Lessons Learned

Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having had a great day on this beautiful Friday evening in my Sweet Home Alabama! :)

This past week, past 8 weeks, have been really big for me. I am going to pour out my heart, be transparent, and share with you the many lessons I have learned.

On Saturday, October 3, 2020, my family and I attended the University of Tennessee vs Missouri football game at Neyland Stadium. During the tailgate prior to the game, a friend I have known for 12 or so years, walked up to me and said, "Kev, I wish you would get those knees fixed. It kills me to watch you walk." And then he walked away. You see, I have known for nearly 30 years that at some point I would have to have my knees replaced. Each of the orthopedic surgeons I have gone to over the years stated something like, "It is obvious you need new knees...we just want to wait until you get older." So, I have been hobbling along - literally! :) - doing the best I can to get from here to there. Over the last few years I knew the problem had gotten worse, even though I didn't feel like I was walking with a limp, as complete strangers would walk up to me and say, "Knee?" or "I had my knees replaced."

When my friend said something, this time it stuck. As my family and I drove home on Sunday my Beautiful Bride talked about it. If there is ever going to be a good time in my line of work to do this type of thing, this is it due to the pandemic. Also, at the institution I serve, we are given two weeks off for the Christmas break. We decided this could, in fact, be the time. We decided I would 1) talk to my colleague at work who would have to pick up my slack for a couple of weeks and, pending her approval, 2) I would speak with my boss. By Tuesday of that week I had the blessing of both and scheduled an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon. I was in the surgeon's office the next week, my surgery was scheduled for Monday, December 7th and we were off and running.

What I have been mindful of this whole time as I have gone through this was my friends one little comment; "Kev, I wish you would get those knees fixed. It kills me to watch you walk." He was not pushy, condescending, a know it all, or any of the other things people tend to do in those types of situations. He expressed concern, empathy, he showed me a path to a different way, and then he left it up to me to decide what to do with that information.

Lesson Learned: I learned what a real friend looks like, how they communicate. He didn't deny or ignore the problem, nor did he tell me I had to do what he thought I should to do. He loved me enough to speak truth, expressed concern, and then left it there. I have given this man credit every time I have told the story of how this all came to be however I did not call him until the night before the surgery because, being in a pandemic, we weren't certain it was actually going to occur until then. I thanked him and I made sure he knew how much I appreciated him and his friendship.

There were a lot of mental monsters to fight in the walk up - I crack myself up! :) - to the surgery. Would I, a family member, or a member of the surgical team get COVID and it would be off? What if I got an infection? What if I got a blood clot? And is it really wise to have both knees done at the same time...so many people told me it was not? What if I did not survive? Might sound like a crazy thought however it gets real when, during pre-op, the nurse asks if my wife has power of attorney and if I have a living will.

Once the surgery was set I had something I was working towards. I have pretty much always worked out but now I was working for a purpose, I had a game day coming up! Yes, the physical is important and I was keenly aware that the harder I could work, the better the shape I could get this body into, the better my surgery and my recovery would be. However the most important part of that workout time is that is my prayer time...and I can assure you, I prayed many fervent prayers! Every day, over and over, I cast each of the cares I listed above on the Lord and I left them there. And every single day the Lord gave me a deep, abiding peace.

Lesson Learned: These are really reaffirmations of things I have found in my life, however I am here to testify that I have found the following to be true:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4: 6 - 7

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5: 7

And something else my Spirit is pushing me to share with you; this very topic - worries, cares, concerns - gave my 15-year old Tender Warrior and I the opportunity for wonderful conversation. He asked at one point, very early on, how I so bravely deal with these things. And I poured my heart out to my boy. I told him, I am scared, really scared. And I told him how every day when I climb onto that exercise bike I picture a big 'ol lake over there and one by one, every single morning, I take every care and concern and cast them into that lake. I am grateful I had the opportunity to keep it real with my son - I am scared...I don't want to create some false sense of who I am or what he thinks he needs to be - but most importantly, I had the opportunity to teach him how to deal with it. Thank you, Jesus! :)

As you can imagine, trying to have major surgery during a pandemic can be a little tricky. As noted above, my surgery was scheduled for Monday, December 7th. I had told my leadership team at work however I had not yet told the entire team. On Monday, November 30th I did all my pre-op stuff so on Tuesday, December 1st, I decided to tell the entire team. I kid you not, at 3:30 p.m. that day I got a call from the doctors office letting me know that my surgery was being moved to Friday, December 11th. Felt like a punch in the gut...was getting pretty cranked up at this point for everything. Had worked my tail off to get all of my Christmas stuff done - lights up, presents bought, gifts carved, etc. Just more stuff to cast on the Lord! :)

I was surprised that they did not mention anything about getting a new COVID test or any other pre-op stuff. Then, on Wednesday, December 9th, I got a call from the doctors office. I need to go in either that day or the next to have all my blood work done again as too much time had passed since my last blood work. I went and got everything done and yes, they did another COVID test. Then here is the double kicker: 1) They will only call you if your COVID test is positive, and 2) They will call you after Noon on Thursday, December 10th with your surgery time. That night my mind was racing. Is it going to happen or not? Do I have COVID? All over the place. And then my Bride's cell phone buzzed. It was a message for me from a friend. I am not particularly close to those beautiful, Godly women, though I am close to her daughter and son-in-law. Her message was a beautiful God-inspired message and in that specific moment I knew this surgery was going to happen!

Lesson Learned: God will use us in people's lives if we let Him. This precious woman had no idea the struggle I was going through. She simply knew that God placed a message on her heart so she sent it. To me, it meant everything. He used her to speak to me however He never could have done that if she were not a willing servant.

So it is now Thursday night, December 10th, less that 12 hours from game day! The mental struggle is real...all the thoughts are racing through my mind. And so I did what I have been blessed to be able to do for nearly 20 years now; I sent a text message to 8 Godly men who are my Prayer Warriors. As my family and I have faced storms of life and of nature, I have reached out to them for prayer. And every single time these Godly men have shown up and prayed for my family and I. How blessed am I?

I sent that text and my phone began to buzz and in that moment, the deepest peace I have ever felt enveloped me. I knew it was going to all be good and in that moment, the Holy Spirit convicted me to change my prayers. I was no longer praying that I would survive surgery, that everything would be o.k. No, my prayer was now that I would thrive through surgery and specifically that God would bring me the physicians, nurses, technicians and cleaning staff who need to see a light, who needed encouragement poured into them. And man did He deliver! I was so blessed to love on and encourage so many wonderful physicians, nurses, techs and staff.

Lesson Learned: I pray every person who reads this will have a group of people you can just be real with and ask them to pray for you. I hope everyone gets to feel what I felt last Friday morning walking into that hospital; the perfectly clear picture I see in my mind is me walking in a circle of 8 Godly men, each wearing the full Armor of God. There was no fear! There was no doubt! There was no worry! Any attack would have to come through these great Godly men who were storming the gates of Heaven on my behalf. I had God, these men had me...all attacks would fail!

Something else happened somewhere along this journey. A couple of weeks out from the surgery I asked my Beautiful Bride if I was crazy for doing this. I floated out the idea that perhaps I really didn't have to do this. While I might walk with a limp, at least I could walk. She gently, sweetly touched my hand and told me everything was going to be o.k. That, yes, the short-term is going to be a struggle but there are better days coming.

Lesson Learned: I was utterly amazed at how ready I was to stay stuck in something less than ideal because of the worries, cares, concerns, etc. If we are real, don't we all do this? As I stated, I didn't even realize I limp. Pain had become such a constant part of my life that it had become my "normal." Why do we do this? Why do we choose to stay in pain instead of doing the hard work of fixing the problem? Currently walking this path, I want to encourage you to endure the pain. I promise you it is so worth it! I want to share two quick stories to illustrate the point:

1. On Saturday the Physical Therapists came to take me for a walk...yes, going for a walk 1 day after double knee replacement - medicine is amazing and our health care providers are phenomenal! Anyways, I take a few steps and I stop. My eyes are a little moist and I exclaim, "Oh! My! Gosh!" Scared the heck out of the pour Therapist! She asks me what is wrong and I explain to her that absolutely nothing is wrong but I am feeling overwhelmed by all that is right. You see, I was walking on and feeling my whole foot. Friends, I have never felt that in my entire life! I was so bow-legged that I walked primarily on the outside of my feet. With my knees fixed, I, for the first time in 53 years of life was feeling what it was like to walk "normally."

2. One night earlier this week, I think it was Monday though I am not completely sure, my Bride and I were in bed. And as I laid there I realized I felt absolutely zero pain in my legs...0!!! Again, I can't recall a time in my life I had ever felt zero pain in my legs. And now? This is my new normal! :)

Finally, I have to tell you about the countless people who have blessed the heck out of my family and I over this past week. They have prayed for us, texted and called us, provided meals for us...I am overwhelmed typing it! I can't tell you how much every prayer, every word of encouragement, every phone call, every meal has meant to us. Thank you Lord for blessing this man and his family so much! :) We are so very grateful for each and every one of them.

Lesson Learned: Please don't ever kid yourself; your words and actions matter! YOU have the power to positively influence the lives of others. YOU don't have to perform some grand gesture, you simply have to perform with your HEART. Please don't ever question or doubt the impact you will have in the lives of others...I know a man and his family whose lives were profoundly impacted! :)

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great night, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well!

Kev

Don't Be Perfect, Just Dream

Happy Friday, Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this glorious Thursday evening in my Sweet Home Alabama! I am writing this Happy Friday on Thursday evening as I have a big day tomorrow that is going to start very early...even for me! :)

My heart with this weeks Happy Friday is to encourage us all. I want to start off by sharing another excerpt from Lolly Daskal's book, The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You And Your Greatness. The excerpt I am sharing comes from Chapter One which she titled, The Surprising Gap In Our Leadership: Greatness lies in the gaps between where you are and where you want to be.

"We are all capable of standing in our greatness. Every human being is born with a healthy emotional system. We come into this world without fear, without shame. We don't make judgments about which parts of ourselves are good and which parts are bad. Rather, we dream about doing something bigger than ourselves - we have ideas, thoughts, visions, hopes. Some of us have ideals that are bigger than others', but we all have great visions for ourselves. Until, somewhere along the way, those visions get diluted. Maybe it was the teacher who called you stupid; the parent who said you could do better; the bully who taunted you; the sports coach who called you inadequate. Whatever that message was, you heard it and internalized it. You made the message stick, and because you did, you didn't think you could stand in your greatness."

Man, this resonates with me! It hit me as profound when I first read it, again when I re-read it preparing for this Happy Friday, and typing it is stirring up all kinds of emotions. It's true...sadly, so very true. I see myself in those words...do you?

I have two encouragements with this excerpt:

1. Please stand in your greatness, Friend! It is there, within you. 

Yes, I know the pain - quite well - of being told I am dumb, inadequate, that I will never amount to anything, I am a failure, etc. And yes, I realize that the closer the person is to you and the more important they are to you, the deeper the cut. I have been cut extremely deep. I don't tell you this to brag or to put on some tough guy act. No, I tell you because I want you to know that I do have some level of understanding. This isn't some Pollyanna, rose colored glasses, you have always had it easy type of pep talk. This is one human being, having been kicked square in the gut, looking at another saying, "You got this!"

Please Friends, if you are not currently standing in your greatness, rise up! Please don't let the hurtful words or actions of another flawed, broken human being define you. You were created on purpose for a purpose. You have great talents, gifts, and abilities. And, while they may be buried deep within your heart, you have great ideas, thoughts, visions, and hopes. Please uncover them! Yes, it is going to take a tremendous amount of strength and courage - I can testify that God will help you! You can do this however you have to CHOOSE to do so! Decide that this day is going to be a different day! You are no longer going to walk in fear or shame! You are no longer going to pick yourself apart - YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made! Please, give yourself this beautiful gift - the you that you were created to be! 

2. Our words and actions matter...simple as that! Please don't be the teacher, parent, bully or coach described in the excerpt. If you have the honor and privilege of having a precious soul call you Mom or Dad, you have a critically important responsibility and please be sure of this, one day you will be held accountable for how you fulfilled it. If you are doing the wrong things, this perhaps upsets or offends you. That is not my intent and please remember, it is the Spirit that convicts. If you are doing the right things, you probably find it inspiring...calling to the greatness that is within you.

Every person, every life, has value, meaning, and purpose. Let's be builders and encouragers, not destroyers and discourages. Let's be intentional in our words and actions. Let me wrap it up this way; what if you and I were what we wish others would be for us?

My second encourager is about perfection; please, let's stop trying to be perfect, pretending we are, and/or holding ourselves and others accountable to perfection. It is not attainable and the pursuit of it births all kinds of things in our lives that negatively impact our character, our relationships, and ultimately, the quality of the lives we live. Do we want to pursue all that we are created to become? Absolutely! Do we want to do everything to the very best of our ability? Absolutely! So please, don't twist what I am saying.

The first step in becoming all that we are created of becoming and doing everything to the very best of our ability is to be the pure, authentic people we were created to be. Let's find that person. Ties right back to the excerpt above. Please let these words wash over you again..."Every human being is born with a healthy emotional system. We come into this world without fear, without shame. We don't make judgments about which parts of ourselves are good and which parts are bad. Rather, we dream about doing something bigger than ourselves - we have ideas, thoughts, visions, hopes." Lolly is talking about you, and me. What if, instead of chasing the fallacy of perfection, we simply pursued our own ideas, thoughts, visions, and hopes to the very best of our ability?

Let's no longer be people that hold ourselves and others accountable to a standard that is not attainable. Let's no longer be the people who put a mask on everything, trying to make our lives look perfect. Let's no longer be the people who will sacrifice our character, integrity and relationships to give others the idea of our perfection. Let's be different. Let's simply be the best version of who we were created to be and encourage, empower, and equip others to do the same. THAT would be perfect! :)

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great evening, a wonderful Friday and weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well.

Kev 

We Must CHOOSE To Grow

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :)

This weeks Happy Friday is going to be equal parts inviting y'all to join me on a journey and encouragement. I started reading a new book - The Leadership Gap: What Gets Between You And Your Greatness by Lolly Daskal. Here are a couple of excerpts from the introduction:

"This is the mistake that highly driven, overachieving leaders make every day. They have soared to the greatest heights on the basis of what they know. But there comes a time when they must rethink everything and ask themselves: What is the gap between who I am and who I want to be, and do I know what it is I still need to learn?"

"Learning to recognize your leadership gap is the factor that determines your greatness as a leader. Not recognizing it is your downfall."

Growth, or the lack thereof, is a choice. Yes, this is a leadership book and it is about choosing to grow as a leader however I believe the same applies to us as men and women, husbands and wives, Dads and Moms, as friends. We all have gaps - the space between who we are and who we want to be...perhaps I should say who we were created to be. But what of it? Are you and I willing to explore where these gaps are and, perhaps most importantly, do the things we need to do to fill those gaps.

As I was preparing to write this Happy Friday this morning I caught this visual of a small child. We are all well aware of the gaps between who they are and who they were created to be. We are confident in their ability to close those gaps, to learn and grow. We learn to hold ourselves up, sit up, crawl, walk, etc. We start off unable to speak. Then we start jabbering. This progresses to words, generally inaudible to anyone other than Mom and Dad however before long we start form short sentences. You get the point. Here is the question; how many people do you know who are exactly the same as they were a year ago? Two years ago? Five years ago? How about you and I? Now, the reality is we are changing however the real issue is we fight so hard against the changes. We say things like, "I am who I am" or "I am too old to change now." Can you imagine a little child saying the same? Of course not! It is silly to propose and it would be very sad as they would fail to grow into who they were created to become. Sadly, we have a whole lot of little kids walking around in adult bodies, stuck in their growth and development. I want to encourage us to choose different: to commit to learn and grow each and every day of our lives.

I think there are a couple of things that really get in our way:

1. We are afraid to admit our gaps because this means we are failures, worthless or any number of other self-defeating words we will speak over ourselves. According to my Bible, you and I are fearfully and wonderfully made, created on purpose for a great purpose for which we are perfectly equipped, lacking nothing. So what gives? Gaps, in any of the roles we fill, do not make us failures or worthless, they simply prove we are human. If however we are so busy denying our gaps, we give ourselves no opportunity to fill them. Having gaps does not make us inferior however failing or being unwilling to see and correct them will prevent us from becoming all that we were created to become. Please Friends, let's not be afraid of who we are but rather let's embrace who we are and then strive every day to become the best version of who we were created to become. 

2. We get stuck in our ways. There is a saying: "We are either getting better or worse every day. We never stay the same." Are we being intentional in our growth? Are we choosing every day to challenge ourselves mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically? We are either getting better or worse every day. We never stay the same. We think we are staying the same, we fight hard to stay the same however life dictates that we change. Don't believe me? Please, go look at a picture of yourself from 5 or 10 years ago. Have you ever done that and said something like, "Look at how I am dressed! What was I thinking?!" We all have! :)

So, we can live in ignorant bliss, thinking we are staying the same, perhaps denying the gaps that we have or, we can choose a different path. We can choose to love and accept who we are - I sincerely pray that everyone reading this does - and at the same time be firmly committed to learning, growing and becoming the best version of who we were created to be. They are not competing ideas; if we truly choose to love and accept who we were created to be, the desire to become all that we were created to be will naturally flow from it. Please Friends, lets commit to learning our gaps in all aspects of our lives and then learning to maximize our strengths and minimize the things that prevent us from becoming all we were created to become. And please remember, this beautiful life is not a destination - we don't arrive at a point one day where we get to stop and spend the rest of our days - but rather a journey that is to be lived fully, each and every day.

I want to close with a few quotes I shared on social media earlier this week as I thought about the concept of leadership gaps.

"One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen, again and again, fear must be overcome again and again." - Abraham Maslow

"Growth can be painful, change can be painful but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong." - Charles H. Spurgeon

"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living." - Gail Sheehy

And I want to share another quote from Lolly. This one doesn't really have anything to do with what we are talking about however I loved it and just wanted to share it with y'all this morning! :)

"If you want to be remembered, be kind.

If you want to leave your mark, be generous.

If you want to make a difference, be attentive.

If you want to be forgiven, be apologetic.

If you wan to learn, be teachable." - Lolly Daskal

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families, and please stay well! :)

Kev