You're A Pretty Big Deal

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day on this absolutely beautiful Friday afternoon. I am having an awesome day - took the day off to go to Gehrig's baseball tournament and the games got cancelled because of rain...o.k., that wasn't so good! :) However, had a great workout this morning, got to talk to a dear friend whom I had not spoken to in a while on the phone, got the yard preped for fertilizing, had an amazing date with my Beautiful Bride for lunch, got to go shopping with her after lunch - she will only take me grocery shopping AFTER I have eaten, took an amazing nap and here I am! :) A great day indeed!

This Happy Friday is going to be short & sweet, with a pretty simple reminder. It is all about you! Yes, you, the one reading this right now. Did you know you're a pretty big deal? Yes, I am serious! No, I might not know you personally. No, I might not know where you live. No, I might not know what you do for a living. No, I might not know anything about you at all except I know one thing for sure - I actually know a couple of things however I will stay on point here! :) - and that is you are critically important! I could make an argument that you are irreplaceable. In my book that makes you a pretty big deal.

As I have noted in previous Happy Friday's, in one of his books John C. Maxwell sights research that found that the most introverted person will influence at least 10,000 people in their lifetime. Pause and think about that for a moment. Even if you are among the most shy, reserved people walking the face of this earth you, the words you speak, the things you do and the life you live will influence at least 10,000 people in your lifetime. Still think you are insignificant? Still think your life doesn't matter? Still think your life has no purpose? Think again Friends!

There are truly no insignificant people walking the face of this earth. Think about this; if we marginalize 1 aren't we then, proven by research, also marginalizing at least an additional 10,000? I think so. And you know what the saddest part of all this is? A whole lot of folks who do the marginalizing - to "treat a person as insignificant or peripheral" - is us of ourselves. We don't realize what a big deal we really are and so we say things like, "I am just a [fill in the blank]." But here is the thing, there is no "just a's!" Every person, every life and every purpose matters...GREATLY! Guess I am a little passionate about this, huh?!?! It truly hearts my heart to see people live a "just a" life when they - you & me! - are so much more than a "just a." Ultimately, you have to decide whether you are going to believe this, what I believe is an unquestionable truth, or not. Just want to make it perfectly clear where I stand!

So, as you inevitably knew this was coming, what will your influence be? Research proves that through the course of your life you are going to influence at least 10,000 people - that is a fact. Will it be positive or negative? Will you be intentional? Will you empower or cripple? Will you strengthen or weaken? Will people's lives be better for having crossed paths with yours or would they have been better off if they never met you? These are choices you & I, and everyone else, will make every day!

I am going to wrap this Happy Friday up with one short little quote that I think summarizes it all perfectly.

"You are here to make a difference, to either improve the world or worsen it. And whether or not you consciously choose to, you will accomplish one or the other." - Richelle E. Goodrich

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

We Have A Heart Issue

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn on the Texas Gulf Coast.

On Monday, February 5, 2018, El Paso County (CO) Sheriff's detective Micah Flick was killed in the line of duty. He is survived by his wife Rachael and 7-year old twins.

I love the weekends. I have time to scroll through Facebook, seeing what my friends have been up to - they are some real characters! - but also to look for inspirational stories and videos. I came across the video of Rachael's eulogy of Micah. Wow! If you Google it you can watch it. You will see, and hear, some pretty amazing things. You will see a woman who knows Jesus Christ as her Lord; you will see brokenness & sorrow and yet you will also come to understand the scripture that tells us God will give us peace that goes beyond understanding; you will see love, a ton of love; and you will hear some great, God inspired, words of wisdom.

Aside from her deep love for her God, husband & family, the community that has loved on them and the deepest of gratitude - they are all evident and profound - she said three things that really stood out to me. I want to share these, paraphrased to the best of my recollection, with you this morning and then expand on each.

1. We have to stop dehumanizing each other and see the heart & soul of the person
2. We don't have a racial, political or gun control issue, we have a heart issue
3. Honor your calling

So let's talk about them a little bit...
1. We have to stop dehumanizing each other and see the heart & soul of the person.
I have thought so much about this comment over the course of this past week. How many times do we have a problem/issue with someone and we start picking them apart in our minds? Looking for the faults/failures in everything they say and do? O.K., maybe it is just me...

Here are some definitions of "dehumanize"
- Merriam-webster.com says "to deprive of human qualities, personality, or spirit"
- Dictionary.com says "to deprive of human qualities or attributes; divest of individuality"
- Thefreedictionary.com says "to deprive of human qualities such as individuality, compassion and civility"

Someone has a different view - take your pick, there are so many issues we can, and do, disagree upon - than us so we dehumanize them. We, first in our minds and then in our words & actions, dehumanize them. Somehow believing that because you have a different political, gun control, religious, etc., etc., etc., view than me you are less human. That you no longer have a heart and soul and thus, it is o.k. for me to tear you apart in word, and far to often, in deed.

So often with Happy Friday's I challenge us to do something. This morning I want to challenge us to stop doing something - let's stop the dehumanization of others. We are not the judge, jury and executioner. The Bible actually speaks directly against these things. Let's instead live out Matthew 22: 37 - 39 which says, "Jesus replied, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it; 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

2.We don't have a racial, political or gun control issue, we have a heart issue
She isn't saying that racism, or any other -ism, doesn't exist, that there are not real political issues or making a statement about gun control. What she is saying is these things are all the fruit which comes from the ultimate root of the human being - the heart. What she is saying is literally taken from the Bible. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."

There are a whole lot of people running around with unguarded hearts. The great issues we are seeing in our world today - and they are many - are not about politics, any of the -isms or gun control, they are issues of the heart. We are looking at and fighting over the fruit we can see and saying & doing very little about the root, the heart.

And here is where it can get real challenging; you & I control only our own hearts, we cannot control the heart of another. So we can fight, argue, legislate into eternity and unless there is a change of hearts, nothing much will change. As I type this I am reminded of the Serenity Prayer - to control the things I can control and let go of the things I cannot. I can control my heart and I can have a genuine love in my heart for everyone, regardless of the fruit I see in their lives. This is what I will choose to focus on and pray about this, and every, day.

3. Honor your calling.
When Rachael spoke these words she was speaking to the law enforcement folks in attendance however it is really a message for all of us. It spoke so deeply to my heart. God has placed you & I on this earth on purpose, for a purpose for which he has perfectly equipped us. Honor it! We don't honor it by dehumanizing others or trying to be someone we are not. We honor it by relentlessly pursuing the potential that He has placed within us. And please never forget this; Our calling is ALWAYS to be used to serve - Serve! Not judge, hate or fight with - others.

As I started writing this Happy Friday "Bleed The Same" by Mandisa came on the radio...I don't think it was a coincidence. Here are the lyrics:

We all bleed the same

We're more beautiful when we come together

We all bleed the same

So tell me why, tell me why

We're divided

Woke up today

Another headline

Another innocent life is taken

In the name of hatred

So hard to take (hey!)

And if we think that it's all good

Then we're mistaken

'Cause my heart is breaking (tell it, 'Dis)

Are you left?

Are you right?

Pointing fingers, taking sides

When are we gonna realize?

We all bleed the same

We're more beautiful when we come together

We all bleed the same

So tell me why, tell me why

We're divided

If we're gonna fight

Let's fight for each other

If we're gonna shout

Let love be the cry

We all bleed the same

So tell me why, tell me why

We're divided

Tell me, who are we

To judge someone

By the kind of clothes they're wearing

Or the color of their skin?

Are you black? (black)

Are you white? (white)

Aren't we all the same inside? (the same inside)

Father, open our eyes to see!

We all bleed the same (we all bleed the same)

We're more beautiful when we come together

We all bleed the same (we all bleed the same)

So tell me why, tell me why

We're divided

If we're gonna fight

Let's fight for each other (fight for each other!)

If we're gonna shout

Let love be the cry (be the cry!)

We all bleed the same (we all bleed the same)

So tell me why, tell me why

We're divided

Only love can drive out all the darkness

What are we fighting for?

We were made to carry one another

We were made for more, said

Only love can drive out all the darkness

What are we fighting for? yeah

We were made to carry one another

We were made for more!

We all bleed the same (we all bleed the same)

We're more beautiful when we come together (let's stand united!)

We all bleed the same (we all bleed the same)

So tell me why, tell me why

We're divided

If we're gonna fight

Let's fight for each other (fight for each other!)

If we're gonna shout

Let love be the cry (be the cry!)

We all bleed the same(we all bleed the same) (bleed the same)

Let's stand united (let's stand united)

Let's stand united!

So Father God, I pray

That our families will come together right now

And seek Your face

You will forgive our sins

And You will heal our incredible land

In the name of the only Savior, Jesus Christ

Amen

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Clarifying Values

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as a beautiful new day begins to dawn on the Texas Gulf Coast! The hope, opportunity & promise in this new day is so palpable you can almost feel it!

Last week, for my business trip, I took the book, The Leadership Challenge: How To Make Extraordinary Things Happen In Organizations by James M. Kouzes & Barry Z. Posner. On this, my third reading of the book, I have decided this will be my blueprint for leadership. The thought/idea hit me as I wrapped up meetings in Portland that I would buy a notebook at the airport and I would then transfer the key parts from each section/chapter to the notebook which I intend to always keep with me - filled with highlights from the book, scriptures that speak to me and yes, quotes. :) As I began my search I thought, "You are crazy. Nobody uses notebooks any more. You will never find a notebook." Then, tucked away in the corner of a little store I found a book that has "God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference." If you regularly read Happy Friday you will know - based on my post from a few weeks ago - that this was more than just the notebook I was looking for, it was affirmation. :)

This morning I want to share several excerpts from Chapter 2: Clarify Values, and then I want to offer a challenge to all of us. Here are the excerpts that spoke to my heart:

"Who are you?

People expect their leaders to speak out on matters of value and conscience. But to speak out, you have to know what to speak about.

To become a credible leader, you first have to comprehend fully the deeply held beliefs - the values, standards, ethics, and ideals - that drive you. You have to freely and honestly choose the principles you will use to guide your decisions and actions. Then you have to genuinely express yourself. You have to authentically communicate your beliefs in ways that uniquely represent who you are.

Leaders must not only be clear about their personal guiding principles but also make sure that there's agreement on a set of shared values among everyone they lead. And they must hold others accountable to those values and standards.

If the words you speak are not your words but some else's, you will not, in the long term, be able to be consistent in word and deed. You will not have the integrity to lead.

You can be authentic only when you lead according to the principles that matter most to you.

We use the term values to refer to here-and-now beliefs about how things should be done.

When sailing through the turbulent seas of change and uncertainty, crew members need a vision of the destination that lies beyond the horizon; they also need to understand the principles by which they must navigate their course. If either of these is absent, the journey is likely to end with the crew lost at sea.

Values are guides. They supply you with a compass by which to navigate the course of your daily life.

The clearer you are about your values, the easier it is for you and for everyone else to stay on the chosen path and commit to it. This kind of guidance is especially needed in difficult and uncertain times. When there are daily challenges that can throw you off course, it's crucial that you have some signposts that tell you where you are.

People can speak the truth only when speaking in their own true voice.

Leadership is a means of personal expression. To become a credible leader, you have to learn to express yourself in ways that are uniquely your own.

Don't tell people what to believe, tell them about your own beliefs and ask them to find in their own values their reasons for being involved with the organization.

You cannot lead through someone else's values or someone else's words. You cannot lead out of someone else's experience. You can lead only out of your own.

People don't follow your position or your techniques. They follow you.

You have a a responsibility to your constituents to express yourself in an authentic manner, in a way they immediately recognize as yours.

The clarity of personal values makes a significant difference in behavior at work.

Personal values drive commitment. Personal values are the route to motivation and productivity.

You won't stick around a place for very long when you feel in your heart and in your soul that you do not belong."

One thought and one challenge.

Thought - While this book is written for and about organizations, I don't think it only applies to them. Replace the word organization with the word family. Do your family members know your values? Have you clarified them for them? Do they know their own? Have you established shared family values? Just as this is the beginning point for leadership of an organization, we would be wise to also make this the starting point for the leadership of our homes & families. Let me see if I can help...:)

Challenge - Define your personal values. There are no right or wrong values, only those that are yours. Here is the deal; you are already thinking, speaking, acting, making decisions, etc. based on your personal values, whether you realize it or not. Think about the things you truly value and write them down. Think about them. Clarify them. And then, communicate them. As noted above, in your own words, in your own voice. Not only will this be enlightening to you, it will also open the pathways to pure, authentic relationships with those you lead - in all aspects of your life.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Friendship

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as a beautiful new day begins to dawn in...the Pacific Northwest! Yes, been in Oregon & Washington this week on business travel. One more meeting this morning and then headed home as fast as possible to my Beautiful Bride & Tender Warriors. To say I am excited to see them would be a huge understatement! :)

This past weekend one of the Pastor's at our church preached a sermon titled, "Enjoy Friendship." I want to share several of my notes from the sermon as well as a few thoughts.

At the start of the sermon the band played a Chris Stapleton song titled, "Friendship" to paint the picture of what a friend looks like. Here are the lyrics to the song.

Chris Stapleton

                                                                  "Friendship"

Said, what's wrong, my longtime friend?
Something's bothering you
Tell me what the problem is
I'll see what I can do
There are times we disagree
We agree more than we don't
We won't always see eye to eye
But we will more than we won't

We got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Yeah we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine

If you're on the street, I'll take your hand
If you're hungry, I'll give you food
If it's money you need, I got some saved
If you're sick, I'll visit you
I've been where you are right now
You saw me through it all
I'll lean on you, you can lean on me
I'm never gonna let you fall

'Cause we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Yeah we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine

Talk to me, old pal of mine
If you feel you can't go on
Don't you sweat, it ain't over yet
This bond we share is strong
Now your welfare is my concern
You weigh less than you think
I'll carry you through the circumstances
Safe I'll let you sing

'Cause we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Yeah, we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Yeah, we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine

The Pastor then shared a Biblical picture of what friendship looks like. It comes from I Samuel 18: 1 - 4:

"After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt."

Wow! Pretty powerful stuff! "Loved him as himself," "made a covenant," and then he gave him all his clothes and the tools he depended on for survival. A pretty powerful picture of what a friend really looks like.

At this point I feel a conviction to speak briefly to what a "friend" is not. We all have, or have had, people in our lives who said they were our "friends." They were good with us as long as things were good however when things were difficult or just plain bad, they were nowhere to be found. Or another way to look at it perhaps; are your "friends" helping you get where you want to get in life? To be the person you want to be? Are they a positive influence in your life? Most of us have also had the "drinking buddy" or the person with whom when we are with them, or spend a substantial amount of time with them, things seem to go wrong in life. I would offer these are not really "friends." Though it may be difficult, we would be wise to remove these types of "friends" from our lives. This does not mean we are not nice to them, that we would not help them, etc. This is a reflection of who you are, not who they are. It does mean however that you are no longer going to let them fill your well. There is a difference.

The Pastor then said something that was really good...a lens if you will to look through to determine who are truly your friends. He said really good friends share in 3 spheres: 

1) Joy - you share in each others joys. Think of the people that you call, or want to call, right away when something really good happens to you.

2) Sorrow - you share in each others joys. Think of the people that cry with you.

3) Challenges - you are there for each other when all hell breaks loose. Ever notice how empty the room can get when you really face a challenge? The Pastor talked about what is your presence in the room when all hell breaks loose.

He shared a couple of other nuggets that I briefly want to share with you.

- We have to be intentional about friendships. Most of us will settle for our friends being the people we work with, work out with or run into in our daily routines. It's easy, we don't really have to put any effort into it. Real friendships however are built on being intentional. We plan and make the effort to talk to them, to be with them and to be there for them. We have to be intentional if we want to have true friendships.

-  If you try to be everyone's best friend, you will be nobody's. In true, pure, authentic friendship we know each others junk. We go through good times and bad. We share victories and we share defeats. We can't do this with everyone. We can be kind, compassionate and genuinely care about everyone, and we should. This does not mean that everyone is in our inner circle of friends. 

- Good friends are awake & aware. Have you ever been blessed enough to have a person that can hear your "hello" or see you and know that something is incredibly right or wrong? I hope so. Our friends aren't always focused on themselves, their worries, the problems, their issues. They are paying attention to you. They know your wants, needs & struggles. How many times do we walk by people and say, "How are you?" without paying any attention to the answer. Friends don't do that. When a friend says "How are you?" they really want to know and they are not just paying attention to what you say but also how you say it. They are awake & aware.

- Anything you put on the calendar is gonna cost you something somewhere else. This really wraps the previous 3 points up; you have to be intentional, you can't be everyone's best friend and it is critical that you are awake & award. So let me use myself as an example. I have a wife, 3 boys and 2 furry kids that need my love, leadership & care. I also have a job where many people are counting on me to perform my very best every day. I also have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ I need to nurture. I need to read my Bible and leadership books so I can continue to grow as a man, husband, father, friend and leader. I need to workout out. To accomplish all of this I need to be intentional and, if any of this is going to grow to the fullness of which it is able, I need to be awake & aware. How many times have husbands/Dads - including me - been physically present but mentally & emotionally absent? How many times have we prayed mindless prayers? You get the point. Then within all of this I still need to carve out time for friendship. Oh, and I didn't even mention yard work, work around the house, etc. Looking at this list I don't even have to remind you that we can't be everyone's best friend, that we can't do everything. It then comes back to priorities and what we are willing to sacrifice. Are we willing to sacrifice our families? Jobs? Faith? Personal growth & development? Friends? As I type this I think of people whose lives I have crossed paths with who have dropped the ball in one or more areas. A lot to juggle? For sure!!! This is why we must recognize that something will be sacrificed, we must be intentional and we must be awake & aware. I can't tell you what to choose, only that you will.

I want to remind us once more that we can't control what other people say, think or do. You & I can only control what we say, think and do. Along these lines I want to share one more lesson from the Bible. John 15: 12 - 15 says this:

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families!

Time to go home!!!!! :)

Kev