I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Friday morning. Additionally, I sincerely hope you have had a great week and that you have chosen happiness - something that comes from the heart and not from circumstances - each and every day.
"When a businessman dies he leaves money. When a coach dies he leaves a little bit of himself [herself] with every kid he [she] has ever coached." - Lee Corso
This week I was shocked, then angered and finally saddened to see the videotape of the way the Head Men's Basketball Coach at Rutgers treated his players. Before going any further however I want to make it explicitly clear that this message is not intended to be a condemnation of Mike Rice. Do I believe he should have been relieved of his duties? Yes. Do I feel compassion for he and his family? Yes. Have I, will I, pray for he and his family? Yes. Have I, will I, pray for the players who were under his direction? Yes. Have I, will I, pray for the Rutgers community, for all of those affected by this situation? Yes.
No, the point of this message is for all coaches; every person from the Little League Coach to the Major League Baseball Manager who has the honor, the privilege of being called "Coach." Please make no mistake about it - it is an honor and a privilege. As a coach, your words, your actions, your attitude - everything about you speaks into the lives of the people who call you "Coach." The great thing about sports is it so closely mirrors life. Within sport there is success & there is failure; there is the opportunity to go for it, to step outside your comfort zone and pursue the greatness that is within you or to slink back, never finding the outer limits of your abilities and therefore insuring that you will never become the best you are capable of becoming; there is the opportunity to do the right thing, to be disciplined, to follow the rules or there is the opportunity to find the loopholes, to lie, to cheat; there is the opportunity to be humble, to be confident in your abilities, to celebrate the success of your team, of your teammates, to lift up and encourage, to help others pursue their greatness and yes, there is the opportunity to be arrogant, demeaning, jealous. There are countless opportunities in sport that mirrors life and the person on any team that sets the direction, teaches the players how to handle these situations in the games, and therefore life, is the person with the honor and privilege of being called "Coach."
My question, my challenge to all coaches is what will your influence be in the lives of the people who you have the privilege of coaching? Let me be very direct and explicitly clear - you are influencing their lives! From you players will learn how to prepare, how to handle stress, how to react when things don't go well, how to react when things go great...the list goes on and on. A coach gets frustrated at a player, yells and screams at him/her, grabs him/her, pushes them around...what is the influence? What have you taught them to do when they get frustrated with their son or daughter coach? What will your influence be? Will you be intentional about your influence? Will you recognize that you have incredible influence in the lives of those who you are privileged to coach and that the impact of your influence has the potential to reverberate for generations? Will you determine prior to the heat of the moment that your influence will be a positive one? We know that once we are in the game, in the heat of the moment, it is too late to prepare. That's why we practice, right coach? It is no different with our influence. We must prepare our hearts and our minds before the game, the heat of the moment. Just as we set goals for our teams in the arenas of competition, we must set goals for our influence. Will we always do what is right even when it is not comfortable? Will we have, and walk out every day, character and integrity above reproach? Will we treat all people with dignity and respect? Will we do the very best we can each and every day of our lives? How will we define ourselves and our player? There are many, many more things to determine...What will your influence be?
I feel compelled to also share this with you; when I was coaching I once had one of my assistant coaches come to me and he said, "I am struggling. I am having a hard time determining when to love them and when to discipline them." I explained to my assistant that there is not a time for love and a time for discipline - you discipline them because you love them. If you are disciplining without love you are in a very, very bad place and what you are doing is not called leadership. Please think about that Coach. And, most importantly, if you don't have genuine love for those who you have been given the honor and privilege of coaching please think of doing something else other than coaching. There is no shame, there is no dishonor in walking away from coaching however there can be great shame, great dishonor and you can do irreparable damage to those you coach if you don't love them.
Yes, it is true, coaches do leave a little bit of themselves with every single person they have ever coached. Be it positive or negative there is going to be a little piece of every coach left with every person who was under their leadership. Some of those pieces will be hurdles to overcome and some of those pieces will be launching pads to the greatness that lies within each person. The only thing that is yet to be determined is what the coaches influence will be.
I have two final thoughts in wrapping this up as I realize that there are a lot of folks who will read this who aren't coaches.
1. Please feel free to share this with any coaches you know, at any level. It does apply to all.
2. Our society gets real caught up in titles...we love them. Whoever you are, wherever you are, please go back and put your title in any time you see the word "Coach." Dad, Mom, Husband, Wife, Boss...they all apply.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.
Kev
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