Friday, February 27, 2015

Anchor

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day and that an awesome week is coming to a close for you!

Baseball season is here! Gehrig had his first baseball games yesterday and thankfully, I was able to be there. I absolutely love watching my boys play sports...a true blessing!

This weeks Happy Friday is going to be directed more at men - husbands & fathers - as the leaders of our homes and will, I think, be rather succinct. While the message will be short, the ramifications will truly echo in eternity.

Last Sunday our Pastor preached a truly wonderful sermon - meaning it spoke to me heart! :) As he started he gave an example of mountain climbing. He stated that in mountain climbing more experienced climbers go first and place anchors directly into the mountain so those less experienced coming after them can safely follow. Then on the screen appeared an anchor, right into the side of a completely vertical rock. It was really quite powerful to see. When you look at something that is smooth, straight up & down you realize that there is absolutely no way that a human being could climb up that rock. Then you see this anchor, a round piece of metal securely fastened into the side of the rock. You then see how someone could clip their harness to that anchor and safely hang there - safe and secure, their full weight resting on the anchor that someone who had gone before them had left. The probability of an inexperienced climber making it up the side of the mountain by themselves is not very high. However because someone else had gone before them, because someone else had left anchors, the inexperienced climber can scale the wall, resting their full weight on each anchor along the way. It is really a beautiful picture - literally & metaphorically.

The Pastor then went on to talk about Jesus - He left a huge anchor...the anchor to enable us to reach Heaven!! - as well as some other Biblical men & women. The thought that kept pounding in my heart was, "What anchors are you leaving for your family?" I have thought of that conviction of my spirit literally hundreds of times this past week.

As the leaders of our homes, we are leaving anchors. The questions we need to answer are:
1. Where are they leading?
2. Is this really where we want our wives, sons and/or daughters to go?
3. Are we placing firm anchors - the kind where they can truly rest their full weight? Safely?
    Securely?

I can't tell you where your anchors should lead just as you can't tell me where mine should lead and  quiet honestly, that is not the point. The point is for you & I to realize we are setting anchors and to thoughtfully consider where they are leading. Take some time, reflect on the path you are leading and determine the course from this point forward. While we can't undo the anchors we have already set as we are clinging to the side of this rock wall of life, we can thoughtfully, methodically plan the next anchor...and then the next...and then the next. I don't know about you however when I think of the leadership of my home, when I think of the anchors that I am setting for my Beautiful Bride & Tender Warriors it inspires me and I recognize & feel the full weight of the responsibility of setting the anchors well.

The thought/challenge this week is "What anchors are you leaving?'

I want to close with a powerful excerpt from the book Act Like Men: 40 Days To Biblical Manhood by James Mac Donald:
Nothing is more important than your family. Nothing comes before your responsibility to watch out for them and provide a home safe from any assault upon them, body or soul. The television programs watched in your home are your responsibility. Every site visited by a computer or a smartphone in your house is on you. Keep watch! Who your kids' friends are, where they go when they are away from you is your responsibility. You're the watchman! How conflict is resolved, how Christ is prioritized, where the Word of God is positioned - all of it is entirely yours to oversee and you will answer to God for the job you did.
 
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you. I will always help you any way I can.
 
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish those precious families!
 
Kev

Friday, February 20, 2015

You Are Not Disqualified

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day as a beautiful new day is about to dawn!

This is my 1st Happy Friday from our new home...Yes! We are so very, very blessed! The move went great - moving 4 times in 4 years gives one far to much practice! - and we are well on our way to making this house, a structure, our home. We have already christened it with our first nice dinner and a great family nerf gun fight. Yes Friends, we are truly blessed beyond measure.

On my heart this morning, I can't really tell you why...it has just been gnawing at my heart for the last few days, is a very simple thought with difficult application; you and I are not disqualified. No matter who you are or where you are (physically, mentally, spiritually), no matter what you or have not done, you are not disqualified. Your life has great value, meaning & purpose and God will use you if, and the IF is huge, you will allow Him.

Have you ever intended to do one thing and then did another? Yeah, me too. Crazy isn't it? I will give you a personal example that drives the point home clearly, almost comically. I was bound and determined that this move was going to be "a good thing." I had prayed about it, talked to my Beautiful Bride and Tender Warriors about it...this move is going to be great, we are going to have great attitudes...it is going to be awesome. So it is last Thursday and we are going to close on the house. I have taken the afternoon off from work, we are going to go close on the house and then begin the move. The moving truck is rented, we have a game plan and this is going to be great. About 9:00 a.m. that morning I get a text from Kath that there was a little snag with some of the paperwork and we might not be able to get the keys until 5:00 p.m. There are multiple other communications over the next few hours - we will get the keys, we won't, we may not get the keys until the next day, etc. By the time I leave the office at 12:00 p.m. to head to the closing I have gone from positive, encouraging to negative, frustrated. This has all been planned for a month. I have taken vacation time from work, I organized business travel around this move and now someone typed an email address wrong on paperwork and this prevents us from closing and moving into our house?!?! I recognize that I am not in a good place so I decide I better listen to Christian radio as I drive to the closing...and pray a lot. I wouldn't say I got to a great place by the time I should have arrived - notice the "should have" - however at least I hadn't gotten worse. Then...I got lost on the way to the closing. This led to a phone call with my Girl where I was less than a great man or husband...actually, I was pitiful. I am now very frustrated & agitated...I have gone from happy, positive & encouraging to this pathetic state in 4 hours! So I park my car, get out and our realtor walks out the door. Me, the guy who has told everyone how great this move is going to be, the guy who has prayed this up, doesn't say "hi" or "good afternoon" or any other kind, positive or encouraging word. No, I look right at him and say, "who is responsible for this?!" And in an instant, I realize I have failed in this moment. I have allowed circumstances, things completely beyond my control, to determine my attitude, the influence I would have on others.

Have you ever had a season or a moment like that? The reality is we all do. Let me say that again Friends and let these words settle deep into your heart & spirit; WE ALL DO. We all have failing moments however this does not mean you are disqualified.

Many times when I have been asked to give a motivational speech or to preach a sermon at a church I have felt completely unqualified. How can I, a man who has failing moments like the one listed above, stand in front of others and offer encouragement, inspiration, share the word of God? I feel, I am, so inadequate. Interestingly as I have read books, listened to other speakers, etc. I have found I am not alone. What I have actually found is that I would be alone if I didn't have these moments. We are all flawed, broken people and as such, we are going to have flawed, broken moments. This however does not define you or I, the Lord does that. I have read & heard numerous leaders whom I consider to be great, Godly men & women share stories similar to mine. One woman, who has a written many books and has a wonderful ministry, has shared stories about huge meltdowns in her home as she is getting ready to go to speaking engagements. I have heard a man who serves in marriage ministries talk about having huge arguments with his wife as they traveled to the very marriage conferences where they are going to talk to other couples about what a Godly marriage looks like. The funny thing about that story was when he said it the other men on the radio with him, who also serve in the ministry with him, stated they experience the same thing. Not one of them talked about this perfect, pristine life, marriage or relationship that qualified them to speak at these conferences.

A few thoughts:
  • We all have failing moments & seasons in life. These do not define or disqualify you.
  • You are not alone. We are all so good at hiding "stuff." The reality is you would be alone if you were perfect, had it all figured out, never made a mistake, etc.
  • Get over yourself & your mistake. Don't get caught in the trap of beating yourself up mercilessly over your latest - it won't be the last - mistake. Recognize it, take personal responsibility for it, apologize if you have hurt or offended others, determine what you can do differently next time to prevent it and move on. If you do not do these things you can wind up in a vicious cycle of regret that can last years or tragically, even a lifetime.
  • Never give up. There will be detractors, perhaps none greater than in your own head. A moment or season does not define you. Until you have taken your last breath it is not over and you can choose how you will behave and respond - not react - in the next moment. Keep fighting for you - the man, woman, husband, wife, Dad, Mom that God has created you to be!
  • God will use your life if you will allow Him. It isn't about your latest blow up, fit or struggle. It is what God wants to do in others lives through you. It is God that touches the heart of others, not you. He may use your words or actions as a way to communicate to others however please keep in perspective what is happening. It is not about you, it is about God. If He puts you in a position to influence others, He will use that time as He wants, regardless of you.
  • I would strongly encourage you to seek God's leadership, guidance & direction for your life. Life is a struggle, a battle, one that you & I will surely lose if we live in our own knowledge, wisdom, strength & courage. Walk in God's love, mercy & grace. He created each one of us on purpose for a purpose. Find rest, leadership, guidance & direction in Him Friends.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend & please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Friday, February 13, 2015

A Conscious Mission

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day!

This morning I want to share with you excerpts from two separate articles I have read over the course of the past couple of weeks. I trust there is knowledge & wisdom you can glean from them both.

The first excerpts I would like to share are from an article titled How To Become A Conscious Leader by Jim Dethmer.

Move from drifting to committing.
  • Conscious leadership is not accidental. It is intentional.
  • We commit and then we drift away from our commitment.
  • The pattern of life and conscious leadership is commit and drift-shift. Shifting is the act of recommitting.
  • Are you committed to being a conscious leader?
  • What is one concrete evidence that proves your commitment?
Move from blaming to claiming.
  • ...conscious leaders claim responsibility by taking it.
  • Conscious leaders understand that responsibility is not something that can be assigned. It can only be taken.
  • Choosing responsibility means asking, "How have I created or contributed to this?" and not "Who did it?" Conscious leaders understand that there is tremendous power in claiming responsibility and no power in looking to the past to find fault.
  • When conscious leaders ask, "How have I created this?" they are asking from curiosity and wonder. They assume that whatever is happening is for their and their organization's learning.
  • ...conscious leaders want to determine exactly how they did. They see that they contributed by what they did or didn't do, by what they said or didn't say and by how they were being or not being as a leader. They lead their organizations by being the first to step into any situation with the words, "I'M RESPONSIBLE" and, "Here is what I'm learning."
Move from being right to being curious
  • In order to be curious one has to be secure. Conscious leaders don't need constant outside validation to prove that they are valuable, in control or safe. Because of this deep security, they lead with childlike wonder and curiosity. Like a child they look at all situations with fresh eyes, and in doing so, they see things about people and situations that leaders who are attached to proving their rightness never see.
  • If you fight to be right you get to be right, but you don't get to be happy or connected to people or creative or experiencing life in a new and expansive way. Conscious leaders move over and over again from wanting to be right to being deeply curious.
The next article is titled A Mission For Men and it was written by Richard Norris.
  • Not every man has a mission to go to the Moon, but every man does have a mission to fulfill here on Earth. No matter the mission, it will not be easy, but it will be worth it. It's significance is determined by the people it serves.
  • ...we each have our own mission to live out and fulfill. As per the Oxford Dictionary, a mission by definition is a strongly felt aim, ambition or calling. It's the vocation or calling to go out into the world and spread a particular message or faith. As I understand it, it is the cause for which we were born. Our life will only truly be fulfilling when we live out our purpose and fulfill our specific mission.
  • ...your mission will require lifelong commitment and sacrifice. A mission is never easy, but always worthwhile. Once you know your mission it captures your heart. It will keep you inspired and motivated.
  • ...a life mission takes a lifetime.
  • A mission is much bigger than the person to whom it is entrusted. It will rely on many others directly and indirectly to support it to its very end. Yet, your mission is yours. No one else's. Your mission will be the most important thing that you do.
  • God has created each of us with our mission in mind. He has equipped you with a unique set of gifts, talents and abilities we will need to live out our mission.
  • Your mission enables you to live on the edge of what's possible and impossible.
  • ...you are called to be a champion for all that is good and right:
You are called to do good - to live, lead and serve with integrity.
You are to seek justice for those enduring injustice.
You are called to stand up for the oppressed and deliver them from those who would use and exploit them.
You are to take up the cause of the fatherless to protect and fight for them. Every child needs security and a strong father figure in their life to lead by example.
 
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.
 
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.
 
Kev

Friday, February 6, 2015

The Tough Stuff

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Friday morning!

This morning I come to you with a full heart. It is such an honor, responsibility & privilege to be a husband & Dad, to understand and tirelessly pursue my life purpose & passion. It was in fulfilling my duty as a Dad that this weeks Happy Friday was born.

My oldest son Payton is 18-years old, soon to be 19. This means we have traversed the landscape from baby to toddler to adolescent to young man to...man. Yes, he has become a man. A couple of things here real quick:

1. To all of you with kids who are not yet men or women - yes, it really does go fast. I know people tell you this all the time however nothing can prepare you for how quickly the time really goes. I once heard it said that when we are raising children the hours are long and the days are short. This is so true. My simple advice on this one is, to the very best of your ability, live in and enjoy each and every moment. Oh I get it, trust me. There are days that are tough with all the challenges & struggles. From experience I will tell, they are fleeting. Before you know it you can stay at work a little longer if you want because there is no game to run to, no parent-teacher conference to attend. Pretty soon you can sleep in, go golf or do whatever you want to do because they now have friends they want to be with or they want to sleep in. We will never get the moments back so we would be very, very wise to live in the moment.

2. I have had several talks with friends who have kids Payton's age who are trying to navigate the leadership, guidance & protection part as we slowly release them to be their own men & women. So here is my two cents on this whole thing. I do believe that God will hold us, as fathers in particular, to how we have lead, guided & protected our families. They, our families, have been given to us as a gift. The ultimate example of the leadership we are to provide, I believe, is the servant leadership Jesus demonstrated to/for us. I believe I have the honor, privilege & responsibility to serve my wife & sons. It is not their responsibility to serve me but mine to serve them. I once heard it described as the relationship of the sun to the earth. The sun pours itself out continually to benefit the earth, expecting nothing in return. Speaking of our kids in particular, we lead, guide & protect. We teach them the things we believe, the values we hold true. We establish rules & parameters...to keep them safe, to help them grow. There then comes a time - as they progress on that great continuum from infant to adult - where we have to let them go and allow them to make their own decisions. You see, we will be held accountable for what we have or have not taught them however we are not held accountable for what they choose to accept & do. This, I think, is the great challenge, the link in the chain that causes so much hurt, heartache, frustration, etc. If God is a God of free will who in the heck do I or you think we are that we can/should make our kids do what we want when they become adults. I think at the point my baby boy becomes a man I am stepping outside God's covering & protection if I make/or try to make his decisions for him. I will certainly give him advice - when he asks - and I will do anything I can to help him however it is now he that will be responsible to God for the things he says & does. Just something for you to think about.

So Payton has made a couple of decisions, done some things, that I wouldn't have chosen for him however he chose them for himself. I thought long and hard about how to respond to these things. I prayed. My spirit was convicted that I needed to speak with him however I wanted to make sure the message wasn't about me, what I thought, what I wanted. It was my desire to get out of the way and allow God to use this time as He wanted. I prayed. While I was on my business trip to Seattle last week I was working out one morning and like walking into a pitch black room and flipping on the light, the message was clear to me. We were busy doing family stuff all day Saturday and we did not have time to talk. On Sunday I tried to talk with Payton however he was busy doing different things. I didn't want to force it. We watched the Super Bowl - Go Pats! - and then went to bed. Monday I waited until everyone went to bed and then I asked Payton if I could talk to him.

In honoring my son I am not going to give you the details - I don't think they really matter as to the point anyways. Here was my talk:
  • I know these things that have happened.
  • In one case, I was really disappointed. As I prayed about what had happened I realized that every day of your life I have intentionally committed you to God. While everything had not worked out as I wanted, would have hoped, it is quite clear that God was in fact leading your life. I praise God and I am proud of you son.
  • In the other case, I told him I understand. I am not here to judge you. We are all trying to figure out life, I love you with all of my heart and as long as God allows me to walk this earth I will help you any way I can.
  • And then probably the most important point of all, judging by how my heart felt & by the look on Payton's face, I told him I loved him unconditionally, that I want to have a relationship with him and that I will fight for us - our relationship - until the day I die.
As I have reflected on that talk there are two things that have really stood out to me that I want to share with you:
1. I want to encourage you to have the tough talks with your spouses, sons/daughters, friends, co-workers...anyone you genuinely care about and want to have a meaningful relationship with.  It is in the tough times that growth occurs. We, as humans, are funny. We do everything in our power to make things as easy as possible however this is not where growth occurs. I can lift weights and do some super easy weight so it doesn't hurt or isn't uncomfortable however I will not get stronger this way. It is the same way with our relationships...and every aspect of life for that matter. The key in having the tough talks though is the focus. My sole focus during my conversation with Payton was our relationship. It wasn't about being right - in fact I told him several times I don't have all the answers - or shaming him - I told him I am not here to judge him and I also told him not to hold himself to my standards...they may be too low, too high & I told him he doesn't want to do all the really, really stupid stuff I did to get to the point I am at today. No, the focus was on my heart & his heart and making sure they were aligned.

2. If there is someone in your life that you genuinely care about and want to have a meaningful relationship with I want to encourage you to tell them that you love them unconditionally, that you are committed to them for a lifetime and that you will never stop fighting for your relationship with them. If you truly mean it, neither you nor the person will ever forget that moment. It doesn't mean there won't be struggles, challenges & messes. It simply declares your intentions...it is one heart reaching out to another.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for your or your family. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend & please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Sunday, February 1, 2015

Encouragement

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Super Bowl Sunday! A little more than 1 1/2 hours to kick off...let's see if we can get this Happy Friday hammered out.

I was in Seattle all last week - talk about a city, a state, supporting a team!! Everywhere you look you see "12." It was so awesome, so beautiful, driving from Yakima to Seattle late on Thursday night. Driving across Interstate 90, fog and low hanging clouds, it is completely dark outside. Then all of the sudden, way up on the side of the mountain, beautifully illuminated...12. Now that has nothing to do with this Happy Friday however it was truly a beautiful sight and I just had to share it with ya'll. :) Oh, and by the way, I am a huge Patriots fan...something I only revealed twice all of last week! :)

O.K., back on point, something happened, I honestly don't recall what it was, early last week and it made me think about "encouragement." Many times throughout the week I thought about encouragement, our - all of us - need for encouragement, our opportunity to encourage others, etc. This, encouragement, is what I want to talk about today.

When I Google the word encouragement it says, "the action of giving someone support, confidence, or hope."

Let's break that down:
Action - Dictionary.com defines action as "something done or performed; act; deed."
We can think, feel or say whatever we want...it is the actions that we take that speak to the hearts of others. We have to go from thinking, feeling and saying to actually doing Friends. Without action we fail to encourage others. Let us be men & women of great action!

Giving - Dictionary.com defines giving as "to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation; bestow"
Love this definition! To voluntarily, for no reason other than your heart speaking to you, do something while expecting nothing in return...nothing! Feel the weight of that Friends, feel the weight!! Will you, will I, on our own accord pour into the lives of another without expecting anything in return?

Support - Dictionary.com defines support as "to sustain under trial or affliction; to maintain by supplying with things necessary to existence; to provide for"
There are really two different components here:
- To sustain under trial or affliction - Every one of us has been there and will most likely be there again. I bet anything you remember the person, the people, that were there for you, that helped you get through it. We ALL have seasons where we need someone we can lean against, when we are tired & weary, when we need someone to help us just a little bit. Will you, will I, be that person to someone?
- Maintain by supplying with things necessary to existence; to provide for - We always think about the big, grandeous things...how about the small, day to day, matters? To see someone that is not in a trial or affliction but is just chugging along, doing the very best they can each and every day...will we lend support to that person? Perhaps if we looked outside ourselves just a little bit and supported others in this manner we wouldn't have such the crisis' of trial & affliction. Just a thought.

Confidence - Dictionary.com defines confidence as "full trust, belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing"
Have you ever looked someone in the eye and pure-heartedly said, "I believe in you"? If you have, you know the look that comes across their face...it is truly priceless. If you haven't, I would encourage you to look for opportunities to pure-heartedly tell someone...you won't regret it. And please don't forget how this whole thing started...by taking action. When possible act out the confidence you have in another...show them.

Hope - Dictionary.com defines hope as "the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best"
Without hope, what is left? It is pretty bleak. Sometimes we get beat down & worn down, we are tired & weary. Sometimes we are so deep in the thickness of life that we can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. A word of hope spoken into the heart & soul of another can not only change the trajectory of that persons life but can literally reverberate for generations to come. Yes Friends, hope is really that big of a deal.

I now want to share a few quotes about encouragement before wrapping this up:

"Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Will you, will I, be that person? Will we help someone see what they could become?
 
"Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he can and should be and he will become as he can and should be." - Stephen R. Covey
How do we treat people - as they are or as they could be?
 
"Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouse's perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, "I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help?" We are trying to show that we believe in him and in his abilities. We are giving credit and praise." - Gary Chapman
Love this quote. The one thing I would say is we could take out the word "spouse" and put "son", "daughter", "friend", "coworker", "colleague", etc. Read it that way with whoever is on your heart...
 
"Encourage yourself, believe in yourself, and love yourself. Never doubt who you are." - Stephanie Lahart
So powerful, so true! Encourage yourself. You cannot give what you do not have. To encourage others you have to be encouraged. Be the best you that you can be Friend - and please believe in & love the amazing you that God created!
 
"...You can do something extraordinary, and something that a lot of people can't do. And if you have the opportunity to work on your gifts, it seems like a crime not to." - Morgan Matson
Yes, you...

Encouragement...we all want & need it. I want to challenge (yes, I typed encourage at first and then changed it! :) ) each of us to intentionally be encouragers this week. Please start in your own home and then work out to your areas of influence.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, enjoy the Patriots win and cherish your precious families!

Kev