How Much Do You Give?

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as this beautiful day & week come to a close. This week was a complete blur for me with more travel however I have met some of the most interesting, inspiring people and yesterday we got to celebrate my Beautiful Bride's birthday...I am blessed!

This week I want to share a few things with you.

1. Please go watch this video titled, "I Am NOT Black, You Are Not White" by Prince Ea. The entire video is 4 minutes and 35 seconds long and it is powerful. Here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0qD2K2RWkc

If the link does not work simply Google the title or Prince Ea and you will find it on YouTube. Please, if you do absolutely nothing else, if you don't read another word I have written here, please go watch this video and let it speak to your spirit.

And you want to talk about something that really touched my heart? You wanna talk about the power of influence? I found this video because one of the young men I once had the privilege of coaching posted it on Facebook and had a message that simply said, "Please watch." This great man has always had a great heart and I value greatly his thoughts & insight so I watched it. I then asked my wife and boys  towatch it...they were touched by it as well. The thing that really hit me was another player I had coached at another school, at another time in my life, commented after I shared the video on Facebook thanking me for sharing such a powerful message. Two young men I have been blessed to cross paths with influencing my life and each other. This Friends, is how this precious thing we call life works.

2. I have the privilege of serving others vocationally as a development officer, I raise money. People tell me all the time, "Kevin, I could not do what you do. I could not ask anyone for money." I don't think I could ask people for money either... You see, my responsibility - honor & privilege really - is to develop relationships with people, to do life with them and, if it makes sense, empower them to accomplish the desires of their heart with their philanthropy.

One thing that has always struck me, whether at a tiny college with less than 1,000 students or at the first or second largest university in the United States, depending on which statistics you believe,  is that people almost always apologize for their level of giving, assuming that unless they are giving whatever number is big to them, their gifts are not meaningful. May I please tell you, from a development professionals viewpoint, if you give $1 your gift is meaningful and significant. You, as well as your gift, should be honored. It is something that you do not have to do and yet, you chose to do so. So please, don't ever apologize for the size of any gift you give to anyone. If you and your gift are not valued, honored & cherished, the problem is with the receiver, not you or your gift.

This week I met with one of the kindest, gentlest souls I have ever met in my life. He is a man who, though in his mid 80's...yes, you read that right, just retired in November. We had the very conversation that I outlined for you in the paragraph above. What really struck me though is this; he volunteers his time all the time. He has this great heart to give, serve and help others wherever he can. Now, from the perspective of sheer dollars, you will never hear of this mans philanthropy. Here however is the question I want to ask you; he gives himself completely...what more can he give?

That thought - giving of ourselves completely - was so impressed on my heart after leaving my meeting with that man. I have thought of it a ton since that meeting and all of its implications. As spouses, partners & parents...the money is great, it can buy neat stuff but, are we giving ourselves completely? There is tons of research that says that what those who love us want most is our presence not our presents and yet, we keep thinking we are not giving enough - material. So we work really hard, perhaps ignore those who want us - just us - and we buy stuff trying to get to "enough." And yet "enough" is eternally elusive. Yet you, literally you, will live in eternity and your presence has eternal implications. Please Friends, regardless of how much money/material things we can give, let's give all of us...there truly is no more you can give.

I have to share this as well...and please don't just think about money, think about you - all of you. Don't give of you from your wealth, that's the left overs, give of your poverty.

Mark 12:41-44 (NIV)

⁴¹ Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. ⁴² But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.

⁴³ Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴ They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

3. This last one really touched my heart...I told you I am blessed. I met with a couple, both in their 90's. A very sweet, kind couple and very accomplished. They have achieved success according to the world through their work & riches and also through the family they have raised that has given them gifts of grandchildren & great grandchildren. The gentleman, a very sweet spirit with youthful, excited eyes, is suffering from dementia. Upon meeting them and beginning our conversation it did not take long to realize that though very kind and very sweet, something was wrong. The very first time he realized that he had forgotten what he had just said, what we had just talked about, there was a scared - like the panicked look in the eyes of a 3-year old if you are blessed to have been around one - look in those eyes and on his face. I assured him it was ok and just moved along with the conversation, valuing & validating him and his doting wife. I spent the better part of an hour with these incredible folks and what I have described played itself out several times during our time together.

As I left their home I felt this strong awareness, conviction...I don't know what to call it, in my spirit. Here are the exact words I excitedly texted to my wife; "You know, it is an honor and privilege to help people keep their dignity." Please think about that for a moment...it is an honor & privilege to help people keep their dignity.

We now live in a society that likes to make fun of, ridicule and put others down. Why?!?! I think it really is a desire on our part to somehow, sadly, elevate ourselves. However the real honor, the real privilege is in helping others keep their dignity. It is not about tearing or kicking others when they are down, whether due to poor health, poor choices, poor actions, poor words or some combination there of. Never, never, never will attacking, hurting or ridiculing others elevate either side. Never! Please Friends, in a world that encourages us to hate, to ridicule and to put down, let's be different. Let's help people find, if needed, and keep their dignity.

Please don't hesitate to contact me at any time if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great night, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

Seeking Justice

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as this beautiful new day begins to dawn!

On Monday we celebrated Martin Luther King Day. On Sunday evening my family and I sat down and read the entire "I Have a Dream" speech which Dr. King delivered on August 28, 1963 at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. I want to encourage you Friends, if you have never done so, please take a few minutes and read Dr. King's entire speech - it is God-inspired, profound & inspiring.

As we read it, there was a paragraph that I had never read or heard before. It was so profound to me...I have thought of it often over the course of this week. I wanted to first share the paragraph with you and then share a few thoughts.

"But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice; In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Wow! So deep, so rich, so challenging, so....[indescribable]

Several things:
- Is injustice real? Absolutely! The reality is we live in a fallen, broken world and people do horrible, horrible things to one another. Racism is real. Sexism is real. Ageism is real. And, sadly, there are numerous other "-isms" that are real. It is highly likely that at some point in each of our lives we will have to, or have the opportunity to, fight for justice - in our lives or in the lives of others. One form of injustice is not greater than any other just as one sin is not greater than the other. For each of us, the greatest injustice is the one committed against us...or that touches our individual world. Is it wrong to seek justice? Absolutely not! And, I can actually make the argument that we are Biblically called to do so. It is a high calling, to seek justice...especially on behalf of someone, or a group of people, who cannot seek justice on their own.
- Dr. King challenges the Spirit right away - "we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds." Someone has done something wrong, they have acted unjustly and yet Dr. King say, "we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds." Yes, they are wrong. Yes, they have committed wrongful deeds however we are going to walk on higher ground...we are not going to be guilty of wrongful deeds. And please note, he did not say, "we must not be caught doing wrongful deeds," he said, "we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds." There is a difference.
- I find this whole paragraph inspiring and also very challenging...none more so than, "Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred." If you have ever interacted with another human being you have probably experienced some form of injustice and you get how hard it can be to not get on the slippery slope of bitterness and hatred. We think about the injustice, the person that committed it, the evil heart, the evil intention and it is easy, perhaps natural, to let bitterness and hatred grow in our hearts. The thing about bitterness and hatred however is they do nothing to the oppressor...they simply destroy the heart of the oppressed. Now the person committing the injustice has won twice...in the injustice they have committed and in our hearts. No, we will not let bitterness & hatred take root in our hearts. We will weed this most precious garden every single day.
- "We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline." My Spirit is inspired. It tells me the words I type are true.
dictionary.reference.com defines dignity as, "bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation." When we conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity we are demonstrating respect for ourselves and we are also letting others know that the situation is serious. Please think about this for a moment. When we cuss, yell, scream, throw punches...we are actually showing a lack of respect for ourselves and we belittle the seriousness of the injustice.
dictionary.reference.com defines discipline as, "training to act in accordance with rules; drill." I suspect Dr. King chose discipline here because it would take great discipline, and supernatural strength...which he touches on in a moment, to act with dignity in the face of injustice. No doubt the natural, easy way to act would be neither dignified or disciplined...and most would understand if you acted that way. However you are too valuable, the injustice being committed is to important to act with anything less than great dignity and discipline. If it were easy, Dr. King would not have felt compelled to address it.
- And finally, "we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force." The majestic heights are not reached by everyone. Sadly many, too many, fall into the potholes of bitterness or hatred or, having avoided these traps, they slip into the gutters of lost dignity or discipline. To achieve the majestic heights will require something greater than ourselves - it will take the force of a great Spirit. "Don't tell me the size of your problem, tell me the size of your God," comes to mind. If you believe in God as I do, and as Dr. King did, then you know that all things are possible with God and that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you.

I want to end by sharing a scripture with you:

Micah 6: 8 (NIV)
"He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." 

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your families. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families!

Kev

Fathering

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope this post finds you having a great day on this beautiful Friday! Two weeks until Christmas Day...oh my!

On Tuesday I was incredibly blessed...I was a one of the WATCH D.O.G.S. at Landry's elementary school. On the National Center For Fathering website (fathers.com), WATCH D.O.G.S. is explained this way:

"WATCH D.O.G.S. (Dads Of Great Students) is an innovative father involvement, educational initiative of the National Center For Fathering. There are two primary goals of the WATCH D.O.G.S. program.

1) To provide positive male role models for the students, demonstrating by their presence that education is important.

2) To provide extra sets of eyes and ears to enhance school security and reduce bullying.

So with my new WATCH D.O.G.S. shirt on, my littlest Tender Warrior and I were off to school. I knew this was special and it meant a lot - Landry had given me a countdown for the past week and a half to the day I would be a watchdog and, he held my hand all the way to school that day. When a 5th grader holds your hand all the way to school, keeps looking at you & smiling you know something big is going down.

We got to school and Landry escorted me to the office. I checked in, got my WATCH D.O.G.S. playbook - they didn't call it that...I am an old football coach - it was a playbook! - and I headed out to my first duty of the day...helping the kids who were getting dropped off by their parents get out of the car. What a blessed start to the day! These precious little people are so excited for their day...adventures await. There was less than a handful that looked like they were dreading their day, the majority were SO excited. How come we lose that? When I think about adults, the people I watch walk into the office every day the percentages seem to flip - less than a handful look excited for their day, the majority seem to be dreading it. We could learn a lot from little kids...

The other thing that was so profound to me was how many times I heard, "I love you." Child after child climbed out of the car saying, "I love you." They wanted their Mom, Dad, Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, Uncle, Brother, Sister, etc. to know they love them but more importantly, they desperately wanted to here, "I love you." We clearly start off that way, wanting to know that we are loved, and I believe that never changes. We see a whole lot of people walking around in this world desperate to hear someone say, "I love you."

After this blur of 30 minutes I was off to Kindergarten. My task was to go to the classrooms, introduce myself to the teacher and get involved in the classroom any way I can. After playing a phonics game with one class - I will NOT tell you who won! - I was off to another class where they were working in stations. I sat at a table where the kids were to make a picture with the blank piece of paper and two separate sticker packages. One sticker page had a Christmas Tree fully decorated and the other had a Santa Claus all decked out. The idea was to take the stickers off their original sheet and decorate your own Christmas Tree and Santa Claus on the other page. All of the little Kindergarten fingers had trouble with the stickers. They then handed the sticker pages to the Watch Dog Dad who has 48-year old eyes - who knew I would need my readers?!?! Anyways, we were working through it the best we could. This one little boy was having a hard time getting it all done and then, it was time to switch stations. The little boy stayed and kept working on his picture. The Santa was done but the Christmas Tree was less than half done. I went over and told him he was supposed to be switching stations. He softly said, "I know." He kept working. He wasn't being rude, disrespectful or disruptive and, he was working. He just wanted to finish his picture. In a minute or two the teacher noticed. She reprimanded the little boy and gave him a mark for bad behavior. I learned a lesson; how many times as a Dad, teacher or coach have I reprimanded and disciplined someone without fully knowing/understanding what was going on? I need to do a better job of seeking to understand. I will remember this little boy...

I was then off to 1st grade! When I walk into a classroom, the teacher grabs a game, 4 kids and sends me off to play with these kids. It becomes clear pretty quick why she chose the students she chose. One little boy will absolutely not stop - talking, moving, leaning on others, grabbing anything & everything. I ask him to stop and he says, "you think I am a bad person." I tell him I don't think he is a bad person at all. I think to myself, "why in the world would a 1st grader - 1st grader! - even think or know the concept of being a bad person." Clearly, someone has told him he is a bad person. At one point during the game who he is betrays him - in spite of his attempts to show off, mask through his actions the hurt that is welling up within him, he proves he is very, very smart. It is a profound moment. There is greatness within each one of us. Sometimes it is just buried under stuff...

Off to lunch. Oh goodness! I have never opened so many milks, apple sauces, etc. And I have never had so many eyes on me, people that wanted to talk to me, high five, etc. It was 3 hours of non-stop movement! Have you ever been valued, appreciated simply because of your presence? It was surreal. I couldn't help but think about how many kids grow up without a Dad, and recognize how desperately they all seek the validation of a man. These statistics, along with their source, can be found on the National Center for Fathering webpage - when you are in a cafeteria full of children, the numbers get real super fast:

- An estimated 24.7 million children (33%) live absent their biological father.
- Of students in grades 1 through 12, 39 percent (17.7 million) live in homes absent their
   biological fathers.
- 57.6% of black children, 31.2% of Hispanic children, and 20.7% of white children are living
   absent their biological fathers.
- According to 72.2% of the U.S. population, fatherlessness is the most significant family or
   social problem facing America.

And the tragic consequences?
- Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor. In 2011, 12
   percent of children in married-couple families were living in poverty, compared to 44
   percent of children in mother-only families.
- The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services states, "Fatherlessness children are at
   a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse."
- Children of single-parent homes are more than twice as likely to commit suicide.
- 71% of high school dropouts are fatherless; fatherless children have more trouble
   academically, scoring poorly on tests of reading, mathematics, and thinking skills; children
   from father-absent homes are more likely to be truant from school, more likely to be
   excluded from school, more likely to leave school at age 16, and less likely to attain
   academic and professional qualifications in adulthood.

And, these are not all of the statistics...there are many, many more. As I stand in this cafeteria surrounded by these precious little people I can't help but think they are not statistics. They are the most valuable treasures in all the world. They are our future...

I see the little boy who was acting up in class. I go over and talk to him. I ask him if I can tell him something. He says yes. I tell him I don't think he is a bad person at all, that I think he is very, very smart, that he does silly things on purpose and that I believe in him. He gets the funniest look on his face, and then a tender smile. I walk away...

It is now off to Kindergarten P.E.! We play a game where you slide a beanbag on the floor at a person. If it hits their foot they are out and have to go sit on the sideline. The teacher says go and about 35 beanbags come flying at me! I think I made 1 miss. I go to the sideline and the moment I step back on the floor...it rains beanbags again! Mercifully this game ends. We head out to play. I still love P.E.!

It was a great, great day! I was tired for sure, however very grateful for the experience. My heart aches for the children who do not know the love of a father, and for the men who are missing out on the blessing of being a Dad.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is every anything I can do for you or your family.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev