Happy Friday, Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day
as a glorious new day, Veteran’s Day, begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama!
This is going to be a special day! Not only do we get to
honor all those who have served our country in the military, we also get
to pursue all we were created to become, and we get to
love, care for, and serve everyone we cross paths with today! It’s a blank
canvas, Friends…let’s make it a masterpiece!
This week I am going to share from two different podcasts I
have listened to this week. They are loaded with great information and while I
will share some of what I heard, I would encourage you to listen to the full
podcasts yourself.
The first one I want to talk about is from the podcast At
The Table with Patrick Lencioni. It originally aired on November 9, 2022, and
it is titled, Everyone’s Got Stuff. You can find the podcast here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/everyones-got-stuff/id1474171732?i=1000585623876
Here is a quick summary:
·
We all have faults,
failures, hang-ups, addictions, problems, etc.
·
Sharing them does two
things:
o
Acknowledging them
makes us more human which makes us more relatable to others.
o
Acknowledging them
gives others the opportunity to help us.
So, let’s just talk about this for a minute. First, it is
absolutely true…. we all have stuff! We all have insecurities, fears, problems,
addictions, etc. Despite what we may see, or think we see, on social media,
nobody is perfect. So, if you hear nothing else, please know that you are not
alone. Your feelings, problems, and challenges are not unique, everyone has
them. Please stop the self-defeating talk, acknowledge your issue, and commit
to working to overcome them.
Please know that people relate more to our issues than they
do to our (perceived) perfections. You see, we all know that we have stuff
however when we see someone that we think is perfect, we don’t feel we can
relate to them. Let’s not be THAT person, the one that
tries to look, act, and be perfect all the time. If you have ever been around
someone like that, you know how hard it is to relate to them. Let’s just keep
it real! Let’s just be our pure, authentic selves…warts and all!
Let’s extend the grace to others that we wish were extended
to us. No, it does not mean others will reciprocate however that is not the
point…we are not trying to live their lives, we are trying to live ours. If we
are simply ourselves, we give others permission to do the same. What would this
world look like if we just valued and appreciated ourselves and others? If we
acknowledged our stuff and strived to become all that we are capable of
becoming, and helped others do the same? We can’t control anyone else however
we can choose how we live…let’s live differently.
Bottom line…we all have stuff! We can choose to live
authentically, or we can exhaust ourselves trying to hide our stuff and judging
others. The lives we live will be determined by whatever choice we make.
The second podcast was on Focus on the Family. The title
was Setting Boundaries in Your Most Difficult Relationships (Part 2 of 2), and
the guest was Lysa TerKeurst. You can find the full podcast here: https://www.focusonthefamily.com/episodes/broadcast/setting-boundaries-in-your-most-difficult-relationships-part-2-of-2/
I want to start off by sharing an excerpt from the
transcript of the podcast. This is an exchange between Lysa and the host, Jim
Daly.
Jim: Lysa, fear can prevent us from creating healthy
boundaries. The fear of what a person might think if we do this, uh, you know,
whatever it might be, but we draw, we pull in from doing the healthy thing that
we could do. I, I see that a bit in my own boys, you know, confrontation is not
a comfortable thing for them. How do we, either in our marital relationship, or
in our parenting journey, how do we help our spouse, help ourselves, help our
kids not have that fear of engaging people like this with real, firm
boundaries?
Lysa: Well, I think sometimes when we think about
communicating a boundary, it feels like we’re, we’re having to operate in the
extremes and extremes feel so comfortable. Like, you know, we can never have
this happen again or, you know, you always do this. And so always encourage
people avoid the extremes and recognize that the boundary conversations don’t
have to be awful. I mean, if somebody makes a request of you that would extend
you past the capacity that you have, then we can have a gentle conversation and
say, “My heart says, yes, yes, yes, but the reality of my time says, no.” And
here’s the deal, we’re already doing this really well. So, I’m gonna prove to
you, Jim, you’re already doing this really well, are you ready?
Jim: Mm-hmm.
Lysa: Do you have a bank account?
Jim: Yes.
Lysa: Um, do you have a passcode on your bank account?
Jim: I believe I do. (laughs)
Lysa: Okay. Even if you can’t remember it right now, you
have some sort of security-
Jim: Correct.
Lysa: So that not everyone can get to your bank account.
Jim: Yes.
Lysa: Um, would you feel comfortable right now just sharing
your bank account information and your passcode and everything just to give all
of us free access to your bank account?
Jim: Absolutely not.
Lysa: Why? Is it because you’re unchristian? Is it because
you’re selfish? Why, why, why won’t you just share it?
Jim: Because it’s none of your business. (laughs)
Lysa: Exactly, right? And I would suspect because you don’t
know if we’re all gonna be responsible with the limited resources that you have
in your account and you know that you have responsibilities that your limited
resources need to handle, right? And it’s not because you’re unkind or
unchristian, it’s because you have limit, you have a limited capacity and it’s
because you’re human. Only God has a limitless supply.
Jim: Hm.
Lysa: And so of course we wouldn’t
give free access to everyone because we don’t know if they will be responsible
with that access. We know this with our finances, but we forget it with all
other areas of capacity in our life. And so, I think it’s a really healthy
exercise even before we attempt the hard conversations to have a logical sit
down with yourself and define what is my capacity in this area, in this area,
in this area, so that when requests are made that hyper extend us past our
reasonable capacity, of course always allowing the Lord to grow us and develop
us, but we can simply have a logical conversation. It doesn’t have to be so
emotional.
I would love to do that. My heart says yes, yes, yes, but
the reality of my time makes this a no. Now, I can’t give that, but here’s what
I can give.
Interesting, isn’t it? There are a few key things I want to
share.
What kept running through my mind is we all have time,
talent, and treasure – we all have different levels of each, however every one
of us has some time, some talent, and some treasure. Lysa nailed several key
points:
·
We all have capacity
in each area. None of us have unlimited time, talent, or treasure. With time,
we can never get it back. With talent, we can’t be everywhere and do
everything. With treasure, while we can make more, a greater impact is made if
we focus in one, two, or three areas as opposed to ten, twenty, or thirty
areas. We all have a capacity, and it is not unlimited.
·
We also all have
responsibilities. We have things that must be done. When we make a withdrawal of
time, talent, and/or treasure for something that is a responsibility, we have
lowered our capacity for other things. We must honor our responsibilities and
set boundaries for other things.
·
It was very
interesting how Lysa stated, “we wouldn’t give free access to everyone because
we don’t know if they will be responsible with that access.” Super easy to
understand with our bank accounts, right? How about our time? Should we give
free access to everyone with our time? Ironically, it is the one thing we have
that we will never get back. I could make a great argument that time is more
valuable than money…you can make more money, you get no more time. You are
literally exchanging your life when you give of your time. We would be wise to
insist that people be responsible with their access to our time.
Let’s be thoughtful, Friends. Let’s measure the capacity
and let’s count the cost. Setting boundaries does not mean we are unchristian
or selfish. It means we are wise, and it will empower us to pursue all we were
created to become, and to love, care for, and serve others. We will simply be
doing it in a healthy way.
Please don’t hesitate to contact me if there is ever
anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you anyway I can.
You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish
your precious families, and please stay well!
And to our veterans, from the bottom of my heart, thank
you!
Kev
