Keepin' It Real

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as a beautiful new day begins to dawn on the Texas Gulf Coast. I also hope you have had a great week and that you are looking forward to this Labor Day weekend and, most importantly, the start of the college football season! :)

This morning I want to do two things. 1. I am going to take off my mask for a minute and show you my heart and my struggles. We are all so good at putting on the right face for others we often miss the opportunity to truly testify to others like us - the lost, confused, hurting and broken. Well, you are not going to get the "right face" this morning...you are going to get the pure heart. And 2. I want to challenge us all with "What Will Your Influence Be...in your life?" 90% of the Happy Friday's I write are about the influence we will have in others lives however the most critical part of all of this is what influences our lives because what influences our lives determines the influence we will have in others lives (what's in the well always comes up in the bucket) - especially when we feel lost, confused, hurt & broken.

So off with the mask.

The first time I really remember being slapped in the face with keepin' it real was when my Mom passed away. My oldest Tender Warrior, Payton, came up to me and said something like, "You know Dad, it is o.k. to cry. You don't always have to be the strong one." I honestly didn't realize that this is what I had done - making my Tender Warriors think I never cried, hurt, etc. I get up so early and seek God, laying my heart bare before Him, getting things right, that by the time my boys got up I had already cried and let God renew my mind, my heart & my strength. They weren't seeing the fullness of everything and that is not a good thing because life is hard, it hurts sometimes and I need to show them how a man deals with these things.

During my Mom's celebration of life I cried like a baby when "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me played. The thing is, I was to get up and speak immediately following the song. After a brief minute to say another prayer, desperately asking God to show up through me to honor this most beautiful woman and blowing my nose - remember, keepin it real! :) - I turned around to face the crowd. Man, you should have seen the look on my Tender Warriors faces! I then spoke the message that God laid on my heart because that is what men do...through the hurt, through the pain, with God's strength & wisdom they show up and they do what they are supposed to do.

Several weeks ago I went through a tough time. I was severely disappointed. Something I had hoped for did not come to fruition and it was a punch in the gut to me - one of the biggest I had ever suffered up until this point in my life. I hurt, I was angry and I was disappointed. I was very mindful in that moment that I had 3 set of Tender Warrior eyes on me and they were watching how a man handles hurt, anger & disappointment. So I covered it up and put on a happy face, right? No!!! What I did was I told them I was hurt, that I was disappointed and that I need them to be praying for their Dad right now. The reactions were both funny and sweet. I was very mindful that how I handled this was huge as they were watching and it would either provide the road map or road block to handling their setbacks in life. My Beautiful Bride and I talked about it and I prayed about it - it is o.k. to let them know that I am hurt, angry & disappointed however what is most important is what I then do with it. It is not a license to be rude, mean & nasty to everyone else. It doesn't make it o.k. to ignore my responsibilities. And it is absolutely critical where I turn for strength, courage, knowledge & wisdom. In so many ways, one of my greatest disappointments became my greatest opportunity to witness to my boys...not in words, but in actions. So I sought God with all my heart, relied on Him for strength, courage & wisdom.

And then there was this week. So on Sunday we took our middle Tender Warrior, Gehrig, to college. He is going to a beautiful college about 4 hours from where we live. Gehrig, Kath & I drove up there on Sunday morning - check in started at 1:00 p.m. Everything went perfectly from the drive, to the actual move in, to getting his room set up, to the dinner we shared together that night, to collapsing in our hotel room around 8:00 p.m. that night - Praise the Lord, this is what I had prayed for. Monday morning Kath & I got up and had breakfast at the hotel. We had a wonderful breakfast and conversation. We then met Gehrig at the Student Center and then went to the bookstore to get all of the Haslam's gear - hat for Dad and t-shirts for the whole crew. If nothing else, we fully support one another! We then walked out to the car, hugged Gehrig goodbye, prayed one more time and then left.

And then it happened...no, Kath didn't start bawling or anything like that - it was me! It felt like my heart was being ripped right out of my chest! I hurt so bad! And I need to be really clear here on the front end - it wasn't that I didn't think this was right, that I didn't want Gehrig to go, that I didn't think Gehrig was ready or anything of the sort. I know Gehrig is exactly where he should, doing exactly what he should be doing, surrounded by great coaches & teammates - all the things I had prayed for. No, it wasn't any of those things. It was simply that I love my son with all of my heart and it is hard to drive away leaving him there. 

So I told Kath what I was thinking & feeling. We listened to two different sermons on podcast, we talked. We got home and we were going to take a nap - I laid there for about 5 minutes, my heart pounding out of my chest so I decided I needed to get up and do something. I still needed to finish staining our fence so I ran to the store, got the stain and got to work. I thought about Gehrig and talked to God as I painted that fence. I took a break for dinner when my other Tender Warriors got home. Kath encouraged me to stop painting now saying, "It will take you until 10 to finish." Heart still hurting I told her I was going to keep painting. I looked ridiculous - I had one of those flashlights on my head so I could see, missing my boy, asking God to give me strength, courage & wisdom. Oh, and by the way, Kath was totally wrong - I didn't get done until a little after 11! :)

So, how have I handled missing my boy? Well, I have confessed my heart to my family and co-workers...didn't try to hide for a moment that my heart hurt. I also haven't hidden the fact that I believe Gehrig is where he should be, doing exactly what he should be doing. And I have continually sought God.

I know you have heard the expression, "You find what you look for." Every morning I get up early, I seek God, I study leadership and then I write my Beautiful Bride & Tender Warriors a note. I always write scriptures that have spoken to my heart at the top of the page and then I write thoughts that I have gleaned from leadership stuff I have read. You wanna know how faithful God is? You want tangible proof that if you seek wisdom it will be given to you? Let me share with you the scriptures and quotes I wrote on their notes this Wednesday & Thursday.

Wednesday's Note
Scriptures:
"Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord." - Psalm 27:14

"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but not crushed or broken. We are perplexed because we don't know why things happen as they do, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going." 2 Corinthians 4:8 - 9

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." - 1 Corinthians 10:31

Thoughts:
"Gratitude is one of the most powerful human emotions. Once expressed, it changes attitude, brightens outlook, and broadens our perspective."

"Lord, prepare me for what I am praying for."

"Doing our best and doing it better everyday will help us lead our lives with peace of mind."

"God's timing, not mine.
God's will, not mine.
God's plan, not mine.
God' glory, not mine."

"Life is a gift and God gave you that gift for a reason. You have a purpose. You're special. You're loved. Never forget that."

Thursday's Note
Scriptures:
"If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me." - Jeremiah 29:13

"Happy is the generous man, the one who feeds the poor." - Proverbs 22:9

"Our only power and success come from God." - 2 Corinthians 3:5

"O my soul, why be so gloomy and discouraged? Trust in God! I shall again praise Him for His wondrous help; He will make me smile again, for He is my God." - Psalm 43:5

Thoughts:
"Quit being discouraged about what didn't work out. It's not over until God says it's over."

"The most powerful way to maintain a steady supply of inspiration and unconditional peace is to find and pursue your calling."

"Where God guides, He provides. No matter how things look, God is still in control. Stay in peace and be hopeful. Your blessing is coming soon."

"Dare to ask God for your greatest dreams and desires. Don't settle for a lesser dream."

It's amazing to me the words God spoke to my heart, and does again as I have typed these things verbatim for you. Also, I must tell you, when I write the quotes for my family I don't usually write who said it...trust me, they know it is not me! :) Please know the same.

So here is the challenge of this Happy Friday Friends; life can be hard. We get sad, hurt, disappointed, etc. It truly is a matter of when, not if. The thing that you and I have to decide, and redecide, is what we will do when these times come. I can testify that God will show up, He will carry you through and He will provide direction...I am literally walking that out this morning! But I still miss Gehrig!!! :)

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev