Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this glorious Sunday afternoon from my Sweet Home Alabama.
Life got a little bit crazy the end of last week and so I find myself writing Happy Friday on Sunday afternoon. Regardless, there are a couple of things on my heart that I wanted to briefly share this week.
I absolutely love being a Dad and one of the great burdens God placed on my heart many years ago was to encourage, empower and equip others as they walk this blessed path. This afternoon I want to share two things that have been on my heart this past week.
1. Last Sunday I shared a graphic on Facebook that had come from thedadsnet.com. The graphic had the picture of two heads. One was labeled "Dad on the outside" and the other was labeled "Dad on the inside." Here is what they said:
Dad on the outside - "I'm fine"
Dad on the inside - "Feelings of Failure", "Money Worries", "Inadequate", "I don't do enough", "Need more time", "Stressed", "Burnt out", "Need to set better examples", and "confused."
After having shared the image, there were two things that struck me as profound; 1) the overwhelming number of men who "liked" and "loved" that image, many of them who commented with words like "Yes!", "Exactly!", and "So true!" and, 2) the woman who wrote, "That's sad", as those this was something she was seeing/hearing/learning for the first time. I have thought a lot about these reactions so many times this week and there are a couple of things I want to share based on them:
I. To those who aren't Dads - Please know that this struggle is real. The "I'm fine", or silence, or going fishing/hunting/golfing, etc. are quite often defense mechanisms. You see, most of us desperately want to be great Dads, we want to be everything our children need, we want to provide for them everything we think they need and perhaps, most importantly for those who are married or who share a precious soul with a woman, we want to be everything you tell us we need to be. If you know a man that keeps showing up, regardless of whether you think he is a great Dad or the worst Dad that ever lived, please have compassion and empathy. He may not be doing everything the way you think he should be doing it however if he is there, he is trying. I am reminded of two quotes:
"I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism." - Charles Schwab
"Treat a man as he is and he will remain as he is. Treat a man as he could be and he will become what he should be." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
II. To Dads - You are not alone or weak. Again, the struggle is real. While some try to hide it in different ways, we all feel the same things. One of the hardest parts of this beautiful life journey is the feeling of being alone, soft, weak, incompetent, or whatever you want to call it. We feel like we are the only one's feelings these things while everyone else is winning "Dad of the Year" trophies...and nothing could be further from the truth. We just happen to live in a society where we are not supposed to acknowledge or talk about these feelings. Many of us were taught as little boys, "Real men don't cry"...what a bunch of crap! It takes a real man to be able to cry! You have to know who you are, to be confident in yourself as a man, to cry...this is why we have a whole bunch of fakes walking around, chests puffed out trying to prove their manhood through toys, women, alcohol, fighting, etc. and in doing so prove that they are in fact little boys trapped in adult bodies. Please know, to the depths of your soul, you are not alone! You have what it takes within you to be exactly the Dad the precious soul God has given to you needs!
And now I would like to speak for a moment to all the men out there who have fathered a child. For the most part, they will fall into one of two categories - those who show up and are Dads and those who do not. And let me be clear, there are some fathers who live in the same house as their child but they fail to show up and be a Dad.
To those who show up - You are having a profound impact in the life of your child. They may or may not tell you - keep showing up! You might feel many of the things we talked about from the graphic - keep showing up! You will have good days and bad days - keep showing up! Please continue to love that precious child to the very best of your ability, and pray to God to take care of the rest. Please know you are everything that child needs. You are enough! You are equipped! You are exactly what that precious soul needs. Please walk boldly and confidently in your calling.
To those who don't show up - First, I want to tell you it is not too late. Whether you are 19, 39 or 79-years old, you can turn around and walk the other direction. I promise you that the capacity of a child to forgive, regardless of their age, is immense, if you will choose to walk in the other direction. No, it will not necessarily be easy...but I can promise you it has not been easy for that child living without you being present either. If you feel a conviction right now, please don't continue to live with the regret, with the shame. It can be different however it does have to start with you.
Second, I don't want to speak in condescending tones or come from a spirit of condemnation. I do simply want to tell you, your child needs you. The statistics are alarming about the difference you make in your child's life. And guess what? It is only you that can meet this need. There are countless, truly heroic, women trying to fill this void however they can't completely fill it. And there are also many great men who are stepping in to the fill the gap but again, as great as they are they can never completely fill the void. Yes, you are that powerful, you mean that much. Perhaps today is the day that you answer the great calling on your life...
I love being a Dad. It is such an honor and privilege to have the God-ordained responsibility of loving, leading and protecting 3 precious souls. I am truly inspired by this great calling. It is, in part, why I fly out of bed early every morning to seek God and strive to be the best man, husband, father and leader I can possibly become. They are counting on me, I am counting on God and, together, we are creating the most beautiful parts of this life I am blessed to live.
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful rest of the weekend, a great week, and please stay healthy and well.
Kev
Sunday, June 28, 2020
Friday, June 19, 2020
Time
Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new opportunity begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :)
I doubt I will tell you anything you don't already know this morning. My hope is not to enlighten but rather to remind you, to encourage you and to, perhaps, share a new perspective with you.
I want to share a story with you that Silas Shotwell shared in Homemade in September of 1987.
"Charles Francis Adams, the 19th century political figure and diplomat, kept a diary. One day he entered: "Went fishing with my son today - a day wasted." His son, Brook Adams, also kept a diary, which is still in existence. On that same day, Brook Adams made his entry: "Went fishing with my father - the most wonderful day of my life!" The father thought he was wasting his time while fishing with his son, but his son saw it as an investment of time."
Time. It is the most valuable thing any of us have. Once a second, a minute is gone, it is to never be lived again. The time I have already spent typing to this point is time taken from the one life I have the privilege of living. I will never get what I have already invested back. It is done, it is spent, never to be recaptured again. And the time you have spent reading it is the same. If nothing else, I hope all of us awaken to this fact and begin to live our lives intentionally. Nobody can tell us how we should live our lives, how we should invest our time, each and every one of us must count the cost ourselves.
There are a couple of areas I want to focus our attention on and then I am going to share some thoughts and quotes with you.
1. How are you spending your time on a daily basis? Are you pursuing your hopes, your goals, your dreams? Are you using your time to become the best your are capable of becoming? Are you using your time to love, care for and serve others? Are you being intentional or thoughtless?
Nobody can tell you how you should spend your time - again, it is the most valuable thing you have and you get to choose how you will spend it. I do want to point out however that we all get the same 24 hours a day. It is interesting how some can take that 24 hours and create a masterpiece - I will let you define in your own minds eye what the masterpiece looks like - and others can seemingly do absolutely nothing. The thing we do have to own is the return we get on our investment...what we get out of this life as a result of how we chose to spend our time.
So are you where you want to be in your life? Does how you spend your minutes, hours and days line up with where you are trying to go, with who you want to be? It is yours, it is the most valuable thing you have, please spend it wisely.
2. Who are you spending your time with? If someone chooses to give another a minute of their time, they are giving up their very life...please think about that. Time truly is the language of love, whether recognized or not. Again I will ask you, who are you spending your time with?
While I can't tell you what your priorities should be, I do want to encourage you to look at the depth, breadth and quality of your relationships. Does what you say your priorities are line up with the time you are investing in them? I can say my Beautiful Bride and Tender Warriors are my greatest priority but does my schedule prove it? Am I spending time with them? It really is true; when people say they don't have the time, they are really identifying their priorities. We all make time for the things and people that are important to us. We have to, we are paying for them with our very lives.
I want to share a few excerpts from an article titled, Essay on the Importance of Time. You can find it at preservearticles.com.
"Time is said to be a wise counselor. Passage of time allows an individual to grow. This growth gives experience. Experience helps decision making. Time reminds you to act and to act wisely. The wisest make the use of the time fruitfully. It is said that the wisest grieve the most at the loss of time.
Those who do not know the importance of time, waste it or rather they spend it doing nothing. There is a proverb which says that killing time is not murder, it is suicide. It means, by wasting time one is not harming others. On the other hand one is harming himself. Ordinary people merely go on thinking how to spend their time. The wise and talented make use of it fruitfully.
Some people always complain that there is not time for them to do anything. That is not correct. If one wisely plans his activities, there will be time for everything happening according to time. A man who is a part of nature cannot complain against time. Time is powerful. It conquers all. Men are only to obey it. Man cannot say that he has nothing of his own. Time which is valuable is all his own."
I also want to share some quotes and then I will wrap this up:
"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back." - Harvey Mackay
"There's only one thing more precious than our time and that's who we spend it on." - Leo Christopher
"The greatest gift you can give someone is your time because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life you will never get back." - Unknown
"We all make time for what we feel is important in our lives." - Unknown
"The way we spend our time defines who we are." - Jonathan Estrin
"The way you spend your time on a daily basis highlights your priorities." - Unknown
"Change your 24 hours and you will change your life." - Eric Thomas
So, how do we know if we are wasting or investing our time? At the end of his story about Charles Francis Adams and Brook Adams going fishing, Silas Shotwell offers his thoughts. "The only way to tell the difference between wasting and investing is to know one's purpose in life and to judge accordingly."
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families and please stay healthy and well!
Kev
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new opportunity begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :)
I doubt I will tell you anything you don't already know this morning. My hope is not to enlighten but rather to remind you, to encourage you and to, perhaps, share a new perspective with you.
I want to share a story with you that Silas Shotwell shared in Homemade in September of 1987.
"Charles Francis Adams, the 19th century political figure and diplomat, kept a diary. One day he entered: "Went fishing with my son today - a day wasted." His son, Brook Adams, also kept a diary, which is still in existence. On that same day, Brook Adams made his entry: "Went fishing with my father - the most wonderful day of my life!" The father thought he was wasting his time while fishing with his son, but his son saw it as an investment of time."
Time. It is the most valuable thing any of us have. Once a second, a minute is gone, it is to never be lived again. The time I have already spent typing to this point is time taken from the one life I have the privilege of living. I will never get what I have already invested back. It is done, it is spent, never to be recaptured again. And the time you have spent reading it is the same. If nothing else, I hope all of us awaken to this fact and begin to live our lives intentionally. Nobody can tell us how we should live our lives, how we should invest our time, each and every one of us must count the cost ourselves.
There are a couple of areas I want to focus our attention on and then I am going to share some thoughts and quotes with you.
1. How are you spending your time on a daily basis? Are you pursuing your hopes, your goals, your dreams? Are you using your time to become the best your are capable of becoming? Are you using your time to love, care for and serve others? Are you being intentional or thoughtless?
Nobody can tell you how you should spend your time - again, it is the most valuable thing you have and you get to choose how you will spend it. I do want to point out however that we all get the same 24 hours a day. It is interesting how some can take that 24 hours and create a masterpiece - I will let you define in your own minds eye what the masterpiece looks like - and others can seemingly do absolutely nothing. The thing we do have to own is the return we get on our investment...what we get out of this life as a result of how we chose to spend our time.
So are you where you want to be in your life? Does how you spend your minutes, hours and days line up with where you are trying to go, with who you want to be? It is yours, it is the most valuable thing you have, please spend it wisely.
2. Who are you spending your time with? If someone chooses to give another a minute of their time, they are giving up their very life...please think about that. Time truly is the language of love, whether recognized or not. Again I will ask you, who are you spending your time with?
While I can't tell you what your priorities should be, I do want to encourage you to look at the depth, breadth and quality of your relationships. Does what you say your priorities are line up with the time you are investing in them? I can say my Beautiful Bride and Tender Warriors are my greatest priority but does my schedule prove it? Am I spending time with them? It really is true; when people say they don't have the time, they are really identifying their priorities. We all make time for the things and people that are important to us. We have to, we are paying for them with our very lives.
I want to share a few excerpts from an article titled, Essay on the Importance of Time. You can find it at preservearticles.com.
"Time is said to be a wise counselor. Passage of time allows an individual to grow. This growth gives experience. Experience helps decision making. Time reminds you to act and to act wisely. The wisest make the use of the time fruitfully. It is said that the wisest grieve the most at the loss of time.
Those who do not know the importance of time, waste it or rather they spend it doing nothing. There is a proverb which says that killing time is not murder, it is suicide. It means, by wasting time one is not harming others. On the other hand one is harming himself. Ordinary people merely go on thinking how to spend their time. The wise and talented make use of it fruitfully.
Some people always complain that there is not time for them to do anything. That is not correct. If one wisely plans his activities, there will be time for everything happening according to time. A man who is a part of nature cannot complain against time. Time is powerful. It conquers all. Men are only to obey it. Man cannot say that he has nothing of his own. Time which is valuable is all his own."
I also want to share some quotes and then I will wrap this up:
"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back." - Harvey Mackay
"There's only one thing more precious than our time and that's who we spend it on." - Leo Christopher
"The greatest gift you can give someone is your time because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life you will never get back." - Unknown
"We all make time for what we feel is important in our lives." - Unknown
"The way we spend our time defines who we are." - Jonathan Estrin
"The way you spend your time on a daily basis highlights your priorities." - Unknown
"Change your 24 hours and you will change your life." - Eric Thomas
So, how do we know if we are wasting or investing our time? At the end of his story about Charles Francis Adams and Brook Adams going fishing, Silas Shotwell offers his thoughts. "The only way to tell the difference between wasting and investing is to know one's purpose in life and to judge accordingly."
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families and please stay healthy and well!
Kev
Friday, June 12, 2020
The Joy of Learning to Ride a Bike
Happy Friday Friends!
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :)
Every morning my work family and I have a Zoom meeting that we call our "Check-In" call. It is a time to see how everyone is doing, discuss our successes and failures, discuss our hopes and fears, and to learn how we can help each other - personally and/or professionally. It is a privilege to be doing life with this special group of people.
Yesterday one of my colleagues - a great, young Tender Warrior who loves his family deeply and who desperately aspires to be the Godly man, husband, father and leader God has created him to be - had something on his heart he wanted to share. He went on to share that with so much going on in the world, being weighed down by the cares and concerns of life, he had forgotten to teach his oldest son how to ride his bike. Much to his credit, he owned his loss of focus and when his son asked him about it, he took the time to teach him. He went on to tell us how just minutes before the call he had been out in the driveway with his son so he could ride his bike again. His vulnerability in sharing his story genuinely blessed the hearts of each one of us...as we reflectively thought back to the joy of learning to ride a bike, and of spending quality time with those who mean the most to us.
Life is hard. There are very real cares and concerns. The pandemic is real. Racism is real. Pain and hurt are real. Challenges are real. None of this is to minimize any of it...it is all real.
Let me share a quote and a couple of scriptures with you...
"Ships don't sink because of the water around them. Ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don't let what's happening around you get inside you and weigh you down." - Author Unknown
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." - Proverbs 4:23
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16
This is what we are talking about...though the battles are real, we must be vigilant about guarding our hearts for our vessel will not be sunk by what is going on around us but by what we allow to get inside of us. While we educate ourselves and protect our families from COVID-19, while we stand up against racism and help our brothers and sisters who need us, and while we strive daily to become all that we are capable of becoming, we can do this with joy, giving thanks in all circumstances - not "for", "in"! It all starts with our hearts, what we allow to be poured into them and thus, what we allow to flow from them.
I want to challenge all of us with two things this morning:
1. Who have you promised that you will teach to ride a bike? Maybe it is not learning to ride a bike. Maybe it is going fishing. Or maybe it is simply a date night on the back porch. What are the things you have put off because you are worried about COVID-19, because you are saddened by the way one human being can treat another or because you have simply prioritized work over loved ones? I want to encourage us all to step up this weekend and do that one thing. Yes, the problems and challenges of this world are still going to be there...this is not to hide, mask or deny them. It is however to recognize and respond to the fact that our spouses, our children and our friends still need us. We can't check out on them because of a pandemic, racism or work. And the lives we live with them today will influence the quality of their lives tomorrow. Please, do that one thing.
2. Find the beauty around you. Yes, there is a lot of ugly, scary stuff out there. And you don't need a microscope to find it! Sadly, we are at a point in time when you actually have to work harder to see the good than to see the bad...please work! Again, this is not to deny the bad - actually acknowledging it helps us. It is however an intentional effort to find the good in people, the blessing that we all have and to live life from a perspective of prosperity rather than lack. It is all about the heart Friends and while none of us, individually, can change what is going on around us, every one of us can change what is going on inside of us.
I am going to wrap this up by sharing two quotes. One quote I actually just read this morning. The other quote came from the Haslam family movie night last weekend when we watched Acts of Valor.
"...whatever we focus on in life grows.
Focus on the bad and it is multiplied, it's everywhere. Focus on the good and it expands, it's all around.
Instead of looking at what he no longer has, my dad looks for what he does have.
Instead of looking at what is lacking, he looks for what he's blessed with.
We all know people who have everything and are grateful for nothing. We also know people who have nothing and are grateful for everything.
So which kind of person are you? And, more important, which kind are you going to be?" - John O'Leary
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families and please stay healthy and well.
Kev
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day as a glorious new day begins to dawn in my Sweet Home Alabama! :)
Every morning my work family and I have a Zoom meeting that we call our "Check-In" call. It is a time to see how everyone is doing, discuss our successes and failures, discuss our hopes and fears, and to learn how we can help each other - personally and/or professionally. It is a privilege to be doing life with this special group of people.
Yesterday one of my colleagues - a great, young Tender Warrior who loves his family deeply and who desperately aspires to be the Godly man, husband, father and leader God has created him to be - had something on his heart he wanted to share. He went on to share that with so much going on in the world, being weighed down by the cares and concerns of life, he had forgotten to teach his oldest son how to ride his bike. Much to his credit, he owned his loss of focus and when his son asked him about it, he took the time to teach him. He went on to tell us how just minutes before the call he had been out in the driveway with his son so he could ride his bike again. His vulnerability in sharing his story genuinely blessed the hearts of each one of us...as we reflectively thought back to the joy of learning to ride a bike, and of spending quality time with those who mean the most to us.
Life is hard. There are very real cares and concerns. The pandemic is real. Racism is real. Pain and hurt are real. Challenges are real. None of this is to minimize any of it...it is all real.
Let me share a quote and a couple of scriptures with you...
"Ships don't sink because of the water around them. Ships sink because of the water that gets in them. Don't let what's happening around you get inside you and weigh you down." - Author Unknown
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." - Proverbs 4:23
"Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16
This is what we are talking about...though the battles are real, we must be vigilant about guarding our hearts for our vessel will not be sunk by what is going on around us but by what we allow to get inside of us. While we educate ourselves and protect our families from COVID-19, while we stand up against racism and help our brothers and sisters who need us, and while we strive daily to become all that we are capable of becoming, we can do this with joy, giving thanks in all circumstances - not "for", "in"! It all starts with our hearts, what we allow to be poured into them and thus, what we allow to flow from them.
I want to challenge all of us with two things this morning:
1. Who have you promised that you will teach to ride a bike? Maybe it is not learning to ride a bike. Maybe it is going fishing. Or maybe it is simply a date night on the back porch. What are the things you have put off because you are worried about COVID-19, because you are saddened by the way one human being can treat another or because you have simply prioritized work over loved ones? I want to encourage us all to step up this weekend and do that one thing. Yes, the problems and challenges of this world are still going to be there...this is not to hide, mask or deny them. It is however to recognize and respond to the fact that our spouses, our children and our friends still need us. We can't check out on them because of a pandemic, racism or work. And the lives we live with them today will influence the quality of their lives tomorrow. Please, do that one thing.
2. Find the beauty around you. Yes, there is a lot of ugly, scary stuff out there. And you don't need a microscope to find it! Sadly, we are at a point in time when you actually have to work harder to see the good than to see the bad...please work! Again, this is not to deny the bad - actually acknowledging it helps us. It is however an intentional effort to find the good in people, the blessing that we all have and to live life from a perspective of prosperity rather than lack. It is all about the heart Friends and while none of us, individually, can change what is going on around us, every one of us can change what is going on inside of us.
I am going to wrap this up by sharing two quotes. One quote I actually just read this morning. The other quote came from the Haslam family movie night last weekend when we watched Acts of Valor.
"...whatever we focus on in life grows.
Focus on the bad and it is multiplied, it's everywhere. Focus on the good and it expands, it's all around.
Instead of looking at what he no longer has, my dad looks for what he does have.
Instead of looking at what is lacking, he looks for what he's blessed with.
We all know people who have everything and are grateful for nothing. We also know people who have nothing and are grateful for everything.
So which kind of person are you? And, more important, which kind are you going to be?" - John O'Leary
"So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.
Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place.
Show respect to all people and bow to none.
When you arise in the morning, give thanks for the food and for the joy of living.
If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.
Abuse no one and nothing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way.
Sing your death song and die like a hero going home." - Chief Tecumseh
Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.
Have a great day, a wonderful weekend, please cherish your precious families and please stay healthy and well.
Kev
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