I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as a beautiful new Friday is dawning!
My heart is so full this morning, I am truly so blessed! Yesterday my oldest Tender Warrior, Payton, turned 20. I returned from a business trip yesterday evening in time to go out to a truly wonderful family dinner on the Texas Gulf and to top it all off, Jake Arrieta threw a no hitter for the Cubs last night! :)
This Happy Friday is going to be a testimony, pure & simple.
If you have talked to me in the past 4+ years you undoubtedly know that I desire to be back in college athletics. It is my hope, goal & dream to one day be an athletics director again, to serve the student-athletes and coaches that those in intercollegiate athletics administration are privileged to serve. This is my greatest desire and I truly believe, my calling.
Earlier this week I was offered an incredible opportunity. It was at a school in a Power 5 Conference (for those of you who don't know or understand college athletics, this is a big deal), it was the job title I wanted with an increase in pay from what I currently make and the school was willing to pay all of my families moving expenses. It appeared to be everything I have been hoping & praying for... I did not take the job. Now I would like to share a testimony with you.
Kath and I had talked through all of the details of the job. In our last phone call on Tuesday night I asked her if she thought I should go ahead and call the person who would be my boss and tell him we were accepting the position...that is the direction we were heading. She said, "no, why don't you sleep on it and call him in the morning." I agreed and went to sleep, knowing I was finally going to be back in college athletics.
A little before 4:00 a.m. on Wednesday morning I woke up with a very unsettled Spirit. I didn't know what it was that was causing it or why. I prayed. I talked to God. I looked up scripture. As I was talking to God, asking him what it was, what was causing this uneasiness, I knew - I don't know if I heard it, felt it or what it was - that I was not supposed to take this job and then...there was a deep, perfect peace that fell over me. I wanted to argue. I said, "God, what about my dream to get back into athletics?" and I heard, "Trust Me." I then said, "What about all the traveling I have to do now? This opportunity would fix that problem." and I heard, "Trust Me." This went on and on with about 5, 6, 7 things. Each time I heard, "Trust Me." Finally, I said, "Lord, I don't know why I am not going to accept this job. There are so many unanswered questions but I am just going to trust you." Perfect peace...
I then fell back to sleep for a little while. Shortly before 6:00 a.m. I called my Beautiful Bride, the Precious Spirit who knew we were getting back into college athletics when we hung up the night before. I told her I did not know why however I was absolutely certain that this position, as perfect as it is, was not right for our family. I then shared with her everything that had happened. She then told me that she too had woken up around 3:30 a.m. with a troubled Spirit. She had prayed and talked to God. She said she had thought about texting me to see if I was awake, just as I had with her. God was speaking to both of us and we both had a perfect peace with our decision, as illogical as it may seem.
I had two more calls I had, or felt I had, to make. The first was to my best friend, and truly my greatest earthly spiritual advisor. He knew nothing about this potential opportunity...we had told only 1 person outside our family - a man I value greatly & deeply respect whose in college athletics. I told my friend I was not calling him to make a decision for me, I simply wanted to share with him what had been happening in the Haslam's life over the past 3 - 4 weeks and let him speak to me however he felt led by the Spirit to do so. He listened intently. He asked a few questions. He then told me he loved me and he is very proud of me.
I prayed for the conversation with the man who would have been my boss. I asked God to prepare my heart and his, to be in the conversation we would have. He had gone to great lengths for my family and I, he had done everything he could do to make the position right and yet we weren't going to take it. I called him and told him that I would not be taking the position. I told him I couldn't give him a reason why because I honestly don't know the specific reason, I just know that my Spirit is telling me no. I thanked him for all he had done for our family, for the opportunity he was affording us...how humbled & privileged we truly felt. And God showed up in a huge way. The entire conversation became a huge testimony about faith & family. He then said something I will never forget..."I hope I have the courage to make that decision some day." It was surreal. It was almost as though God was showing him that it is o.k. to make that decision through what He was doing with me. And again, there was a perfect peace.
There are a couple of thoughts/reflections I would like to share with you about all of this:
1. The decision was mine to make. What I mean by that is I could not, should not, put it off on Kathy, my family, my friends, etc. I think, no, I know, I have done that in the past. Doing this provides me the opportunity to come back and second-guess, pick at it, etc. This is not what God has called me to do or be. He spoke to me through the Holy Spirit and the decision to follow or not was mine and mine alone. Kathy certainly affirmed it however whether she did or didn't, it would not have changed what my Spirit was telling me and thus, it would not have changed the decision.
2. I honestly don't know why this was not right, I am just 100% certain it was not. And I am completely fine, great actually, with that. I don't know if or how I will ever get back into college athletics. I don't know how some of the other issues/challenges I face will ever be solved. I simply know that God is in control and I have chosen to trust Him, completely.
There are many, many people who have hoped & prayed for my dream of being back in college athletics...and I am very grateful. This decision doesn't mean I won't be, or that I will for that matter, it simply means that in this particular situation it was not right. While you might not understand why - I don't either! - I truly hope you will know, on a daily basis, the perfect peace that comes from following God's leading in your life.
In closing I want to share a quote from Joyce Meyer that I read on Tuesday as I flew to Arkansas (in retrospect, I think God was preparing my heart):
"God gives us understanding on many issues, but we do not have to understand everything to walk with the Lord and in obedience to His will. There are times when God leaves huge question marks as tools in our lives to stretch our faith. Unanswered questions crucify the flesh life. It is difficult for human beings to give up reasoning and simply trust God, but once the process is accomplished, the mind enters a place of rest."
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can contact me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.
Kev
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