A Beautiful Heart

Happy Friday Friends –

This “Happy Friday” is coming from me…as Kevin would say, “His Beautiful Bride.” I truly feel honored and privileged to be taking on such a task. In the past month my heart convicted me of writing, and my sweet Mother-n- Law confirmed it when she out of the blue told me I should, too. I guess God has a funny sense of humor because I did not feel confident at first, I felt unsure of myself, and I compared myself to my husband. He is truly gifted in the area of writing, but here I am, and I am going to just write what is in my heart.

First, I want to say how honored and proud I am to be married to this man that touches my life every  "Happy Friday "and so many others… actually every day he touches my life. I can also say I know our boys feel the same way, too. In his favorite book, “Tender Warrior,” Stu Weber’s book is about every man’s purpose, every woman’s dream, and every child’s hope. To me, my husband is that and more.

Something pretty special happened today, Thursday, and it was God telling me this is the Friday that I want you to write this “Happy Friday.” Of course, I felt excited at first, committed to Kevin that I would, and then I thought “Oh No, what am I doing.” It has been about 6 hours now that I have pondered what I am going to say, and it feels right.

You see, family dinners and  family time is very important to our family. Dinner time has been one of our favorite times to just be together, no interruptions, and quality time around the table talking and sharing. For years, one of Kevin’s favorite thing to do is go around the table, asking all of us, “Did you do your best today,” “Were you your own person,” and “Did you bless a life today?” We all enjoy answering and listening to each other’s stories. I think when Landry was in Kindergarten he helped someone to the nurse’s office for a whole month. We giggled at times because we knew he was telling a little white lie, but he wanted to be like his brothers and feel important. He actually did do it a couple of times.

OK, to get to the point of this post. Kevin and I received an email from our son’s Language Arts teacher. He is our 13 year old. You see, ever since he was little we noticed he had an incredible heart and spirit. He sees things and is moved to act in ways that others, including me might miss at times.  So, Wednesday, something pretty special happened that his teacher wanted to share with us. We even asked around the dinner table if anyone had something to share about their day, and he did not even mention it. His spirit is just truly special and to him this is just what he is all about. I am going to post parts of the email to share with you so it can encourage you to sometimes slow down in your life, including mine, and make a difference in someone’s life. We all want to feel loved, important, valued, cherished. I am going to leave names off to respect  their privacy.

"My name is Ms. X and I am your son’s Language Arts teacher. I just wanted to send this brief email to thank you for the amazing job you must have done with him as he is such a big help to me and a delight to all his classmates in our 1/2 period class. In just our few short weeks together, I have come to see his pure desire to care for others. He is certainly a hard worker and highly motivated as far as academic achievement, but please know that I have observed an even greater quality in him: his beautiful heart. When I finally gave the class an assigned seat arrangement last week, I purposefully seated him next to a friend, because I trusted him; however, I also seated him next to our only special needs student. This boy is a great student, but he has a hard time socially, because many of his classmates are either turned off by him or they prefer to tease him. I knew your son would be the mature, hard working, and sensitive companion this boy needed, and I was right. Yesterday, I witnessed something truly touching, which inspired this email. We had just finished watching a video about a father, husband, and pro surfer who used his experiences with his autistic son to help the lives of many similar families. We then reflected on this video through a worksheet. While most students rushed through the assignment, turned it in, and used the extra time to chat, I observed your son stand next to this boy and carefully guide him through each question with such tenderness and patience. The point of the reflection was to help the students explore their unit's essential question about the definition of a hero.His example in that moment brought tears to my eyes, and I had to find my composure in front of the class as I told the students that sitting amongst us was another hero: your son. I wanted you to know of this incident and of how proud you should be of the wonderful human being you have helped shape. I know he will go far with these shining qualities. Thank you and have a restful holiday weekend!

WOW, Kevin and I were speechless and we were brought to tears reading this. Our hearts were filled with such joy. I do not even have enough words to explain how I felt.  Always remember it does not take some big event to make someone a hero. Sometimes in life it is the small things that are the most important. I do want to share one more portion that is important to this message. I am going to speak to you Dads out there. I know from the depths of my heart and soul that our boys are the way they are because of their Dad’s unconditional love and presence in their lives (and by the Grace of God because Kevin and I make many mistakes...Kevin more than me!). Now, Moms, you are very important and special, too, and have a huge impact on your children and husband. Children desperately need their Dad, your children need your heart. I encourage you Moms and Dads to not live with regrets but to live for what matters most....your precious family. I encourage you Dads to win the hearts of your children and wives and to leave a legacy of integrity and character. You will truly reap what you sow.

To end this, I want to praise you, Kevin, for the man you are, the husband you, and the dad you are. To my sweet, sweet 13 year old son…you have touched my heart in a way I can't even explain, and I am so honored to be your mom.

 One of my favorite quotes is, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."  Maya Angelou

Have a blessed weekend, and remember to make a difference in someones life. Find that beautiful heart within you.

 

Pursuing Excellence

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and that you have had an awesome week! One more week until the football season is officially upon us...love this time of year!

I have been re-ready Training Camp: A Fable About Excellence What the Best Do Better Than Everyone Else by Jon Gordon. This morning I want to share two excerpts with you and let them speak to your heart however they may.

8. The Best seize the moment.
The best seize the moment because they don't allow their fear of failure to define them. They know this fear exists, and they overcome it. Their faith is greater than any score, performance, or outcome. Even if they lose, they are still on the path to greatness. And even if they fail, they are one step closer to the perfection they seek.

Ironically, even though the best have a dream and a vision within their sights, it is the journey, not the destination, that matters most to them. The moment is more important than any success or failure. The moment is the success. The moment is the reward.

When the best are in the midst of their performance, they are not thinking "What if I win?" or "What if I lose?" They are not thinking "What if I make a mistake or miss a shot?" They are not interested in what the moment produces but are only concerned with what they produce in the moment. When all eyes are watching, they know that this is the moment they have been preparing and waiting for. Rather than hiding from pressure, they rise to the occasion. As a result, the best define the moment rather than letting the moment define them. To seize the moment, don't let your failure define you; let it fuel you. Don't run from fear; face it and embrace it. Don't let fear rob you of your love and joy for the game; let it push you into the moment and beyond yourself. Let it inspire you to live and work each day as though it was your last.

Don't let the moment define you. You define the moment. Define it by knowing what your practice and preparation have prepared you well. Define it with your mental strength, faith and confidence. Define it by knowing that regardless of the outcome, you have given your very best.

Everyone talks about destiny. Everyone searches for it, not realizing that each and every moment is your destiny. Make every moment of your life count. Realize that this is your one shot, yet don't focus on the result or the outcome of the shot. Just focus on the shot.

Don't focus on the past, and don't look to the future. Focus on the now. Success, rewards, accolades, fame, and fortune are merely byproducts for those who are able to seize the moment - not those who look beyond it. Ironically, to enjoy success you must not focus on it. Rather, you must focus on the process that produces success.

You are more than your successes. You are more than your failures. You are who you are in the moment. Enjoy it. Live it. Make the most of it. Make it yours.

11. The Best make everyone around them better.

They do this through their own pursuit of excellence and in the excellence they inspire in others. One person in pursuit of excellence raises the standards of everyone around them. And they do this both in their work and life.

...the point is to strive to be your best and inspire others to be their best, because it's in the striving where you find greatness, not in the outcome. After all, even if you become the best in the world at what you do, it's short lived. Eventually someone will come along who is better. Being the best doesn't last. But the person you become and the impact you have on others are timeless.

What mattered most was that he strived to be the best he could be every day of his life, regardless of the outcome - and that he inspired excellence in others.

He knew that greatness was a life mission and that being the best really wasn't about being better than anyone else but about striving to be the best you could be and bringing out the best in others.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families and please pursue the greatness that is within you.

Kev

I Believe In...

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and that you have had a wonderful week!

Last weekend I got chastised by my family; my little 3rd grader does not know how to tie his own shoes and it's Dads fault! Every one of them placed the blame on Dad...including the Little Dude. I am thinking to myself, "don't these people realize I wear flips every moment I can when I am not at work?!" How did I become the Tie the Shoes Guru? Clearly these people do not watch how I dress or walk...could be tied (no pun intended...o.k., a little intended) to how I tie my shoes!

On Monday it was on! I have the privilege of taking my little 3rd grader to school every day - man, I truly cherish that time! Anyways, we are getting dressed to go. I tell him he needs to tie his shoes. He says he can't tie his shoes fast... I tell him we have time. He tells me he doesn't tie his shoes good...I tell him to tie them the best he can and, if they are not tied tight enough, I will retie them for him. He starts fumbling around with the laces, stating how this is hard, this is dumb, I tie his shoes good enough for him (is he judging me?!?!), etc. I explain that he needs to learn how to tie his shoes as it is going to be a little awkward when he becomes the great Navy SEAL he dreams of becoming and I gotta go on every mission with him to tie his shoes...his look tells me he is not buying it. He goes back to complaining.

We have a beautiful bathroom in our new home. There are vaulted ceilings - vaulted ceilings in the bathroom...unbelievable! - and sounds echo. While the rest of the judgemental people I live with don't think I sing well...good...o.k., they say I am horrible, I think I sing pretty good! So I break into song while showering and getting ready...at least I think it is good! Anyways, Little Dude is in the bedroom complaining about tying his shoes, saying he can't do this, etc. Suddenly I start making up a little song:

"I believe in Landry/I believe in my boy/I believe in Landry/He is such a joy"

 

It gets really quite out in the bedroom. I keep singing - louder, different inflexions...oh yeah, I am feeling it!. Over and over I sing these words...silence. All of the sudden, there is this hollering, screaming and the Little Dude comes running into the bathroom and proudly yells, "Yeah Baby!!!" as he shows me his perfectly tied shoes. Now we are both hollering, high-fiving...victory! If you are a parent you get it...if you are not you think I am nuts.

He knew how to tie his shoes. The problem was not in his knowledge or in his understanding. His problem was that he really needed to try, to stop complaining, to stop making excuses and to truly do the best he could. Once I started singing he gave up on the excuses - probably worked hard at it figuring the quicker he tied them the quicker I stop singing...I don't care what motivated him! - and did what he was capable of doing all along. On a serious note, I do know that hearing that I believe in him touched his heart. How do I know? As we walked downstairs together his sweet little 3rd grade voice starts softly singing, "I believe in Landry/I believe in my boy." In that moment his heart touches mine.

A few things:
1. Who in your life needs to hear you say, "I believe in you." Maybe its a song, maybe its saying it, maybe its writing it in a note. Whoever that person is, please tell them today. The words, when spoken/sang/written from a genuine heart touches the other persons heart in a way few, if any, other things can. Please follow through today and tell the person who popped into your mind when you read this that you believe in them.

2. The second time of singing through my new little made up song my spirit spoke strongly to me - "This is what God says about you." Wow! If you are a Bible believing person, then know this is what God is saying about you too. He is also saying it about people who don't believe in Him however if they don't believe in the Bible they sure aren't going to believe me! This morning, every morning and in fact every day, God is saying, "I believe in your name/I  believe in my boy/girl/I believe in your name/He is such a joy or she is my pearl."  Think about it Friends and let it speak to your heart.

3. Here is one more for you to chew on. My Bride and I were talking about all this last night after I got out of the shower - of course after singing the version for her to her...I am telling you, I sing good in the shower! We were talking about how a lot of couples - how we a lot of times - do just the opposite of saying, "I believe in you." In trying to prove my point, prove that I wasn't wrong in an argument, etc., I will tell her all the things she did wrong, where she failed, what she could have done better, etc. Aren't I, aren't you in those situations, really saying the opposite of "I believe in you?" If you really think about it, I believe we are. Instead of tearing down, trying to get our way, serve our wants, what if we truly spoke life into the hearts of our wives/husbands by telling them twice as many times that we believe in them as we do where they are wrong, where they fail, where they fall short? We are all wrong sometimes, we all have failing moments, we all fall short. Has anyone ever looked you dead in the eye in one of those moments and told you they believed in you? If so, you have never forgotten how that made you feel. Let's be that person in the lives of our wives/husbands today.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your precious families - no, I will not sing for you! I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Dads Matter

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you having a great day and that you have had a great week. It's been the first week of school for us...always such an exciting time! New shoes, new clothes, new backpacks, a new beginning...so exciting! It is such a privilege to see the world through the eyes of a Senior (what?!?!), an 8th grader and a 3rd grader!

I am pretty fired up this morning. May I please say - regardless of what is tolerated, regardless of what society says, regardless of what the latest research from somewhere says - Dads matter.

How did we get here? How did we get to a place where we excuse men not being men - responsible, accountable - as "boys being boys?" How, why did it become funny or acceptable for men to be irresponsible, to not take care of their families, to run from woman to woman, from place to place, ignoring their children, not fulfilling their commitments, their obligations? I truly believe that men failing to be men  - responsible, accountable men, husbands & fathers - is the root cause of many of the problems we have in society today. In any partnership when one partner fails to uphold their duties, their responsibilities, when they don't carry their share of the load, the other partner has to pick up the slack. We aren't talking about menial tasks like yard work, house work, etc. here Friends. These things could actually go undone and in reality there would be no impact other than having to deal with a mess. A child is not something that can go "undone." They are living, they are learning, they are growing...whether Dad is there or not. Their lives are being influenced, their character shaped, they are experiencing success & failure, they need protection, they need guidance...whether Dad is there or not. Why do far to many men not get this? Why do far to many men think it is o.k. to let Mom do everything - like it is just her responsibility?

We can't walk away from a person - wife or child - and expect there to be no consequence for that decision - yes, it is a decision. Many women, far to many women, have had to pick up the pieces after a man has left and do everything. They have performed heroically, done the very best they could do, raised amazing men & women. In spite of the great failure of some man they got it done. But that is not the way it is supposed to work - it is not fair to the woman and it is not fair to the child...Dads matter.

What is normal or acceptable? I would argue that what we deem as normal or acceptable is what we accept as normal or acceptable. When did we as a society accept the fact that men could walk away from their wives, walk away from their children? How come we say this is o.k., it doesn't surprise us? Statistics show that nearly 50% of children grow up without both parents in the home. Guess who is missing? In the overwhelming majority of homes it isn't Mom!

This morning I would like to stand up and say a few things to men:

• It is not o.k. to walk away from your wife..yes, it can be tough sometimes. It is tough to live with you sometimes. Man up and honor your commitment!
• It is not o.k. to mistreat, neglect, etc. your wife...it isn't all about you! Little boys have to have their way, fight over their toys, etc. Men do not. If you have the privilege of a precious soul calling you "husband" you have the responsibility of loving, caring for, providing for and protecting her.
• It is not o.k. to walk away from, mistreat, ignore, etc. your children...they are your responsibility! They are not their Moms responsibility, societies responsibility...they are your responsibility!
• Your wife, your child's life is not about you...it is about them growing to become all they were created to become. If you are called "husband" or "Dad" you have the honor, the privilege of helping them pursue their goals & dreams. Just as you have hopes, goals & dreams so do they. Help them find them, achieve them.
• Dads matter. While Mom will pick up the pieces and do the very best they can  if you leave - sadly they have been doing this for years! - you matter. Kids need their Dads. They need to know that their Dad loves them unconditionally, that he is there for them - every day, good & bad, that he will provide for their needs, that he will protect them. Girls learn from their Dads how they should expect men to treat them, what a man, a husband, a father looks like. Boys learn how to be men, husbands & fathers from their Dads. Do I need to make the point about Dads mattering? When will the cycle be broken? When will men rise up, be the men, husbands and fathers that they were created to become? What we are doing is clearly not working!!! Dads matter!

Whoever you are, wherever you are, on this planet and in your life journey, today is a new day. It may a long road, a hard road to get where you want/need to be. I pray that you will determine in your heart, in your soul that you will honor your commitments, that you will be the responsible, accountable man, husband & father that you were created to be. That you will rise up and take care of your family. Never forget this; you matter. No matter what you choose I hope you realize that all of your choices have consequences. If someone calls you husband or Dad your choices will affect their lives. You see, once you chose to get married, you chose to have a child your life was no longer just about you. Every single thing you say and do will affect their lives - for good or bad.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

The Needs of Sons & Daughters

Happy Friday Friends!
 
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day! What an awesome day! It is the last Friday of summer vacation for the kids so I have taken the day off to be with them. I am looking forward to a wonderful day - and weekend - with them and my Beautiful Bride!

Today I want to share what amounts to a guest blogger. Earlier this week I found a listing of the needs sons and daughters have from their fathers on the website for All Pro Dad -  www.allprodad.com. My spirit compelled me to share these lists with all of you here today on this Friday morning.

To Dads - somebody is influencing the lives of our sons and daughters...is it us? They are our responsibility! No matter where you are on your life journey - whether you are an All Pro Dad or you are a scrub - it can change today, you can change today. While neither you nor I can change the past, we can change what happens next. I truly hope you will read these lists, let the words speak to your heart and that you will respond accordingly. If you have the honor, the privilege of being a Dad, there is a precious spirit that is counting on you and who desparately needs you.

To Others - perhaps you know a Dad who needs to read these words...please share them. Please do not share them in a spirit of judgement or condemnation but rather in a spirit of love, mercy & grace. We all fail, we all fall short...God changes hearts, you and I won't. Play the small part that God asks you to play - if a name popped into your head of someone who needs to read these words follow through - and then allow God to do the rest.

Please don't hestitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish those precious families.

Kev

7 Things a Son Needs from His Father

As a boy grows up, there will be many people who influence him and his development into adulthood. As a father, you want to be the main influence in this area. You are, and should be, his most important role model. Below are 7 things to help you be the best role model you can be in your son’s life.

1. He needs you to love his mother. When you love your wife, or the mother of your son, you are showing him how to treat his mother, his sisters, and all the women he’ll meet in his life. This will set the foundation for the relationships he will have later in his life.

2. He needs to see you fail, not just succeed. The best teacher is failure. The best type of failure to learn from is someone else’s. When your son sees you fail, and handle the failure well, he sees that it is okay to make mistakes and that mistakes can be great teachers. A boy who is not afraid of making mistakes will grow into a man positioned to accept and conquer great challenges.

3. He needs your servant leadership. You may or may not be the boss at work. You may or may not be the pastor or minister at church. You may or not be a leader in your community. But you are the leader of your family. Your son needs to see true leadership in your home. He needs to see you leading by serving. When he sees you leading by serving, he will better understand leadership and be able to more effectively lead versus follow his peers. As he grows, he will better lead his family, lead at work, lead at church, and lead in his community.

4. He needs you to be present. As you fulfill all the different roles you have, you may be pulled in multiple directions. He needs you to be present in his education, in his social life, in all areas of his life. Some areas are not intended for mom only, or for his friends only. Your presence in all areas will give him the support he needs.

5. He needs your love regardless of his choices.You may be the biggest sports junkie not living in Bristol, CT (where ESPN headquarters are located). And your son may not be able to kick a ball if you placed it on his toe, nor care that he can’t. No matter what choices your son makes, he needs you to love him even if they are different than yours. Even when they are wrong choices. Your love and guidance will open the door to trust and acceptance that build your relationship. And it will build his self-esteem.

6. He needs you to affirm him.“I love you, son.” “I’m proud of you, son.” “You are amazing, son.” “I know you can do it, son.” “That was an amazing play you made!” “You are a hard worker.” “You messed up, but I know you’ll bounce back.” Your son needs your encouragement. He needs to hear the words that let him know you love having him as a son.

7. He needs you to discipline him in love.When you discipline your son, you set boundaries and expectations. He is going to make mistakes just like you did as a kid and just like you do now. But he also needs to know that his actions have consequences. Disciplining him in love will teach him to consider the consequences his actions will have. This will prepare him to think and evaluate the choices he makes both now and in the future.

© 2013 All Pro Dad. All Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute with Mark Merrill are registered trademarks.

7 Things a Daughter Needs from Her Father

As a girl grows up, men will come in and out of her life, but the one man who will always be there is her father. A father plays a vital role in his daughter’s journey to adulthood, and below are seven things that can help a father give her his best.

1. She needs you to be involved.
A daughter needs her father to be actively interested in her life. “Actively interested” does not refer to the second-long conversation that sometimes happens between a father and daughter when he asks how her day went and she replies with one word. A father should participate in his daughter’s hobbies and activities by displaying interest. For example, if she is interested in collecting coins, take her to coin shows. Use the Internet to learn about rare coins and talk about them. Is your daughter talented in the any sports, such as volleyball? Whether she wants to play or just enjoys watching the games, become an enthusiastic fan and supporter! Show your daughter that you are interested in her life by learning more about it and trying to become a part of it.

2. She needs you to demonstrate a healthy marriage.
The first relationship a daughter experiences is the one between her mother and father. If her father disrespects his wife with physical or emotional abuse, a daughter might come to believe that is the expected relationship with a husband. However, a father that displays physical affection, respect, and a true partnership with his wife provides an incredible example that his daughter will want to mirror in her own life.

3. She needs you to support her.
Even though a father may not always agree with his daughter, she needs to know you will support her. When a father fully and wholeheartedly supports his daughter, she will develop strong self-esteem and a positive self-image. This doesn’t mean that you always have to agree with her, but show her that while you might not agree with a choice she is making, you will always believe in her as a person and have confidence in her abilities.

4. She needs to trust you as a confidante.
When your daughter does come to you and discusses personal issues and problems, she needs to know that you will treat them with respect and confidence. They shouldn’t become dinner-table conversation with the rest of the family.

5. She needs your unconditional love.
Just as our Father in Heaven demonstrates unconditional love, fathers on earth need to display this as well. Unconditional love requires that a daughter knows no matter how badly she messes up, her father will be there, not to ridicule and demean but to forgive.

6. She needs a strong spiritual leader.
A father should be the spiritual head of a household and should take charge of his children’s religious education. Pray with your daughter! Don’t be shy about bringing the Lord into your conversations with her.

7. She needs a positive role model.
Many daughters today lack a positive male role model in their life. A father is the first man in a girl’s life that she will intimately know. Her father sets the standard for all other men in her life, and a positive role model will help her choose a good husband in the future. Take a moment for some self-reflection. Are there any habits you need to break? Are there some areas of your own life that could use a “spiritual overhaul” and prayer? When your daughter sees that you are willing to examine your own life and make changes when necessary, you provide the best example she could ever have of accepting responsibility for her actions.

© 2012 All Pro Dad. All Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute with Mark Merrill are registered trademarks.