Friday, November 13, 2015

Dang It!

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day! It is a beautiful, crisp Fall morning on the Texas Gulf Coast! A brand new day is getting ready to dawn...hope, opportunity & promise are renewed once again!

So, on Tuesday night my middle Tender Warrior, Gehrig, went to his high schools playoff volleyball game. More than 2 hours after the game had ended Gehrig was still not home. I had texted him earlier and he said they were on their way, that they had just stopped by Whataburger to get something to eat. Now more than 40 minutes after his "I will be right home" text I find myself texting him again. He gives me the reasons he is not yet home. Dad is not happy. I tell him I will be right there to pick him up, and I make sure he knows I am mad...very, very mad.

My Beautiful Bride and I have been having a little bit of a struggle with Gehrig lately. We are trying to help him understand that he can't do everything, that he needs to get home and get sleep, to make good choices/decisions based on the things he says he wants to accomplish, etc. Gehrig is a truly great person with a remarkable Spirit, a blessing beyond description. He is not a bad person, he is just trying to figure life out. This Happy Friday however is not about his faults, failures or weakness...it's about mine.

Gehrig gets in the car and he knows I am mad. He doesn't say a word however his countenance expresses great sorrow and remorse. I tell him I am very upset and that because of this, I am not going to say much. If only I had followed through with the conviction of my Spirit! I start off saying very little...and then I get on a roll. I am now no longer operating from righteous anger or a righteous spirit...I am operating from Kev's thoughts & feelings. And then it happens, I say a curse word. Gehrig's body literally jolts, I feel...something deep within me and there is a loud silence - yes, that is the right adjective - in the car.

Please allow me to digress for a moment. Some will say, "It is only one word" or "seriously? what is the big deal." Well you see, many years ago God dealt with me about my choice and use of words. I remember it as clear as day. I was coaching football, I had the privilege of leading young men, and I cursed nearly non-stop. Following the conviction of my Spirit, with a ton of help from God, I changed the way I spoke. I am not saying you can't or shouldn't curse, that is not for me to decide. I am simply telling you that for me, it is not the right thing to do and when I violate my Spirit, it grieves.

On Wednesday morning I got up and spent time with God, wrote notes to Kath & the boys and got my workout in. God and I talked a lot about the previous night. At the breakfast table I asked my precious family if they remembered the Joel Osteen sermon we had seen a few weeks earlier. My Little Preacher, Landry, and Beautiful Bride remembered. The point of his sermon was that water outside ships help/allow them to float. However if water gets inside the ship, the ship will sink. I went on to explain that situations, circumstances, people, struggles, etc., the "water," are never an excuse for us to act in a way that is inconsistent with what we know & believe. I then explained that I had failed the night before, that I had allowed "water" into my vessel and I had sunk. It wasn't Gehrig's fault. It wasn't the circumstance or situations fault. It was completely my fault...alone. I acknowledged it and asked each one of them to forgive me without attempting to shift blame, justify or explain. At least I allowed God to get that part right! :)

I have also thought about how messy we, at least I, can make things. Because I acted out of a position of self-righteousness I - not anyone else - added to the problem. We had one issue that we needed to deal with...I created a second that had to be dealt with first because of pride, anger, frustration or whatever you want to call it. As I think about it, it is really quite selfish. Gehrig in fact does need a Dad to love him, lead him, guide him, direct him, etc. as he learns to be the man, husband, father & leader that God has called & created him to become. By acting like a little boy, allowing my anger & frustration to rule me, I forfeited the ability to do what needed to be done and to be what Gehrig needed me to be...at least until I allowed God to make it right the next morning.

Friends, there is a ton of "water" that is attempting to get inside us each and every day. If we will keep it outside our precious vessel we will float. Yes, there will be storms however we will remain afloat as long as the water remains on the outside. If however we allow the situations, circumstances, troubles & struggles on the inside, we are sunk.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your precious families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend & please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Saturday, November 7, 2015

The Process

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day!

So what do you do when you have been away from your family since Monday morning, you are at the airport and your flight is delayed for nearly 3 hours? Why you type Happy Friday on your iPhone of course! Please give me some grace here as my iPhone, at least to this point, is killin me!

Tonight I want to talk about process. Everyone is always so very interested in outcomes however it is the process, the things we do every single day, that determine the outcome(s). Wouldn't it make sense then that we start there, with the process? It also strikes me as ironic, being in the heart of football season, that one of the top college teams - Alabama - and one of the top pro teams - New England - is notorious for preaching, in words & actions, process and yet their coaches are ridiculed for it. Interesting...

Let me start simple, with things we will all feel comfortable with. At work, there are outcomes that we are all striving to achieve. Just as the football teams want to win, everyone wants to win. If you look at the desired outcome and then back away from the desired outcome and look at the various steps along the way, you will identify the process by which the "wins" will be achieved. The better you become at the process, the more you "win." You don't "win" by going into work and saying, "I wanna win!" or, "I hope we win." You go into work and you do the things necessary to accomplish the "win." You & I can talk all we want. If we don't do the things necessary to be successful, we won't be successful, at least not on a consistent basis.

Let me make it a lot more complex...let's talk about our relationships, particularly those with our spouses/partners and/or kids. There is a process there as well. Everyone wants to have a good realationship with their spouse/partner and kids. But who is working the process to have these types of relationships? I can't just walk in the door and expect my wife to be happy to see me, for us to have a great relationship simply because I am me. There is an investment of time, a commitment to her, to her wants, needs, concerns & desires. It is a million little things, repeated time and time again, which communicate I love you, I am here for you, I am committed to us, I believe in you. As foolish as it is for a boss to focus only on outcomes, it is equally foolish for the spouse to do the same. The relationship isn't what you want? Then please take a look at what you are doing, what YOU and not the other person, is doing every day. Outcomes don't happen by accident...they are a result of the process.

And let's talk about kids. The first thing I want to point out is the quote, I believe John C. Maxwell said it though I am not sure...just know it wasn't me, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Do our kids know we love them? Unconditionally? Are we their greatest champion? Do we believe in them unconditionally? Do we believe in, and encourage them to pursue, their dreams? We need to start there! If they don't know these things to the depths of their core, we are not going to attain the desired outcome, no matter how hard we work. And you know what? If they know these things, no matter the outcome of anything they strive to achieve in life - success or failure - they will succeed in life because they know they have you...unconditionally.

In an era when everyone wants to focus on the outcome, the result, the "win," let's be different. Let's focus on the processes that lead to our desired outcomes. We want a great relationship...lets pour ourselves tirelessly, selflessly into that person/those people. Let's not focus on what we want but on what they want, and most importantly, what they need from us. The same applies to literally every aspect of our lives. Let's stop focusing on the result and focus on the processes that produce the result. This is why/how success is found in the journey, not the destination. I can't promise you that every outcome will be exactly what you want or hope. I can guarantee you that more often than not the outcome will be in your favor and, most importantly, you will have become the best you are capable of becoming within each and every one of your endeavors. In my opinion, this is the epitome of success.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always help you any way I can.

So at this point I have to smile and tell you things don't always go the way we hope/want. The above text was all typed on my iPhone on Thursday night, sitting in the airport in Tulsa, OK waiting out a delayed flight. Right as I finished typing "help you any way I can," my flight went from delayed to cancelled. I have never experienced this before. All I wanted to do was get home to my family, looking forward to the day off on Friday that I was taking with my Beautiful Bride. About 3 hours later I finally found my way to the hotel, got up early yesterday morning, caught a flight home and finally arrived home before Noon. With this, Happy Friday is being finished on a Saturday morning as opposed to a Thursday night. Oh well...

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev