Dang It!

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day! It is a beautiful, crisp Fall morning on the Texas Gulf Coast! A brand new day is getting ready to dawn...hope, opportunity & promise are renewed once again!

So, on Tuesday night my middle Tender Warrior, Gehrig, went to his high schools playoff volleyball game. More than 2 hours after the game had ended Gehrig was still not home. I had texted him earlier and he said they were on their way, that they had just stopped by Whataburger to get something to eat. Now more than 40 minutes after his "I will be right home" text I find myself texting him again. He gives me the reasons he is not yet home. Dad is not happy. I tell him I will be right there to pick him up, and I make sure he knows I am mad...very, very mad.

My Beautiful Bride and I have been having a little bit of a struggle with Gehrig lately. We are trying to help him understand that he can't do everything, that he needs to get home and get sleep, to make good choices/decisions based on the things he says he wants to accomplish, etc. Gehrig is a truly great person with a remarkable Spirit, a blessing beyond description. He is not a bad person, he is just trying to figure life out. This Happy Friday however is not about his faults, failures or weakness...it's about mine.

Gehrig gets in the car and he knows I am mad. He doesn't say a word however his countenance expresses great sorrow and remorse. I tell him I am very upset and that because of this, I am not going to say much. If only I had followed through with the conviction of my Spirit! I start off saying very little...and then I get on a roll. I am now no longer operating from righteous anger or a righteous spirit...I am operating from Kev's thoughts & feelings. And then it happens, I say a curse word. Gehrig's body literally jolts, I feel...something deep within me and there is a loud silence - yes, that is the right adjective - in the car.

Please allow me to digress for a moment. Some will say, "It is only one word" or "seriously? what is the big deal." Well you see, many years ago God dealt with me about my choice and use of words. I remember it as clear as day. I was coaching football, I had the privilege of leading young men, and I cursed nearly non-stop. Following the conviction of my Spirit, with a ton of help from God, I changed the way I spoke. I am not saying you can't or shouldn't curse, that is not for me to decide. I am simply telling you that for me, it is not the right thing to do and when I violate my Spirit, it grieves.

On Wednesday morning I got up and spent time with God, wrote notes to Kath & the boys and got my workout in. God and I talked a lot about the previous night. At the breakfast table I asked my precious family if they remembered the Joel Osteen sermon we had seen a few weeks earlier. My Little Preacher, Landry, and Beautiful Bride remembered. The point of his sermon was that water outside ships help/allow them to float. However if water gets inside the ship, the ship will sink. I went on to explain that situations, circumstances, people, struggles, etc., the "water," are never an excuse for us to act in a way that is inconsistent with what we know & believe. I then explained that I had failed the night before, that I had allowed "water" into my vessel and I had sunk. It wasn't Gehrig's fault. It wasn't the circumstance or situations fault. It was completely my fault...alone. I acknowledged it and asked each one of them to forgive me without attempting to shift blame, justify or explain. At least I allowed God to get that part right! :)

I have also thought about how messy we, at least I, can make things. Because I acted out of a position of self-righteousness I - not anyone else - added to the problem. We had one issue that we needed to deal with...I created a second that had to be dealt with first because of pride, anger, frustration or whatever you want to call it. As I think about it, it is really quite selfish. Gehrig in fact does need a Dad to love him, lead him, guide him, direct him, etc. as he learns to be the man, husband, father & leader that God has called & created him to become. By acting like a little boy, allowing my anger & frustration to rule me, I forfeited the ability to do what needed to be done and to be what Gehrig needed me to be...at least until I allowed God to make it right the next morning.

Friends, there is a ton of "water" that is attempting to get inside us each and every day. If we will keep it outside our precious vessel we will float. Yes, there will be storms however we will remain afloat as long as the water remains on the outside. If however we allow the situations, circumstances, troubles & struggles on the inside, we are sunk.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your precious families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend & please cherish your precious families.

Kev