Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this glorious Saturday morning in my Sweet Home Alabama! Wow, what another crazy, busy, beautifully blessed, week! :) With all the craziness I find myself writing another Happy Friday on a Saturday morning instead of on Friday morning as I hope/intend. And in this moment, I am reminded that God's timing is always perfect! :)
This week I am simply going to share a testimony.
A few weeks ago I started working on something that was very important to me. It was not something that I would personally gain from, nor was it for the benefit of my family or I. It was much bigger than any of us and I desperately wanted to see it happen. As I began working and preparing for it to happen, I prayed about and for it. There was then this moment that I remember clearly where a great peace came over my spirit as I heard - not audibly...it was much deeper than that - this, "Just trust the process." I have been a "Christian Under Construction" long enough to know that when I "hear" something like this it is not from me, it is from God. And I also now know enough that "just trust the process" means use your talents, gifts and abilities to do things the right way and God will take care of the rest. I have found these things to be true in my life, over and over again.
So, with this blessed assurance, I set about doing just that - doing everything I could to the very best of my ability and trusting God with the rest. This sustained me for a couple of weeks. There was even a moment where someone kinda pushed back against me saying, "You seem awful sure of this!" I simply said, "I am just trusting the process."
And then, earlier this week, I began to look at things with my physical, rather than spiritual, eyes. Someone reached out to me and asked me about the progress. I replied, "I don't think we are going to make it." Every time I start to get disappointed in myself about this, I feel the loving encouragement of my Heavenly Father reminding me that I am human and this is why I must rely on Him.
The day after I had sent that message that we weren't going to make it, I got an email that changed everything. As I read the email I started crying, yelling "Oh my gosh!" Over and over again I yelled "Oh my gosh!" as tears flowed and my voice cracked. My Beautiful Bride, joining my in crying, said, "Is it a good 'Oh my gosh' or a bad 'Oh my gosh'?!" I told her we had accomplished it, and we both wept together.
And in that moment, my mind immediately raced back to the early morning prayer when I felt an unexplainable peace come over me as I heard, "Just trust the process." And then "no word returns void" came to me. Isaiah 55:11 (New Living Translation) says, "It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it." It always produces fruit...it will accomplish all I want it to...it will prosper everywhere I sent it! Sweet Friends, I am here to testify to these truths!
A couple of things:
1. This is not the story of a weak man but rather the story of a great God. This is the story of us. I am not going to beat myself up for the doubt I allowed to creep in. I am flawed, broken and imperfect...I am painfully aware of these truths. My God however says I am fearfully and wonderfully made, created on purpose for a purpose for which He has perfectly equipped me. We are doing a Bible study at church right now titled, "Freedom." The whole study hinges on the concept of are we going to live by the Tree of Life or by the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil? The Tree of Knowledge would have me live in sorrow, shame and guilt for my doubt. The Tree of Life has me live in love, mercy and grace. I choose Life! :)
2. Have you received a word/message in the deepest recesses of your heart? His word will not return void. Maybe it doesn't look like you thought it would look. Maybe it is taking longer than you thought it would take. I just want to encourage you, His word will not return void...He has promised us that. Please, if you have felt a conviction, please keep taking steps forward, even if they are baby steps. When the doubt creeps in, speak life. I don't know how, I don't know when and I certainly don't know what it will look like. I am simply here to tell you, based on experience, if He said it, it will happen. Walk in this blessed assurance Sweet Friends! :)
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families!
Kev
Saturday, February 29, 2020
Friday, February 21, 2020
Time to Learn
Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having had a great day! I have had an awesome day with my Beautiful Bride! :)
This weeks Happy Friday is going to be a "pull up a chair and let's learn together" kinda day. I have had a couple of things said, repeatedly, to me in the past couple of weeks that speak to my heart. They are not the same however they are related. I am caught in that awkward space of "I am not very good at this" and "I definitely need to learn." With this, you won't be getting much advice or testimonials from Kev. Instead, as I stated, it is the opportunity to learn together.
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a conference in Florida. The big takeaway from the conference for me was, "only do what only you can do." I know I desperately need to do this as so many things come at me daily that if I even attempted to do everything, I would accomplish very little and I would be highly ineffective.
I am sorry to tell you Friends, this is one we are going to have to learn, more than anything else, by doing! When I tried to find information about "how to do what only you can do" I, sadly, didn't come up with much. I can tell you the quote is attributed to Paul Sloane. The only other thing I found of any significance, that I thought I would share with all of you, is an article titled, "ONLY DO WHAT ONLY YOU CAN DO" and it can be found at destination-innovation.com. Here are a couple excerpts:
"Leaders at all levels could significantly improve their performance if they observed this succinct seven-word precept; only do what only you can do. The problem is that many bosses get too involved in the details, in day-to-day issues, in firefighting and in micro-managing their staff. The more senior you are, the more time you should spend on strategic rather than tactical issues. Leaders can dramatically improve if they focus much more on leadership matters. The best way you can do this is by delegating tasks that others can do and thereby concentrating on the tasks that only you can do."
"Of course the leader cannot ignore all operational issues and problems but the normal practice should be for the appropriate manager to manage these topics and flag up significant exceptions. Management is working in the business; leadership is working on the business. So if you are a leader try to step outside the routine, delegate more and focus on the things that only you can do."
The only other thought/idea I will share with you about only doing what only you can do is something that hit me like a 2 x 4 between the eyes; and empower your people to do the same. That can also be challenging. Can you imagine the effectiveness and efficiency of a team that operated where everyone only did what only they can do? My goal is to find out with the team I am blessed to serve! :)
And then there was this past Tuesday night. I had the privilege of meeting and listening to a talk by Captain Scott Kelly. If you are unfamiliar with Captain Kelly, he "is a former military fighter pilot and test pilot, an engineer, a retired astronaut, and a retired U.S. Navy captain. A veteran of four space flights, Kelly commanded the International Space Station (ISS) on three expeditions and was a member of the yearlong mission to the ISS. In October 2015, he set the record for the total accumulated number of days spent in space, the single longest space mission by an American astronaut." I am highly confident in the information I have provided for you as it comes directly from Captain Kelly's website which you can find at scottkelly.com. :)
During his talk Captain Kelly hit on one point over and over again; focus on what you can control and ignore everything else. Trying to learn how to land an airplane on an aircraft carrier? Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else. Trying to become an astronaut? Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else. Performing a space walk and working on equipment? Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else.
Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else...boy do I need to work on that one! And before diving into this I have to tell y'all, I had heard focus on what you can control many times in my life. I am not sure I have ever heard, "and ignore everything else" attached to it. That was kinda profound to me. Makes sense though, right? If I am only going to focus on what I can control, wisdom says I would therefore ignore everything that I can't...doh, I got a lot to learn! :)
O.K., so I went looking for some information to share. I found an article that was published at both inc.com and forbes.com. It is titled, "6 Ways to Stop Worrying About Things You Can't Control" and it was written by Amy Morin.
Here are several excerpts I thought we might all find helpful"
"1. Determine what you can control.
When you find yourself worrying, take a minute to examine the things you have control over. You can't prevent a storm from coming but you can prepare for it. You can't control how someone else behaves, but you can control how you react.
Recognize that sometimes, all you can control is your effort and your attitude. When you put your energy into the things you can control, you'll be much more effective."
"2. Focus on your influence.
You can influence people and circumstances, but you can't force things to go your way."
"To have the most influence, focus on changing your behavior. Be a good role model and set healthy boundaries for yourself."
"3. Identify your fears.
Ask yourself what you are afraid will happen. Are you predicting a catastrophic outcome? Do you doubt your ability to cope with disappointment?
Usually the worst case scenario isn't as tragic as you might envision. There's a good chance you're stronger than you think."
"4. Differentiate between ruminating and problem-solving.
Replaying conversations in your head or imagining catastrophic outcomes over and over again isn't helpful. But solving a problem is."
"5. Create a plan to manage your stress.
Exercising, eating healthy, and getting plenty of sleep are just a few key things you need to do to take care of yourself. You have to make time to manage your stress so you can operate more efficiently."
"6. Develop healthy affirmations.
Develop a few healthy mantras that will keep you mentally strong. Those sayings will help you combat self-doubt, catastrophic predictions, and endless rumination."
And I also wanted to share several excerpts from an article titled, "7 Quotes to Stop You from Worrying About Things You Can't Control." It was written by Marc Chernoff and it can be found at marcandangel.com.
"I've said it before and I'll say it again, the mind is our biggest battleground. It's the place where the strongest conflict resides. It's where half of the things we thought were going to happen, never did happen. It's where our expectations always get the best of us."
"Truthfully, there's so much about life that we can't control, it makes no sense to waste all our energy on these things and then blatantly neglect everything we CAN control."
And then Marc shared these 7 quotes:
"1. You can't control everything that happens to you, but you CAN control the way you respond. And in your response is your greatest power. Yes, most of your stress comes directly from the way you think and respond, not the way life is. Adjust your attitude, and all that extra stress is gone.
2. Don't bother worrying about whether there will be problems. There will be plenty of them, and you'll work your way through every one of them.
3. If you worry too much about what might be, and wonder too long about what might have been, you will ignore and completely miss what is. Realize that worrying is a misuse of your incredible creative energy. Instead of imagining the worst, imagine the best and how you can bring it about.
4. Today is a choice. Today, choose grace over impatience, beauty over negativity, and presence over panic.
5. There is absolutely nothing about your present situation - even the aspects you can't control - that prevents you from making progress, step by step.
6. You are alive and breathing, so act like it. Let go of what's wrong and grab a hold of what's right. Make things happen, and then let things happen. Learn, accept, explore, create and experience, every single day, one tiny step at a time.
7. Keep being mindful. Keep breathing deeply. Things ultimately turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out."
As I was typing all of this I kept thinking over and over; it's not what we know, it is what we actually do that will make the difference. I want to be the best man, husband, Dad, leader and friend that I can possibly be. With this, I have to become a gardener of my heart and mind. I have to do what only I can do and I have to focus on what I can control and ignore the rest. Oh, I fully understand that these are daily choices, made over and over again, and I also realize that I will stumble from time to time. Just the same, I am going to commit to becoming the best I am capable of becoming, to fulfill the calling God has placed on my life, so I can love, care for and serve others as I am called to do.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.
Kev
I hope and trust this post finds you all having had a great day! I have had an awesome day with my Beautiful Bride! :)
This weeks Happy Friday is going to be a "pull up a chair and let's learn together" kinda day. I have had a couple of things said, repeatedly, to me in the past couple of weeks that speak to my heart. They are not the same however they are related. I am caught in that awkward space of "I am not very good at this" and "I definitely need to learn." With this, you won't be getting much advice or testimonials from Kev. Instead, as I stated, it is the opportunity to learn together.
A couple of weeks ago, I attended a conference in Florida. The big takeaway from the conference for me was, "only do what only you can do." I know I desperately need to do this as so many things come at me daily that if I even attempted to do everything, I would accomplish very little and I would be highly ineffective.
I am sorry to tell you Friends, this is one we are going to have to learn, more than anything else, by doing! When I tried to find information about "how to do what only you can do" I, sadly, didn't come up with much. I can tell you the quote is attributed to Paul Sloane. The only other thing I found of any significance, that I thought I would share with all of you, is an article titled, "ONLY DO WHAT ONLY YOU CAN DO" and it can be found at destination-innovation.com. Here are a couple excerpts:
"Leaders at all levels could significantly improve their performance if they observed this succinct seven-word precept; only do what only you can do. The problem is that many bosses get too involved in the details, in day-to-day issues, in firefighting and in micro-managing their staff. The more senior you are, the more time you should spend on strategic rather than tactical issues. Leaders can dramatically improve if they focus much more on leadership matters. The best way you can do this is by delegating tasks that others can do and thereby concentrating on the tasks that only you can do."
"Of course the leader cannot ignore all operational issues and problems but the normal practice should be for the appropriate manager to manage these topics and flag up significant exceptions. Management is working in the business; leadership is working on the business. So if you are a leader try to step outside the routine, delegate more and focus on the things that only you can do."
The only other thought/idea I will share with you about only doing what only you can do is something that hit me like a 2 x 4 between the eyes; and empower your people to do the same. That can also be challenging. Can you imagine the effectiveness and efficiency of a team that operated where everyone only did what only they can do? My goal is to find out with the team I am blessed to serve! :)
And then there was this past Tuesday night. I had the privilege of meeting and listening to a talk by Captain Scott Kelly. If you are unfamiliar with Captain Kelly, he "is a former military fighter pilot and test pilot, an engineer, a retired astronaut, and a retired U.S. Navy captain. A veteran of four space flights, Kelly commanded the International Space Station (ISS) on three expeditions and was a member of the yearlong mission to the ISS. In October 2015, he set the record for the total accumulated number of days spent in space, the single longest space mission by an American astronaut." I am highly confident in the information I have provided for you as it comes directly from Captain Kelly's website which you can find at scottkelly.com. :)
During his talk Captain Kelly hit on one point over and over again; focus on what you can control and ignore everything else. Trying to learn how to land an airplane on an aircraft carrier? Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else. Trying to become an astronaut? Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else. Performing a space walk and working on equipment? Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else.
Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else...boy do I need to work on that one! And before diving into this I have to tell y'all, I had heard focus on what you can control many times in my life. I am not sure I have ever heard, "and ignore everything else" attached to it. That was kinda profound to me. Makes sense though, right? If I am only going to focus on what I can control, wisdom says I would therefore ignore everything that I can't...doh, I got a lot to learn! :)
O.K., so I went looking for some information to share. I found an article that was published at both inc.com and forbes.com. It is titled, "6 Ways to Stop Worrying About Things You Can't Control" and it was written by Amy Morin.
Here are several excerpts I thought we might all find helpful"
"1. Determine what you can control.
When you find yourself worrying, take a minute to examine the things you have control over. You can't prevent a storm from coming but you can prepare for it. You can't control how someone else behaves, but you can control how you react.
Recognize that sometimes, all you can control is your effort and your attitude. When you put your energy into the things you can control, you'll be much more effective."
"2. Focus on your influence.
You can influence people and circumstances, but you can't force things to go your way."
"To have the most influence, focus on changing your behavior. Be a good role model and set healthy boundaries for yourself."
"3. Identify your fears.
Ask yourself what you are afraid will happen. Are you predicting a catastrophic outcome? Do you doubt your ability to cope with disappointment?
Usually the worst case scenario isn't as tragic as you might envision. There's a good chance you're stronger than you think."
"4. Differentiate between ruminating and problem-solving.
Replaying conversations in your head or imagining catastrophic outcomes over and over again isn't helpful. But solving a problem is."
"5. Create a plan to manage your stress.
Exercising, eating healthy, and getting plenty of sleep are just a few key things you need to do to take care of yourself. You have to make time to manage your stress so you can operate more efficiently."
"6. Develop healthy affirmations.
Develop a few healthy mantras that will keep you mentally strong. Those sayings will help you combat self-doubt, catastrophic predictions, and endless rumination."
And I also wanted to share several excerpts from an article titled, "7 Quotes to Stop You from Worrying About Things You Can't Control." It was written by Marc Chernoff and it can be found at marcandangel.com.
"I've said it before and I'll say it again, the mind is our biggest battleground. It's the place where the strongest conflict resides. It's where half of the things we thought were going to happen, never did happen. It's where our expectations always get the best of us."
"Truthfully, there's so much about life that we can't control, it makes no sense to waste all our energy on these things and then blatantly neglect everything we CAN control."
And then Marc shared these 7 quotes:
"1. You can't control everything that happens to you, but you CAN control the way you respond. And in your response is your greatest power. Yes, most of your stress comes directly from the way you think and respond, not the way life is. Adjust your attitude, and all that extra stress is gone.
2. Don't bother worrying about whether there will be problems. There will be plenty of them, and you'll work your way through every one of them.
3. If you worry too much about what might be, and wonder too long about what might have been, you will ignore and completely miss what is. Realize that worrying is a misuse of your incredible creative energy. Instead of imagining the worst, imagine the best and how you can bring it about.
4. Today is a choice. Today, choose grace over impatience, beauty over negativity, and presence over panic.
5. There is absolutely nothing about your present situation - even the aspects you can't control - that prevents you from making progress, step by step.
6. You are alive and breathing, so act like it. Let go of what's wrong and grab a hold of what's right. Make things happen, and then let things happen. Learn, accept, explore, create and experience, every single day, one tiny step at a time.
7. Keep being mindful. Keep breathing deeply. Things ultimately turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out."
As I was typing all of this I kept thinking over and over; it's not what we know, it is what we actually do that will make the difference. I want to be the best man, husband, Dad, leader and friend that I can possibly be. With this, I have to become a gardener of my heart and mind. I have to do what only I can do and I have to focus on what I can control and ignore the rest. Oh, I fully understand that these are daily choices, made over and over again, and I also realize that I will stumble from time to time. Just the same, I am going to commit to becoming the best I am capable of becoming, to fulfill the calling God has placed on my life, so I can love, care for and serve others as I am called to do.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.
Kev
Friday, February 14, 2020
It's Not About Me!
Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :) And Happy Valentine's Day to you all!
Doing life with people - the friends, co-workers, etc. in our spheres of influence - is truly an honor and privilege. I really believe that. I don't believe we come into people's lives, or they into ours, on accident. I do believe God orders and ordains these relationships and that they are there for a reason. Some last a lifetime and some are for but a brief season of life. Regardless, they are sacred, to be honored and cherished.
The funny thing about life and relationships is that they get messy. We live in a fallen, broken world and thus, there are a lot of hurting, broken people. So where do you and I fit within all of this? What is our role? What is the purpose? I truly believe that God placed me on this earth to encourage, empower and equip others to become the best they are capable of becoming as they strive to fulfill their life purposes. Not just the one's like me. Not just the one's who are currently standing on the mountain top. Not just the one's who are currently in a valley. No, I am to love, care for and serve everyone, all the time.
And we are really good at doing things like love, care for and serving others when things are going really good, aren't we? How hard is it to love, care for and serve someone who doesn't have a care in the world? How hard is it to love, care for and serve someone who agrees with everything we say, think or do? The ironic thing is we grow stronger and relationships grow deeper when we have the privilege of walking with people through the storms of life.
Last week a dear friends spouse passed away at a young age. There are not words to adequately express the shock and sadness I felt. And, as so often happens when someone passes away or something bad happens, I have heard a lot of people say things like, "I don't know what to say." Or, they stay away because they feel uncomfortable. Ever been there? Where you stay away because you don't feel comfortable? Me too.
Being with those who are hurting is actually Biblical. Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." I learned a long time ago - through the storms of life - that during times of adversity, it is not about me. You see, we feel inadequate because, well, we are. If we can first understand that, we are then free to simply love, care for and serve. When someone has lost a spouse, child or someone very dear to them we don't know what to say because there is nothing - absolutely nothing! - that we can say that will make it better, that will make the pain stop. And we feel like there is nothing we can do because there isn't. So what do we do? For me, first and foremost I pray - for the person, for the family and then I show up. I don't try to find the right words to speak or the right things to do. I just show up. I realize it is not about me and simply let the other person going through the storm decide what we do - I just make sure they know I am available, fully present. They want to talk, we talk. They want to sit in silence, we sit in silence. Above all else, I remember it is not about me and I pray that God covers my inadequacy.
There is a beautiful little story that I believe illustrates how we are to respond perfectly - and not coincidentally, the lesson is taught by a child. What I am sharing can be found at family-times.net and is titled, "A little boy helps an elderly gentleman cry." It reads:
"Author Leo Buscaglia once told about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child; the winner was a four-year-old boy. His next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into this gentleman's yard, climbed up into his lap and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing. I just helped him cry.""
And there is one other thing that my spirit demands I share; when something good or bad happens to another, please ask yourself, "Whose story is this to tell?" Last week I was at a conference. There was a segment on communication. The facilitator offered a guideline for communicating - "Why you? Why now?" These questions allow us to pause and ask if we are the one's who should be delivering the message and to determine if now is the time for us to be doing so.
As we are all way too aware, we live in a social media world. When anything happens, from the deeply significant to the completely irrelevant, someone somewhere feels they need to jump on social media and make sure the twitterverse, or the like, are aware. Why you? Why now? Is it your story to tell? Did you happen to see the interview with the sheriff in Los Angeles County after Kobe Bryant tragically died, along with 8 others including his daughter, in a helicopter crash? You could literally see the pain on the sheriff's face as he told how news outlets had reported who had died in the crash before the families could be notified. Families and friends found out about the death of their loved ones on TV. It's not supposed to be this way!
Look, I fully understand that my sphere of influence is very small and, in the bigger picture, insignificant. Just the same, I vow and invite you to join me, to not tell someone else's story. I don't believe I am called to jump on Twitter or Facebook or whatever and tell someone else's story and therefore, I won't. It is not about me! It is about the lost, the hurting and the broken. It is their story and they will tell it when they are ready to do so. My role, my sole responsibility, is to love, care for and serve them wherever they are...period! And with God's strength, mercy and grace, this is what I will do. And I will continue to beg him to cover my inadequacies.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or you families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.
Kev
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :) And Happy Valentine's Day to you all!
Doing life with people - the friends, co-workers, etc. in our spheres of influence - is truly an honor and privilege. I really believe that. I don't believe we come into people's lives, or they into ours, on accident. I do believe God orders and ordains these relationships and that they are there for a reason. Some last a lifetime and some are for but a brief season of life. Regardless, they are sacred, to be honored and cherished.
The funny thing about life and relationships is that they get messy. We live in a fallen, broken world and thus, there are a lot of hurting, broken people. So where do you and I fit within all of this? What is our role? What is the purpose? I truly believe that God placed me on this earth to encourage, empower and equip others to become the best they are capable of becoming as they strive to fulfill their life purposes. Not just the one's like me. Not just the one's who are currently standing on the mountain top. Not just the one's who are currently in a valley. No, I am to love, care for and serve everyone, all the time.
And we are really good at doing things like love, care for and serving others when things are going really good, aren't we? How hard is it to love, care for and serve someone who doesn't have a care in the world? How hard is it to love, care for and serve someone who agrees with everything we say, think or do? The ironic thing is we grow stronger and relationships grow deeper when we have the privilege of walking with people through the storms of life.
Last week a dear friends spouse passed away at a young age. There are not words to adequately express the shock and sadness I felt. And, as so often happens when someone passes away or something bad happens, I have heard a lot of people say things like, "I don't know what to say." Or, they stay away because they feel uncomfortable. Ever been there? Where you stay away because you don't feel comfortable? Me too.
Being with those who are hurting is actually Biblical. Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." I learned a long time ago - through the storms of life - that during times of adversity, it is not about me. You see, we feel inadequate because, well, we are. If we can first understand that, we are then free to simply love, care for and serve. When someone has lost a spouse, child or someone very dear to them we don't know what to say because there is nothing - absolutely nothing! - that we can say that will make it better, that will make the pain stop. And we feel like there is nothing we can do because there isn't. So what do we do? For me, first and foremost I pray - for the person, for the family and then I show up. I don't try to find the right words to speak or the right things to do. I just show up. I realize it is not about me and simply let the other person going through the storm decide what we do - I just make sure they know I am available, fully present. They want to talk, we talk. They want to sit in silence, we sit in silence. Above all else, I remember it is not about me and I pray that God covers my inadequacy.
There is a beautiful little story that I believe illustrates how we are to respond perfectly - and not coincidentally, the lesson is taught by a child. What I am sharing can be found at family-times.net and is titled, "A little boy helps an elderly gentleman cry." It reads:
"Author Leo Buscaglia once told about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child; the winner was a four-year-old boy. His next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into this gentleman's yard, climbed up into his lap and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing. I just helped him cry.""
And there is one other thing that my spirit demands I share; when something good or bad happens to another, please ask yourself, "Whose story is this to tell?" Last week I was at a conference. There was a segment on communication. The facilitator offered a guideline for communicating - "Why you? Why now?" These questions allow us to pause and ask if we are the one's who should be delivering the message and to determine if now is the time for us to be doing so.
As we are all way too aware, we live in a social media world. When anything happens, from the deeply significant to the completely irrelevant, someone somewhere feels they need to jump on social media and make sure the twitterverse, or the like, are aware. Why you? Why now? Is it your story to tell? Did you happen to see the interview with the sheriff in Los Angeles County after Kobe Bryant tragically died, along with 8 others including his daughter, in a helicopter crash? You could literally see the pain on the sheriff's face as he told how news outlets had reported who had died in the crash before the families could be notified. Families and friends found out about the death of their loved ones on TV. It's not supposed to be this way!
Look, I fully understand that my sphere of influence is very small and, in the bigger picture, insignificant. Just the same, I vow and invite you to join me, to not tell someone else's story. I don't believe I am called to jump on Twitter or Facebook or whatever and tell someone else's story and therefore, I won't. It is not about me! It is about the lost, the hurting and the broken. It is their story and they will tell it when they are ready to do so. My role, my sole responsibility, is to love, care for and serve them wherever they are...period! And with God's strength, mercy and grace, this is what I will do. And I will continue to beg him to cover my inadequacies.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or you families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.
Kev
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