Things To Make You Say "Hmmm"

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a great week of celebration, time with family & friends...continuing on!!! What a blessed week it has been for the Haslam family! I sincerely hope it has been for you and yours as well!

In the late 80's and early 90's there was "The Arsenio Hall" talk show. One of the things Arsenio would do is a segment he called "Things that make you go hmmm?" He would then offer some thought or quip for the viewer to ponder. This morning I want to share with you some things I have read, heard, etc. over the past week...things to make you say, "Hmmm."

• My 15-year old son now has his drivers permit! (How is this possible? He was just born yesterday! As I look over at him in the drivers seat I keep seeing him in his car seat! Augh!!) As he was driving down the I-10 into Phoenix earlier this week (Gulp!) he looked over his shoulder before changing lanes (Yes!) saw a car flying up in the lane he wanted to get into (uh, uh, uh), turned on his blinker (right thing to do, is the time right?) and as he moved over into the lane said, "sorry." (pray, pray, pray...whew, no crash!) I then said all of the fatherly stuff; you can't do that, driving a car is a serious responsibility, etc. A few miles later he asked, "Dad, am I a good driver?" Without hesitation the words were spoken from my mouth (note, I fully recognize these words did not come from me...thank you Lord for leading my precious family through me!), "You are a very good driver. Your skill is not the problem. The problem is your attitude sometimes." We all kind of got that look on our faces like a dog does when it whimpers and turns it's head to the side...you know the look I am talking about. Then the weight of the statement hit like a ton of bricks. Isn't this often true of all aspects of our lives? Our skill or level of ability is not the problem...the problem is our attitude sometimes. Hmmm...
• Every morning when I leave my family I usually (key word!) say, "do your best, be your own person and bless a life today." Last week, for some reason, when I left one day I said, "do your best and be your own person today." I made it about 3 steps before I heard the sweet voice of my 6-year old (Preacher) son call out, "don't forget to bless a life today Daddy." Wow! Yes my Little Tender Warrior, we must never forget to look for ways and opportunities to bless a life. Hmmm...
• I have been reading Wooden on Leadership by John Wooden and Steve Jamison for the past couple of weeks. I want to share a couple of things from this great book with you.
• In the Preface Steve Jamison writes:
• Having worked with Coach Wooden for many years on several books and projects, I hear this question: "What's his secret? How did he do it - 10 national championships (a record), including seven in a row (a record); 88 consecutive victories (a record); 38 straight tournament playoff wins (a record); four perfect seasons (a record) with only one losing year - his first - in 41 years of coaching? How did he do it? How did he set all those records?" Here is the answer: Coach Wooden taught good habits. That's it-that's the answer. Hmmm...
• Just read these two nuggets this morning:
• If your word is nothing, you're not much better. Hmmm...
• YOU ARE YOUR WORD When you say you'll do it, do it. Don't give your word unless you intend to keep it. A leader whose promise means something is trusted. Trust counts for everything in leadership. Hmmm...
• You should defend those who cannot help themselves. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice. - Proverbs 31: 8 - 9 Hmmm...
• If you can find a truly good wife, she is worth more than precious gems! Her husband can trust her, and she will richly satisfy his needs. She will not hinder him, but help him all her life. - Proverbs 31: 10 - 11 I am one blessed man! Hmmm...

Finally Friends, as we get ready to embark on a new year, I want to encourage you to resolve to do one thing this year; please be the best uniquely you that you can be! There truly is greatness and goodness within you. There are great things to be accomplished through you and these things will only be accomplished, you will only reach your full potential and you will only truly accomplish the goals, dreams and desires of your heart if you are the unique you that you were created to become!

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family.

Have a great day and I wish you all a very healthy, prosperous & Happy New Year!

Kevin

The Greatest Gift You Can Give

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a truly great week coming to a close for you. Only 2 days (3 days counting today...you HAVE to always clarify this when you have a 6-year old in the house!) until Christmas Day...so hard to believe!

I want to encourage (translation = beg, plead, implore!) you to give the absolute greatest gift you can give to others for Christmas this year. It is one-of-a-kind...no one else will give this gift, I guarantee it. It is perfect, literally - fearfully and wonderfully made...I have a great Book that tells me this is true. This gift is quite unique in that it has a specific purpose(s) that can only be fulfilled by this gift...no other gift in all the world can do what this gift can do. Each and every one of us has enough money to give this gift...it is not limited by class, standing or circumstance. This gift, when given, will bring more joy, hope, peace and inspiration to others than any amount of money, any toy, any piece of jewelry or clothing. Please, this Christmas, give the greatest gift you can give...YOU!

Now, first let me say this...STOP IT! Please stop thinking about the mistakes, failures, faults, etc. in your life. I am not talking about who you wish you were, what you wish you were; I am talking about the pure, true, authentic, unique, fearfully and wonderfully made you! That, YOU, is incredibly special...indescribably so! Yes, I know that you have made mistakes, you have had failing moments, you have faults - trust me I know...I have a longer list than most to prove it (no comments please!). The you that you are is made in the very image of God, by Him, for a specific purpose that only you can fulfill. Why in the world do we want to change...perfection? Who ever told you that you were not good enough? That you had to be something different? That you had to look a certain way? That you had to act a certain way? That you...? According to the book of Truth and the Creator of the universe - the One whose Son's birthday we are celebrating by the way! - says that whoever that person was lied.

And please don't give it the old, "I'll try." We aren't talking about the type of commitment that the chicken makes to the breakfast here Friends, we are talking about the type of commitment that the pig makes to the breakfast - all in! See we get all caught up in the being right, being perfect, when I do this or that then I'll give them me, etc. What a bunch of junk we tell ourselves! "You" includes the mistakes, the failing moments, the faults. We hold ourselves to impossible standards - and then by our actions do the same to others - when in fact the mistakes, failing moments and the faults are part of what makes us so special. It is at those times - the times we try like crazy to avoid - that we have the biggest platforms to share with others. It is at those times we get to teach love, mercy, grace, forgiveness, accountability, responsibility, repentance, etc. Please no more, "I'll try." Just do and be you!

So you are thinking, "I've made too many mistakes, this person or that person would never forgive me or accept me, it's too late"...Well first of all, again, the book of Truth tells me that none of these statements are true. And I will tell you this, if you have the honor & privilege of being called husband, wife, dad or mom...those who call you by these names want you more than anything else in this world! Sure, jewelry, clothes, toys, electronic devices, etc. are nice however they are nothing - absolutely nothing! - compared to the true, pure, authentic, fearfully and wonderfully made YOU! Sadly some try to use these things to fill the void created by the absence of the greatest gift of all - YOU! Please, don't be one of those people! Please, this Christmas, give them you! I promise you that you will never regret it and those precious souls who call you husband, wife, dad or mom will shine and grow in ways that you could have never hoped, dreamed or imagined.

I want to share two quotes with you and let them speak to your heart however they will:

• "Remember that you are unique. If that is not fulfilled, then something wonderful has been lost." - Martha Graham
• "But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet; tread softly, because you tread on my dreams." - William Butler Yeats
• Most - pretty sure I could say all - children, by definition are poor. Don't see 1 - 16 or 17-year old rich people walking around! Think about it....

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you and/or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please give the greatest gift you can give and Merry Christmas!

Kev

All Year Long...

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day! It is such a special time of year...just love the lights, the wonder and excitement written across the faces of children - both young and old - and heck, we even got something that resembled winter weather in Arizona this week!

As I was driving to work earlier this week I was listening to a country music radio station. I had just turned the channel and they had a caller on the phone. Apparently the radio hosts had shared the story of a little girl who was in need - you know how newspapers, radio & TV stations like to run these type of stories this time of year. I didn't get to hear her story so I don't know the details. The caller was very emotional, he spoke of how this young girl was bringing glory to God and that he just knew in his Spirit he had to help her. As the announcers were thanking him for helping this little girl the man, through tears, said "we should help people at this time of year. In fact, this is what we are supposed to do all year long." All year long...something in those words really spoke to my heart. Feeling MY Spirit speaking to me, I prayed that God would give me His knowledge, His wisdom in those words. That I wouldn't go, "oh, that is nice" and start singing the next song (yes, the singing is ugly!). No, I wanted to camp there for a while, learn the lessons from this powerful statement and allow the knowledge and wisdom to be used to transform me.

I would like to share with you some things I have learned this week, some observations I have made in this little journey. Now, before I start I am going to tell you that I am going to use some generalizations - this is dangerous because anytime we generalize anything we are going to be wrong in some cases. I am simply going to ask on the front end for your grace and that you listen to the intent of the heart...I think you will get it.

• It has struck me this week how as Christmas approaches people are generally kinder to one another. Watch when you go to the mall, the store...people smile a little more, say "hi" with more frequency and of course you often here a cheery "Merry Christmas" or "Happy Holiday's." It really is interesting. People who stare at the ground, won't hold the door for others, won't smile, etc. in June & July suddenly make eye contact, are a little more courteous of others (I am not talking about Black Friday!!!), smile, etc. What if we did this all year long?
• Family - all of the sudden, when Christmas approaches, family becomes the priority. We want to be with our families, travel great distances, go through extraordinary efforts to be with family, etc. We don't suddenly have more time...we make time. We are often busier than ever with the office parties, shopping, decorations, etc. and yet, we make time for family. What if our families were the priority all year long? What if we made time in our schedules as we do at Christmas instead of giving whatever time is left...which we can choose to never have any time left as there is always something that can be done, right?
• How about helping, taking care of or heck, even noticing those who are less fortunate than us? What, do we think all of the sudden people's lives are broken, they become homeless, they get abused, they lose their jobs, etc. at Christmas? I am fairly certain that lives are broken, homeless, abused, unemployed, etc. in the other 11 months as well. Maybe it's to clear our conscious as we gather in our warm, safe homes to open our gifts that suddenly we get real excited about helping in December...I don't know. What if we helped, took care of and noticed others all year long? What difference would this make in the world? Would there be such a great need in December? I tend to doubt it...
• This one real got to me; people talk about not having faith, lacking faith, etc. Interestingly nearly everyone under the age of say 4 or 5 years old has complete faith - in thought, word and action - that there is a Santa Claus. Please let that sink in for a moment. Yes, there is complete faith - dictionary.com says faith is confidence or trust. We are people of faith - we do believe in, place or confidence and trust in something. Some put their faith in God, some in the world...there really isn't a middle ground. Is it interesting that Santa Claus represents someone who is kind, loving, wants what is best for us, wants to bless our lives and encourages us to be good (don't get all religious, or should I say legalistic on me...hear my heart, you get the point)? I know Someone just like Santa Claus! I am not here to tell you what to think or believe; I simply want you to know that you do have faith and to thoughtfully consider where you are going to place it...there are eternal ramifications!
• You know, some bemoan Christmas for all the gifts, they complain that it is not really a religious holiday...it is a time for stores to make money. I think there is a great lesson in Christmas and any gift we might receive...and how we perceive what a gift really is. You know the bible talks about being thankful for what you do have, what you do receive. We get conflicted because what we want is not always what we receive and yet ironically, what we do receive is usually what is best for us. I will let that speak to you however it will. Here is what got to me; let's go back to the very first Christmas celebration. See, the kids didn't know that it was coming because it was the first one right? So I have to think that whatever they received they were thankful for...I mean they couldn't have asked for something specifically because they didn't even know that they were going to get gifts the next day. What if we were truly thankful, truly grateful for whatever we received all year long?

I don't know if any of this resonates with you or not. I know that this has spoken powerfully to my heart. I want to invite you to join me this year in being kind, making my family a priority, noticing and helping those in need, carefully choosing daily where I will place my faith and being truly thankful for any blessing I receive all year long - in thought, word and action!

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I truly would be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and cherish your family & friends.

Kev

A Week of Lessons

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and an incredible week coming to a close for you.

I'll tell you what, it has been a week of incredible learning for me. There were several moments of "wow, that is profound" and, as I was pondering the lesson I just learned, a new revelation came flying at me. I love it and of course, I have to share with all of you.

Lesson(s) 1 - A club baseball coach called last week and asked if our 12-year old could play in a baseball tournament with his team last weekend. To paint the full picture for you, my son has not been practicing with the team and has played baseball exactly once since baseball ended in July. My Beautiful Bride and I discussed it and I ultimately decided that we would let him play (Kath left this up to me as I was the one who would run him back and forth and sit out in the cold - by Arizona standards! - and watch him play last Friday night...one wise woman!). Fast forward to the game on Saturday morning. They are in the elimination game. Bases loaded. My son is playing catcher. The ball is hit to right field. The right fielder picks it up and throws a perfect strike to home plate - a pretty remarkable accomplishment for a 12-year old! Now the lesson begins. My son slightly misses judges the flight of the ball and it ricochets right off the top of his glove and hits the backstop. One run scores. He sprints back, picks up the ball and guns it toward (key word!) 3rd to get the runner who is advancing. However instead of going to 3rd it ends up somewhere in left-center field. Runs 2, 3 and 4 - run 4 will eventually cost his team the game - score. My son instantly looked at me with this perplexed, "what in the world just happened?", look on his face. You see, he is a very gifted baseball player. He has been able to catch anything you throw at him since he was 2 and in every league he has played in coach's won't steal bases because he always throws the runners out. As I gave him an affirming look of "I love you and I believe in you" and verbally said, "it's o.k., just focus on the next play" the lesson(s) came like a flood.

• Lesson 1A - My sons are a gift, a treasure, I am given the honor, privilege and responsibility of loving, guiding and protecting. They are counting on me to make good decisions for them - until and as they learn to make good, responsible decisions for themselves - and I had failed. What was I thinking? Was it my selfishness in enjoying watching him play? Was it pride in knowing that he is gifted as a baseball player? Whatever it was, I had failed my son. I had not put him in a position to be successful. He trusted my judgement as to whether or not he should play in the tournament and I showed very poor judgement...inexplicably! I coached for more than 15 years...I know that no matter how good someone is, they won't perform well without practice. So the clear lesson - reminder if you will - is my sons are counting on me to make good, responsible decisions for them. While this was only a baseball game, it applies to every aspect of life. I can't make rash decisions...I must think them through. While the consequence here was simply losing a game, the consequences will be far greater as they grow. If you have the honor, privilege and responsibility of being a Mom or Dad, please thoughtfully consider the decisions you make for your kids...they are counting on you!
• Lesson 1B - No matter how talented and gifted we are, if we do not practice, we will not be able to perform to the very best of our ability. Our talents and abilities are a gift from God. We have done nothing to earn or deserve them. Us working to grow and develop them brings glory and honor to Him and, I would argue, an obligation we have.
• Lesson 2 - A lady at the office and I were talking over lunch this week. We were discussing how everyone wants to be loved, valued and recognized. She shared with me a work experience she had. She worked at a homeless shelter. She asked me if I knew, after she had spoken to hundreds, possibly thousands, of homeless men and women, what they said bothered them most. I told her I did not know. She said that person after person explained that what bothered them most about being homeless was that they became invisible. Think about it, what do we tend to do when we see a homeless person? Do you look away? Don't make eye contact because they might ask you for money or food or whatever, right? In that moment we render them invisible. As though they do not exist...there life has no meaning. Friends, let's not let anyone be invisible today! Making eye contact, smiling, maybe saying hello all communicate "I see you", "you are a valuable person" and "your life matters." Please thoughtfully consider your disposition when you encounter anyone today!
• Lesson 3 - Our 6-year old is writing love letters in his class. His teacher is using these love letters to help the students learn to read and write. They write a love letter to a family member and then we write back to him so he can read it the next day in class. The first love letter went to my Beautiful Bride...smart boy! The second love letter went to me. The interesting thing was all of us - including our 12 & 15-year old sons - were excited to see the love letters...and the boys were arguing - hoping in a manly way - who would receive the next love letter. The power of a handwritten, thoughtful note - even if it contains a whole bunch of "so"s as in "I love you so, so, so, so, so much" - cannot be understated. We all like to get them and often re-read them. So my question, my challenge to us today is "who needs to receive a love letter from you today?" It doesn't have to be long, it doesn't have to be all mushy...it just has to be pure and from your heart. Whatever you write it will communicate loud and clear that I love you, I care about you and I thought about you. Wow!

Yes Friends, this was a great week indeed! I truly hope and pray that we never stop learning!

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be happy and willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Character

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a wonderful week coming to a close for you. My heart is genuinely excited for this day today - I don't know if it is because of the 2 or 3 days of winter-like weather we get in Arizona each year, the keen awareness of my countless blessings, seeing the wonder and excitement in my boys' eyes as Christmas approaches, feeling God's presence or what. Just know it's awesome!

I am reading "Wooden on Leadership" by John Wooden and Steve Jamison. This week I have been reading a chapter titled, "Good Values Attract Good People." Over and over again I have found myself pondering bits and pieces from this chapter as I have gone about my
day(s). Instead of me trying to get all philosophical on you this morning (you can thank me later!) I thought I would just share excerpts with you and let them speak to your heart as they may.

• "The force of character is cumulative." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• Character - doing the right thing - is fundamental to successful leadership.
• The last thing you want is people in your organization who had to be talked into being there, who needed convincing that your team is worthy of them. When hiring, be diligent in discerning what the individuals motives are
• Good values are like a magnet - they attract good people.
• A good leader creates belief - in the leader's philosophy, in the organization, in the mission.
• A person who values winning above anything will do anything to win. And such people are threats to your organization.
• Character counts, and without it even the most talented individual is hamstrung.
• ...make your values visible, to let the outside world know what you stand for and who you are.
• "Never lie; never cheat; never steal. Don't whine; don't complain; don't make excuses." - John Wooden's Dad's "two sets of three". Advice he repeatedly gave his sons...there is a Happy Friday in that!
• Deeds count more than words, but words count too.
• Character is what you do.
• Taking what isn't yours is wrong.
• Aristotle said: "We are what we repeatedly do."
• Character - the values and habits of our daily behavior that reveal who and what we are.
• A good explanation of character is simple: respect for yourself, respect for others, respect for the game, whether it's basketball, business, or anything else.
• The player [person] who has done his best has done everything, while the player [person] who has done less than his best is a failure.
• A leader with character attracts talent with the same.
• Who you are inside - what you believe - is important, but what you do means more, much more.
• ...values must be visible if they are to have an impact on those you lead or hope to attract as part of your team.
• When it comes to character and values, you don't need to be become a preacher, just an effective teacher who understands the power of setting a good example, especially when it comes to standards and values.
• Your behavior as leader - what you do - creates the environment in which the team functions.
• If you don't care about the code of conduct held by those you lead, you're not a good leader.
• Character counts and values matter. And you, the leader, set the standard for both in your organization.
• It's Tough to Coach Character. Have the courage to make character count among the qualities you seek in others.
• Character Starts with Little Things. The important thing is to let people know what you expect of them and to inform individuals when they violate your code, values or standards.
• Character Is More Than Honesty. There's more to character than just telling the truth - for both leaders and those on the team.
• Beware Those Who'll Do Whatever It Takes to Win. Find those who love the battle and play by the rules.

A whole bunch of incredibly powerful statements! Thank you for allowing me the privilege of preparing "Happy Friday"...just typing this up has my spirit jumping up and down again -  affirming, challenging, exhorting, etc. Yes, this is going to be a great day indeed!

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can ever do for you or your families.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious family and friends.

Kev

Daily Gratitude

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day! I truly hope that your Thanksgiving Day was filled with family, friends and keen awareness of the countless blessings that abound in our lives.

I apologize for getting this Happy Friday to you a day late. One of my favorite traditions is Black Friday shopping with my Beautiful Bride. It is not really about shopping or buying things; it is about being with Kath and getting to know others as we stand in line with them. With Black Friday starting at midnight - which of course means we had to be in line at 10! - and getting home at 8:00 a.m., I could barely walk straight let alone think straight. I quickly realized - between naps...please notice the multiple reference - that it would be pointless to try to share anything with you yesterday!

I have been thinking a lot this week about Thanksgiving Day. It is the day that we set aside to give thanks. It strikes me as I type this that we have to set aside one day out of 365 to make sure we give thanks. Could write a lot about that however I don't want to chase that rabbit down the trail this morning...I have 3 boys and a brother-in-law who are waiting to put up Christmas lights who will not be very happy with me if I prolong this to much!

No, what has really struck me this week are the many blessings that each of us have in our lives every day, our failure sometimes to recognize them, the millions of people who never do recognize them and the incredibly self-destructive ways we try to fill the void - the failure to recognize how blessed we are - with "stuff." What causes a person to shoot another person because they cut in front of them in line at a department store? On the other hand, what causes a child in Mexico to be genuinely grateful for the gift of half of a candy bar? Why don't we see the smallest of blessings in our lives - interestingly, they often give us the greatest joy - in the simple moments, times of each day? And how come our children often do...ever notice how they have to stop and look at a bug, a plant, etc.? AND please don't let it escape you that it seems to be the adults that have the problem and children who have it figured out!!

There are two thoughts/points I would like to offer this morning.
1. There are a lot of broken, hurting people in this world. What rips at my heart this morning - as a husband and father - is how much of this brokenness can be tied back to the failure of a husband and/or father. Our wives and children need us men! We are called by God to love them (unconditionally!), to lead them (servantly!), to guide them (according to God's will, calling and purpose for their lives...not ours!), to protect them (from all enemies including their own selfish desires), etc. If you are blessed this morning to have a wife and/or children in your home, it is my sincere hope and prayer that you will realize this morning the influence - for good or bad...to the furthest extremes of both! - that you have in their lives. And for all of us, when we encounter someone who is angry, mean, etc - it really isn't very hard to recognize brokenness - I hope and pray that we will slow down, recognize that this is a broken person (think about it...how many mean, nasty and angry babies have you seen? No, as these little blessings grow older, sadly brokenness begins to emerge in some) and give love, mercy and grace freely.
2. For all of us, please be mindful of and protect yourself from the "when/then disease." You know the disease I am speaking about...it has affected each of us at one point or another. It looks something like this:

• "When I get that job [whatever that job is] then I will be happy."
• "When my wife does this [whatever this is], then I will love her unconditionally."
• "When I buy/get that [whatever that is], then I will be happy/content."
• "When I get this or that [whatever this or that is] done, then I will have time for my spouse and children and we will all be happy."

You see, the list goes on and on. We get caught up and believe the lies of "when" and "then." The reality is when "when" happens you and I are still going to be the same people we are - with all of our strengths and weaknesses, successes and failures, peace and pain, etc. - and then the "then" is going to be the overflow of our hearts. We will simply have the same problems with new jobs, spouses doing things they may or may not want to do, new possessions, spouses and children who may or may not know us, etc. Joy, happiness, peace and gratitude are not found "when", they are found in the daily living of our lives each and every day...wherever we are. We just need to refocus our vision, the adjustment nob is found in the heart, and look for these things each and every day. In all aspects of life, we generally find what we are looking for!

My hope and prayer for each and every one of us Friends is that this year we will see the blessings that we have in each and every day. That every day we will give thanks for our blessings and that next Thanksgiving Day we will have an overabundance of blessings to count. The blessing might be big and shiny like a new job, house or car or it might be small like the look of a spouse, the gentle touch of a child or the way the sun reflects off of something we never noticed - we find what we are looking for! - before. The blessings are there, we just really need to see, recognize and appreciate them.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you.

Have a great day, enjoy the remainder of this Thanksgiving weekend and please cherish your family and friends.

Kev

Who Are You...Really?

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and an awesome week coming to a close for you!

When I was driving home listening to the radio earlier this week, the announcers were talking about the lyrics that a lot of us learned when we were little, "And they'll know we are Christians by our love." The announcers then talked about how ironic it is that many, especially in Christian circles, often demonstrate everything BUT love - pick apart others, gossip, judge, etc. I also want to share a few excerpts with you from the book, "Breaking Free: Making Liberty in Christ A Reality in Life" by Beth Moore (I highly recommend this book to everyone - men & women):
"The best of our churches tend to welcome those captive (to alcohol, drugs, homosexuality, promiscuity, and so forth) at first; but if they don't 'fix' pretty quickly, they will probably soon be despised." She continues, "A captive in our midst wears out her [his] welcome if she [he] doesn't get with it and change." And then, Beth points to our Example, "In gracious contrast God stands by us until we are free. He never forsakes us. God is the only One who is not repelled by the depth and length of our needs. Although God never excuses our sin and rebellion, He is fully aware of what drives our actions." She further explains, "Even though my rebellion was still sin, God's heart was full of compassion. Through loving chastisement, He continued to strive with me and waited patiently for me to leave my prison."

All of this got me to thinking; who are we...really? If you can tell a tree by the fruit it bears, what type of trees are we? Not what we want to be or hope to be but what are we...really. Do words like love (genuinely caring about and wanting the best for them), compassion (genuine understanding, care & concern), honesty (complete truth without deception), integrity (doing what we say we will do...always!), excellence (always doing our best) describe us? Or maybe here is the best question of all; are peoples lives better for having crossed paths with our lives? We are bearing fruit - is it sweet and life-giving or is it bitter and life-taking?

A few thoughts/ideas:
1. I have shared before the quote from Ken Whitten; "What's in the well will always come up in the bucket." What we truly allow to be poured into our lives, the water we feed our tree, will impact the health of the tree and the type of fruit it bears. Don't think so? Why don't we water trees with acid? No, we water trees with pure, clean water. Are our lives being watered with pure, clean water or with acid? Our spiritual, mental and physical health will answer that question!

2. I would like to encourage us to take an honest self-assessment. What do our lives say about us? Do we shine as a light? How healthy, after "eating our fruit", are our spouses/partners, kids, friends, co-workers, etc.? Be honest...not what we hope but rather what is really the over-flow - the fruit - of our lives.

3. If we really want to learn, grow and become all that we were created to become, I would like to encourage us to ask others - who truly know us - to tell us what they see in our lives. Yes, it will take courage and boldness...I would like to remind us all that we were created to be courageous and bold.

My hope is that we will all sincerely give some thought to who we are...really. That we will understand that our words, our actions as well as our silence and inaction's for that matter, show who we really are. They will know we are...[each of us will finish this sentence first by what we allow to be poured into our hearts and then by the overflow of our hearts].

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please, cherish your family & friends!

Kev

A Father's Love

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a truly awesome week coming to a close for you! It has been one heck of a week for me - full of learning, growth, love & faith.

One of my sons has struggled lately with honesty - complete truth without deception. As my Beautiful Bride and I have found times of his dishonesty we have addressed it...first by talking, demonstrating grace, then taking away privileges...and yet, sadly, there was another instance of dishonesty. I was shocked, disappointed, angry, confused - how could this be? We had talked about honesty, how honesty is the foundation of every relationship, how his continued acts of dishonesty were harming our relationship, how it would be difficult to ever trust him if I didn't know he was ALWAYS (that is measurable by the way!) telling me the truth, etc.

Not knowing exactly what to do - and definitely not trusting MY initial thoughts & feelings...the song "Lead Me" by Sanctus Real comes to mind! - I prayed. I asked God to give me His knowledge and His wisdom to lead my son through me, to see the greatness that God sees in him and to do what God would have me do to empower my son to become all that God has created him to become. The answer came almost immediately...though all of the lessons of the action would be revealed slowly. My boys love sports - go figure! - and for a couple of months this son had been looking forward to the start of basketball season...the first time he would be able to try-out and play on a school team. This is a privilege that would now be taken away...there were much more important things to work on than basketball.

As I sat down with my son and began talking to him, he acknowledged his dishonesty, he stated that he knew he shouldn't have done it - though he knew in his heart it was wrong...this is a great sign! - and yet he did. We again talked about all the consequences of dishonesty and then I told him what the consequence of his actions would be. His eyes immediately filled with tears and a look of complete brokenness crossed his face...at that exact moment my heart broke for my son. Almost immediately I wanted to take it back. I silently asked the Lord if He was sure. Couldn't we do something else? Does it have to be this way? And then I recognized the peace in my Spirit that only comes from the affirmation of God. No, we couldn't do something else. Yes, it has to be this way. I am teaching my son a lesson and I am the one learning...I clear heard and felt God say, "Trust me."

There are two specific things I want to share with you from all of this.
1. I have the unspeakable privilege, honor and RESPONSIBILITY of being a husband and father. My sons are counting on me to lead them, guide them, protect them. While my heart truly broke for my son - honestly, it still hurts right now as I am typing this - I am very mindful of what is at stake here. My son will face many more challenges than he faced when he chose to be dishonest. There will be tests of character and integrity greater than he or I, as we sit here in this moment, could ever imagine. It is my responsibility, my obligation to him to do everything in my power - ordered and ordained by God - to prepare him so he is ready when those tests come. My sons wife and children are counting on me. The people who he will have the honor and privilege of having in his life are counting on me. His future employers are counting on me. Yes, this is much bigger than a basketball season. This has ramifications that can reverberate for generations and, no, I don't think I am making a bigger deal out of it than it really is.

2. That night as I was tucking him in, both of our hearts absolutely aching, I snuggled him up close to me, his body melting into mine as he laid his head on my chest and I said, "I love you son. We are going to make it through this together." And at that moment, my Spirit moved within me. In that moment I truly think I got a little glimpse of how God feels about each one of us. We are broken, we make mistakes and we do things that aren't right and He has to mold and shape us. His heart breaks for us, He desperately wants us to become all that we are capable of becoming, He loves us enough to teach us the lessons though He feels our pain and He is there for us - every step of the way - as we make it through this together. Wow! And again, I thought this was about my son learning a lesson!

I also wanted to share a real quick story with you that still makes me laugh just thinking about it. I was taking my 15-year old and my 6-year old (the Little Preacher as I like to call him!) to school. We are driving down the highway, nobody saying a word when the Little Preacher says, "Dad, I see God on you." Startled, surprised I said, "huh?" He said, "yes, I see God in your shadow." With all my fatherly wisdom I said, "wow." Then he said, "I know, it's amazing isn't it?" (Please try to hear this through the voice, the lisp of a 6-year old missing his two front teeth) Yes, it is amazing Little Preacher...all of this is absolutely amazing!

To all of the current and former service men and women out there...from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your selfless service and sacrifice.

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, cherish your loved ones and Happy Veterans Day.

Kev

Hopes & Dreams

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day!

This week I was involved in two situations that grabbed my heart and simply won't let go.
1. On Monday my Beautiful Bride and I served at Trunk or Treat with our church. Over a 4 hour span we had literally thousands of little kids stop by our trunk to get candy. I got to see firefighters, police officers, doctors, a veterinarian (who I mistakenly referred to as a doctor until my sweet little 5-year old teacher pointed out that there were animals on her coat and a doctor would not do that!), Spiderman, Batman, countless Princesses, a whole bunch of things that I have no idea what they were, etc. The thing that struck me with all of them was the sense of wonder, excitement as their sweet little eyes danced. The younger they were, the more full of wonder and opportunity they cherished in their hearts. Maybe, just maybe they thought - as demonstrated in their words & actions - they could become what they had dressed as that night. At that time and in that moment, they were not concerned with or thinking about the difficulties, the probabilities or the possibilities. They simply dreamed the sweet dreams that are in their hearts.

2. Last night I had the unspeakable honor & privilege of speaking to a football team, their coaches and their parents. Most of the players were Sophomores in high school. As I spoke to them about pursuing their life purposes, becoming the best they could become and not allowing the world to define them, you could FEEL the wonder, the hope in the room. Sadly, as I looked intently into the eyes of some, you could see the darkening of a spirit...the loss of hope.

Hopes and dreams...we all have them. I believe they are placed in our hearts to cheer us on as we pursue our life purposes. Some of us have been so discouraged, so hurt, so jaded by the walk of life that we don't even recognize them any more, let alone pursue them with passion.

There was a great quote I read once - which for the life of me I cannot find!! - which said something to the affect, "don't tell someone something can't be done. God may have waited centuries for someone ignorant of the facts to do that thing." I know I have not gotten it exactly right however I trust you get the point. As I was desperately trying to find that quote, I found a few others that I want to share with you and allow them to speak to your heart as they will:

• "Everybody has something good inside of them. Some hide it, some neglect it, but it is there." - Mother Teresa
• "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." - Henry David Thoreau
• "Hold fast to your dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly." - Lanston Hughes
• "When you say a situation or a person is hopeless, you are slamming the door in the face of God." - Charles L. Allen
• "Hope never abandons you; you abandon it." - George Weinberg
• "The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope." - Barbara Kingsolver

My Friends, I would like to respectfully request two things of each and every one of us today:
1. Find, rediscover - whatever it is - the hopes & dreams that have been placed as a great treasure within your heart. They are there and you are meant to pursue them. Please find the time to discover or rediscover them and pursue them with everything that is within you. I promise you will not regret it.

2. Please be extremely careful of the words that you speak into others lives. Words are seeds that get planted in the heart and grow. Please don't allow your words be the poison that kills a seed planted in the heart of another.

I really do believe there is greatness & goodness, hopes & dreams within each and every one of us. If there is ever anything I can do to help you in the pursuit of your hopes & dreams, please don't hesitate to contact me.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, cherish & enjoy your precious families and dream big dreams!

Kev

You Are Standing For Something

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a very successful week coming to a close for you!

Yesterday I had a conversation with a gentleman who said, "the decision you have made for your family is honorable, it's not the decision I would have made but it is very honorable that you would take that stand for your family." He was not happy and his tone was not pleasant. In that moment I was keenly aware of the unintentional testimony I had just given - praise the Lord! - and I was more sure than ever before that the decision I had made was the right one for me. Since that conversation yesterday morning I have not been able to get that thought, that idea - what do you stand for? - out of my mind.

Life is funny, it is in the moments of our greatest trials & tribulations that we are often given the opportunity to take our strongest stand. I have been through trials where I had to take a stand for believing in student-athletes, the greatness that is within them, to accept the responsibility that comes along with the honor of being called Coach to help them become the best they are capable of becoming or did I care more about making sure the scoreboard said my team had more points at the end of the game than the other team? I have taken a stand on racism; do I really believe that every life has meaning, value and purpose or do I see people simply by the color of their skin? I have taken a stand on truth - complete honesty without deception. Do I really believe that it is the foundation of every relationship, that it is to be fought for, honored and protected or do I believe in situational honesty, white lies, stretching the truth or deception? 

While family, valuing people, racism and honesty are big platforms and easy to see, I am mindful that we make many small stands every single day. The words we speak, the things we do...these are all platforms. When a woman walks by with a skirt that is too short and/or a shirt that is cut too low, I am going to take a stand for my wife. I am either going to honor her by intentionally choosing to bounce my eyes away or I am going to dishonor her by allowing my gaze to linger. When opportunities to speak negatively about others present themselves I am going to take a stand. I am going to actively engage this type of conversation - gossip - or I am going to acknowledge that every life has value, meaning and purpose, that we are all trying to figure this life out and do the best we can and keep my mouth shut if I cannot say anything nice about that person. I am going to take a stand when I could stay at the office and do a little more work or I could leave and surprise one of my sons at one of their practices. Please understand, I am not talking about being irresponsible; I am talking about letting my sons know that they really, truly are the priority in my life when I can do so even if that means I might have to stay up a little later - after I tuck them in - to send that email, get up a little earlier or work with a little more focus and purpose tomorrow. The list goes on and on.

It is not my intent at all to tell you what you should stand for in your life. These are things that you have to determine on your own...I would strongly encourage you to seek God's counsel in doing so! My sole intent with this "Happy Friday" is for all of us to be aware that we are taking a stand every day. I hope and I pray that we will think these things through and choose wisely for we all, individually, will have to live with the result of these stands within our own hearts - whether that be peace or regret.

My heart is also screaming at me to share with you that taking a stand does not come without cost. Sometimes the cost is walking a lonely road...by yourself with a peace in your heart that goes beyond understanding. Sometimes the cost is financial insecurity...not knowing exactly how it will all work out, just that it will. And regardless of the cost, the bold confidence that God is with you, He loves you, He has a plan for your life, that He will never leave you nor forsake you and - so long as you truly listen to your heart...that is how God speaks to us - everything will be just fine.

A few quick quotes for you:
"It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." - Roy Disney
"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything." - Alexander Hamilton
"Give us clear vision, that we may know where to stand and what to stand for - because unless
    we stand for something, we shall fall for anything." - Peter Marshall

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please enjoy and cherish your precious families.

Kev

Care

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and an awesome week coming to a close for you. So, it is a little after 10:30 p.m. on Thursday night and I feel compelled to write my "Happy Friday" now. Go figure! Well, it is Friday somewhere AND, all of those in the Eastern time zone who complain that I get "Happy Friday" out late each week will be happy!

I want to share a few excerpts/quotes with you:

• "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." - John C. Maxwell
• "People don't care who you are or what you do; they care that you care about them." - Tony Dungy
• Paraphrasing (because I can't find the book right now!!) what Gary Vaynerchuk said in his book "CRUSH IT!"; the greatest sales secret of all time - care. This is the entire chapter. Gary encourages the reader to contact him if they have any questions.
• A few excerpts from the book "Customer Astonishment: 10 Secrets to World-Class Customer Care" by Darby Checketts (A GREAT book by the way!):
• "As we each pursue our goals, we often focus on trying to figure out what we must DO to be successful. The more important quest may be to identify who we must BE to attract the success we desire."
• "Instead of focusing right away on your handy to-Do list, discover the power of identifying what you need to BE. Then, you will recognize what you truly must do to make a lasting difference and a more genuine contribution to those you intend to astonish."
• "In the customer care business, people who are INTERESTED in others study them in advance, learn about them, and take good notes when listening to them. They become world-class interviewers so that they can get beyond the symptoms of the customer's problems to the root causes - to connect stated wants with the underlying needs customers have." 

Care...genuinely care about others. Put aside our wants, our desires, our thoughts, our ideas, etc., and focus on the wants, desires, thoughts and ideas of others. To not look at what we will get out of someone or from a situation but rather what we can do for someone or to make a situation better. It's funny isn't it? We would all love to have others care about us however when it comes to genuinely caring about others we sometimes find this difficult. Please be mindful that the true intention of the heart is found in moments of adversity. It is easy to say we care...it's an entirely different matter to live out the care we profess to have in our hearts. 

Who in your life desperately wants you to care about them? To see them for who they are - with all of their faults, failures, brokenness, greatness, potential and ability - and who they can become, not for what they can do for you? Who do you really care about - who you have meant to call, email, text, etc. - however you have just not stopped long enough to take the time to tell them? We ALL have faults, failures, brokenness, greatness, potential and ability...every last one of us! And, we ALL desperately want others to care about our worries, our fears, our hopes, our dreams and our problems...yes, every last one of us! So why don't we - you and I - just be really wild and crazy on this Friday and really be people who care? Why don't we force ourselves, just for a second, to care about our spouses, children, friends, co-workers, etc.? Look into their eyes, feel the weight of their worry, fear, hope, dream or problem. When you genuinely care, they will feel it...they will know.

A couple of other quick thoughts and I will wrap this up (started spunky...getting tired!):

1. I often hear others say things like, "My kids issues aren't near as big as mine" or "There is no way my wife could ever feel the pressure I feel". The truth is others' worries, fears, hopes, dreams and problems are every bit as big to them as yours and mine are to us. We don't see it that way because, well, ours are personal to us. Please Friends, let's slow down and be mindful that the same things we feel, others do as well.
2. Care...can you believe I actually looked this up in the dictionary and was going to give you the definition? Seriously? Have we really gotten to a point in society where I would actually need to provide the definition of care so we could then all care about others? I seriously hope not! Here are a few quick things that come to mind to share; if someone is crying, comfort them. If someone is scared, assure them. If someone looks sad, smile at them. If someone looks like they are carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders, offer to help them carry it. If someone has fallen, help and encourage them get back up and keep going. When someone needs you, be there...fully present.

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please, take just a moment today to truly care about others whose lives you are blessed to cross paths with today.

Kev

The Little Preacher

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day! What a beautiful day it is...full of promise, hope and opportunity!

Wow, what a week! The littlest preacher in our family, my 6-year old son, was preaching through living some powerful sermons this week. Matthew 19:13 (MSG - I love The Message translation. I heard it said once that The Message is so simple even linebackers can understand it. I would add also tight ends who went across the middle to many times!): "One day children were brought to Jesus in the hope that he would lay hands on them and pray over them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus intervened: "Let the children alone, don't prevent them from coming to me. God's kingdom is made up of people like these." After laying hands on them, he left."

Please allow me to share with you the three lessons that the Little Preacher shared with me this week.

1. On Tuesday the Little Preacher had flag football practice. Now, if you have never been to anything sports for 6-year olds, please do yourself a favor and go watch. It doesn't matter if it is a practice or a game, if it is baseball, softball, soccer, basketball, volleyball or football. I promise you, you will leave with a smile on your face and a greater understanding of true happiness, joy and peace. Anyways, the Little Preacher was standing in the huddle, getting the play from his coach - thank goodness there is no delay of game in flag football for 6-year olds...the process takes about 5 minutes!! - when all of the sudden the Little Preacher looked over to me and signaled, "I love you." He points to his eye (I), he made the shape of a heart with those precious little hands (love) and pointed to me (you). I almost fell out of my chair. He could care less about the play, what anyone else thought or said...he simply felt in his heart that he wanted to tell me he loved me so he did. Honored, blessed beyond measure, wishing and hoping I would listen to my heart so clearly, not worry about anything or anyone other than doing what my heart tells me to do and never being "too busy" to tell those we cherish that we love them! Amen Little Preacher!
2. After the exhausting practice - the practice lasts an hour, they run maybe ten plays however they are running all over the place...hey, there are bugs and stuff out there!!! - we came home for dinner. The Little Preacher announces that "I am going to be a pro football player." His 15-year old brother responds, "I thought you were going to be a Navy Seal." Without so much as a pause, the Little Preacher says, "God has a plan for me." My Beautiful Bride, two other sons and I just looked at each other. It was that weird, awkward moment...nobody knows what to say and everyone has that dumbfounded look on their face. Meanwhile the Little Preacher is looking at all of us like we are nuts! He seems to be saying, "what? God has a plan for my life. There is nothing to worry about here. Pro football, Navy Seal...it doesn't matter. God has a plan and I trust in that plan." Still blows me away typing this! The words of conviction flowed so freely from his sweet mouth and his expression and body language left no doubt that he believes it fully. Your faith and belief is challenging my spirit Little Preacher...Amen!
3. Yesterday the boys and I were playing baseball together. I love to go hit them pop flys...don't know why however it has always been a time of great joy and peace for me. I had been hitting them pop flys for a little while when I saw the Little Preacher sitting under a tree. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "nuffin" which of course means something is wrong. I walked over to him and again asked him what was wrong. He said, "I hurt my thumb." I did all the Daddy Doctor stuff...are you o.k.? does it hurt here? can you bend your thumb? It became perfectly clear that his thumb was just fine...he just wanted me to know that he had hurt his thumb and he wanted me to care. Have you ever felt that way? Something hurt, you are o.k., but you desperately want someone to know you were hurt and that they care about your hurt. Me too! So why don't we? After receiving the necessary treatment of a hug, the Little Preacher tore off yelling, "Dad, it's my turn!" Take the time to notice someone else's pain, genuinely care and offer whatever love you have to offer. Got it Little Preacher!

I have been reading UNcommon: Finding Your Path to Significance by Tony Dungy with Nathan Whitaker. I have been wanting to share an excerpt from the book with all of you and I feel now be the right time.
"I don't know what's going on in your life right now. I don't know what important stuff you have in front of you. I don't know what or who is bothering you or trying to set your schedule for tomorrow or days ahead. But I wonder if we all need to do a better job of listening to that gentle whisper from a God who daily reminds us to enjoy the sacred moments with those we love - with dear friends, with those who need us, and especially with our precious children. They are moments we will look back on with either regret or a smile.
Either way, the memory will last forever."
The weight of the last statement - "Either way, the memory will last forever" - never escapes me, no matter how many times I read it or type it. Challenging, inspiring, overwhelming...

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families. I will be willing and honored to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and I hope that all of us will never forget that either way, the memories will last forever.

Kev

Who Are You Doing Life With Today?

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day! It is beautiful in Arizona as Fall has finally arrived! This morning it was a cool 57 degrees...before those of you in the Midwest and East laugh, please understand that is a 50 degree swing in the last two weeks for us in the "dry heat" of Arizona! Besides, you all are wimps with your 85 and 90 degree highs in the summer (let's pretend for a minute there is no humidity, o.k.?!?!).

On Tuesday I had one of those days where my heart was heavy, my spirit felt dark, everything just seemed so...gloomy. Ever had one of those days? God has blessed me with a great Godly man in my life whose son is on my 15-year olds football team. LeeDell is a firefighter and I knew he was not working that day - it is pathetic, I know "C" shifts schedule better than he does! - and there was a great chance he would be at football practice that day watching his son. It was funny; I just had this sense, this feeling, that I needed to make sure that I was there on time to spend some time with LeeDell...no agenda, no plan, just spend time with a great man. Well, by the time practice was over we had discussed faith, family, our failures, our hopes, he had challenged me and I him and we had encouraged one another. Oh yeah, and we laughed a lot! We always laugh a lot...mostly at ourselves! By the time we left practice - I think the team practiced though I am not sure as all of my focus and attention was on our conversation! - everything in life seemed so much clearer, life made sense again and as hard as I tried I could not figure out why my heart had been heavy, why my spirit had felt dark in the first place.

Who is the person, or maybe people if you are very blessed as I am, that you are doing life with? The bible tells us that "iron sharpens iron" and that we should not be "unequally yoked." It has also been said that if you want to know who you will be in 5 years, look at the people you are spending time with today. And so I ask you, who are those people in your life? Do they speak truth to you? Do they love you and care enough about you to tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear even if it isn't what you wanted to hear? Do they challenge and inspire you to be all that you were created to become? Yes, YOU were created to do great things!! Can you lean against them when you are so tired, so weary from the trials and tribulations of life, until your feet are again steadied on the path and you can stand on your own again? The questions can go on and on.

I want to challenge each of us today to thoughtfully, intentionally choose who those people will be who we do life with today. Please be careful with whose counsel you will seek, with what words you will allow to be spoken into your heart today...for those words are little seeds that get planted in your heart, they grow, roots get sunk deep and the fruit that comes from you - your words, your actions, your thoughts - will be born from those seeds. Just as easily as I intentionally sought out LeeDell on Tuesday - and he had no clue that I intentionally sought him out! - I could have called an acquaintance who I know is negative, likes to gossip, does not value faith & family as I do, etc. and that person also would have influenced my heart, my spirit. You, your great value, your purpose in life are way to valuable, way to important to leave who you will do life with to chance or worse, to choose to allow darkness, negativity, etc. to be a part of who you are.

And please, please don't forget to tell these blessings - these people that you do life with - that you love them, that you value them and that you cherish them. Men sometimes feel funny saying these things to other men as they think this makes them less "manly." I could not disagree more strongly!! A man knows who he is. A man is not afraid to speak truth. A man recognizes, values and appreciates his blessings. A man doesn't try to "look good" or "look tough"...he is more concerned with violating his own heart and spirit. To Mark, AJ, Kelly, Jason and LeeDell; I love you, I value you, I cherish you and I thank God every single day for you and for allowing us to do life together!

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you. I would truly be honored and blessed to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, enjoy & cherish those precious families and please choose wisely who you will do life with today!

Kev

Honored To Be A Husband & Dad

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a truly awesome week coming to a close for you!

You know, every Friday when I write these I share what is on my heart or what has really spoken to my heart that week. What I can't stop thinking about this week is how honored and blessed I am to be married to my Beautiful Bride and to be the Dad of three incredible sons. With this, I would like to share some thoughts with you today about the honor, the unspeakable privilege, of being a husband and Dad.

My Beautiful Bride Kathy is the greatest gift I have ever received. It is my responsibility to love, honor and protect her. Some view this as a burden or somehow how try to twist this to make it demeaning to or of her. That is not the case at all. She is the most valuable, prized gift I have ever received and the challenge of becoming the man she wants and needs me to become truly inspires me every day. As for demeaning? No. I truly value, cherish & adore her, her thoughts, her hopes and her dreams. I sometimes find myself wondering how or why God blessed me with such an undeserved gift that blesses my life so richly. It is at those times and in those moments that I come closest to truly understanding the definition of love, mercy, grace & forgiveness.

As for the blessing of being a Dad to three incredible boys...I hardly know where to begin. The first thing that strikes me is the responsibility, the awesome responsibility, of teaching them to be real men. In our house we refer to this as being Tender Warriors. The term is taken from the book "Tender Warrior: Every Man's Purpose, Every Woman's Dream, Every Child's Hope" by Stu Weber...men, I would strongly encourage you to read it. To teach them to be responsible, accountable, to love, value, cherish and care for their wives and children, to serve others, to pursue the God given passions that cry out from their hearts, etc. Again, I do not view this as a burden rather it challenges me - and sometimes convicts my spirit tremendously as I am constantly reminded that the sermons we live mean so much more than the sermons we speak - to be the man they need me to be. Wanna talk conviction? Their wives and children - my future daughter's-in-law and grand kids...who will be extremely spoiled by the way!!! - are counting on me. Wow!!!

So at this point you are saying, "Kev, this is all about you serving and doing things for your wife and sons. I thought this was about the honor of being a husband and Dad." Exactly!!! For me, the honor in any form of leadership is found in serving. Do you have any idea the things I would have missed, the things that have blessed my life richly, if I was trying to "make" my wife and sons "honor" me?

• Just last night I had my 15-year old son look into my eyes with brokenness, trying to make sense out of the football game he just played where he just threw 3 interceptions. Devastated and embarrassed he turned to me for love, encouragement, support...that's honor.
• Walking along with my 11-year old son - 11 turning 12 next week!!! - and his hand still sliding into mine or, how he comes close to me when he sees someone or something that scares him. That is honor.
• My 6-year old son wanting me to sit down and read him a book every night...regardless of the day he has had, we have had or if he just got in trouble. That is honor. By the way, I have mastered speaking like Scoobey Doo...just put an "R" in front of everything. Ro Rou Runderstand Rhat RI Rean?
• My Beautiful Bride looking into my eyes, drawing close and asking without saying a word, "Is everything going to be o.k.?" To feel the gentle peace come over her body as I place her head in my chest and hold her. That is honor.

Yes Friends, I am very honored and blessed beyond measure. Many, many of you are as well. If you realize it, please don't forget to take a moment and let those who bless and honor your life know. If you hadn't really ever thought of it before, I would encourage you to do so. Please remember that humility always comes before honor and the truly precious things grow and develop in the many, many small moments that make up each day.

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families. I would be happy to do so.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please value, cherish & enjoy your precious families.

Kevin

Perseverance

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day!

I have been so blessed to have so many incredible, wonderful people placed in my life! The one thing that is a fact for ALL of us is that we have problems, struggles, challenges, issues, etc. They cover the spectrum from marriage to health to jobs to kids to dreams - pursued and not - to hopes to fears...The issue is not whether or not we will have problems, struggles, challenges, issues, etc. The issue is what they will be and, most importantly, what we are going to do with them.

This morning I was reading "Failing Forward" by John C. Maxwell. Please do yourself a favor and get this book...it is truly incredible and life changing if you allow it to be! In any event, the chapter this morning was on perseverance. I thought for this "Happy Friday" I would just get out of the way and share the excerpts from this chapter that I underlined when I read it and let it speak to you however it will.

• "There is no failure except no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose." Ken Hubbard
• There's not much difference between failure and success, and the little difference makes a big difference. [Perseverance]
• Nothing worth achieving comes easily. The only way to fail forward and achieve your dreams is to cultivate tenacity and persistence.
• A four-point plan for approaching achievement that will encourage stamina and resilience in the face of failures.

1. Purpose: Find One - More than anything else, having a sense of purpose keeps a person going in the midst of adversity. As Abraham Lincoln said, "Always bear in mind that your resolution to succeed is more important than any other thing."
2. Excuses: Eliminate Them - George Washington Carver noted, "Ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses." No matter how many opportunities you've missed or mistakes you've made, don't ever make excuses. Bite the bullet, take complete responsibility for yourself, and keep trying.
3. Incentives: Develop Some - Walter Elliot said, "Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races, one after another." As you develop incentives for yourself, keep these things in mind:
• Reward yourself only after you reach the goal.
• Divide the process into stages to multiply the rewards.
• Include others - that increases accountability and makes achievement more enjoyable.
4. Determination: Cultivate It - Author Napoleon Hill noted, "Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit." To develop persistence over the long haul, you have to cultivate inward determination on a continual basis. And if you do, someday your story may be similar to one of these:
• Admiral Peary attempted to reach the North Pole seven times before he made it on try number eight.
• Oscar Hammerstein had five flop shows that lasted less than a combined total of six weeks before Oklahoma, which ran for 269 weeks and grossed $7 million.
• John Creasey received 743 rejection slips from publishers before one word was ever published - he eventually published 560 books, which have sold more than 60 million copies.
• Eddy Arcaro lost 250 consecutive races before he won his first.
• Albert Einstein, Edgar Allan Poe, and John Shelley were all expelled from school for being mentally slow.

• "I've followed the classic homespun principles. Never say die. Never be satisfied. Be stubborn. Be persistent. Integrity is a must. Anything worth having is worth striving for with all your might. Does it sound corny? Honestly, that's all there is to it. There is no magic formula." - Orville Redenbacher
• If you are willing to be doggedly persistent, you can be a success.

It is my sincere hope that some part of this spoke to your heart today. Yes, life can be hard and the problems, challenges, issues, etc. are very real. Please don't give up on your hopes, your dreams! There is greatness within you - there is greatness within each and every one of us! - we just can't give up!

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you. I would be honored to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please, cherish, value and adore your precious families.

Kev

Right Dad...?

Happy Friday Friends:

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day and a great week coming to a close for you. By the way, we all understand that whether our day and week is a great one is not dependant upon the circumstances we have encountered but rather how we have chosen to respond to those circumstances, right?

Before I get to what is heavy on my heart this morning I want to address a couple of things on the front end. First, this post is going to be directed more at father's though I am highly confident it will speak to the heart of mother's as well. Second, I want to make it explicitly clear that this post is not aimed at minimizing or rendering insignificant the role of a Mom, the incredibly heroic, selfless efforts of countless Mom's or the like. This post is aimed at challenging Dad's to rise up, to truly be Dad's, to be men and to be aware of the influence they have in the lives of their children - whether they choose to make that positive or negative.

When my oldest son was very young I began to observe that whenever he made a statement it was almost always followed by, "right Dad?" When my other two sons were old enough to talk and make statements they started doing the same thing. I have spoken to numerous Dad's about this and without fail they confirm that their sons and daughters do the same thing. I think it is also worthy to note that my oldest son, who is now 15-years old, still does it. It is interesting. It is never "right Mom?" (though I guarantee you my wife is way smarter than I am...no comments please!), it is always "right Dad?"

I would like to share just a few findings of research. All of this information comes from the "Father Involvement Research Alliance" in their study titled, "The Effects of Father Involvement: An Updated Research Summary of Evidence". You can read the entire report at http://www.fira.ca/cms/documents/29/Effects_of_Father_Involvement.pdf.

• Children of involved fathers are more likely to enjoy school, have positive attitudes toward school, participate in extracurricular activities and graduate. They are also less likely to fail a grade, have poor attendance, be suspended or expelled or have behavior problems at school.
• Father involvement is positively correlated with children's overall life satisfaction, less depression, less expressions of negative emotionality such as fear and guilt, less conduct problems, less psychological distress, greater sense of social competence, higher levels of self-reported happiness and fewer anxiety problems.
• Children who have involved fathers are more likely to grow up to be tolerant and understanding, be well socialized and successful adults, have supportive social networks consisting of long-term close friendships and adjust well to college both personally and socially.
• Children who felt close to their involved fathers are more likely to have long term, successful marriages, be satisfied with their romantic partners in midlife, have successful intimate relationships and they are less likely to divorce.

Wow! And I promise you, this is not even a fraction of what all is included in the research. There is so much more.

I love the fact that the phrase "involved father" is used. So often we think or speak of the physically absent father however we give a free pass to the "physically present, mentally absent father." Involved is the key. And how exactly is "involved father" defined for this research? "A father is defined as an involved father if his relationship with his child can be described as being sensitive, warm, close, friendly, supportive, intimate, nurturing, affectionate, encouraging, comforting and accepting." The report goes on to state, "this includes frequency of contact, amount of time spent together (doing things such as shared meals, shared leisure time, or time spent reading together), and the perceived accessibility and availability of the father."

So Dad, how would your relationship with your child be described today? Are you sensitive? Are you warm? Are you close to your child? Are you friendly? Are supportive - of them, their goals, their dreams...not yours? Are you intimate with your child? Are you nurturing - their problems, worries, concerns and fears are every bit as important to them as ours - as Dad's - are to us? Are you affectionate? Are you encouraging? Are you comforting? Are you accepting of your sons or daughters uniqueness, talents, abilities, hopes, dreams?

AND please don't miss the 3 keys: frequency of contact, amount of time spent together (sorry to kill the idea of quality over quantity!) and perceived accessibility and availability of you Dad. Please also note what is important in time spent together - sharing a meal, shared leisure time (that could kill video games and golf!) and time spent reading.

Why do our kids say "right Dad?" Because they are looking for the affirmation of their father. Our society is suffering mightily right now because we have a whole bunch of boys and girls growing up desperately seeking the affirmation of their Dad. Boys need their Dad to teach them how a man acts, behaves. In the absence of this they try to prove they are men by doing things that society tells them a man does - he gets in fights, he drinks alcohol, he has sex with as many girls as possible...all the actions of little boys who are unable to control themselves, respect others, etc. All because he wants to be affirmed as a man. And girls? They too want and desperately need the love and affection of their Dad. They need Dad to let them know how a real man treats women, that they are uniquely created for a special purpose that only they can fulfill, that they are beautiful exactly as how they are, that they don't have to prove anything to anyone...the list goes on and on. In the absence of this love, girls look for some man, any man, to love them. It is really clear why we have the problems and challenges that we do as a society.

So Dad, no matter what has happened up to this point, what will your influence be in the life of your son and/or daughter from this point forward? The research is clear; your involvement matters tremendously (the word is not strong enough...I am not sure there is a word strong enough to capture the significance). Your children need you, desperately so! What are you going to do?

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and enjoy your family and friends...they are what really matters.

Kev