Dads Matter

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you having a great day and that you have had a great week. It's been the first week of school for us...always such an exciting time! New shoes, new clothes, new backpacks, a new beginning...so exciting! It is such a privilege to see the world through the eyes of a Senior (what?!?!), an 8th grader and a 3rd grader!

I am pretty fired up this morning. May I please say - regardless of what is tolerated, regardless of what society says, regardless of what the latest research from somewhere says - Dads matter.

How did we get here? How did we get to a place where we excuse men not being men - responsible, accountable - as "boys being boys?" How, why did it become funny or acceptable for men to be irresponsible, to not take care of their families, to run from woman to woman, from place to place, ignoring their children, not fulfilling their commitments, their obligations? I truly believe that men failing to be men  - responsible, accountable men, husbands & fathers - is the root cause of many of the problems we have in society today. In any partnership when one partner fails to uphold their duties, their responsibilities, when they don't carry their share of the load, the other partner has to pick up the slack. We aren't talking about menial tasks like yard work, house work, etc. here Friends. These things could actually go undone and in reality there would be no impact other than having to deal with a mess. A child is not something that can go "undone." They are living, they are learning, they are growing...whether Dad is there or not. Their lives are being influenced, their character shaped, they are experiencing success & failure, they need protection, they need guidance...whether Dad is there or not. Why do far to many men not get this? Why do far to many men think it is o.k. to let Mom do everything - like it is just her responsibility?

We can't walk away from a person - wife or child - and expect there to be no consequence for that decision - yes, it is a decision. Many women, far to many women, have had to pick up the pieces after a man has left and do everything. They have performed heroically, done the very best they could do, raised amazing men & women. In spite of the great failure of some man they got it done. But that is not the way it is supposed to work - it is not fair to the woman and it is not fair to the child...Dads matter.

What is normal or acceptable? I would argue that what we deem as normal or acceptable is what we accept as normal or acceptable. When did we as a society accept the fact that men could walk away from their wives, walk away from their children? How come we say this is o.k., it doesn't surprise us? Statistics show that nearly 50% of children grow up without both parents in the home. Guess who is missing? In the overwhelming majority of homes it isn't Mom!

This morning I would like to stand up and say a few things to men:

• It is not o.k. to walk away from your wife..yes, it can be tough sometimes. It is tough to live with you sometimes. Man up and honor your commitment!
• It is not o.k. to mistreat, neglect, etc. your wife...it isn't all about you! Little boys have to have their way, fight over their toys, etc. Men do not. If you have the privilege of a precious soul calling you "husband" you have the responsibility of loving, caring for, providing for and protecting her.
• It is not o.k. to walk away from, mistreat, ignore, etc. your children...they are your responsibility! They are not their Moms responsibility, societies responsibility...they are your responsibility!
• Your wife, your child's life is not about you...it is about them growing to become all they were created to become. If you are called "husband" or "Dad" you have the honor, the privilege of helping them pursue their goals & dreams. Just as you have hopes, goals & dreams so do they. Help them find them, achieve them.
• Dads matter. While Mom will pick up the pieces and do the very best they can  if you leave - sadly they have been doing this for years! - you matter. Kids need their Dads. They need to know that their Dad loves them unconditionally, that he is there for them - every day, good & bad, that he will provide for their needs, that he will protect them. Girls learn from their Dads how they should expect men to treat them, what a man, a husband, a father looks like. Boys learn how to be men, husbands & fathers from their Dads. Do I need to make the point about Dads mattering? When will the cycle be broken? When will men rise up, be the men, husbands and fathers that they were created to become? What we are doing is clearly not working!!! Dads matter!

Whoever you are, wherever you are, on this planet and in your life journey, today is a new day. It may a long road, a hard road to get where you want/need to be. I pray that you will determine in your heart, in your soul that you will honor your commitments, that you will be the responsible, accountable man, husband & father that you were created to be. That you will rise up and take care of your family. Never forget this; you matter. No matter what you choose I hope you realize that all of your choices have consequences. If someone calls you husband or Dad your choices will affect their lives. You see, once you chose to get married, you chose to have a child your life was no longer just about you. Every single thing you say and do will affect their lives - for good or bad.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

The Needs of Sons & Daughters

Happy Friday Friends!
 
I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day! What an awesome day! It is the last Friday of summer vacation for the kids so I have taken the day off to be with them. I am looking forward to a wonderful day - and weekend - with them and my Beautiful Bride!

Today I want to share what amounts to a guest blogger. Earlier this week I found a listing of the needs sons and daughters have from their fathers on the website for All Pro Dad -  www.allprodad.com. My spirit compelled me to share these lists with all of you here today on this Friday morning.

To Dads - somebody is influencing the lives of our sons and daughters...is it us? They are our responsibility! No matter where you are on your life journey - whether you are an All Pro Dad or you are a scrub - it can change today, you can change today. While neither you nor I can change the past, we can change what happens next. I truly hope you will read these lists, let the words speak to your heart and that you will respond accordingly. If you have the honor, the privilege of being a Dad, there is a precious spirit that is counting on you and who desparately needs you.

To Others - perhaps you know a Dad who needs to read these words...please share them. Please do not share them in a spirit of judgement or condemnation but rather in a spirit of love, mercy & grace. We all fail, we all fall short...God changes hearts, you and I won't. Play the small part that God asks you to play - if a name popped into your head of someone who needs to read these words follow through - and then allow God to do the rest.

Please don't hestitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish those precious families.

Kev

7 Things a Son Needs from His Father

As a boy grows up, there will be many people who influence him and his development into adulthood. As a father, you want to be the main influence in this area. You are, and should be, his most important role model. Below are 7 things to help you be the best role model you can be in your son’s life.

1. He needs you to love his mother. When you love your wife, or the mother of your son, you are showing him how to treat his mother, his sisters, and all the women he’ll meet in his life. This will set the foundation for the relationships he will have later in his life.

2. He needs to see you fail, not just succeed. The best teacher is failure. The best type of failure to learn from is someone else’s. When your son sees you fail, and handle the failure well, he sees that it is okay to make mistakes and that mistakes can be great teachers. A boy who is not afraid of making mistakes will grow into a man positioned to accept and conquer great challenges.

3. He needs your servant leadership. You may or may not be the boss at work. You may or may not be the pastor or minister at church. You may or not be a leader in your community. But you are the leader of your family. Your son needs to see true leadership in your home. He needs to see you leading by serving. When he sees you leading by serving, he will better understand leadership and be able to more effectively lead versus follow his peers. As he grows, he will better lead his family, lead at work, lead at church, and lead in his community.

4. He needs you to be present. As you fulfill all the different roles you have, you may be pulled in multiple directions. He needs you to be present in his education, in his social life, in all areas of his life. Some areas are not intended for mom only, or for his friends only. Your presence in all areas will give him the support he needs.

5. He needs your love regardless of his choices.You may be the biggest sports junkie not living in Bristol, CT (where ESPN headquarters are located). And your son may not be able to kick a ball if you placed it on his toe, nor care that he can’t. No matter what choices your son makes, he needs you to love him even if they are different than yours. Even when they are wrong choices. Your love and guidance will open the door to trust and acceptance that build your relationship. And it will build his self-esteem.

6. He needs you to affirm him.“I love you, son.” “I’m proud of you, son.” “You are amazing, son.” “I know you can do it, son.” “That was an amazing play you made!” “You are a hard worker.” “You messed up, but I know you’ll bounce back.” Your son needs your encouragement. He needs to hear the words that let him know you love having him as a son.

7. He needs you to discipline him in love.When you discipline your son, you set boundaries and expectations. He is going to make mistakes just like you did as a kid and just like you do now. But he also needs to know that his actions have consequences. Disciplining him in love will teach him to consider the consequences his actions will have. This will prepare him to think and evaluate the choices he makes both now and in the future.

© 2013 All Pro Dad. All Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute with Mark Merrill are registered trademarks.

7 Things a Daughter Needs from Her Father

As a girl grows up, men will come in and out of her life, but the one man who will always be there is her father. A father plays a vital role in his daughter’s journey to adulthood, and below are seven things that can help a father give her his best.

1. She needs you to be involved.
A daughter needs her father to be actively interested in her life. “Actively interested” does not refer to the second-long conversation that sometimes happens between a father and daughter when he asks how her day went and she replies with one word. A father should participate in his daughter’s hobbies and activities by displaying interest. For example, if she is interested in collecting coins, take her to coin shows. Use the Internet to learn about rare coins and talk about them. Is your daughter talented in the any sports, such as volleyball? Whether she wants to play or just enjoys watching the games, become an enthusiastic fan and supporter! Show your daughter that you are interested in her life by learning more about it and trying to become a part of it.

2. She needs you to demonstrate a healthy marriage.
The first relationship a daughter experiences is the one between her mother and father. If her father disrespects his wife with physical or emotional abuse, a daughter might come to believe that is the expected relationship with a husband. However, a father that displays physical affection, respect, and a true partnership with his wife provides an incredible example that his daughter will want to mirror in her own life.

3. She needs you to support her.
Even though a father may not always agree with his daughter, she needs to know you will support her. When a father fully and wholeheartedly supports his daughter, she will develop strong self-esteem and a positive self-image. This doesn’t mean that you always have to agree with her, but show her that while you might not agree with a choice she is making, you will always believe in her as a person and have confidence in her abilities.

4. She needs to trust you as a confidante.
When your daughter does come to you and discusses personal issues and problems, she needs to know that you will treat them with respect and confidence. They shouldn’t become dinner-table conversation with the rest of the family.

5. She needs your unconditional love.
Just as our Father in Heaven demonstrates unconditional love, fathers on earth need to display this as well. Unconditional love requires that a daughter knows no matter how badly she messes up, her father will be there, not to ridicule and demean but to forgive.

6. She needs a strong spiritual leader.
A father should be the spiritual head of a household and should take charge of his children’s religious education. Pray with your daughter! Don’t be shy about bringing the Lord into your conversations with her.

7. She needs a positive role model.
Many daughters today lack a positive male role model in their life. A father is the first man in a girl’s life that she will intimately know. Her father sets the standard for all other men in her life, and a positive role model will help her choose a good husband in the future. Take a moment for some self-reflection. Are there any habits you need to break? Are there some areas of your own life that could use a “spiritual overhaul” and prayer? When your daughter sees that you are willing to examine your own life and make changes when necessary, you provide the best example she could ever have of accepting responsibility for her actions.

© 2012 All Pro Dad. All Rights Reserved. Family First, All Pro Dad, iMOM, and Family Minute with Mark Merrill are registered trademarks.

Washing the Car

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope and trust this post finds you all having a great day on this beautiful Friday morning! There is so much hope, opportunity & promise in this day - I pray that we will all pursue it!

"Carry the spirit of a child as you get older because acting like a child is the secret of genius."

- Ken Blanchard

 

Last Sunday evening I went out to wash my car. I asked my family if anyone wanted to go help me. There was complete silence from my Bride and my two oldest boys. My littlest boy however immediately, excitedly said, "I will help you Dad!" He came running around the corner, a smile on his face, ready to help Dad. A few lessons I learned:

 

1. The truth of the matter is I doubt very seriously that my little Tender Warrior really cared about washing the car...what I know is that he wanted to be with his Dad. Wash the car? O.K. Play catch? O.K. Drive to the store? O.K. It didn't, it doesn't, really matter what we are doing as long as we are together. Man how that speaks to my heart! How many times am I too busy or do I not want to do what they want to do? How many times have I been asked to play the game he wants to play or to watch the show with him that he wants to watch and I said no because that is not what I wanted to do? What this Little Man taught, continually teaches me, is that it is not about what we are doing...it is about being together.

 

2. I had him vacuum the floor mats. Man did he work hard at it! He kept looking to me for approval, asking me how he was doing...here too is a lesson. When he was done I asked him to put the mats in the car for me. He put them away and hurriedly came back to me wanting to know what I wanted him to do next. I went and looked at the mat that he placed on the drivers side. It wasn't as close to the pedals as it was supposed to be, it was crooked. I looked at the mat, I looked at the little boy with the smile on his face who had done the best his 8-year old little hands could do...I decide the mat is perfect and it will stay that way this week. Every time I have gotten in the car I have been reminded that it is not about doing things perfectly, its about doing things to the very best of your ability with love. THAT in fact is perfect.

 

3. It was finally time to wash the outside of the car. I asked my boy to fill the water bucket up for us. I then went in the house to grab something. I came back outside, he is kind of standing over the bucket, the nozzle is pointed down the drive way and he is spraying water towards the street. I ask him what he is doing. He say, "finding out what all the different sprays do." Click...spray. Click...spray. Click...spray. Mist. Flat. Angles. Shower. Vertical. Full. Cone. 1/2 Vert. Center. Jet. Click...spray. Click...Spray. Click...Spray. He goes through every one of them. Something feels good in my heart. I just smile at him. He tells me that Center is far better than the Jet I usually use as it looks like "a double barrel shotgun." He begins rinsing the bugs off the front of the car and points out that Center is getting the bugs off much better than Jet does. Center? What in the heck is Center?!?! I don't know what all the different sprays look like...I have never taken the time to figure it out. Why not? I am reminded to slow down, to enjoy learning what the different sprays look like - maybe I will find a better way, maybe I will just learn. Regardless, it is about enjoying the moment, enjoying the experience...all of it.

 

So blessed...I truly don't know how else to say it. I truly do believe that God will teach us, He will instruct us through our children...if we will have a humble, teachable spirit.  He has blessed me with 3 truly amazing young men who have taught me more in the past 17 years of their lives than I had learned in the previous 29 years of my life. Blessed...

 

Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

 

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

 

Kev