matters tremendously (the word is not strong enough...I am not sure there is a word strong enough to capture the significance). Your children need you, desperately so! What are you going to do?

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and enjoy your family and friends...they are what really matters.

Kev

Wisdom from"Failing Forward" by John C. Maxwell

Good Morning Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day!

I usually don't post anything except for on Friday's however when reading "Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes into Stepping Stones for Success" by John C. Maxwell this morning, I was moved to share a couple of excerpts with all of you.

• Contentment comes from having a positive attitude. It means
• expecting the best in everything - not the worst.
• remaining upbeat - even when you get beat up.
• seeing solutions in every problem - not problems in every solution.
• believing in yourself - even when others believe you've failed.
• holding on to hope - even when others say it's hopeless.
• Roger Crawford maintains, "Handicaps can only disable us if we let them. This is true not only of physical challenges, but of emotional and intellectual ones as well...I believe that real and lasting limitations are created in our minds, not our bodies."

I have learned that when my heart is stirred to share something someone other than me needs to hear it. As I walk in obedience to my Spirits leading by sharing, I trust this will reach whoever needs to hear these words today.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you.

Have a great day.

Kevin

Perspective-taking

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a truly awesome week coming to a close for you!

In response to my post about courage last week I got the following reply from a man whom I deeply love, admire and respect:
"To me and many others I have known; it [courage] is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., despite the fear. It's easy to face danger without fear, the real courage is doing what you need to do despite the fear, the criticism, the seemingly hopelessness of it all."
This from a man who has demonstrated more courage in his life, who has stood tall - unflinchingly on the outside - while facing very real direct threats to his very life, than most of us will ever be asked to demonstrate in a lifetime. To you my Friend, I stand corrected in the definition of courage I offered last week from Dictionary.com and I readily accept your definition while praying from within me will rise the courage to demonstrate courage when called to do so.

Perspective-taking. The term and definition was introduced to me last week - funny how things come at us in a week isn't it?! - in the RE/ENGAGE marriage class Kath and I are facilitating at our church. Perspective-taking is defined as, "the ability to see things from another's perspective though it may be different than yours." We all have vastly different perspectives shaped by our upbringing, experiences, hurts, victories, defeats, joys, pains, etc. To see things from someone else's perspective is truly a gift - a gift of learning, growing and becoming more than we ever could have become if we only lived from our perspective.

It is interesting to me how often we try to impose our perspective on others - much to our own detriment. How we don't know what we don't know and, in spite of this, we act, move and make decisions as though we do in fact know and in the process insure our continued ignorance. Here are a few quick perspective shifters for us to ponder:

• Isn't it interesting that we as parents think if we buy our kids things, take them places, etc. that they will be happy? Yet when we really listen to these special little blessings what we find out is they really don't want things and they don't want to go places - they just want to be with us, for us to really be with them, to really be present with them...doing anything or nothing at all as long as we are are really there with them.
• Isn't it interesting as husbands, wives, significant others, we often think we know exactly what our spouses or significant others want or need? From my perspective I have often thought I knew exactly what Kath wanted, needed, etc., acted accordingly and then sat dumbfounded as I came to the painful realization that not only was I wrong in my perception, I had caused greater damage by the things I said and did.
• Isn't it interesting how from our perspective we know exactly what the homeless person, the battered wife, the fatherless child, should act, behave, believe, etc.? Really Friends?
• Isn't it interesting how often we assume we know how others will feel in a given situation, when something happens, etc.? How often do we cause hurt, cause pain - often unintentionally - because we thought we knew what someone else's perspective would be?
• As a former coach and now the proud Dad of a quarterback, it has always amazed me how everyone knows exactly what the QB should have done, they can't believe the stupid decision he just made, etc. I wonder how those very people would react if they were the one with the football, if the linebackers and defensive line were coming to rip their head off, I wonder if their perspective would change. I wonder if everything would be so clear, so easy to see then as it is sitting in the stands or on their couch.

Perspective...it is amazing how a shift in perspective changes everything. I wonder how different our lives, this world would be if we would all slow down just a little bit and care enough to see things from others perspectives. How much will we learn? What kind of husbands, fathers, wives, mothers, friends, co-workers, etc. would we be then? How full would our lives be? This is my sincere hope & desire for each of us on this beautiful day - that we would slow down enough to see things from others perspective, that we would be aware that we don't know what we don't know, that we would freely give grace to others & their perspectives and that we would have the humility to act accordingly when we find our perspective is in fact inaccurate.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, cherish your loved one's and please be prayerful as we remember the events of September 11, 2001.

Kev

Courage

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day! It is a beautiful day in Arizona as Mountain Pointe JV football ( my 15-year old sons team) and the Sun Devils won last night AND it rained! I truly hope this has been a great week for all of you.

Courage...the word, the thought, the idea has been heavy on my heart and mind this week. Dictionary.com defines courage as, "1. the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery. 3. have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism." On the other hand, discourage is defined by Dictionary.com as, "to deprive of courage, hope, or confidence; dishearten; dispirit."

Isn't it interesting that courage starts with, "the quality of mind or spirit that enables..."? It is in the quality of our minds, our spirits Friends that enables us to move, to act, to be courageous. It is found in the things we think, we read, we hear, we allow to be received into our hearts, our minds and our spirits. Life breeds life, death breeds death, truth breeds truth, good breeds good and bad breeds bad - it is in the quality of mind or our spirit that enables...

Equally interesting is that discourage starts with "to deprive of ..." Dictionary.com (man, I am wearing out Dictionary.com today!!!) defines deprive as, "to keep from possessing or enjoying something". So let me give you the definition again; to keep you from possessing or enjoying courage, hope or confidence. If we have no hope, no confidence, no courage, then what do we have? What a sad place to be! Please remember, "there are no hopeless situations, only people who grow hopeless in their situations."

Let's commit today to not grow hopeless in our situations! Just for today, let's receive only life, truth and goodness into our hears, minds and spirits. Let's be intentional today about seeking these things in our lives and let's rise up to become all that we were created to become. Each one of us has talents, gifts, abilities, hopes and dreams...let's be people of courage today and pursue these things! We do in fact have a choice; we must choose very wisely. And tomorrow, we will need to make the same choices again.

There is a song playing on the radio right now by Casting Crowns called "Courageous." Here are just a couple of the verses:

• "We were made to be courageous/We were made to lead the way/We could be the generation/That finally breaks the chains"
• "We were warriors on the front lines/Standing, unafraid/But now we're watchers on the sidelines/While our families slip away"
• "In the war of the mind/I will make my stand/In the battle of the heart/And the battle of the hand"

It is true; you and I were made to be courageous. There are great big plans, goals and dreams out there waiting for all of us to achieve...may we all have the quality of heart, mind and spirit to enable these things to come to pass!

"Because a fellow has failed once or twice or a dozen times, you don't want to set him down as a failure till he's dead or loses his courage." - George Lorimer

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for any of you!

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and enjoy - truly enjoy - your precious families.

Kev