Dad

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and an awesome week coming to a close for you!

I am going to apologize on the front end; this is going to be long. My heart is so full this morning, there is so much I have/want to share with you and I am determined to honor my spirit by pouring it all out to you. I have spent a lot of time talking to God, submitting this all to Him, seeking His knowledge, His wisdom and - at this moment in particular - His strength & courage.

A little before 3:30 (a number by the way that has great significance to my family and I - John 3:30 says, "He must increase but I must decrease." In my house if you ask what time it is, chances are someone is going to tell you "3:30.") p.m. on Monday my Dad passed away. My Step-Mom, Sister, Brother-In-Law and I were with him. Please don't be sad as you read this as what I want to share with you this morning is a story of love, mercy, grace, healing, forgiveness, restoration, acceptance and ultimately, peace.

My Dad and I were not close when I was a boy. I have no desire to detail offenses, hardships, struggles, etc. as it would serve meaningful purpose and quite honestly, they were truly forgiven - on a walk of several years - so why detail them? As I have thought back to some of those times in the past few days I find no anger, no sorrow, no regret...I find only a great, deep peace in my spirit.

Somewhere in those awkward years when I was trying to figure out how to be a man, what it meant to become a man, how to be a husband, etc. my Dad and I did not talk for more than five years. My Beautiful Bride and my Mom would ask me to call him. I would tell them that I would call him when I was ready to call him. I felt no anger in my heart at that time, I really didn't. After years of hurt, pain and rejection I just honestly didn't have a desire to reach out to him. What I have realized, as I have reflected back at that time, was that God was doing great work in my heart at that time and I suspect, in my Dad's heart as well. I don't look back at those years with regret of lost time as I truly believe that God had to do the work He did in my heart and in my Dad's heart, so we could ultimately have the relationship that we did have.

As I promised my Bride and Mom for years, I did call my Dad when I felt compelled to do so. We were in Arizona visiting and I woke up one more and simply stated, "I am going to call Dad and see if he wants to go to breakfast." It's funny looking back, my heart was just ready. There was no anxiety, no fear...it was just time. The bible talks about everything happening in God's perfect time...I was living it. I do have to tell you, this provided for some comical moments. When Dad and I met for breakfast he pulled up in this beautiful Cadillac. I said, "Wow Dad, that is a nice car! When did you get it?" He said, "Oh, about 3 years ago." Talk about an awkward moment!

After that breakfast, which lasted for a few hours, my Dad and I would talk on the phone from time to time. Never anything scheduled or long, just following my heart as to when to call him. Something that never changed was that he was not going to call me, I had to call him. Now PLEASE hear me; that is o.k. That was just my Dad, it is who he was and I accept him for that.

Then, close to 10 years ago, my Dad got really sick. He was placed on a ventilator and it did not look good, it appeared as though death was imminent. I went to see him, on a ventilator, on a feeding tube, his body lifeless. As I left the hospital that night I cried out to God. I begged Him to not take my Dad yet. I told God that I didn't exactly know why however I was not ready for him to go yet. I promised God that if my Dad could live I would be more intentional about reaching out to him, I would do everything I could to develop the best relationship I possibly could with him. God delivered my Dad back to us from the doorstep of death a couple of days later - his doctors were amazed by his recovery - and I kept my promise to God.

After my Dad recovered I told him what I had done, I scheduled a time for us to talk on the phone each week, I sent him leadership books to read, etc. God really blessed us 5 years ago when he enabled my family and I to return to Arizona. After that I would meet my Dad weekly for coffee and just visit for an hour or so, we invited my Dad and Step-Mom to our home every holiday, birthday, etc. We were able to take my Dad and Step-Mom to a Cardinals game, to the horse races. We invited them out to my sons football and baseball games.

You probably would not describe my Dad and I's relationship as perfect. I would ask you, "what is perfect?" I think it was perfect. At some point we both decided to extend love, mercy and grace to one another. At some point we both decided to lay down the offenses, the anger, the bitterness and to simply accept each other for who we are. To forgive, to no longer keep record of the offenses and look forward to the next coffee, ballgame or holiday. We had finally reached a point where we did not feel the need to impose our will's on one another, to change one another, to define ourselves by one another, we did not need one another's approval. We respected one another, cherished the times that we had together and simply lived in those moments. Sometimes it was a simple as me being at his house cutting the bushes as he sat on the front porch and watched. We would speak briefly when I got there and I would tell him I loved him when I left. He would tell me he loved me too. Other times it was me sharing stories about my boys and him simply sitting their with a smile on his face listening. I hope you are understanding my point. It was not what I thought it would be, what I wanted it to be when I was a boy however it was the complete picture of love, mercy, grace, forgiveness and acceptance - extended both ways - as a man.

Together this morning my Dad and I would like to offer a challenge/thought to each one of you. Will you reach out to that person, mend that relationship that has been broken? PLEASE do not get ahead of God, He will lead you...even if it is a 5+ year journey. Will you lay down the offenses, the hurt, the regret and truly forgive? Will you accept the person for who they are, even if it is not what you want or think is right? Will you simply love them for them? Respect them for them? Will you not feel the need to impose your will, have it your way, etc? You may be thinking, "Kev, you have no idea what I have been through! You have no idea what he/she did!" You are right, I don't. I can assure you however that I do know great physical and mental pain, I know rejection and I know the Great Healer. It is possible to let go of those things, to be healed of those things and to walk fully in the peace and glory of the Lord. My Dad and I will both tell you that you won't regret it. Healing, restoration is a great thing Friend however it is not possible to grasp while you hold anger, bitterness, etc. in your hands. It truly isn't about the other person, it is about you Friend.

One more thought I have to share with you this morning. Over the years many people have asked me, "How did you turn out the way you are when your Dad is the way he is?" You see, my Dad didn't like to talk much, he wasn't close to many people, he rarely had time to play with my sister or me when we were kids, he could find the cloud in the silver lining (smile on my face as I type that!), etc. Pretty much we were exact opposites. As we rushed to the Rehab facility on Sunday night I prayed for God to give me knowledge & wisdom. In that moment, for the first time in my life, I realized that I am who I am because of who my Dad was. I am so thankful for the life of David Robert Haslam, he was my Dad and I love him.

Just after my Dad died, as we were standing in his room, my Step-Mom said to me, "you have a really sweet smile." I didn't realize I had a smile on my face. You see, many years ago my Dad had accepted the Lord in his life. This means that this morning, on this beautiful Friday morning, my Dad is in Heaven. And, as I told my Step-Mom, Sister and Brother-In-Law in that moment, "For the first time in the 44 years of my life, I am seeing my Dad at peace." What a blessing to see!

On behalf of my entire family I would like to thank you for all of your thoughts & prayers. We are blessed so far beyond measure! Please know this, while we do truly appreciate and need the thoughts & prayers, there truly is great peace and joy in our hearts as we know where Dad is and that he is finally free from all pain.

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families. I would be honored to serve you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and cherish your precious families.

Kev