Time to Learn

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having had a great day! I have had an awesome day with my Beautiful Bride! :)

This weeks Happy Friday is going to be a "pull up a chair and let's learn together" kinda day. I have had a couple of things said, repeatedly, to me in the past couple of weeks that speak to my heart. They are not the same however they are related. I am caught in that awkward space of "I am not very good at this" and "I definitely need to learn." With this, you won't be getting much advice or testimonials from Kev. Instead, as I stated, it is the opportunity to learn together.

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a conference in Florida. The big takeaway from the conference for me was, "only do what only you can do." I know I desperately need to do this as so many things come at me daily that if I even attempted to do everything, I would accomplish very little and I would be highly ineffective. 

I am sorry to tell you Friends, this is one we are going to have to learn, more than anything else, by doing! When I tried to find information about "how to do what only you can do" I, sadly, didn't come up with much. I can tell you the quote is attributed to Paul Sloane. The only other thing I found of any significance, that I thought I would share with all of you, is an article titled, "ONLY DO WHAT ONLY YOU CAN DO" and it can be found at destination-innovation.com. Here are a couple excerpts:

"Leaders at all levels could significantly improve their performance if they observed this succinct seven-word precept; only do what only you can do. The problem is that many bosses get too involved in the details, in day-to-day issues, in firefighting and in micro-managing their staff. The more senior you are, the more time you should spend on strategic rather than tactical issues. Leaders can dramatically improve if they focus much more on leadership matters. The best way you can do this is by delegating tasks that others can do and thereby concentrating on the tasks that only you can do."

"Of course the leader cannot ignore all operational issues and problems but the normal practice should be for the appropriate manager to manage these topics and flag up significant exceptions. Management is working in the business; leadership is working on the business. So if you are a leader try to step outside the routine, delegate more and focus on the things that only you can do."

The only other thought/idea I will share with you about only doing what only you can do is something that hit me like a 2 x 4 between the eyes; and empower your people to do the same. That can also be challenging. Can you imagine the effectiveness and efficiency of a team that operated where everyone only did what only they can do? My goal is to find out with the team I am blessed to serve! :)

And then there was this past Tuesday night. I had the privilege of meeting and listening to a talk by Captain Scott Kelly. If you are unfamiliar with Captain Kelly, he "is a former military fighter pilot and test pilot, an engineer, a retired astronaut, and a retired U.S. Navy captain. A veteran of four space flights, Kelly commanded the International Space Station (ISS) on three expeditions and was a member of the yearlong mission to the ISS. In October 2015, he set the record for the total accumulated number of days spent in space, the single longest space mission by an American astronaut." I am highly confident in the information I have provided for you as it comes directly from Captain Kelly's website which you can find at scottkelly.com. :)

During his talk Captain Kelly hit on one point over and over again; focus on what you can control and ignore everything else. Trying to learn how to land an airplane on an aircraft carrier? Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else. Trying to become an astronaut? Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else. Performing a space walk and working on equipment? Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else.

Focus on what you can control and ignore everything else...boy do I need to work on that one! And before diving into this I have to tell y'all, I had heard focus on what you can control many times in my life. I am not sure I have ever heard, "and ignore everything else" attached to it. That was kinda profound to me. Makes sense though, right? If I am only going to focus on what I can control, wisdom says I would therefore ignore everything that I can't...doh, I got a lot to learn! :)

O.K., so I went looking for some information to share. I found an article that was published at both inc.com and forbes.com. It is titled, "6 Ways to Stop Worrying About Things You Can't Control" and it was written by Amy Morin. 

Here are several excerpts I thought we might all find helpful"

"1. Determine what you can control.
When you find yourself worrying, take a minute to examine the things you have control over. You can't prevent a storm from coming but you can prepare for it. You can't control how someone else behaves, but you can control how you react.

Recognize that sometimes, all you can control is your effort and your attitude. When you put your energy into the things you can control, you'll be much more effective."

"2. Focus on your influence.
You can influence people and circumstances, but you can't force things to go your way."

"To have the most influence, focus on changing your behavior. Be a good role model and set healthy boundaries for yourself."

"3. Identify your fears.
Ask yourself what you are afraid will happen. Are you predicting a catastrophic outcome? Do you doubt your ability to cope with disappointment?

Usually the worst case scenario isn't as tragic as you might envision. There's a good chance you're stronger than you think."

"4. Differentiate between ruminating and problem-solving.
Replaying conversations in your head or imagining catastrophic outcomes over and over again isn't helpful. But solving a problem is."

"5. Create a plan to manage your stress.
Exercising, eating healthy, and getting plenty of sleep are just a few key things you need to do to take care of yourself. You have to make time to manage your stress so you can operate more efficiently."

"6. Develop healthy affirmations.
Develop a few healthy mantras that will keep you mentally strong. Those sayings will help you combat self-doubt, catastrophic predictions, and endless rumination."

And I also wanted to share several excerpts from an article titled, "7 Quotes to Stop You from Worrying About Things You Can't Control." It was written by Marc Chernoff and it can be found at marcandangel.com.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, the mind is our biggest battleground. It's the place where the strongest conflict resides. It's where half of the things we thought were going to happen, never did happen. It's where our expectations always get the best of us."

"Truthfully, there's so much about life that we can't control, it makes no sense to waste all our energy on these things and then blatantly neglect everything we CAN control."

And then Marc shared these 7 quotes:

"1. You can't control everything that happens to you, but you CAN control the way you respond. And in your response is your greatest power. Yes, most of your stress comes directly from the way you think and respond, not the way life is. Adjust your attitude, and all that extra stress is gone.

2. Don't bother worrying about whether there will be problems. There will be plenty of them, and you'll work your way through every one of them.

3. If you worry too much about what might be, and wonder too long about what might have been, you will ignore and completely miss what is. Realize that worrying is a misuse of your incredible creative energy. Instead of imagining the worst, imagine the best and how you can bring it about.

4. Today is a choice. Today, choose grace over impatience, beauty over negativity, and presence over panic.

5. There is absolutely nothing about your present situation - even the aspects you can't control - that prevents you from making progress, step by step.

6. You are alive and breathing, so act like it. Let go of what's wrong and grab a hold of what's right. Make things happen, and then let things happen. Learn, accept, explore, create and experience, every single day, one tiny step at a time.

7. Keep being mindful. Keep breathing deeply. Things ultimately turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out."

As I was typing all of this I kept thinking over and over; it's not what we know, it is what we actually do that will make the difference. I want to be the best man, husband, Dad, leader and friend that I can possibly be. With this, I have to become a gardener of my heart and mind. I have to do what only I can do and I have to focus on what I can control and ignore the rest. Oh, I fully understand that these are daily choices, made over and over again, and I also realize that I will stumble from time to time. Just the same, I am going to commit to becoming the best I am capable of becoming, to fulfill the calling God has placed on my life, so I can love, care for and serve others as I am called to do.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev