Perspective-taking

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a truly awesome week coming to a close for you!

In response to my post about courage last week I got the following reply from a man whom I deeply love, admire and respect:
"To me and many others I have known; it [courage] is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., despite the fear. It's easy to face danger without fear, the real courage is doing what you need to do despite the fear, the criticism, the seemingly hopelessness of it all."
This from a man who has demonstrated more courage in his life, who has stood tall - unflinchingly on the outside - while facing very real direct threats to his very life, than most of us will ever be asked to demonstrate in a lifetime. To you my Friend, I stand corrected in the definition of courage I offered last week from Dictionary.com and I readily accept your definition while praying from within me will rise the courage to demonstrate courage when called to do so.

Perspective-taking. The term and definition was introduced to me last week - funny how things come at us in a week isn't it?! - in the RE/ENGAGE marriage class Kath and I are facilitating at our church. Perspective-taking is defined as, "the ability to see things from another's perspective though it may be different than yours." We all have vastly different perspectives shaped by our upbringing, experiences, hurts, victories, defeats, joys, pains, etc. To see things from someone else's perspective is truly a gift - a gift of learning, growing and becoming more than we ever could have become if we only lived from our perspective.

It is interesting to me how often we try to impose our perspective on others - much to our own detriment. How we don't know what we don't know and, in spite of this, we act, move and make decisions as though we do in fact know and in the process insure our continued ignorance. Here are a few quick perspective shifters for us to ponder:

• Isn't it interesting that we as parents think if we buy our kids things, take them places, etc. that they will be happy? Yet when we really listen to these special little blessings what we find out is they really don't want things and they don't want to go places - they just want to be with us, for us to really be with them, to really be present with them...doing anything or nothing at all as long as we are are really there with them.
• Isn't it interesting as husbands, wives, significant others, we often think we know exactly what our spouses or significant others want or need? From my perspective I have often thought I knew exactly what Kath wanted, needed, etc., acted accordingly and then sat dumbfounded as I came to the painful realization that not only was I wrong in my perception, I had caused greater damage by the things I said and did.
• Isn't it interesting how from our perspective we know exactly what the homeless person, the battered wife, the fatherless child, should act, behave, believe, etc.? Really Friends?
• Isn't it interesting how often we assume we know how others will feel in a given situation, when something happens, etc.? How often do we cause hurt, cause pain - often unintentionally - because we thought we knew what someone else's perspective would be?
• As a former coach and now the proud Dad of a quarterback, it has always amazed me how everyone knows exactly what the QB should have done, they can't believe the stupid decision he just made, etc. I wonder how those very people would react if they were the one with the football, if the linebackers and defensive line were coming to rip their head off, I wonder if their perspective would change. I wonder if everything would be so clear, so easy to see then as it is sitting in the stands or on their couch.

Perspective...it is amazing how a shift in perspective changes everything. I wonder how different our lives, this world would be if we would all slow down just a little bit and care enough to see things from others perspectives. How much will we learn? What kind of husbands, fathers, wives, mothers, friends, co-workers, etc. would we be then? How full would our lives be? This is my sincere hope & desire for each of us on this beautiful day - that we would slow down enough to see things from others perspective, that we would be aware that we don't know what we don't know, that we would freely give grace to others & their perspectives and that we would have the humility to act accordingly when we find our perspective is in fact inaccurate.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, cherish your loved one's and please be prayerful as we remember the events of September 11, 2001.

Kev