It's Not About Me!

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :) And Happy Valentine's Day to you all!

Doing life with people - the friends, co-workers, etc. in our spheres of influence - is truly an honor and privilege. I really believe that. I don't believe we come into people's lives, or they into ours, on accident. I do believe God orders and ordains these relationships and that they are there for a reason. Some last a lifetime and some are for but a brief season of life. Regardless, they are sacred, to be honored and cherished.

The funny thing about life and relationships is that they get messy. We live in a fallen, broken world and thus, there are a lot of hurting, broken people. So where do you and I fit within all of this? What is our role? What is the purpose? I truly believe that God placed me on this earth to encourage, empower and equip others to become the best they are capable of becoming as they strive to fulfill their life purposes. Not just the one's like me. Not just the one's who are currently standing on the mountain top. Not just the one's who are currently in a valley. No, I am to love, care for and serve everyone, all the time.

And we are really good at doing things like love, care for and serving others when things are going really good, aren't we? How hard is it to love, care for and serve someone who doesn't have a care in the world? How hard is it to love, care for and serve someone who agrees with everything we say, think or do? The ironic thing is we grow stronger and relationships grow deeper when we have the privilege of walking with people through the storms of life.

Last week a dear friends spouse passed away at a young age. There are not words to adequately express the shock and sadness I felt. And, as so often happens when someone passes away or something bad happens, I have heard a lot of people say things like, "I don't know what to say." Or, they stay away because they feel uncomfortable. Ever been there? Where you stay away because you don't feel comfortable? Me too.

Being with those who are hurting is actually Biblical. Romans 12:15 says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." I learned a long time ago - through the storms of life - that during times of adversity, it is not about me. You see, we feel inadequate because, well, we are. If we can first understand that, we are then free to simply love, care for and serve. When someone has lost a spouse, child or someone very dear to them we don't know what to say because there is nothing - absolutely nothing! - that we can say that will make it better, that will make the pain stop. And we feel like there is nothing we can do because there isn't. So what do we do? For me, first and foremost I pray - for the person, for the family and then I show up. I don't try to find the right words to speak or the right things to do. I just show up. I realize it is not about me and simply let the other person going through the storm decide what we do - I just make sure they know I am available, fully present. They want to talk, we talk. They want to sit in silence, we sit in silence. Above all else, I remember it is not about me and I pray that God covers my inadequacy.

There is a beautiful little story that I believe illustrates how we are to respond perfectly - and not coincidentally, the lesson is taught by a child. What I am sharing can be found at family-times.net and is titled, "A little boy helps an elderly gentleman cry." It reads:
"Author Leo Buscaglia once told about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child; the winner was a four-year-old boy. His next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into this gentleman's yard, climbed up into his lap and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing. I just helped him cry.""

And there is one other thing that my spirit demands I share; when something good or bad happens to another, please ask yourself, "Whose story is this to tell?" Last week I was at a conference. There was a segment on communication. The facilitator offered a guideline for communicating - "Why you? Why now?" These questions allow us to pause and ask if we are the one's who should be delivering the message and to determine if now is the time for us to be doing so.

As we are all way too aware, we live in a social media world. When anything happens, from the deeply significant to the completely irrelevant, someone somewhere feels they need to jump on social media and make sure the twitterverse, or the like, are aware. Why you? Why now? Is it your story to tell? Did you happen to see the interview with the sheriff in Los Angeles County after Kobe Bryant tragically died, along with 8 others including his daughter, in a helicopter crash? You could literally see the pain on the sheriff's face as he told how news outlets had reported who had died in the crash before the families could be notified. Families and friends found out about the death of their loved ones on TV. It's not supposed to be this way!

Look, I fully understand that my sphere of influence is very small and, in the bigger picture, insignificant. Just the same, I vow and invite you to join me, to not tell someone else's story. I don't believe I am called to jump on Twitter or Facebook or whatever and tell someone else's story and therefore, I won't. It is not about me! It is about the lost, the hurting and the broken. It is their story and they will tell it when they are ready to do so. My role, my sole responsibility, is to love, care for and serve them wherever they are...period! And with God's strength, mercy and grace, this is what I will do. And I will continue to beg him to cover my inadequacies.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or you families. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev