I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Monday morning, that you had a great weekend and that you are ready for what will surely be a great work week!
Yeah, so it is Monday morning and I am just now getting to write Happy Friday... augh, I hate when that happens! In the past week I have been to Flagstaff & back, to Austin & back, I have driven to Colorado Springs...& back. It has really been a great week. I have had the opportunity to see and reconnect with family, to make new friends, to tour the Air Force Academy, to spend 13 hours in the car with my 17-year old son talking about life, hopes, dreams...I am indeed blessed! While all of this was going on however the message of Happy Friday did not depart far from my heart. This was one of those weeks where I had great clarity about what the Happy Friday message was to be. So though it is a few days late - my perspective...perhaps it is right on time! - here goes.
Preparing for my trip to Austin last Sunday night, and realizing that I was about to finish reading the book I was currently working through, I went in search of another book. When I saw The Resolution for Men my spirit told me I needed to reread this book. I hadn't read the book in a year and something within me told me I needed to go back, read it again and learn, stretch and grow. As I was reading Chapter 1, Why We Need Men of Resolution, on my flight to Austin my heart kept telling me over and over again, "Men need to hear this." So in obedience to my heart I am going to share several excerpts from this chapter. Again, all of this is from The Resolution for Men by Stephen & Alex Kendrick with Randy Alcorn. I will warn you; this will be neither short nor easy to read.
- ...where countless men are today. Disengaged and drifting. They have been given the position of leadership over their families and have been placed in the driver's seat. But over time, they have been lulled into a dream by their own passivity and the allures of a dark, seductive culture.
- God's Word commands husbands and fathers to lovingly lead their homes. As men, we are to walk in honor and integrity and fully embrace our responsibilities as shepherds over our families. We are called to model a loving, Christlike example for our wives and children.
- Therefore - because this is God's calling - it's no mystery that a godless culture would mock and constantly undermine fatherhood, attacking and inverting what God designs and values. Men are being told they don't have the permission or responsibility to lead. But the culture is not your authority, God is.
- Regardless of what she [your wife] does, God has intentionally placed you in the driver's seat and wants you to lead. You need her deeply; but leading is your God-ordained responsibility, not hers.
- No man and no family is a lost cause when God gets involved.
- ...the success or failure of fatherhood is the key issue of our generation. Leadership determines direction.
- Regardless of age, everyone wants a good answer to the question, "What does my dad really think about me?" Our hearts intrinsically long for his approval.
- But a lot of fathers don't realize their vital role, and their kids are destined to suffer for it. If you boil down many of the issues with today's detached, passive, or absentee dads, you discover this; fathers have lost their sense of purpose.
- Society is guiding boys to remain boys as long as possible - extending childhood into their thirties - while forcing girls to become women long before they are ready.
- Instead of growing up, getting married, and courageously raising up the next generation, millions of young men are staying single, remaining emotionally and directionally dependent on their mothers while becoming addicted to entertainment, pornography, and video games. They want the privileges and rewards of manhood but only the responsibilities and moral requirements of boys.
- When a father disconnects, leaves, or dies too soon, so does a part of his child's heart. At the point a child gets detached from his or her father, it creates a massive vacuum of unmet needs in all the key areas for which the father is responsible.
- The physical absence of fathers is now considered the most significant family and social problem facing America. (Glenn T. Stanton, FocusFamilyInsight Global Development Family Research memo, June 19, 2009.)
- The research is staggering. Prisoners, drug users, dropouts, runaways, and rapists all share something in common. The overwhelming majority of them come from homes without a father. Fatherless homes produce more than half of all youth suicides, as well as the majority of kids with behavior disorders. Kids are twenty times more likely to end up in prison if their dad is not involved in their lives. (Bryan Davis, "Father Facts," All Pro Dad, http://www.allprodad.com/playbook/viewarticle.php?art=375)
- Fatherlessness also affects kids' physical health. Those living without their dads have a much higher rate of asthma, headaches, anxiety, depression, and behavior problems. They are significantly more likely to use drugs and become suicidal. ("Turning the Corner on Father Absence in Black American," Morehouse Research Institute and Institute for American Values, The Medical Institute for Sexual Health Update, Fall 1999, Vol. 7, Number 3.)
- It makes sense, then, why the Scripture says God has a special place in His heart for two specific groups of people: fatherless children and widows. In James 1:27, the Bible describes, "pure and undefiled religion" in terms of visiting and showing compassion to these individuals in their "distress." What do fatherless children and widows have in common? The most important man in the leadership role of their lives is gone.
- There are multiple factors undermining fatherhood. Here are some of the most influential.
- Divorce. Illegitimate births and divorce are the two greatest factors that steal kids away from their fathers. Couples in previous generations were more likely to stay together for the sake of the kids. But this generation has been increasingly convinced that kids are better off if their unhappy parents get divorced. The stats reveal that this is not true. The absolute best thing for kids is to see their parents humble themselves, repent of their selfishness, forgive one another, and recommit to their marriage. The convenience of no-fault divorce has come at an extremely high price. And millions of innocent kids are forced to pay that price every year.
- Work. Before the industrial revolution, fathers primarily worked at home with their children often working alongside them, giving dads natural opportunities for sharing their faith and their values with the next generation. But in the 1800's, factory work took men away from home, leaving kids alone with mom and diminishing the influence of fathers. When dad finally did get home, he was too tired to engage, and his family got the leftovers of his attention and energy. Today, the problem continues. If a man doesn't set boundaries and learn to say "no," his work priorities will constantly pull him away from his wife and children whose hearts are reaching for him.
- Entertainment. Men today spend more time watching TV or surfing the Internet than in meaningful conversation with their children. If his children are with dad while he's being entertained, then the television becomes their influence instead. And it is a lousy father.
- Anti-fatherhood bias in media. When America was guided more by a Judeo-Christian ethic, fathers in television shows and movies were usually depicted as honorable and heroic. In the 1950's and 60's, programs like Father Knows Best, The Andy Griffith Show, My Three Sons, and Leave It to Beaver showed strong, intelligent, responsible fathers. In contrast, dads on TV today are incompetent and constantly outwitted by their wives and disrespectful kids. Their perversion and passivity subtly redefine what's normal for fathers and can creep into the expectations we have of ourselves.
- The Church. It hurts to include this item, but too often pastors have gone silent when it comes to teaching men what God's Word says about their roles and responsibilities. At the same time many church programs separate families to the point that kids never see their fathers leading, reading their Bibles, worshipping, or praying because they're not with them when they do.
- ...men are up against a society that wants to take them down. Which shouldn't surprise us. The Devil will never stop attacking what God prioritizes. And just like on a battlefield, the enemy always tries to take out the leader.
- All fatherhood comes from Him (Ephesians 3:14 - 15). Every human father is called to be a daily, physical representation of God to his children, to introduce Him to the next generation. When a child looks at his earthly father, he should be able to see these qualities of God: a loving Provider; a strong Protector; a truthful Leader; a respectable Authority; an intimate Friend.
- This affects how a child thinks. "If my earthly father loves and cares for me, then my heavenly Father loves and cares for me. If my father means what he says, then God means what He says. If my father would die for me, God would die for me."
- ...it is part of children's human nature to judge what they cannot see in God in light of what they can see in us.
- How well are you representing your heavenly Father? To your son? To your daughter? That is your priceless purpose.
- Both the Scriptures and statistics clearly communicate that there is no more influential person in the life of a child than his or her father. Whereas moms are priceless, irreplaceable, and needed beyond measure, they were never designed to be men or to fill the role of a dad. when the Bible states that "the glory of children is their father" (Proverbs 17:6 NKJV), it is revealing an important dynamic of how God has wired the hearts and minds of children.
- They learn their identity from you. When your kids are young, they don't know who they are, what is right or wrong, or who God is. They don't know how to live life. But kids naturally go to their dads for answers to their biggest questions: Who is God? Who am I? Am I loved? Am I a success? Do I have what it takes? What is my purpose in life? And if dads don't teach their kids the truth about these things, then the world will teach them lies.
- They learn their values from you. Kids watch their dads to find what's important. It's a dad's job to keep his children from having to learn the lessons of life the hard way. A father's wise words and actions constantly reinforce the higher priorities and deeper truths of life.
- They learn their worth from you. When a child has a dad who says, "I love you, I'm proud of you, and I'm gong to stand with you and always be there for you," it changes the life of that child forever. Sons who have their dads in their lives do significantly better in school, have better social skills and self-esteem, and are more likely to say no to criminal behaviour. ("The Consequences of Fatherlessness," Courtesy of the National Center for Fathering, http://www.fathers.com/content/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=391) Similarly, when a daughter looks into the mirror, she needs to hear her father's voice in her heart reminding her that she is beautiful and loved. As a result, girls with strong dads are much more likely to feel secure - and are much less likely to have eating disorders and identity issues or to become sexually active in their teen years (Josh McDowell, The Father Connection (Nashville: B&H Publishing Group, 1996), 4.).
- We need to rediscover God's original intention of what are homes are supposed to be like. Families should be havens of love and enjoyment. Homes should be places of peace and purpose. But great homes don't just happen. They are gardens that need to be intentionally cultivated and guarded. A man must let truth, love and wise discipline become constant ingredients to his fathering. He should carefully nurture his wife, his children, and his own attitude so that his home is a place where his marriage and the next generation can grow and thrive.
- Our generation desperately needs courageous men to step up. We need men who will not be swayed by the culture or afraid of the criticism. We need men who are resolved to lead their families no matter what. We need men to teach sexual purity to their sons and daughters so that more children won't enter the world without married parents. We need men who stick to their marriage vows and cry out for God's help to love their wives rather than giving up during difficult times.
- We need men who refuse to sacrifice their families for the sake of a promotion at work. Men who refuse to let entertainment eat up all their time and deaden their consciences. Men who will speak against laws and philosophies that are destroying families. Men who will forgive their dads, break the chains of the past, and set new standards. Men who will pray for their pastors and for revival in their churches and make decisions that will strengthen the next generation. We need to be these men. And we need on another!
Have a great day, a wonderful week and please cherish your precious families.
Kev
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