Do You See The Person?

Happy Friday friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day on this absolutely beautiful Friday on the Texas Gulf Coast! What is happiness? Joy? A week on the road, an early Friday morning flight home, running to Landry's elementary school for a Valentine's Party, a lunch date with my Beautiful Bride, hammering out a Happy Friday and then going to Gehrig's baseball game! Yes, these things bring great happiness & joy to my heart!!! :)

Last week our Pastor preached a sermon on loving others. He posed the question; who is better at loving others - the (self)righteous or the sinner? The scripture he read is Luke 7 beginning with 36. The title of the section in most Bibles is, "Jesus Anointed by a Sinful Woman." Verse 44 says, "Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair." The Pastor then circled back to the "Do you see this woman?"

It was a profound moment for me. The woman was in Simon's house. Simon knew she was a woman "who lived a sinful life." Jesus then asks him, "Do you see this woman?" You see, Simon saw and knew the sin...Did he see the woman?

I thought a lot about this question/thought this week. We are really good at identifying the sin, the failure, the struggle, the challenge however do we take the time to see the person? Seeing or finding the fault is easy, taking the time to see the person - to really see them for who they are - takes work, a lot of work - and love, compassion, mercy & grace. I don't want to just see the sin, to discount anyone for their faults & failures. I want to see the person, to value the person, to demonstrate the love, compassion, mercy & grace that I would like to have demonstrated to me, and you.

This can, will, take a lot of intentional effort on our part. Again, it is easy to see the sin, failure, fault, struggle or challenge. We aren't however looking for easy! We are mining gold - the value, meaning & purpose of everyone's life - no matter the amount of dirt & debris life has piled upon the precious heart & spirit within the person. It is also not easy because hurting people hurt people and there are a whole lot of hurting people in this world. People will be mean, hurtful and they will say & do horrible things. Will we stop with seeing these things or will we challenge ourselves to go deeper, to see the person, not just the act? We are implored to go deeper, to see the person...it is the only way we can truly love them.

So this is my challenge for us this week Friends, to see the person, not just the sin. It will take a pure-heart of love, compassion, mercy & grace. It will take a lot of work - prayer, self-control and intentional thought & action. Let us not be guilty of judging others Friends, let us love them, regardless of their sins just as we want to be loved, regardless of ours. Let us see the person...

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can. You can reach me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com.

Also, if anyone would like a free copy of my book, "Seven Steps in Determining Your Influence," please email me at the address above and I will email you a free copy.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

And Then What?

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day on this beautiful Friday!

I live in a house with 3 boys between the ages of 10 and 19-years old. There is great, great joy in my life, what each of these Tender Warriors brings to me. I am truly blessed...I fully recognize and appreciate this fact.

It also brings along with it a near constant barrage of threats, challenges, trying to establish the pecking order, competitions, etc. Sometimes I feel like I should be issued a referee shirt & whistle as soon as I walk in the door! Stop laughing, I am serious! :)

The other morning as my Beautiful Bride and I were driving to workout this whole idea was weighing heavy on my heart. Not just our boys with their fighting & bickering but with what we witness in the workplace & in society in general. I explained all this to Kath and I said, "OK, so let's say we convince someone that they are dumb, stupid, horrible at [fill in the blank], a certain failure, etc. Then what? What do we do then? What is our next step?" This is what I want to talk about briefly this morning...the "and then what?"

So let's say you and I have been "successful" - using this term extremely loosely here! - and convinced the other person that they are all the bad things I have said they are in my mind, how I have treated them and now, I have finally convinced 'em. They now truly believe that they are dumb, stupid and/or horrible at [whatever it is]...you and I have finally "won."

• So now, due to my "great work" and perseverance, there is another broken soul, broken spirit in this world. There is perhaps someone who will now give up on their hopes, goals & dreams because I have convinced them that they are really worthless and that their life has no meaning. Had I considered this cost, and all their consequences, as I so fully dug my heals in the sand to prove my point?
• And let's be explicitly clear on this point; tearing someone else down, convincing them of their faults, failures, inadequacies will never, ever, ever build us up! Never! Rendering another person worthless does not make you or I more worthy. It just means that we now have another broken spirit who will have to fight fears and failures, just like you and me, as they strive to pursue their hopes, goals & dreams.

It is all pretty sobering when you think about it. What are we trying to accomplish? What are we fighting for anyways? Do we really think & believe that if we can just convince the other person of how flawed they are we have somehow accomplished something? Did we even think & believe?!

I think there is a two-way go here:
1. If we are trying to tear someone else down, convince them of these things, we don't really care about the "and then what?" We are simply trying to win the fight/argument. Winning the fight or argument however doesn't make us a winner and it certainly doesn't mean we are right. I really think it is a heart issue. If I genuinely care about the other person and want to make the situation/relationship better, I will focus on the issues - you know, those faults & failures that we ALL have. I will work with them, valuing them as person, to resolve the issues to improve the situation/relationship without attacking them as a person. If I don't value or care about them as a person...well, all I want to do is "win." It doesn't matter that they have people that love them, that count on them. It doesn't matter that, just like you and me, their life has value, meaning & purpose. It does not matter that their lives will influence every other life that they come into contact with just as ours do. No, none of this matters. The goal is simply to convince them that I am right, that they are the horrible thing I am trying desperately to convince them that they are and then...there is no and then.

2. Please guard your precious spirit and don't forget the first point. When anyone comes at us with a critical point, we would be wise to listen to what they are telling us. We are wise as well to give it some thought. Is the point valid? Does it make sense? Is there in fact something that we are doing wrong that we can and should correct? It is important here Friends that we are honest with ourselves, that we are pure-hearted in assessing the feedback we have received. If the point is valid you & I haven't suddenly become failures...we simply have the opportunity to learn, grown and become better. If however the feedback is not valid, we need to dismiss it and not let it take root in our hearts. The same litmus test I proposed in the first point applies here; where is the persons heart? Are they valuing you as a person and trying to make the situation/relationship better? Are they attacking you personally, jumping wildly from one situation to another, simply trying to prove their point(s)? Sadly there are people, too many...1 is too many, who care nothing about you or me, who simply want to hurt and tear others down. Remember, "hurting people hurt people." These people, while we will always show them love & respect, do not belong in our lives.

I want to wrap this up with several thoughts/points:
1. We all have faults, failures, challenges, etc. We also all have strengths, successes, things we are really good at, etc.
2. A mistake, problem or challenge does not make any of us a failure.
3. Everyone's life has value, meaning & purpose...regardless of whether they, we, are actually pursuing it or not.
4. Tearing someone else down never builds us up. The thrill of winning the argument/fight will soon fade...and then what?
5. Before giving anyone feedback, let us first measure our own hearts first. Where are they at? Are we trying to improve the situation/relationship or are we simply trying to tear the other person down?
6. Answer this question; what are you fighting for? If you achieve "victory," what does that look like?
7. Let's fight FOR people, FOR relationships.
8. Not everyone should be in your life. We should not listen to the words everyone speaks into our lives. I am not saying they are bad people, I am simply saying they are bad for you. Again, it is a heart thing; where is their heart.?Do they genuinely care about you? Are they genuinely trying to make the situation/relationship better? If the answer is yes, they belong in your life. If the answer is no, they do not belong in your life.
9. Just because we don't like what someone has to say doesn't mean they are wrong. Again, where is their heart? Some of the people who absolutely, genuinely love you the most will tell you the things you don't want to hear...at least we hope so!
10. There is great wisdom in Romans 12:18 (NIV); "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." It's a heart issue - you can choose to love, value & care. It's also an acknowledgement that you and I can only control our own hearts - as far as it depends on you.

I also want to let you all know that I have written a book, "Seven Steps in Determining Your Influence," which I am giving away. If you would like me to email you a manuscript of the book please email me at kevin@whatwillyourinfluencebe.com and I will send you a copy. The only thing I ask from you is that you use whatever useful information you can glean from the book to help other people. You are more than welcome to share it and give it away.

Please don't hesitate to contact me if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always be willing to help you any way I can.

Have a great day, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev

How Much Do You Give?

Happy Friday Friends!

I hope & trust this post finds you having a great day as this beautiful day & week come to a close. This week was a complete blur for me with more travel however I have met some of the most interesting, inspiring people and yesterday we got to celebrate my Beautiful Bride's birthday...I am blessed!

This week I want to share a few things with you.

1. Please go watch this video titled, "I Am NOT Black, You Are Not White" by Prince Ea. The entire video is 4 minutes and 35 seconds long and it is powerful. Here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0qD2K2RWkc

If the link does not work simply Google the title or Prince Ea and you will find it on YouTube. Please, if you do absolutely nothing else, if you don't read another word I have written here, please go watch this video and let it speak to your spirit.

And you want to talk about something that really touched my heart? You wanna talk about the power of influence? I found this video because one of the young men I once had the privilege of coaching posted it on Facebook and had a message that simply said, "Please watch." This great man has always had a great heart and I value greatly his thoughts & insight so I watched it. I then asked my wife and boys  towatch it...they were touched by it as well. The thing that really hit me was another player I had coached at another school, at another time in my life, commented after I shared the video on Facebook thanking me for sharing such a powerful message. Two young men I have been blessed to cross paths with influencing my life and each other. This Friends, is how this precious thing we call life works.

2. I have the privilege of serving others vocationally as a development officer, I raise money. People tell me all the time, "Kevin, I could not do what you do. I could not ask anyone for money." I don't think I could ask people for money either... You see, my responsibility - honor & privilege really - is to develop relationships with people, to do life with them and, if it makes sense, empower them to accomplish the desires of their heart with their philanthropy.

One thing that has always struck me, whether at a tiny college with less than 1,000 students or at the first or second largest university in the United States, depending on which statistics you believe,  is that people almost always apologize for their level of giving, assuming that unless they are giving whatever number is big to them, their gifts are not meaningful. May I please tell you, from a development professionals viewpoint, if you give $1 your gift is meaningful and significant. You, as well as your gift, should be honored. It is something that you do not have to do and yet, you chose to do so. So please, don't ever apologize for the size of any gift you give to anyone. If you and your gift are not valued, honored & cherished, the problem is with the receiver, not you or your gift.

This week I met with one of the kindest, gentlest souls I have ever met in my life. He is a man who, though in his mid 80's...yes, you read that right, just retired in November. We had the very conversation that I outlined for you in the paragraph above. What really struck me though is this; he volunteers his time all the time. He has this great heart to give, serve and help others wherever he can. Now, from the perspective of sheer dollars, you will never hear of this mans philanthropy. Here however is the question I want to ask you; he gives himself completely...what more can he give?

That thought - giving of ourselves completely - was so impressed on my heart after leaving my meeting with that man. I have thought of it a ton since that meeting and all of its implications. As spouses, partners & parents...the money is great, it can buy neat stuff but, are we giving ourselves completely? There is tons of research that says that what those who love us want most is our presence not our presents and yet, we keep thinking we are not giving enough - material. So we work really hard, perhaps ignore those who want us - just us - and we buy stuff trying to get to "enough." And yet "enough" is eternally elusive. Yet you, literally you, will live in eternity and your presence has eternal implications. Please Friends, regardless of how much money/material things we can give, let's give all of us...there truly is no more you can give.

I have to share this as well...and please don't just think about money, think about you - all of you. Don't give of you from your wealth, that's the left overs, give of your poverty.

Mark 12:41-44 (NIV)

⁴¹ Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. ⁴² But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.

⁴³ Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. ⁴⁴ They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

3. This last one really touched my heart...I told you I am blessed. I met with a couple, both in their 90's. A very sweet, kind couple and very accomplished. They have achieved success according to the world through their work & riches and also through the family they have raised that has given them gifts of grandchildren & great grandchildren. The gentleman, a very sweet spirit with youthful, excited eyes, is suffering from dementia. Upon meeting them and beginning our conversation it did not take long to realize that though very kind and very sweet, something was wrong. The very first time he realized that he had forgotten what he had just said, what we had just talked about, there was a scared - like the panicked look in the eyes of a 3-year old if you are blessed to have been around one - look in those eyes and on his face. I assured him it was ok and just moved along with the conversation, valuing & validating him and his doting wife. I spent the better part of an hour with these incredible folks and what I have described played itself out several times during our time together.

As I left their home I felt this strong awareness, conviction...I don't know what to call it, in my spirit. Here are the exact words I excitedly texted to my wife; "You know, it is an honor and privilege to help people keep their dignity." Please think about that for a moment...it is an honor & privilege to help people keep their dignity.

We now live in a society that likes to make fun of, ridicule and put others down. Why?!?! I think it really is a desire on our part to somehow, sadly, elevate ourselves. However the real honor, the real privilege is in helping others keep their dignity. It is not about tearing or kicking others when they are down, whether due to poor health, poor choices, poor actions, poor words or some combination there of. Never, never, never will attacking, hurting or ridiculing others elevate either side. Never! Please Friends, in a world that encourages us to hate, to ridicule and to put down, let's be different. Let's help people find, if needed, and keep their dignity.

Please don't hesitate to contact me at any time if there is ever anything I can do for you or your family. I will always help you any way I can.

Have a great night, a wonderful weekend and please cherish your precious families.

Kev