Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a fulfilling, personally & professionally, week coming to a close for you!
Several times each week I will have a conversation with someone who is trying to make some sort of decision. Should they change jobs? Should they talk to their boss about some problem or concern? How should they proceed on some project? How should they respond to some conflict they have with a co-worker? Men are often trying to determine how to handle some issue or concern with their wife or children. The list is really pretty expansive.
For most of us there are some things that are very clear. These decisions and actions are usually based on values and principles. You don't have to think about them, you just act. These are not the one's I am talking about this morning. No, the one's I am talking about this morning are not quite that clear. The one's I am talking about are when something just doesn't quite seem right but you don't know what it is. I am talking about when things don't quite violate your core values and principles but they come darn close and your spirit is restless. Do you do something or do you sit and wait? What do you do? How do you do it?
Last Friday morning I went to breakfast with a man I am blessed and honored to do life with. He was caught in one of these moments. He needs to make a decision, that as we sat and discussed it, really came down to a decision to fight for his family. Your sitting there going, "Kevin, this is a no-brainer?" As Lee Corso loves to say on ESPN GameDay (the favorite TV show of the men in the Haslam household), "Not so fast my Friend." What if that decision forced you to do something that you said you would never do? What if the paradigm had shifted and you now saw the action in a light you had never seen it before? Suddenly you were going to have to do something you said you would never do, believed in your heart you would never do. Would the decision be black & white, crystal clear to you then Friend? My heart broke for my friend as he explained the situation to me. My heart also rejoiced with my friend as he wept when God showed up - He always does! - and we both came to the realization that he wasn't walking away from anything, he was running to his family. He is now going to have the opportunity to be the provider, the protector, the defender, the leader of his home that he is called to be and he is going to be given the opportunity to demonstrate great humility while he does it.
That was easy. Always is when it doesn't directly effect you (me), isn't it? Oh but my lesson was coming.
Over the past 6 days I have had the honor, the privilege, the heartache and the pain of walking through a storm with my Beautiful Bride and 16-year old son. I have been in prayer about this brewing situation for several months..unbeknownst to me God was preparing my heart. Do I say something? Should I step in? My son needs to advocate for himself, learn to be his own man, learn make his own decisions, etc. At the same time I am his Dad, given the responsibility by God (please let the weight of that hit you Husbands/Dads) to lead, guide and protect him. While he is growing into a fine young man he is still a boy, he is my responsibility and he is counting on me (as I type that tears come to my eyes...I don't necessarily understand the emotion. I feel the weight of my responsibility though I don't feel oppressed by it...it inspires me) to lead, guide and protect him. After much prayer, council with my Bride and a man I am blessed to do life with, I decided to talk to my son about all of it. Friends, the floodgates opened. Not bad at all...our hearts were truly turned strongly towards one another. We saw the same things, felt the same things and came together as one in how to act, how to proceed. The week was filled with meetings, discussions and decisions. On more than one occasion I sat and looked at my boy/man and thought "Wow, he is truly becoming a great man!" As I sit here I realize that he was waiting for his Dad to release him, to tell him it was o.k., to act. He had dealt with and endured a lot - much more than his Dad would have! - and yet he was waiting for the affirming words of his Dad to act (Dad's please let this speak to your heart!). I have to tell you one more part of all of this; you understand fully the weight of everything when your son (I am sure it is exactly the same for daughters) looks at you and says, "Dad, am I making the right decision?" Not an eyes down, not looking at you, kind of flippant question. No, I am talking about the question being asked staring straight into your eyes, feeling like he is trying to peer into your soul, type of question. At that moment - the moment he will act based solely on the leadership you provide - do you fully understand the responsibility of being a Dad.
In both of these situations, as I sit and reflect, I want to share with you what I have learned. I am not saying I have the answers, I promise you I don't feel like I have all the answers as I type this, however I am telling you this is where I have found peace in my spirit.
1. With all decisions seek God's council first. He will lead and guide us, convict our spirits, if we will allow Him. I realize that some reading this may not be followers of Christ. I in no way stand in judgement of you or have a desire to tell you that you are right or wrong. I simply know that I will first choose to pursue the Lord because I don't have enough faith to live without Him.
2. Tied closely to point one, more than likely impacted by point one, is to do whatever you do in a pure-hearted manner. If you are truly striving to do what is right pure-heartedly I have found that everything always does work out. It might not work out exactly as you think it will however, if you are pure-hearted, it will work out best, exactly as it is supposed to.
3. You can never be wrong when you fight for your family. Never! Everything else can be stripped away - money, position, title, etc. - however when you fight for and have your family I assure you that everything will be just fine. There will be storms for sure - life is not easy, we live in a broken world - however when you don't know what to do, if you should act or sit, etc. simply ask, "What is best for my family?" and "What do I need to do for my family?" and let the answer to those questions be your guide.
A tough week? Sure. Would I change it? Oh, I wish my son did not have to experience pain and disappointment though it was through these experiences that I was given the opportunity to prove to him that I am here and I will fight for him, that he has grown as a man, that he and I have grown closer together, that our family united as one. No Friends, I wouldn't change a thing as we are better for having gone through this storm.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you or your families.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your families & friends.
Kev
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