What Matters

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great Friday morning and that you have had an awesome week!

My heart is full this morning. I have a lot to share, the points I am to share are very clear to me though I don't have them all lined out perfectly in mind. I am just going to share and trust, allow God to take care of the rest.

I had an "ah ha" moment this week. I don't have a specific story about a moment of clarity or some defining moment...it just appeared. In reality it has been years of ceaseless preaching by the lives my 3 boys live every day, by the softening of my heart and the quite, the stillness that allows the Holy Spirits voice to be heard. What is this great moment of clarity? My boys don't care what I do for a job, they just want me, they love me unconditionally and more than anything they want time together with me. Maybe not profound to you but for me it touched me to the depths of my soul. What am I chasing after? What am I trying to prove? These precious souls who I have been given the honor & privilege of loving, guiding, protecting could care less what I do. I am there Dad, they love me unconditionally, they believe in me completely and they just want me. They don't want a different me, they don't want me if/when I change something, they want me.

As I have thought about this point this week, reflected on the countless "sermons" my boys have preached to me there are a couple of quick "sermons" I want to share with you to illustrate the point.

• I was a Head Football Coach. We had lost a game, I had gone up to the press box to do a radio interview after the game and I had just gotten back down to the field and began walking across it. All of the sudden I hear, "Daddy!" My now 13-year old, who was 3 or 4-years old at the time, had spotted me from the other side of the field. He started running toward me as fast as his little toddler legs would carry him. I began to jog towards him. When we were about 10 yards apart I dropped to me knees and caught him in my arms as he continued to run at me full speed. For the next few minutes he filled my heart with love as he told me over and over again how much he loved me and missed me. Then of course we wrestled around for a few minutes...if you have or have ever been around a 3-year old you get it. Then, after expressing his love and affection, after wrestling and having a little fun together, he stood up, looked me in the eye and said, "hey, did we win the game?" It was a complete after-thought to him. It really didn't matter to him. What did matter was that he was finally with his Dad and he wanted to love him, unconditionally, to spend some time with him.
• My job changed in July of this year. My job now requires me to be out of town for about two weeks each month. One Saturday morning about a month ago, after morning snuggles - the first thing my 7-year old does every morning is to find me in the house and snuggle me - this little dude comes up to me, looks me straight in the eye and says, "You know I hate your job, right?" I said, "Yes Buddy, I know." He says, "O.K." and bounds away. Just want to make sure we are on the same page Dad, wanna make sure you know how I feel about this. Now, in reality he knows absolutely nothing about my job. He has come to my office and he genuinely liked all the people he met - heck, he genuinely likes everyone. No, what he was really saying is I don't want you to be gone, I miss you, I want you. He doesn't really care about my job however he hates anything that takes me away from him. That is his point.

So I have been thinking about this, a lot! The irony kills me; I am to love, guide and protect my sons and they have repeatedly preaching this sermon to me and I finally get it. Heck, who is loving, guiding and protecting who here?!?!

I have to share this. Every morning when I have my quite time, my prayer time, I have a bunch of men I have been blessed that God has placed in my life that I pray for. Sometimes the prayers are more general and sometimes the prayers are very specific depending on what these Brothers tell me is going on in their lives. So I am thinking about my "ah ha" moment and I am praying for these men and something really hit me. Isn't it interesting how men seem to so often be attacked in the areas of their jobs, their careers and in the area of fear. Please think about it. We have tons of husbands and fathers chasing after something that will have absolutely no impact on eternity while wives, girlfriends, sons and daughters are dying a slow death because the person they want, they need is chasing after some title, some position. I don't know the exact figure and this isn't scientific however I guarantee you over 50% of the men who I interact talk about concerns in their careers, are they going where they want to go, are they becoming what they want to become and they are working countless hours to pursue...something. What is the cost? What if we simply worked at whatever it is we are doing with all of our hearts as though working for the Lord and not for man as the Bible instructs us to do and trusted that God would lead us where we are supposed to go in our lives? What if we stopped worrying, fighting and struggling for our careers and put that same effort into loving our wives, loving our children? What would this world look like then? Please remember, truthfully, at the end of the day our wives, girlfriends, sons and daughters don't really care what we do...they just want us. Please husbands, boyfriends, Dads...let the truth of these words speak to your heart.

Fear...it is not accidental that two issues for men are their careers and fear. You can call me crazy, you won't be the first and you will absolutely not be the last, however I do believe their is a real enemy. I do believe that Satan is alive and does attack. The Bible says that God placed the husband, the Dad as the head of the household. This is not demeaning at all to wives, to women...it is actually a great call to service for the husband, the Dad - another Happy Friday, another day. If Satan can kill the head, what happens to the body? It dies. What is happening to families because of the absent husband, the absent Dad? They are dying. The Bible is very clear that God did not give us a spirit of fear...so where does it come from? Satan. How many husbands/Dads are afraid to work less hours? How many husbands/Dads are afraid to change jobs that are unhealthy for their families because they are afraid they won't find another job, it won't work out, etc.? How many husbands/Dads just keep doing the same thing because they are afraid to change (saw/see this all the time in coaching!)? How many husbands/Dads don't pursue their dreams because they are afraid...(you can fill in the blank because there are countless excuses, justifications)?

Yes, I am pretty convinced that for husbands and Dad's careers and fear are two weapons that Satan wants to use in our lives to create havoc and destroy lives. On this beautiful Friday morning I want to encourage all of us husbands, boyfriends and Dad's to really assess our priorities. What really matters? What are our legacies going to be? Be sure, we are leaving a legacy. The only thing to determine is what that legacy will be...and this is a decision that we will make anew as each beautiful new day dawns.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

42

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you having a great day as a beautiful new day is dawning in Arizona.

It has been a sad, heartbreaking, emotional - every word seems so inadequate to describe the tragedies that have unfolded - week. Please pray for those directly impacted by the tragedies in Boston and Texas. If you are not a praying person, if you don't believe in God, please send good karma, good thoughts, whatever it is you do to our hurting Friends. The pain to me is unimaginable...I can't comprehend the loss. And please don't forget to pray for our Friends in Newtown and Colorado...while we move on with our lives, theirs are forever scarred.

My spirit is also convicting me to encourage us all to choose very carefully what we will focus on, where we will put our faith, our hopes, our dreams. The reality is none of us know the day or the hour that our time on this earth will end...I think that is a part of the sting of watching a tragedy unfold from a distance. We are brought face to face with the reality that we could easily be the people we are watching on TV. Please ponder this thought; Today is a fresh new day. You can do whatever you want with this day however you will never get to live it again. We can choose to focus on the loss, the pain, the sorrow, the misery or we can live lives that honor those who we have lost and live life to the fullest, walk by faith, press on with hope, striving every day to become a better person and to make a difference in the lives of others. Please Friends, focus on life. It is through living fully that we honor the precious lives our hearts mourn. 

In the next couple of weeks please go see "42", the movie about Jackie Robinson. There you go, if you do nothing else other than that this "Happy Friday" will have served a great purpose! :)

Last Friday night the entire Haslam family, including our beloved Uncle Phil, went to see "42". Jackie Robinsons story in breaking baseball's color barrier is incredibly - again, an inadequate word - inspiring. I could write "Happy Friday" for the next year based simply on lessons learned from the life he lived and still not do justice to him. Just the same, I want to share two take-aways I had from watching the movie for the first time...of yes, I will be watching it again!

1. "I want a man who has the guts not to fight back!" This is a line in the movie when Branch Rickey, the owner of the Brooklyn Dodgers, is explaining to Jackie Robinson that he will give him the opportunity to play Major League Baseball if he agrees that he will not fight back, if he will not react to the racism, harassment, injustices that they both knew he would face.

"That's not fair!" You ever heard it? You ever said it? If you have precious little souls under the age of say 20 living in your house chances are the only reason you haven't heard it today is they are not up yet! How about you? (I am talking to myself, you are welcome to listen!) Why do we get offended when a car pulls out in front of us? How about when someone cuts in line? We react, right? Maybe we get a dirty look on our face, perhaps we say something, no doubt we say something deep in our hearts that our Mom's and God would not be proud of!

Jackie Robinson was different...he couldn't say anything. He knew if he said something he would forsake the opportunity of other men of color to ever play Major League Baseball...at least for the foreseeable future. You see, he was living his life for others, serving something greater than himself. There is a seen in the movie that seriously rattled my spirit. The Dodgers are playing at Pittsburgh. Jackie is up to bat and the manager from the Pirates comes and stands at the front of the dugout and begins yelling racial slurs, insulting Jackie, talking about Jackie's wife, about Jackie's teammates, about Jackie's teammates wives, etc. I am white, 45-years old, I am sitting in a cool, air-conditioned movie theater on a beautiful Friday night with my precious family next to me and I swear to you if that guy was next to me I would have mopped the entire movie theater with that guys butt! And Jackie? He can say, he can do nothing. You want to talk about fair...

After this has occurred during a couple of Jackies at-bats he goes down in the tunnel behind the dugout. In that moment he let's out all of the emotions he has suppressed. I am reminded of the moment in the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus sweats drops of blood because He does not want to do what God has called Him to do. God had called Jackie and Jackie didn't want to do what God wanted him to do either. Praise God they both did it anyways! Branch Rickey comes walking up to Jackie in the tunnel. They say several things however the one thing I will never forget is when Branch Rickey says, "You are living your sermon."

Two thoughts on this first point; first, the next time you feel you are being treated unfairly, before you say or do something that you might ultimately regret, please simply say to yourself "42." Pause and reflect on it for a moment. I am not for a moment proposing that you allow an injustice in your life, I am simply encouraging us to live righteous, not self-righteous lives. Second, please remember that we are all living our sermons. Good, bad or indifferent the lives we are living are speaking into the lives of others.

2. The other thing that really strikes me is how we all want the victory, the success, the fruits of the labor, we just don't want the struggle, the fight, the work to achieve those things. How many baseball players would like to have their number retired by all of Major League Baseball? Jackie Robinson is the only player to ever have his number retired by every team. I am fairly certain a whole bunch of players - perhaps all - would think it would be awesome to have their number retired. I am even more certain that the list of players willing to go through what Jackie went through would be incredibly small...if there is even one.

Before we wish we had what someone else has we need to measure the cost. Everything, everything has a cost associated with it. We don't like it however just because we don't like it doesn't mean it is not true. We get out of something what we put into it...we reap what we sow...what's in the well always comes up in the bucket...the list goes on and on.

Please think about it Friends. What is your purpose? What have you been called to do? I am fairly certain that there will be trials & tribulations on your journey. I am equally certain, that when you rise to the greatness that is within you, you will live a life of great honor.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families & friends.

Kev

Speaking from the Heart

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this absolutely beautiful Friday morning.

Today I just want to share a couple of thoughts from the heart and let them speak to your heart however they may.

1. Whoever you, wherever you are and whatever you are facing on this Friday morning I want you to know that your life has great value, great meaning & great purpose. You are not a mistake, you are not worthless & you are not a failure. There is no doubt that you have made mistakes and that you have had failing moments - every person walking the face of this earth has! - however your mistakes and failing moments do not define you. Please do not live a life of condemnation...live a life of conviction. Mistakes and failing moments are points on a compass to lead, guide and direct us to fulfill our purpose...we learn from them, we are not defined by them. Please speak life breathing truth into your own spirit, even if you don't feel it right now. Please tell yourself that you are valuable, that there is meaning to your life & that there is a great purpose for your life. Say it as many times as you have to, over and over again every day and then Friend, one day, you will find yourself believing it. Your beliefs dictate your actions and your actions, day after day, will determine your destiny. Oh my Friends, the journey is in fact long and hard, however I believe to the depths of my soul in God and I believe that He does not make mistakes. Please seek to live to the fullest of who you were created to become, letting go of the mistakes, failures, regrets, etc. You are so valuable, so precious and there is so much greatness & goodness in you!

Now, I have no illusions that I am going to state the above and your life is instantly going to change forever. For some the words above will speak to their heart, to their soul and it will be the little jolt they needed on this Friday morning to get back to where they need to be on this journey. For others, perhaps it is you, they are much further off the track, they have been fed and have believed lies. Please seek the counsel of a Pastor, a Godly Friend, etc. You see, just like your life has a purpose, this is theirs. They can help you, God will use them in your life to help you. Please Friend, if this is you, seek help. This is not a sign of weakness; it is actually a sign of great strength.

2. Please choose carefully the words you speak. The words we speak are little seeds that when received into the heart of the listener take root and grow. Over time these seeds grow in our hearts, in our souls and become how we perceive our selves, what value we place on our lives, etc. Sometimes these words are life giving seeds that are used to launch the person receiving the message to become all they were created to become. If you don't believe me, simply tell someone in a pure-hearted manner "I believe in you" and watch their reaction...it is amazing. Sadly, sometimes words are life taking seeds that prevent the person being spoken to from every becoming what they were created to become. Their heart literally becomes a field choked out by weeds.

Yesterday, after my 13-year olds baseball game, my 13-year old, 16-year old and I were walking along the sidewalk to our car. Suddenly I hear this man behind me say, "Get out of the street you idiot!" I visibly jerked around to look at him...it was involuntary. My heart was truly repulsed at what I had just heard. I looked at the boy, 7 or 8-years old, who he was talking to. My heart broke for him. I wondered, does he know he is not an idiot? Does he know that his life has value, meaning & purpose? Will he let these words sneak into the depths of his soul, to speak to his heart? Does the Dad have any idea the great damage that he can do with the words he is speaking? Clearly he cares about the boy - he doesn't want him to be in the street because he doesn't want him to get hurt - however I seriously question whether or not he understands the power of his words. No, I don't question. It is really clear that he doesn't understand the power of his words or he would not have called his son an idiot. Do you want to be called an idiot? Do you want to be told you are a failure? Do you want to be told that your life will never amount to anything? Do you want to be told you are worthless? Me either. Please choose carefully the words you speak Friends, they are so powerful.

3. Finally, I want to ask you, "What will your influence be in the lives of those you come into contact with today?" All of them? Every person you have an interaction with today you are going to influence them in that moment. Is it going to be positive, life giving or is it going to be negative, life taking? I hope and pray that we will all choose positive, life giving. We might make only a small impact in the big picture of life however never doubt that you are having an impact.

Did you ever hear the story about the scrawny little kid who was walking home from school with a bunch of books in his hands? Some kids were mean to him - they determined their influence - and knocked all of his books out of his hands. A little girl saw this happen and went over and helped him pick up his books - she determined her influence as well. It was only years later at high school graduation when the scrawny kid was giving a speech at graduation that they all learned the impact of that day. You see, he was carrying all of his books home because he planned to kill himself that day. Not wanting his Mom to have to clean out his locker, he was taking all of his books home. This little girl who helped him however changed his perspective about everything. Because she simply stopped and helped him pick up his books he decided not to kill himself that day. Friends, we have no clue about the journey of another. You can never guess the impact of a smile, a wave, a kind word or a helping hand. Maybe you will never know what the ultimate impact of your positive influence was and that is o.k. The only thing we control is how we choose to act in that moment. What will your influence be...?

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Coach

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Friday morning. Additionally, I sincerely hope you have had a great week and that you have chosen happiness - something that comes from the heart and not from circumstances - each and every day.

"When a businessman dies he leaves money. When a coach dies he leaves a little bit of himself [herself] with every kid he [she] has ever coached." - Lee Corso

This week I was shocked, then angered and finally saddened to see the videotape of the way the Head Men's Basketball Coach at Rutgers treated his players. Before going any further however I want to make it explicitly clear that this message is not intended to be a condemnation of Mike Rice. Do I believe he should have been relieved of his duties? Yes. Do I feel compassion for he and his family? Yes. Have I, will I, pray for he and his family? Yes. Have I, will I, pray for the players who were under his direction? Yes. Have I, will I, pray for the Rutgers community, for all of those affected by this situation? Yes.

No, the point of this message is for all coaches; every person from the Little League Coach to the Major League Baseball Manager who has the honor, the privilege of being called "Coach." Please make no mistake about it - it is an honor and a privilege. As a coach, your words, your actions, your attitude - everything about you speaks into the lives of the people who call you "Coach." The great thing about sports is it so closely mirrors life. Within sport there is success & there is failure; there is the opportunity to go for it, to step outside your comfort zone and pursue the greatness that is within you or to slink back, never finding the outer limits of your abilities and therefore insuring that you will never become the best you are capable of becoming; there is the opportunity to do the right thing, to be disciplined, to follow the rules or there is the opportunity to find the loopholes, to lie, to cheat; there is the opportunity to be humble, to be confident in your abilities, to celebrate the success of your team, of your teammates, to lift up and encourage, to help others pursue their greatness and yes, there is the opportunity to be arrogant, demeaning, jealous. There are countless opportunities in sport that mirrors life and the person on any team that sets the direction, teaches the players how to handle these situations in the games, and therefore life, is the person with the honor and privilege of being called "Coach."

My question, my challenge to all coaches is what will your influence be in the lives of the people who you have the privilege of coaching? Let me be very direct and explicitly clear - you are influencing their lives! From you players will learn how to prepare, how to handle stress, how to react when things don't go well, how to react when things go great...the list goes on and on. A coach gets frustrated at a player, yells and screams at him/her, grabs him/her, pushes them around...what is the influence? What have you taught them to do when they get frustrated with their son or daughter coach? What will your influence be? Will you be intentional about your influence? Will you recognize that you have incredible influence in the lives of those who you are privileged to coach and that the impact of your influence has the potential to reverberate for generations? Will you determine prior to the heat of the moment that your influence will be a positive one? We know that once we are in the game, in the heat of the moment, it is too late to prepare. That's why we practice, right coach? It is no different with our influence. We must prepare our hearts and our minds before the game, the heat of the moment. Just as we set goals for our teams in the arenas of competition, we must set goals for our influence. Will we always do what is right even when it is not comfortable? Will we have, and walk out every day, character and integrity above reproach? Will we treat all people with dignity and respect? Will we do the very best we can each and every day of our lives? How will we define ourselves and our player? There are many, many more things to determine...What will your influence be?

I feel compelled to also share this with you; when I was coaching I once had one of my assistant coaches come to me and he said, "I am struggling. I am having a hard time determining when to love them and when to discipline them." I explained to my assistant that there is not a time for love and a time for discipline - you discipline them because you love them. If you are disciplining without love you are in a very, very bad place and what you are doing is not called leadership. Please think about that Coach. And, most importantly, if you don't have genuine love for those who you have been given the honor and privilege of coaching please think of doing something else other than coaching. There is no shame, there is no dishonor in walking away from coaching however there can be great shame, great dishonor and you can do irreparable damage to those you coach if you don't love them.

Yes, it is true, coaches do leave a little bit of themselves with every single person they have ever coached. Be it positive or negative there is going to be a little piece of every coach left with every person who was under their leadership. Some of those pieces will be hurdles to overcome and some of those pieces will be launching pads to the greatness that lies within each person. The only thing that is yet to be determined is what the coaches influence will be.

I have two final thoughts in wrapping this up as I realize that there are a lot of folks who will read this who aren't coaches.

1. Please feel free to share this with any coaches you know, at any level. It does apply to all.

2. Our society gets real caught up in titles...we love them. Whoever you are, wherever you are, please go back and put your title in any time you see the word "Coach." Dad, Mom, Husband, Wife, Boss...they all apply.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev