Fathering

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope this post finds you having a great day on this beautiful Friday! Two weeks until Christmas Day...oh my!

On Tuesday I was incredibly blessed...I was a one of the WATCH D.O.G.S. at Landry's elementary school. On the National Center For Fathering website (fathers.com), WATCH D.O.G.S. is explained this way:

"WATCH D.O.G.S. (Dads Of Great Students) is an innovative father involvement, educational initiative of the National Center For Fathering. There are two primary goals of the WATCH D.O.G.S. program.

1) To provide positive male role models for the students, demonstrating by their presence that education is important.

2) To provide extra sets of eyes and ears to enhance school security and reduce bullying.

So with my new WATCH D.O.G.S. shirt on, my littlest Tender Warrior and I were off to school. I knew this was special and it meant a lot - Landry had given me a countdown for the past week and a half to the day I would be a watchdog and, he held my hand all the way to school that day. When a 5th grader holds your hand all the way to school, keeps looking at you & smiling you know something big is going down.

We got to school and Landry escorted me to the office. I checked in, got my WATCH D.O.G.S. playbook - they didn't call it that...I am an old football coach - it was a playbook! - and I headed out to my first duty of the day...helping the kids who were getting dropped off by their parents get out of the car. What a blessed start to the day! These precious little people are so excited for their day...adventures await. There was less than a handful that looked like they were dreading their day, the majority were SO excited. How come we lose that? When I think about adults, the people I watch walk into the office every day the percentages seem to flip - less than a handful look excited for their day, the majority seem to be dreading it. We could learn a lot from little kids...

The other thing that was so profound to me was how many times I heard, "I love you." Child after child climbed out of the car saying, "I love you." They wanted their Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, Brother, Sister, etc. to know they love them but more importantly, they desperately wanted to here, "I love you." We clearly start off that way, wanting to know that we are loved, and I believe that never changes. We see a whole lot of people walking around in this world desperate to hear someone say, "I love you."

After this blur of 30 minutes I was off to Kindergarten. My task was to go to the classrooms, introduce myself to the teacher and get involved in the classroom any way I can. After playing a phonics game with one class - I will NOT tell you who won! - I was off to another class where they were working in stations. I sat at a table where the kids were to make a picture with the blank piece of paper and two separate sticker packages. One sticker page had a Christmas Tree fully decorated and the other had a Santa Claus all decked out. The idea was to take the stickers off their original sheet and decorate your own Christmas Tree and Santa Claus on the other page. All of the little Kindergarten fingers had trouble with the stickers. They then handed the sticker pages to the Watch Dog Dad who has 48-year old eyes - who knew I would need my readers?!?! Anyways, we were working through it the best we could. This one little boy was having a hard time getting it all done and then, it was time to switch stations. The little boy stayed and kept working on his picture. The Santa was done but the Christmas Tree was less than half done. I went over and told him he was supposed to be switching stations. He softly said, "I know." He kept working. He wasn't being rude, disrespectful or disruptive and, he was working. He just wanted to finish his picture. In a minute or two the teacher noticed. She reprimanded the little boy and gave him a mark for bad behavior. I learned a lesson; how many times as a Dad, teacher or coach have I reprimanded and disciplined someone without fully knowing/understanding what was going on? I need to do a better job of seeking to understand. I will remember this little boy...

I was then off to 1st grade! When I walk into a classroom, the teacher grabs a game, 4 kids and sends me off to play with these kids. It becomes clear pretty quick why she chose the students she chose. One little boy will absolutely not stop - talking, moving, leaning on others, grabbing anything & everything. I ask him to stop and he says, "you think I am a bad person." I tell him I don't think he is a bad person at all. I think to myself, "why in the world would a 1st grader - 1st grader! - even think or know the concept of being a bad person." Clearly, someone has told him he is a bad person. At one point during the game who he is betrays him - in spite of his attempts to show off, mask through his actions the hurt that is welling up within him, he proves he is very, very smart. It is a profound moment. There is greatness within each one of us. Sometimes it is just buried under stuff...

Off to lunch. Oh goodness! I have never opened so many milks, apple sauces, etc. And I have never had so many eyes on me, people that wanted to talk to me, high five, etc. It was 3 hours of non-stop movement! Have you ever been valued, appreciated simply because of your presence? It was surreal. I couldn't help but think about how many kids grow up without a Dad, and recognize how desperately they all seek the validation of a man. These statistics, along with their source, can be found on the National Center for Fathering webpage - when you are in a cafeteria full of children, the numbers get real super fast:

- An estimated 24.7 million children (33%) live absent their biological father.
- Of students in grades 1 through 12, 39 percent (17.7 million) live in homes absent their
   biological fathers.
- 57.6% of black children, 31.2% of Hispanic children, and 20.7% of white children are living
   absent their biological fathers.
- According to 72.2% of the U.S. population, fatherlessness is the most significant family or
   social problem facing America.

And the tragic consequences?
- Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor. In 2011, 12
   percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 44
   percent of children in mother-only families.
- The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states, "Fatherlessness children are at
   a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse."
- Children of single-parent homes are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.
- 71% of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble
   academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills; children
   from father-absent homes are more likely to be truant from school, more likely to be
   excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16, and less likely to attain
   academic and professional qualifications in adulthood.

And, these are not all of the statistics...there are many, many more. As I stand in this cafeteria surrounded by these precious little people I can't help but think they are not statistics. They are the most valuable treasures in all the world. They are our future...

I see the little boy who was acting up in class. I go over and talk to him. I ask him if I can tell him something. He says yes. I tell him I don't think he is a bad person at all, that I think he is very, very smart, that he does silly things on purpose and that I believe in him. He gets the funniest look on his face, and then a tender smile. I walk away...

It is now off to Kindergarten P.E.! We play a game where you slide a beanbag on the floor at a person. If it hits their foot they are out and have to go sit on the sideline. The teacher says go and about 35 beanbags come flying at me! I think I made 1 miss. I go to the sideline and the moment I step back on the floor...it rains beanbags again! Mercifully this game ends. We head out to play. I still love P.E.!

It was a great, great day! I was tired for sure, however very grateful for the experience. My heart aches for the children who do not know the love of a father, and for the men who are missing out on the blessing of being a Dad.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is every anything I can do for you or your family.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Love, Respect, Honor & Protect

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as this beautiful new day prepares to dawn! Additionally, I hope you have had a great week, personally & professionally.

When I write my family a note in the morning I always say, amongst other things, "Please love, respect, honor & protect each other today." Nice words, definitely something to try to accomplish however, what exactly do I mean when I say that and what does it look like?

A couple of weeks ago my Tender Warriors and I were putting up our Christmas lights. After several "false starts" and additional trips (note plural!) to the store, we were finally getting started. After I had put up about 15' of lights, I was moving the ladder when a corner of the ladder caught the end of the light strand and all the lights came down together. I have to admit, it looked absolutely hilarious! By this time I am irritated, very irritated. I ask my Warriors to please stop laughing and making jokes, to please help me and that I tell them I am feeling very irritated & agitated. And being the perfect kids they are they immediately stopped and did what I asked...Nah!!! They laughed & giggled some more - they are human and it was funny! You can kind of guess how it went from there for the next few minutes!

On the way to the store - yes again!! And please quit laughing!! - we did have a little talk. Thank goodness this talk was God-inspired instead of Kev-inspired. I told them it was in fact funny however I spoke about our motto to "love, respect, honor & protect each other" every day. I went on to explain that even if my irritation & agitation was wrong or misplaced, they had the opportunity to "love, respect, honor & protect" me, even if it is from myself. They really did seem to get what I was trying to convey to them, or more appropriately, what God was trying to tell them through me. I have thought about that talk, about the motto to "love, respect, honor & protect each other" every day and the realization that though they have read those words hundreds of times, I have never clarified what those words mean to me when I speak them to them. This morning I want to drill down on that a little bit. I guess this is really a guide to the Haslam family on what it means to "love, respect, honor & protect each other" however I do hope there is some part(s) of all this that you and your family can glean from it.

The first premise I want to establish is that our family, our home, needs to be a safe place. We live in a broken, mean world where people are constantly trying to tear one another down simply because we are different from them. We all need a place where we know we are loved, where we are safe to be us, where we are safe to hope & dream, where we are not judged & ridiculed for our thoughts, where we are encouraged & empowered to pursue the greatness that God has placed inside of each one of us. When I pray the prayer, "God, break my heart for what breaks yours," it is this, that every child doesn't have the opportunity to grow up in this place I have described, that truly breaks my heart. We are truly blessed to be able to have this type of home...we need to appreciate this blessing and fight for it constantly.

So let me share a few thoughts about "love, respect, honor & protect":

Love
- Genuinely care about the other person.
- Seek & find their positive qualities and help them see the greatness that is within them.
- Be selfless; serve others and their needs.
- Be there; celebrate their successes, encourage them in their failures...be who & what they
   need you to be.

Respect
- Realize, just like you, their life has great value, meaning & purpose.
- Genuinely appreciate the uniqueness of each one of us.
- Validate their thoughts & feelings; just like yours, they matter.
- Because they think or see something different than you doesn't mean their wrong; respect
   their right to have their views just as you have the same right. We can agree to disagree.

Honor
- Believe in the greatness & goodness of others, even if they don't look, act or think like you.
- Lift others up, be interested in their life journey, encourage & empower their purpose.
- Value them as a perfect creation of God, created on purpose, for a purpose, lacking
   nothing.
- Don't run around talking behind their back, gossiping, etc. If you really have an issue, talk
   to them and try to get it resolved, respectfully.
- Care about what they care about.

Protect
- If someone or something is a danger, harming or about to harm them, protect them.
- Sometimes we have to protect each other from ourselves; love one another enough to speak
   up & take action when our thoughts, words and/or actions could harm us.

My opening premise is that our home needs to be a safe place. My closing premise is that we must never stop fighting for our family, for one another. I am not your enemy and you are not mine. Life can be hard, their are challenges & struggles. I am committed to fighting for you, for our family and will continue to do so until I breathe my final breath. You can either fight with me or against me however know that I will not stop fighting for you, for our family regardless of what you choose to do.

Our Home Will Be A Safe Place
Love
Respect
Honor
Protect
Fight For Each Other, For Our Family

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for any of you or your families. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

P.S. Only 21 days until Christmas! :)

Dang It!

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day! It is a beautiful, crisp Fall morning on the Texas Gulf Coast! A brand new day is getting ready to dawn...hope, opportunity & promise are renewed once again!

So, on Tuesday night my middle Tender Warrior, Gehrig, went to his high schools playoff volleyball game. More than 2 hours after the game had ended Gehrig was still not home. I had texted him earlier and he said they were on their way, that they had just stopped by Whataburger to get something to eat. Now more than 40 minutes after his "I will be right home" text I find myself texting him again. He gives me the reasons he is not yet home. Dad is not happy. I tell him I will be right there to pick him up, and I make sure he knows I am mad...very, very mad.

My Beautiful Bride and I have been having a little bit of a struggle with Gehrig lately. We are trying to help him understand that he can't do everything, that he needs to get home and get sleep, to make good choices/decisions based on the things he says he wants to accomplish, etc. Gehrig is a truly great person with a remarkable Spirit, a blessing beyond description. He is not a bad person, he is just trying to figure life out. This Happy Friday however is not about his faults, failures or weakness...it's about mine.

Gehrig gets in the car and he knows I am mad. He doesn't say a word however his countenance expresses great sorrow and remorse. I tell him I am very upset and that because of this, I am not going to say much. If only I had followed through with the conviction of my Spirit! I start off saying very little...and then I get on a roll. I am now no longer operating from righteous anger or a righteous spirit...I am operating from Kev's thoughts & feelings. And then it happens, I say a curse word. Gehrig's body literally jolts, I feel...something deep within me and there is a loud silence - yes, that is the right adjective - in the car.

Please allow me to digress for a moment. Some will say, "It is only one word" or "seriously? what is the big deal." Well you see, many years ago God dealt with me about my choice and use of words. I remember it as clear as day. I was coaching football, I had the privilege of leading young men, and I cursed nearly non-stop. Following the conviction of my Spirit, with a ton of help from God, I changed the way I spoke. I am not saying you can't or shouldn't curse, that is not for me to decide. I am simply telling you that for me, it is not the right thing to do and when I violate my Spirit, it grieves.

On Wednesday morning I got up and spent time with God, wrote notes to Kath & the boys and got my workout in. God and I talked a lot about the previous night. At the breakfast table I asked my precious family if they remembered the Joel Osteen sermon we had seen a few weeks earlier. My Little Preacher, Landry, and Beautiful Bride remembered. The point of his sermon was that water outside ships help/allow them to float. However if water gets inside the ship, the ship will sink. I went on to explain that situations, circumstances, people, struggles, etc., the "water," are never an excuse for us to act in a way that is inconsistent with what we know & believe. I then explained that I had failed the night before, that I had allowed "water" into my vessel and I had sunk. It wasn't Gehrig's fault. It wasn't the circumstance or situations fault. It was completely my fault...alone. I acknowledged it and asked each one of them to forgive me without attempting to shift blame, justify or explain. At least I allowed God to get that part right! :)

I have also thought about how messy we, at least I, can make things. Because I acted out of a position of self-righteousness I - not anyone else - added to the problem. We had one issue that we needed to deal with...I created a second that had to be dealt with first because of pride, anger, frustration or whatever you want to call it. As I think about it, it is really quite selfish. Gehrig in fact does need a Dad to love him, lead him, guide him, direct him, etc. as he learns to be the man, husband, father & leader that God has called & created him to become. By acting like a little boy, allowing my anger & frustration to rule me, I forfeited the ability to do what needed to be done and to be what Gehrig needed me to be...at least until I allowed God to make it right the next morning.

Friends, there is a ton of "water" that is attempting to get inside us each and every day. If we will keep it outside our precious vessel we will float. Yes, there will be storms however we will remain afloat as long as the water remains on the outside. If however we allow the situations, circumstances, troubles & struggles on the inside, we are sunk.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your precious families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend & please cherish your precious families.

Kev

The Process

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day!

So what do you do when you have been away from your family since Monday morning, you are at the airport and your flight is delayed for nearly 3 hours? Why you type Happy Friday on your iPhone of course! Please give me some grace here as my iPhone, at least to this point, is killin me!

Tonight I want to talk about process. Everyone is always so very interested in outcomes however it is the process, the things we do every single day, that determine the outcome(s). Wouldn't it make sense then that we start there, with the process? It also strikes me as ironic, being in the heart of football season, that one of the top college teams - Alabama - and one of the top pro teams - New England - is notorious for preaching, in words & actions, process and yet their coaches are ridiculed for it. Interesting...

Let me start simple, with things we will all feel comfortable with. At work, there are outcomes that we are all striving to achieve. Just as the football teams want to win, everyone wants to win. If you look at the desired outcome and then back away from the desired outcome and look at the various steps along the way, you will identify the process by which the "wins" will be achieved. The better you become at the process, the more you "win." You don't "win" by going into work and saying, "I wanna win!" or, "I hope we win." You go into work and you do the things necessary to accomplish the "win." You & I can talk all we want. If we don't do the things necessary to be successful, we won't be successful, at least not on a consistent basis.

Let me make it a lot more complex...let's talk about our relationships, particularly those with our spouses/partners and/or kids. There is a process there as well. Everyone wants to have a good realationship with their spouse/partner and kids. But who is working the process to have these types of relationships? I can't just walk in the door and expect my wife to be happy to see me, for us to have a great relationship simply because I am me. There is an investment of time, a commitment to her, to her wants, needs, concerns & desires. It is a million little things, repeated time and time again, which communicate I love you, I am here for you, I am committed to us, I believe in you. As foolish as it is for a boss to focus only on outcomes, it is equally foolish for the spouse to do the same. The relationship isn't what you want? Then please take a look at what you are doing, what YOU and not the other person, is doing every day. Outcomes don't happen by accident...they are a result of the process.

And let's talk about kids. The first thing I want to point out is the quote, I believe John C. Maxwell said it though I am not sure...just know it wasn't me, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Do our kids know we love them? Unconditionally? Are we their greatest champion? Do we believe in them unconditionally? Do we believe in, and encourage them to pursue, their dreams? We need to start there! If they don't know these things to the depths of their core, we are not going to attain the desired outcome, no matter how hard we work. And you know what? If they know these things, no matter the outcome of anything they strive to achieve in life - success or failure - they will succeed in life because they know they have you...unconditionally.

In an era when everyone wants to focus on the outcome, the result, the "win," let's be different. Let's focus on the processes that lead to our desired outcomes. We want a great relationship...lets pour ourselves tirelessly, selflessly into that person/those people. Let's not focus on what we want but on what they want, and most importantly, what they need from us. The same applies to literally every aspect of our lives. Let's stop focusing on the result and focus on the processes that produce the result. This is why/how success is found in the journey, not the destination. I can't promise you that every outcome will be exactly what you want or hope. I can guarantee you that more often than not the outcome will be in your favor and, most importantly, you will have become the best you are capable of becoming within each and every one of your endeavors. In my opinion, this is the epitome of success.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always help you any way I can.

So at this point I have to smile and tell you things don't always go the way we hope/want. The above text was all typed on my iPhone on Thursday night, sitting in the airport in Tulsa, OK waiting out a delayed flight. Right as I finished typing "help you any way I can," my flight went from delayed to cancelled. I have never experienced this before. All I wanted to do was get home to my family, looking forward to the day off on Friday that I was taking with my Beautiful Bride. About 3 hours later I finally found my way to the hotel, got up early yesterday morning, caught a flight home and finally arrived home before Noon. With this, Happy Friday is being finished on a Saturday morning as opposed to a Thursday night. Oh well...

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Legacy

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Saturday morning! It is another stormy day on the Texas Gulf Coast but hey, it's game day! Guess I will just have to snuggle in with the family and watch football games all day...the sacrifices never end! :)

Earlier this week I was reading No More Excuses: Be the Man God Made You To Be by Tony Evans and I really thought this Happy Friday was going to be about legacy, or more specifically, the legacies we all leave. Then it wasn't, then it was, then it wasn't or...

My Beautiful Bride, my youngest Tender Warrior, Landry, and I went out to eat Wednesday night. We went to the sandwich shop where our oldest Tender Warrior, Payton, works and we were sitting outside enjoying a beautiful evening. As we were sitting there talking, a police officer pulled into the parking lot and started to park. Immediately I told Kath & Landry we should buy him dinner. It has really bothered my heart & spirit to see how law enforcement officers - all of them - have been vilified & become despised in our society. We live no more than 30 miles from where Deputy Sherriff Darren Goforth - 47-years old, married with 5 & 12-year old children - was murdered while he filled his patrol car with gasoline. Yes, the actions of a few, a very few, officers has been reprehensible. They have done bad, horrible things and those officers should be dealt with accordingly - we should all be held accountable for our actions. The vast majority however are selfless men & women who place their lives in harms way every single day in service to society. They see and do things every day that I could not, and would not, want to do. And I am so grateful that they are there, that should my wife, sons or I ever need them, they will come running to help us any way they can. This is my heart as I propose buying this officer dinner.

We develop a plan. Landry will walk up to him and ask, "will you please allow us to buy you dinner?" As we finalize our plan, the officer is finished parking and another patrol car pulls into the parking lot. We quickly determine we will buy him dinner as well. We walk up to the officer who very kindly greets us. Landry is nervous but asks the question. The officer smiles warmly and tells him "yes." The second officer walks up and Landry starts to stumble over his words. I tell him it is o.k., don't be nervous and to just ask the question. He looks the officer straight in the eyes and asks him if he will please allow us to buy him dinner. This officer says "yes" as well. The officers thank Kathy & I and we send Landry into the shop with our credit card and the two police officers. He is proud...you can see it in his walk, in the smile on his face. As Kathy & I sit outside we can see Landry & the officers through the window talking, smiling. I then look up and another police car is pulling into the parking lot! I joke with Kathy that there is a code and the officers inside are putting out a call on the radio that there is free dinner at this sandwich shop! We are laughing hysterically. We don't get up to say anything to this officer...we just let him walk in knowing that Landry has it from here. Landry stays with the 3 officers, buys them all dinner and then comes back outside to sit with Kath & I, to finish his dinner. Before we leave the officers thank us repeatedly. We thank them for all they do.

As we lay in bed that night talking Landry talks about how good that felt, to do something for these police officers. He would tell his Mom the next day on the way to school that his heart felt warm buying the officers dinner. As my Beautiful Bride and I talked about all of this later that night, I said, "we are a part of his story." You see, there are tons of times I have said to my boys, "I remember the time when I was a boy..." This will now be a part of Landry's story. He will never forget the night he bought 3 police officers dinner. He will one day share that story with his children.

I had another situation this week that didn't bring warm fuzzies but brought deep peace & contentment to my Spirit. I was asked to attest to & sign something that was not true. I could not do it, would not do it. The person asking me to do it became more forceful. I stayed calm but was more firm in my response that this is something I simply could not do. As it all unfolded, as a bunch of people were watching me, I was acutely aware that something greater than me, inside of me, would not allow me to do something that I simply knew, to the depths of my soul, was not right. I didn't do it and I walked away from the entire situation with a deep peace & contentment in my Spirit that affirmed my words & actions had been correct.

Here is the thing, the point I want us to catch; I did not go out to dinner one night or to work one day thinking this was going to be some big defining moment type day/event. You see, our legacies are in the little things we do each and every day. We - o.k., maybe just me! - sometimes look to great big events/times and think that "when this happens" or "when that happens" all this other stuff will happen. It is however in the mundane, day to day, as life is flying at us fast & furious, that these incredibly profound times and moments hit us. This is why I believe it is so critical for us to live fully present in each and every moment. You never know when something profound will happen, when a legacy will be launched that will reverberate for generations. So on this Saturday, as you are going to a game, doing yard work or just hanging out with family & friends, be aware, be present for the things you say & do ARE the legacy you are leaving.

I want to wrap this all up with an incredible poem titled "What Will Be Your Legacy?" by Haki Aitoro.

What Will Be Your Legacy?

 

"Do I wander through life aimlessly?
Wild, reckless, inconsiderate
Unmindful of the consequences of my behaviour
Do I run wild in a savage stupor?
Pugnacious, belligerent, impolite
Unconscious of the altitude of my ignorance
Unaware of the latitude of my negligence
Carefree
Leaving a trail of scarcity
Along a path of regret
Leaving years of psychological scars
In the repressed minds of distressed adults
In the misguided souls of troubled youths

Will I leave disillusioned children?
Angry and confused
Shameful and misguided
Lost and astray
Crying for direction
Weeping for guidance
Longing for unconditional love
Grieving for sound judgement
For I taught them not a lifetime of wisdom
For wisdom was not important
For I offered them not sound advice
For I never took life seriously
For I taught them not discipline
For I was reckless and immature
For I showed them naught but a drop of love
For my selfishness knew no bounds

Will I leave disappointed partners?
Bitter and frustrated
Troubled and wounded
Disturbed and injured
Wishing for sincerity
Longing for honesty
Praying for fidelity
Yearning for faithfulness
For I killed their trust
Due to my shamelessness
For I eradicated their hope
Due to my disrespect
For I damaged their faith
Due to my infidelity
For I destroyed their confidence
Due to my deception
For I killed their self development
Due to my ignorance

Will I leave appalled individuals?
Disgusted and revolted
Unconcerned and apathetic
Sarcastic and scornful
Mocking my ignorance
Sickened at my negligence
Horrified at my irresponsibility
Deriding my financial intelligence
Appalled at my selfishness
For I disrespected many good folk
In the name of humour
Mere mockery in fact
For I abused much kindness
In the name of friendship
Sheer exploitation to be precise
For I never listened to others
In the name of intelligence
Simply arrogance no doubt
For I spoke ill of people
In the name wisdom
Purely foolishness indeed
For I was impatient with the most enduring
In the name of progress
Clearly mental commotion
For I was unforgiving with the most compassionate
In the name of truth
Conceitedness in fact

Fatherhood was not my forte
For I struggled to maintain my youth
Relationship was not my aspiration
For I disliked commitment
Friendship was not my goal
For I detested disagreement
Education was not my focus
For I found it a bore
Investment was not my desire
For I cherished the consumer lifestyle
Responsibility was not my wish
For I cherished excitement and folic
Discipline was not my want
For I enjoyed ease
Devotion was not my focal point
For I choose carelessness

So what will you leave?
A story of inspiration through your achievements
A fable of love through your affection
An account of devotion through your loyalty
A description of success through your diligence
A portrayal of courage through your chosen path
A depiction of wisdom through your experiences
An illustration of happiness through your humour
An image of resilience through your adversity
A report of wealth through your acumen
A tale of nobility through your actions
A myth of grandeur through your life of contribution

Let us all be remembered
For the lives we touched
For the people helped
For the wisdom we shared
For the stories we told
For the laughter we initiated
For the love we gave
For the affection we showed
For the good role models we were
For the communities we inspired
For the youth we guided
For the hungry we feed
For the needy we assisted
For the success we created
For the risk we took
For the world we changed
Let us write down our stories
Let us tell our experiences
Let us record our tales
Let us share our struggles
For our children
For our grandchildren
For generations to see
For generations to hear
As a source of hope
As a source of wisdom
As a source of guidance
As an example of our legacy
So what will you leave?"

Haki Aitoro

 

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can.

 

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

 

Kev

Sacrifice

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as this Saturday morning dawns! Additionally, I hope you have had a great week.

It is warm and very muggy on the Texas Gulf Coast this morning. We are supposed to be getting a lot of rain from Hurricane Patricia which made landfall as a Category 5 Hurricane in Mexico last night. Early reports are promising and the storm is rapidly weakening however I respectfully ask for your thoughts & prayers for all those touched by this storm, as well as the convergence of multiple other storms which is bringing severe rain to many areas of Texas.

Sacrifice.

Merriam-Webster defines sacrifice as the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone.

Merriam-Webster defines self-sacrifice as the act of giving up something that you want to have or keep in order to help someone else.

How are you at sacrifice, or self-sacrifice? I mean really? I know for me it can be a struggle. I think the struggle for any of us falls somewhere along a continuum...we find where we are comfortable and what we are willing to sacrifice, or not, accordingly. You want me to give someone this drink? OK, I will sacrifice that. You want me to change my behavior? Uh... You want me to selflessly give to someone else, purely for their benefit, knowing that I will get nothing in return and they may be rude or nasty to me?!?! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

I have many, many blessings in my life. Four of the greatest blessings are my Beautiful Bride, Kathy and my Tender Warriors, Payton, Gehrig & Landry. God has used, and continues to use, each one of them in my life to help me grow to become the Godly man, husband, father, friend & leader He created me to become. There are times, many times, where He speaks to me through them - their words & actions. This morning I want to share an example of sacrifice & self-sacrifice from Landry, the one I like to call The Little Preacher.

Landry is 10-years old. This mean he has 2 speeds - full throttle and complete rest. If he is awake he is on the go - learning, exploring & growing. If you don't have track shoes on you have no chance of keeping up with this dude! And when it comes time to shut it down at night he is completely out. Sleep is critically important to him - it is how he grows, and most importantly to him, it is how his battery gets recharged so he can go full-speed ahead again tomorrow. So imagine my....what is the right word? Intrigue? Interest? Not surprise, for deep, thoughtful things the Little Preacher says and does no longer surprise me - he IS the Little Preacher!...when about a month ago he asked his Mom to wake him up 30 minutes earlier than he had to get up the next morning. He was quickly peppered with questions; "Did you forget to do your homework?", "Do you have to study for a test?", "Oh no, are you building something?!" He looked at Mom & me and said, "No, I want to get up early so I can be with Dad & Gehrig before they leave in the morning." You see, with our schedules the Little Preacher doesn't really have to get up until after Gehrig & I have already left for the day. Something in his sweet spirit told him this was no good. So for the past month Landry has gotten up 30 minutes early and he immediately comes down to my bathroom as I get ready for work and we talk. We talk about our day, things we hope for and dream of accomplishing, etc. We then move to the kitchen table for breakfast where we visit with Mom & Gehrig. All of this is made possible because a 10-year old Little Preacher, listening to his own spirit, has decided to sacrifice 30 minutes of sleep a night simply so he can spend some time with his Dad & Brother. It is a perfect picture of sacrifice.

While awed by this Little Preachers willingness to sacrifice, what leaves me speechless - I truly cannot think of an adequate adjective to describe it! - is his level of self-sacrifice. You know, the giving up of something you want part. It kills me the level of self-sacrifice, perhaps self or spirit-control, he has. I have watched this boy want to do something so badly that tears welled up in his eyes when I told him he could not however he honored his Dad and did what his Dad told him instead of what he wanted to do. I have darn near had arguments with him over the food we are going to get when we are sharing because he won't get what he wants to get...he insists on getting what I want, or what he thinks I want. If only I had self-sacrifice like him! My Heavenly Father asks me to do tons of things I don't want to do and sadly, way too often, I do what I want instead of what I feel in my Spirit God has told me to do. I can't sit here and recall a single time when I have tears welling up in my eyes because I am doing what God wants me to do instead of doing what I want to do, but doing what God wants. The picture of Jesus at the Garden of Gethsemane comes to mind. I thank you and praise you Lord that Landry is much more like Jesus than like his Dad. The perfect picture of self-sacrifice.

Can you relate to any of this Friends? Maybe you can relate more to the Little Preacher than to me...I hope so. If however you are more like me, I want to offer you hope & encouragement. As adults we grow, experience life, see things and we then begin to think we have the answers, or have to have the answers. This is what the world tells us. We then try to act in our own power and, as a result, become completely powerless. You see, I will never be strong enough in my own knowledge, wisdom, strength or courage to sacrifice or self-sacrifice as God calls me to do. It is only through the Holy Spirit living in & through me that I will be able to do these things. This is our hope, our encouragement...God living in us in the form of the Holy Spirit. We can have this power, and the ability to sacrifice/self-sacrifice, however it will only be fully attained through complete surrender to Him.  

How about that part in the definition of sacrifice that said, "in order to get or do something," how does it apply? Well, every choice has a consequence. Regret or peace. Which do you have? Which do you want? I can tell you from personal experience, the times I have listened to my Spirits conviction led to great peace and that times I didn't have led to great regret. I prefer peace. Do you want to be a person that truly values & cherishes others? That lifts other people up? That helps your spouse, children, friends & co-workers become the best they are capable of becoming? According to thesaurus.com, the Antonyms of sacrifice are continue, deny, disallow, fight, gain, keep, refuse, reject, win, withhold, hold. Without sacrifice we will not be able to become the best we are capable of becoming or encourage, empower or equip others to become the best they can become.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Compare

Happy Friday Evening Friends!

It is an absolutely gorgeous evening here on the Texas Gulf Coast. As I am typing this Happy Friday I am sitting out on the back porch, amazed by the beauty of this night. Blessed beyond measure...

Compare. Merriam-Webster.com says this about "compare":

• to say that (something) is similar to something else
• to look at (two or more things) closely in order to see what is similar or different about them or in order to decide which one is better
• to be as good or as bad as something else: to be on the same level or in the same category as something else

The word "compare" in and of itself, like most everything else including money, is not bad. It is how we choose to apply it, the emphasis we place on it and the value that we then attach to the comparison that makes it either good or bad. Please pause for a moment and think Friends; how many problems do we have in society today that can be traced to the root of comparison? Most? All?

Why does the husband leave his wife for another woman? Someone is better at (fill in the blank). Comparison. Why does the wife become disenchanted because her husband is not like (fill in the name)'s husband? Comparison. Dad hangs out at the bar or golf course instead of going home with his wife & kids because that is what the young, single dudes are doing and they are having all the fun. Comparison. Mom works a ton of overtime instead of going home because the boss is working late. Comparison. Ads on TV challenging us to look like someone or something else. Comparison. Why aren't my kids like someone else's kids? Comparison. How come I have these talents, gifts & abilities and not those like (fill in the name)? Comparison. I don't make as much money as (fill in the name). Comparison. My house doesn't look like/isn't as big as/ have as big of a yard as (fill in the name). Comparison. Comparison. Comparison. The list could go on and on.

You know the person I should be comparing myself to? The person I was yesterday. I need to focus on being better than that person...and a lot of times I get my butt kicked in that area! Nothing positive is going to come out of comparing any part of my life to someone else's...nothing! We all have strengths & weakness, good & bad qualities, successes & failures, blessings & curses. Why is it so hard for us to accept who we were created to be and to strive daily to become the very best that we are capable of becoming? Why do we have to compare and then a) try to tear the other person or group of people down in an effort, conscious or not, to make ourselves appear better than we are or b) chase after what we think we want instead of what we have at the expense of our families, countless dollars and sadly, our very own souls? It is sad, it is a game nobody wins and the cost - on all fronts - is immeasurable.

Look, I don't know who you are, what you do, where you live, how much money you make...I don't know anything about you. What I do know is that my Bible, which I choose to believe, says these things:

• Psalm 139:14, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;"
• Ephesians 2:10, "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
• Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
• Exodus 20:17, "Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his man-servant, nor his maid-servant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbors."
• Matthew 7:3, "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

So let me say this to you, yes you, the one reading this right now; according to the Bible, YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. YOU, yes you Friend, are God's handiwork. YOU were created in Christ Jesus to do good work, which God prepared in advance for YOU to do - which means you lack nothing. God has a plan for YOUR life. Plans to prosper YOU. Plans to give YOU a hope and a future. DO NOT covet - yearn to possess or have - anything that belongs to your neighbor. And finally, why in the heck do YOU look at something your brother or sister is doing when YOU have your own stuff to clean up?!?!

Comparing ourselves to others is a dead end road Friends. Let's not do it! Let's compare ourselves to one person...ourselves. Let's be better people, spouses, partners, parents, friends, leaders, workers...and whatever other roles we have than we were yesterday. Instead of comparing what we did or didn't do to what our spouses did or didn't do let us be the one that steps up and makes it right. Instead of being jealous of someone at work and picking them apart lets simply strive to be the very best worker we can be. Instead of comparing our life to others lets find the beauty and blessings in the things we have, in the life we live. Peace & contentment do not come from the outside...these are things that are born on the inside. Your life is far to valuable & precious to waste it striving to be someone that you were never created to be. You have so much value to add to this world however it will only happen if you are the best you that you can be.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great evening, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Road Trip

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Fall Sunday!

Last Saturday, October 3rd, I had a remarkable, so very blessed, experience. My 19-year old & 15-year old (at the time...he turned 16 on Friday!) Tender Warriors, Payton & Gehrig, and I took a road trip to Baton Rouge, LA to watch one of Payton's high school teammates play for Eastern Michigan against LSU in Death Valley. What a day!

The plan was we would leave around Noon. Well, the 48-year old kid was fired up and ready to go much earlier. I had already watched the start of Game Day on ESPN and by the time Payton & Gehrig woke up, I was ready to go. By around 9:30 a.m. we were off!

Excitement filled the car and our conversations as we began the first part of our trip. We talked about football, what Tiger Stadium was going to be like, what we were going to do, etc. We saw a car with Arizona license plates and the sticker from the same church we went to in a small town about 40 mils south of Phoenix. We all got excited and looked at the people in the car as we drove by...like we would know them or something! We didn't know them but they were wearing purple LSU shirts, no doubt headed to the same place we are going!

The trip was strange in that there was no arguing, picking on, etc. that has punctuated so many other trips. It was just 3 dudes enjoying each other, talking about life, excitedly looking forward to seeing an old friend and a football game in one of college footballs grand stadiums.

On this trip I learned that Payton is not really fond of bridges. This became hilarious when we came to the Atchafalaya Basin Bridge which is 18.2 miles long, the second-longest bridge in the US and fourteenth-longest in the world by total length. Payton's concerns quickly gave way to the wonders of the swamps below us. To 3 people who have spent the majority of their lives in Arizona, this was unreal.

I don't think I will ever forget seeing Tiger Stadium the first time, or the excitement that filled the car, as we reached the top of the last bridge heading into Baton Rouge. It was beautiful.

We drove straight to the hotel where Eastern Michigan was staying. We got to spend about 30 minutes with Payton's former high school teammate. We talked about school, life in Michigan, his family, etc. It was so good to see and spend some time with him.

The boys and I then headed over to LSU. What an absolutely beautiful campus! We found a place to park and then headed to find a place to eat. We found our way to the Student Center where they had a whole bunch of restaurants - not the Cajun food we had talked about eating all the way over but we were so hungry it didn't matter at the point. As we walked, people were tailgating everywhere. I quickly figured out, if there was not a sign on a piece of grass that read "No Tailgating" it was fair game. After getting something to eat we headed to the stadium. We walked around the stadium over to the team shop so Gehrig could buy some LSU gear. On the way we caught  the Tiger Walk, just as Coach Miles and the Tigers were arriving. We then headed over to the exhibit that held Mike, the Bengal Tiger that is LSU's mascot. After taking some pictures I turned around to find a rope had been lifted behind me with another one about 10' away on the other side of the sidewalk. We quickly hurried to the other side of the rope and then waited...for what we did not know however something was certainly about to happen here. Within 5 minutes the Tiger Marching Band came through...what an experience!

We then decided it was time to head into the stadium. After finding our seats Gehrig and I went and got an Alligator Po Boy & Jambalaya...some Cajun cooking after all! Having worked for so long in college athletics it was really neat to just sit in the stands with two of my boys and just take in pregame, to enjoy it all. The pregame warm ups, the band, hearing the crowd sing "Louisiana Saturday Night" and "Callin' Baton Rouge"...it was just awesome!

The game was much more competitive than I think any of us expected. LSU was only winning by 8 at halftime and pulled away late to win it 44 - 22. Eastern Michigan had represented themselves well, forcing LSU to play their starters late into the 4th quarter. It was also neat to be sitting among the families & friends of all the Eastern Michigan players. I was reminded once again that we all really are the same...we want our kids to know we love them, that we are there for them and that we are proud of them, no matter what.

After the game Payton wanted to wait and see his friend after he left the locker room. Have you ever had the experience when one of your kids is wanting to do the right thing and you are really wanting to do something else? You see, at this point it is 9:30/9:45 p.m. I am thinking, "if we get out of here right now we can be home by 2:00 a.m." Payton is thinking, "I know my buddy could use a hug and to see a familiar face one more time." I agree that we should go and wait. One by one the players come out, hug their Mom's, Dad's, Aunt's, Uncle's, etc. The last player out of the locker room, literally!, was Payton's buddy. He gave each of us a big ol hug and we talked about the game. We walked him to the bus, gave him another hug and told him how proud we are of him. We then headed to our car.

We began the trip back home a little after 11:00 p.m. Gehrig just laid down in the back seat and was asleep before we even got out of Baton Rouge. Payton told me he was going to stay awake the whole way and visit with me...this lasted about 40 minutes. He was out cold. About an hour into it I was hurting, bad. Neither one of the boys would wake up. Finally, I called my Beautiful Bride. She woke right up and talked to me for more than 2 1/2 hours as I drove home. At about 3:15 a.m. I pulled into our drive...an awesome day had come to an end.

Obviously there are a lot of special memories for me from this trip. There are two thoughts I want to share with you:

1. If you have the chance to get in the car and go somewhere with your kids, take it. Payton, Gehrig & I are never going to forget this day. We might all have different "favorite" parts however the point is we did it together. That is what we all cherish...that we were together.

2. Kathy has been there for me since I was 17-years old and she is still there for me today. Please don't think I was mean for calling her or that it was a grind for either one of us. That 2 1/2 hour phone conversation? We talked about our kids, the state of our family, our relationship, our hopes, goals & dreams, we told jokes - good & bad ones...we just totally enjoyed one another. I recognize how blessed I am to have such a remarkable woman on this life journey with me and I thank God every single day for her. If you are blessed to have someone on your life journey with you, please cherish them and the moments, all of the moments, with them. Not every great moment has to be something big and spectacular...sometimes it can just be one long phone call at the end of an unforgettable day.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful week and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

What Are You Leaving?

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as a beautiful new day dawns!

Oh my goodness! I was 0 for September in writing Happy Friday! The juggling of a changing work schedule, travel, school starting & kids sporting events have absolutely kicked my rear end! This morning it was like going to see an old friend. I woke up before the alarm, bright eyed and excited to write...and here I am! :)

It is funny, though I did not get to write Happy Friday for a month, the thought I have wanted to share with you has not changed. About a month ago I was listening to the radio and one of the people on the radio said, "don't focus on what you are going to leave people, focus on what you are going to leave in them." I have literally thought about that saying at least once a day, every day, for the past month.

Old houses have always fascinated me. When driving down the highway and seeing an old, run down, dilapidated house I can't help but think back to when it was new. Who were the people who lived there? It was once shiny, beautiful & new...what did it look like then? Were the people as excited to move into that house as my family and I have been to move into our homes? What memories did they share there? Was it bustling with activity? You can almost close your eyes - don't try this if you are driving! :) - and see little kids running around playing in the yard. But now? There is nothing. There is no activity. Nobody would go in there...unless you crawl, slither or walk very, very close to the ground.

In many ways we are like that house. We were once young, fresh & new. Everyone fawned over us, played with us and we were the epitome of activity. However like those old houses there will come a time when earthly life leaves us. What will be left then?

We spend a great deal of time trying to acquire stuff. We buy houses & cars. We buy clothes & jewelry & toys. We buy all of this "stuff" and all this "stuff" has a shelf life. I am sure I am not the only parent who has bought something for one of my kids because they really "needed" or "had to" have it only to find that within days, perhaps hours, they could care less about it. It's "stuff." It doesn't matter.

So let's shift for a moment and talk about the stuff that is on the inside, not on the outside.  After all, these are things that can never be taken...they will exist forever, as long as the living being that holds them is alive. Think about it Friends, literally every earthly possession can be taken, we can be stripped down until we are completely naked, what is left then? Let me pull out a few things...

• Faith - where or in what am I placing my faith? In the life I live more than in the words I speak. Am I teaching & showing this to my Beautiful Bride, Tender Warriors...every person I am privileged to come into contact with? There will come a time in every one of our lives when we will need faith, when nothing else will sustain us...what have I left in them? The house, the car, the "stuff" won't help them...they will have to have faith. Have I taught them? Shown them? Though I won't physically be there to help or show them will they know where to go, what to do?
• Hope - in who or what am I placing my hope? A person? My job? Our house? People leave, my job & house can be taken...where is hope being placed? Again, am I showing them where to place hope so joy can never be taken? What am I leaving in them?
• Love - am I demonstrating unconditional love for everyone? Isn't it ironic how we want to judge, classify & generalize people...until we need help. Then all of the sudden we want everyone to be kind, loving & helpful. What would this world look like if we were kind, loving & helpful all the time...not just when we wanted or needed something? Am I leaving this in the people I am privileged to do life with every day?
• Value - do I truly value other people and myself? Do I truly believe, and walk out, that every life has value, meaning & purpose? When I have gone to be with the Lord will my boys look at someone as a bum or will they know, despite the brokenness & pain, that every life - every life! - has value, meaning & purpose, regardless of whether or not the person is choosing to pursue it? Will they look for the good in others? Perhaps help others find the good within themselves that they didn't know, or forgot, exists? What am I leaving in them?
• Excellence - am I truly striving to become the best I am capable of becoming every day? Am I instilling in others the pursuit of personal excellence, which is not tied to a measurable outcome as it is too great to be measured? When Payton is pursuing his dream of playing college football and the road looks dark & bleak, when Landry is in the last day of Hell Week for Navy Seal training or when Gehrig is pitching in the World Series, it is the bottom of the 9th, bases are loaded, there are 2 outs and his team is up by 1 - I am coming alongside my Tender Warriors in their hopes, goals & dreams here - what have I placed in them for those moments? Have I taught them to go for it or to quit? Have I taught them to do their best and in this they will find victory? Have I taught them to fear failure or to pursue greatness? Have I taught them it is impossible or that with God all things are possible? Their hopes, goals & dreams are on the line...what have I left in them?

Houses, cars & "stuff" are nice. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of them. I guess the real issue is the value we place on them. I hope today Friends we will give serious thought and consideration to the things we will leave in those we are privileged to do life with as opposed to the things we will leave for them.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend & please cherish your precious families.

Kev

You Are In Charge

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day on this absolutely beautiful Saturday afternoon! Football season is here!!! Absolutely love this time of year! After preparing this Happy Friday I am piling in the car with my Tender Warriors and we are going to go watch G's high school team play tonight.

One random thought before I dive into what is on my heart this week; Happy Friday, and all the hope & optimism it evokes, is a condition of the heart, not a day of the week! :)

So what has really been on my heart since last Sunday is this; you are in charge. It is your life and it is your choice how you are going to live it. Now, before digging in a little deeper, please allow me to put some qualifiers around specifically what I am saying. I am not talking about religion, God, our need for God, etc. What I am talking specifically about is captured best in this quote; "Nowhere in the Bible does it say that we should wait for someone else to do the right thing before we do the right thing." - Unknown

Every day you & I wake up we have several choices to make. We get to choose our attitude, the effort we will bring to everything, with whom & where we will spend our most valuable resource...our time, how we will act & react in all situations, etc. These are all choices we make. We own them. We are responsible & accountable for them. Most of us don't like this...

It strikes me when looking at marriages how often we will point at the other person and say, "If only he [she] would _________, I would __________." And in the moment we forfeit, run from really, the responsibility & the accountability that we own...whether we recognize it or not. Bottom line Friends, you & I can only control ourselves. I can't make my Beautiful Bride happy, I can't make her choose to do anything. It always strikes me that God is all about free will - He let's people choose - and then we, the lost & broken people, think we are going to come in and demand that someone be or do something. Kinda scary if you think about it. Anyways, regardless of what Kathy chooses to do or not to do, I still have a choice - for which I am responsible & accountable for...not her - in how I will act & react. Simple to understand - very, very hard to live out.

If you are in a relationship of any kind and you don't like how things are going, instead of pointing the finger at the other person and waiting for them to change or do something, why don't you man or woman-up and be the change? Go ahead, extend the olive branch first. Be the first to forgive. Be the first to change the way you behave. Be the first to encourage. Be the first to make the relationship right. Be the first to swallow your pride. Be the first to serve. Be the first to give up your "rights." Be the first to give up anger. Be the first to give up disappointment. We all want to be the first all the time, why not be the first at these things?!?! You & I have so much more power than we access because we forfeit it under this guise that we are "humbly submitting to keep the peace" when in reality we are defiantly holding on to pride. It's time Friends to step up, to be different, to do things different and to take charge of our lives. Nobody can make you happy...that is a deal between you & God. It's an inside job, it's in your heart. Period.

I want to wrap up today with a couple of more quotes, some things for you to think about & ponder.

"The next time you want to withhold your help, or your love, or your support for another for whatever the reason, ask yourself a simple question; do the reasons you want to withhold it reflect more on them or on you? And which reasons do you want defining you forevermore?" - Dan Pearce

 

"Sometimes we need to stop preaching to everybody and just start being kind to the people in our lives - take a genuine interest in them and bless them, pray for them and ask God to make us aware of how we might serve them. In other words, we should "show" people the love of Jesus." - Joyce Meyer

 

"Be the one who nurtures and builds. Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart. Be the one who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them." - Unknown

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish those precious families & friends!

Kev

Are You Easily Offended?

Happy Friday Evening Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having had a great day and a wonderful week on this absolutely beautiful Friday evening! We have received some much needed rain on the Gulf Coast and the weather tonight is just...incredible. I do believe I am going to have to go sit out on the back porch with my Beautiful Bride after this Happy Friday.

This week I want to share a few things with you.

1. Work travel has increased tremendously. I have decided to use my time on airplanes going through leadership books I have read, making notes of everything I have underlined...really studying, learning and, through applying what I read, growing. On a trip this week I took along one of my all-time favorite leadership books, Failing Forward: Turning Mistakes Into Stepping Stones for Success by John C. Maxwell. I was getting all fired up taking notes, such a great book, packed with great wisdom. I wanted to share just two quick excerpts from the book with you.

"Contentment comes from having a positive attitude. It means...

• expecting the best in everything - not the worst
• remaining up beat - even when you get beat up
• seeing solutions in every problem - not problems in every solution
• believing in yourself - even when others believe you've failed
• holding on to hope - even when others say it is hopeless"

"If you want to achieve, you have to win the war in your thinking first. You can't let the failure outside you get inside you. You certainly can't control the length of your life - but you can control its width & depth. You can't control the contour of your face - but you can control its expression. You can't control the weather - but you can control the atmosphere of your mind. Why worry about things you can't control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?"

2. Please do me a favor; click on this link and go watch Kathie Lee Gifford's tribute to her husband, Frank Gifford, from earlier this week. http://www.cnn.com/2015/08/18/entertainment/kathie-lee-gifford-frank-today-feat/ If this link does not work, just type in "Kathie Lee Gifford's tribute to Frank Gifford" and it will pop up for you. The whole thing is a little more than 8 minutes long. The parts I particularly want  you to see and listen to occur right around the 3:45 mark on. Please, if you don't do anything else, go watch. It is an absolutely great message for us all.

Seeing some of the comments that have been made when I went to look at this I feel I must say something; we are ALL fallen, broken & make/have made mistakes. Not a single one of us is immune. This does not mean that God will not forgive us - nothing, absolutely nothing you or I can do is too great for God to forgive...not because of who we are but because of who He is! - and it doesn't mean that we can't learn from one another. A few rapid-fire thoughts come to mind:
- There was 1 absolutely perfect person and we nailed Him to a tree
- Let him who is without sin cast the first stone
- David, described as "a man after God's own heart, was not without sin...none of us are

If we could just get over ourselves! O.K., my rant is over. Please go watch the video and I pray this question will challenge each one of us in the deepest recesses of our hearts..."What is your stone and where are you going to throw it?"

3. Are you easily offended?

Last week I had some things on my mind so I called one of my dearest friends, a relationship ordered & ordained by God 22 years ago...dang we are getting old!, to seek some Godly counsel. We talked about all kinds of things and then he brought up this idea of being offended. He told me about a sermon or talk he heard about not being offended, stating if Jesus did not get offended what is so big in your life or mine that would permit us to be offended. He told me after hearing the talk he was quite for 3 days. 

I have thought and prayed a lot about being offended in the past week or so. I have caught myself wanting to be offended, recognizing it and choosing, intentionally choosing, not to be offended. It is not easy, I would argue it is impossible, unless something greater than you or I is leading us.

Tonight I simply offer it up to you for thought & consideration. If your spirit is a little restless right now perhaps this is something for you.

I will tell you this; being offended is the easiest thing in the world to do. It requires very little, if any, work. Because we are flawed, broken people living in a flawed, broken world, there are plenty of folks who are willing to let you be offended by them. Cut you off, cut in front of you, flip you off...there are people willing to do all those things. Pick on you, tear you down, question you and everything about you...there are people willing to do all these things as well. There is absolutely no shortage of things we can get offended by and about. Here's the thing though Friends, just because we can doesn't mean we should.

If we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Personal Savior, if we know who God says we are, if we believe that God will take care of us and provide for us as His word says He will, if we don't let worry grip our hearts as the Bible reminds us 365 times not to do...if all these things, why would we get offended? If we are truly allowing God to be the Lord of our lives, to transform our hearts & minds He can take us to a place where we get offended less and less. I don't know if it is possible for us to ever get to a place where we are never offended - I am not trying to put God in a box and I do believe that with God all things are possible - however I do know that by seeking God daily and truly allowing Him to be the Lord of our lives we can be offended a whole lot less...at least I can.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish those precious families. I am headed out to the back porch now with my Beautiful Bride...

Kev

Making a House a Home

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great night on this beautiful Sunday evening. I also hope you had a great week last week, a wonderful weekend and you are ready to start your new week!

This weekend my Beautiful Bride & youngest Tender Warrior met my sister & brother-in-law at my Mom's house in New Mexico to clean it out. Kath was pretty concerned about what her emotions would be with this being the last time we would be going to Grammy's house. She asked our Home Group to be praying for us and I was praying this whole trip up as well. God's hand was all over us from safe travel to quality time in the car to tireless work to things coming together...I swear I could feel His presence. I was so aware of it and so, so very grateful.

When we walked into the house my Bride walked...somewhere. I honestly can't recall which direction she went, though I know she was in front of me. I walked in and started walking down the hallway to the right. Kath said something like, "what do you think?" I said, "It feels cold. There is no spirit here." And that is exactly how it felt. We both knew it, accepted it and did what we needed to do. We would both think about that comment a lot, and talk about it last night as we began our journey home.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary online defines Spirit as the force within a person that is believed to give the body life, energy, and power; the inner quality or nature of a person; a person. I would say yes, yes & yes. I would add, quite emphatically, it is the spirit that makes the house a home, not all of the other stuff. Grammy had some wonderful, beautiful stuff. I carefully & reverently packed it away, knowing it was my Mom's and at some point she got it with the same excitement that we get stuff. But ultimately that is all it was, stuff. In the absence of my Mom the warm, loving house was just a structure. The things that she had carefully picked out and placed in various nooks were just things...with their heartbeat now gone. There was nothing I felt I needed or had to have. I already have the greatest gift my Mom could have every given, her unconditional love & support. Though she is gone from this earth I carry her in my heart, I feel her unconditional love & I can still hear her as clear as day say, "Now Robby, you put a smile on your face, a bounce in your step and you go make this a great day!" Those are the things that made her house a home...her.

When we were driving home last night my Sweet Girl and I talked about all of this - the spirit, stuff, what makes a house a home. As I told her, I am going to focus on the spirit, not the stuff. My Bride and my boys don't need more clothes, more stuff...they need me. They need my unconditional love & support. We need to do things together...things too valuable and priceless to ever be placed on a shelf, only to be treasured in the heart. This is what makes a house a home, not the things we place in the home. It's the things in our hearts, the connections we have with one another, things that no matter the amount of wealth you possess you cannot buy. I encourage you Friends to give it some serious thought.

I really feel I need to share this with you as well. As I was doing yard-work this afternoon I was thinking about this message, about the spirit of a person. Sure enough some wisdom my Mom once shared with me came to mind; "Robby, we have to teach him but we don't want to break the spirit." Funny, when I was thinking about it this afternoon I did not remember the source that told me...it was as I was typing this that I remembered my Mom telling me that when I was first learning to be a Dad with Payton. We do have to discipline our sons & daughters - the act of true discipline is an act of love...perhaps a different Happy Friday - however we don't want to break the spirit. Your son or daughter is strong-willed? Great! They will achieve nothing in this life without perseverance. They do however need to learn to submit & obey as we all have someone we answer & report to. Without the ability to submit & obey they will not be able to achieve much of anything in this life either. And there Friends is the delicate balance beam that we as parents are privileged to walk. To nourish the spirit and at the same time instill character, values, integrity. I pray we will all think about that when we fight our battles. Choose words carefully, act thoughtfully & purposefully...precious souls are counting on us, regardless of the workload, stress and/or fatigue.

Right before my Mom passed away she had come to stay with us for nearly two weeks. On that trip she gave Kathy a sign that hangs in our living room. It says, "It takes hands to build a house but only hearts can build a home." I have no clue who said it however they were so right. My precious Mom made sure she got one more message through to Kath & I. It inspires our daily living and prepared our hearts for one last trip to her house in New Mexico.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great evening, a wonderful week and please cherish those precious spirits!

Kev