Friendship

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as a beautiful new day begins to dawn in...the Pacific Northwest! Yes, been in Oregon & Washington this week on business travel. One more meeting this morning and then headed home as fast as possible to my Beautiful Bride & Tender Warriors. To say I am excited to see them would be a huge understatement! :)

This past weekend one of the Pastor's at our church preached a sermon titled, "Enjoy Friendship." I want to share several of my notes from the sermon as well as a few thoughts.

At the start of the sermon the band played a Chris Stapleton song titled, "Friendship" to paint the picture of what a friend looks like. Here are the lyrics to the song.

Chris Stapleton

                                                                  "Friendship"

Said, what's wrong, my longtime friend?
Something's bothering you
Tell me what the problem is
I'll see what I can do
There are times we disagree
We agree more than we don't
We won't always see eye to eye
But we will more than we won't

We got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Yeah we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine

If you're on the street, I'll take your hand
If you're hungry, I'll give you food
If it's money you need, I got some saved
If you're sick, I'll visit you
I've been where you are right now
You saw me through it all
I'll lean on you, you can lean on me
I'm never gonna let you fall

'Cause we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Yeah we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine

Talk to me, old pal of mine
If you feel you can't go on
Don't you sweat, it ain't over yet
This bond we share is strong
Now your welfare is my concern
You weigh less than you think
I'll carry you through the circumstances
Safe I'll let you sing

'Cause we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Yeah, we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Yeah, we got friendship
The kind that lasts a lifetime
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine
Through all the hardship, you know, you're a friend of mine

The Pastor then shared a Biblical picture of what friendship looks like. It comes from I Samuel 18: 1 - 4:

"After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt."

Wow! Pretty powerful stuff! "Loved him as himself," "made a covenant," and then he gave him all his clothes and the tools he depended on for survival. A pretty powerful picture of what a friend really looks like.

At this point I feel a conviction to speak briefly to what a "friend" is not. We all have, or have had, people in our lives who said they were our "friends." They were good with us as long as things were good however when things were difficult or just plain bad, they were nowhere to be found. Or another way to look at it perhaps; are your "friends" helping you get where you want to get in life? To be the person you want to be? Are they a positive influence in your life? Most of us have also had the "drinking buddy" or the person with whom when we are with them, or spend a substantial amount of time with them, things seem to go wrong in life. I would offer these are not really "friends." Though it may be difficult, we would be wise to remove these types of "friends" from our lives. This does not mean we are not nice to them, that we would not help them, etc. This is a reflection of who you are, not who they are. It does mean however that you are no longer going to let them fill your well. There is a difference.

The Pastor then said something that was really good...a lens if you will to look through to determine who are truly your friends. He said really good friends share in 3 spheres: 

1) Joy - you share in each others joys. Think of the people that you call, or want to call, right away when something really good happens to you.

2) Sorrow - you share in each others joys. Think of the people that cry with you.

3) Challenges - you are there for each other when all hell breaks loose. Ever notice how empty the room can get when you really face a challenge? The Pastor talked about what is your presence in the room when all hell breaks loose.

He shared a couple of other nuggets that I briefly want to share with you.

- We have to be intentional about friendships. Most of us will settle for our friends being the people we work with, work out with or run into in our daily routines. It's easy, we don't really have to put any effort into it. Real friendships however are built on being intentional. We plan and make the effort to talk to them, to be with them and to be there for them. We have to be intentional if we want to have true friendships.

-  If you try to be everyone's best friend, you will be nobody's. In true, pure, authentic friendship we know each others junk. We go through good times and bad. We share victories and we share defeats. We can't do this with everyone. We can be kind, compassionate and genuinely care about everyone, and we should. This does not mean that everyone is in our inner circle of friends. 

- Good friends are awake & aware. Have you ever been blessed enough to have a person that can hear your "hello" or see you and know that something is incredibly right or wrong? I hope so. Our friends aren't always focused on themselves, their worries, the problems, their issues. They are paying attention to you. They know your wants, needs & struggles. How many times do we walk by people and say, "How are you?" without paying any attention to the answer. Friends don't do that. When a friend says "How are you?" they really want to know and they are not just paying attention to what you say but also how you say it. They are awake & aware.

- Anything you put on the calendar is gonna cost you something somewhere else. This really wraps the previous 3 points up; you have to be intentional, you can't be everyone's best friend and it is critical that you are awake & award. So let me use myself as an example. I have a wife, 3 boys and 2 furry kids that need my love, leadership & care. I also have a job where many people are counting on me to perform my very best every day. I also have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ I need to nurture. I need to read my Bible and leadership books so I can continue to grow as a man, husband, father, friend and leader. I need to workout out. To accomplish all of this I need to be intentional and, if any of this is going to grow to the fullness of which it is able, I need to be awake & aware. How many times have husbands/Dads - including me - been physically present but mentally & emotionally absent? How many times have we prayed mindless prayers? You get the point. Then within all of this I still need to carve out time for friendship. Oh, and I didn't even mention yard work, work around the house, etc. Looking at this list I don't even have to remind you that we can't be everyone's best friend, that we can't do everything. It then comes back to priorities and what we are willing to sacrifice. Are we willing to sacrifice our families? Jobs? Faith? Personal growth & development? Friends? As I type this I think of people whose lives I have crossed paths with who have dropped the ball in one or more areas. A lot to juggle? For sure!!! This is why we must recognize that something will be sacrificed, we must be intentional and we must be awake & aware. I can't tell you what to choose, only that you will.

I want to remind us once more that we can't control what other people say, think or do. You & I can only control what we say, think and do. Along these lines I want to share one more lesson from the Bible. John 15: 12 - 15 says this:

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families!

Time to go home!!!!! :)

Kev